Chapter 0119

Damn it, but I don’t want to. A huge part of my knows that it would be the smart thing to do, but the

other part of me…

I look my sister in the eye. “You’re right,” I say, a little grim. “I don’t know what it is about this world,

Janeen. But I’m not ready to leave it yet.”

She shrugs. “I get it. I’m a stripper. Everything logical tells me that this is not a career path that’s viable

forever, that’s not going to get me a white picket fence and the American dream. But honestly, that’s not

what I want anyway. Baby, you have to figure out what you want.”

I bite my lip, looking up at my sister through my lashes, a little ashamed of myself as I finally admit to

myself what I want. What I’ve wanted for weeks now.

Janeen steadily holds my gaze. “You want him.”

Slowly, I nod.

Her face falls a little with sadness and worry. “It’s not…the easy path, Fay,” she says, reaching a hand

across the table and taking mine. “But I get it.” She wrinkles her nose at me. “He’s really hot.”

I burst out laughing at this, squeezing my sister’s hand and pressing my other to my face, covering my

eyes. “Oh my god, Janeen,” I laugh. “You have to stop saying stuff like that.”

“What!” she cries, laughing harder. “If he were really ugly I would tell you to go, but come on Fay, at

least he looks like someone who is going to rip your panties off and –“

“Janeen!” I gasp, ripping my hand from my face and glaring at her.

“Oh Fay,” she says, letting my hand go and sitting back in her chair. “What do you think you two are

going to do, play checkers?” She rolls her eyes again.

I sigh, ignoring her and sitting back in my chair, staring at the table.

“It’s a good deal, Fay,” she says, gentle again. “I mean, the way this is headed, it sounds like you were

going to fuck him anyway. May as well get something from it.”

“But how do I do it?” I sigh, slumping in my chair and feeling defeated. “I mean, if I did decide to do this

– Janeen, I’m not as brave or savvy as you,” I shake my head. “I have no idea how to play this, how to

make this world give me what I want. I’m afraid – I’m afraid it’s going to eat me alive.”

I cover my eyes with my hand again, overwhelmed.

“I don’t know, Fay,” Janeen replies, and I can hear the smirk in her voice. “It sounds to me like you

made the mafia king want to bone you so badly that he called off your engagement to his son and

offered you a horse, a beach house, and millions of dollars just to get in your pants.” I snap my gaze up

at her, again shocked.

She just cocks her head to the side and smiles at me. “Whatever you’re doing,” she says, raising her

glass. “Maybe keep doing it.”

I nod to her seriously, grateful for her wise advice.

And then I drain my glass, leaning forward across the table to ask my sister to help me plan my next

steps.