Be With Me: Chapter 39

The hotel was a small, understated brick building nestled on a quiet street in the Upper West Side. There were only ten rooms, and I had booked the presidential suite for Mia and me. She was running late, and I needed something to take the edge off, so I went down to the bar.

It was nearly empty, occupied only by a few neighborhood regulars drinking wine in worn leather chairs. They minded their business. I minded mine.

Loosening my collar, I took another sip of whiskey, trying to temper the tangle of emotions clawing at my chest.

Mia had taken her time replying to my text yesterday. Long enough for me to sweat. Long enough for me to get a bitter taste of what was waiting on the other side of this.

My life without her in it.

I’d always known it would come to this. That we had an expiration date. But now that it was staring me in the face, I still couldn’t bring myself to accept it.

Impossible ideas swirled through my head.

Ideas like walking away from the only life I’d ever known. Ideas like taking her with me, whether she liked it or not.

But deep down, I knew I couldn’t do it. I was a selfish bastard, but I couldn’t ruin her life just to keep her in mine. That knowledge was driven by something stronger than my selfishness, something I refused to put a name on.

I’d always thought this kind of obsessive attraction burned fast and bright before fizzling out, but with Mia, it had followed a different path.

It had led me straight to my doom.

The revolving door spun, and there she was.

The hard set of her mouth told me something was wrong. A sliver of worry curled inside my stomach, adding to the stress, anxiety, and fucking dread that had been festering ever since yesterday afternoon. She crossed the empty lobby and headed straight for me.

I stood as she approached, bracing myself, wondering if she was only here to say goodbye.

“Mia—“

She pressed herself against my chest and wrapped her arms around my waist.

Inside me, something shook.

I exhaled, locking my arms around her as I pressed a kiss to the crown of her head.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

The bartender started to approach, likely to take her drink order, but I shot him a glare that sent him scurrying back to the other end of the bar.

Mia tilted her head up. Judging by the red around her eyes, she’d been crying.

It fucking killed me.

“Jenny knows.”

Son of a bitch. My grip on her tightened. “How?”

“She recognized your coat from when you were at my place. Confronted me after we left the restaurant.”

Fuck. My coat? I should have known better than to wear the same one I had with me the night of the ball.

“She told me I have to stop seeing you…or she’ll tell my dad.”

My whole fucking body tightened with the knowledge of what was coming next. It was like watching a car crash happening in real time. There was no way to stop it. She was going to tell me we were done.

She stared at me, her eyes shimmering. “Rom, I⁠—“

“It was always meant to be temporary,” I cut in.

Coward.

If I said it first, I could pretend it wasn’t ripping me open.

A notch appeared between her brows. “That’s not where I was going. I’ve been thinking and…” Defiance and a hint of desperation crossed her face as she flattened her palms over my lapels. “Tell me the truth, Rom.”

“What truth?”

“How do you really feel about me?”

I bit on the inside of my cheek. This was even worse. She was calling my bluff.

How do I feel about her?

I’d spent years trying not to feel, only for her to barge into my life and crack the floodgates open. I felt too fucking much when it came to her. And if she knew what she meant to me, she’d have power over me.

It made me feel fucking vulnerable. I hated it.

And yet the answer was right there, clawing at my throat, desperate to be freed.

“Mia…” I drifted off, indecision shredding through my lungs.

She let out a breath. “If we’re honest with each other, maybe we can figure this out.” Her forehead pressed to my chest, and her voice was quieter now. “I want to figure this out.”

I cupped the back of her head with my palm and stared at the ceiling.

Would she still want to figure it out if she knew about the skeletons I hid in my closet? There were so many things she didn’t know about me. So many things that would eventually make her pull back.

Going further down this path would only make it hurt worse—for both of us—when it happened.

She took a step back. “I’ll give you a moment to think on it. I’m going to use the bathroom. Get me a drink.” A soft smile. “Something you think I’d like.” She squeezed my hand and disappeared around the corner.

I waved the bartender over and ordered her a berry-infused gin and tonic, my mind racing a mile a minute.

What I wanted with her was a fantasy strung together by wishful thinking and delusions. But Mia saw the world differently than me—full of goodness. Full of possibility. Full of fucking hope.

It was so tempting to see it her way, to let myself get carried away with it.

My fingertips traced the edge of a coaster.

The truth.

The truth was that I fucking loved her.

A light touch skimmed my back.

“I ordered you a gin and tonic,” I said.

“Not my favorite, but I’ll take it.”

My spine went rigid. That voice didn’t belong to Mia.

I turned and came face-to-face with Harper.

Son of a bitch.

“Romolo,” she said with a tight smile. “What an unpleasant surprise.”

What were the chances we’d run into each other here? Then it hit me. We met here once when I was sleeping with her.

I was so agitated last night that I’d forgotten this very inconvenient fact when I picked the meeting spot.

”Harper,” I acknowledged, my nape prickling. If she saw Mia, she might recognize her from TV.

That couldn’t happen.

“This is a nice place. Quiet.” Bitterness dripped from her words. “I come back here from time to time.”

“Maybe you should come back tomorrow instead.” My voice dropped to the kind of tone that usually made people scurry.

But it didn’t faze Harper. She ignored the suggestion, her gaze flicking to the cocktail the bartender had just set on the counter.

“Who are you waiting for?”

I stood up. If she wouldn’t leave, then I would. Mia couldn’t walk in on this. “I’ve got somewhere else to be.”

Her hand shot out, and her fingers clamped around my wrist. “I took your awful advice and left him. Turns out the prenup was airtight. I walked away with nothing.”

My jaw clenched. “Not my fucking problem.”

She set her purse on the counter and leaned in. “You ruined my fucking life.”

I scanned her over, paying attention to the details. Gaunt frame. Dull hair. Dark bags under her eyes. She looked sharper and harder than the last time I saw her back in Messero’s bedroom.

I hadn’t felt a thing then, not even pity. I used to be good at numbing my emotions. But now, a twinge of regret appeared at the back of my head. “I didn’t do anything you didn’t want me to.”

“You saw an unhappy woman and took advantage.”

I picked up my drink and took a long pull, but it didn’t help. Acid slid down my throat. I didn’t believe in signs or messages from the fucking universe.

But this?

This felt like one.

This is who you are. This is what you do. You really think telling Mia you love her will be enough for her to stick by your side when she finds out?

Harper’s teeth glinted in the low light. “If you hadn’t sunk your claws in me, I might have stayed with him. Instead, you fucked me up, and by the time I came to my senses, it was too late.” She sighed heavily, like someone mourning a tragedy. “I wish I’d never met you.”

A pit opened in my stomach.

Not the first time I’d heard those words.

In my head, their voices synchronized, echoing over each other, growing louder.

Then a third voice joined.

Mia’s.

I didn’t ever want to hear her say it. Didn’t think I could survive it.

Me loving her wasn’t going to be enough. Us trying to find a way to be together would only implode her life and her relationship with her family.

For what?

I wasn’t fucking worth it. Eventually, she’d figure that out.

Harper’s fingers brushed my chest. “You’re poisonous, Rom. I hope one day it kills you from the inside out.”

She wouldn’t have to wait long. Venom burned through my veins as I came to terms with what I had to do.

I shoved Harper’s hands off me and walked out of the bar.

Mia might have led me to my doom.

But I wasn’t going to take her down with me.