Chapter 0128

Ivan drops me off almost precisely at midnight. In the car, he leans over to give me one last kiss goodnight, but I put a hand out to stop him.

“Please,” I say, my eyes sad. He pulls back, surprised, but then his eyes flick up to the house, maybe thinking about Daniel — my apparent fiancé — waiting inside.

“All right,” he whispers, giving me a warm little smile. Then he takes my hand in his and raises it to his lips, pressing a lingering kiss against my knuckles, just as he did that time at the bar. “I want to see you again, Fay. Soon.”

I nod, giving him a half smile, but I don’t say anything as I step out of the car, my mood strange and taciturn. I wave as lvan pulls away but I don’t turn and head into the house immediately. Because frankly, I’m not sure I want to be here, and I know what’s waiting for me inside.

Because tonight, with lvan? Tonight was just...amazing.

Ivan and I spent the entire night outside the taco truck, not needing anything more than some good food and cheap beers to fuel an entire night of conversation. Or at least, we spent a lot of it talking.Contents belong

We also spent a great deal of the time making out. And it was great.

It's just — I didn’t realize how much I wanted a night like tonight with a guy like Ivan, and how much I had missed it, even though I've never really had it before except in my imagination. Ivan never, ever would have fit my image of Prince Charming — his tattoos, his dangerous job, and crazy lifestyle definitely would have put him out of the running. But in other ways? He...kind of fits the bill.

I mean, tonight? We laughed, and we kissed, and I could tell that he wanted more but he never, ever pushed me to go further than I wanted to. Instead, he let me explore the contours of him at my own pace, and I liked it.

I liked pulling his face down to mine, opening my mouth to him. I liked the feel of him exploring me with his tongue and his hands. I liked the way he pulled me closer to him, letting me know that there’s more here to for the taking if I want it, but only if i want it and at my own pace. By the end of the night he’d had me feeling so comfortable that I’d somehow found myself sitting in his lap, running my fingertips through his bleach-blonde hair, his broad hand slipping down the outside of my thigh and getting dangerously close to my ass as he made me laugh so hard my face hurt.

And the whole time, I never felt on the edge of anything — never felt scared, or pushed. Just felt...well, amazing.

And as I turn to stare up at the door to this house I realize...that it’s nothing like the way Kent makes me feel. At all, ever. And I have no idea if that’s good or bad.

Or, frankly, which one I like more.

I steel myself as a shiver runs through me. Realizing that I'm starting to get cold standing out here pondering life, love, and relationships, I start up the steps and pull the jacket more tightly around my shoulders —

And then gasp. Oh my god.

I'm still wearing Ivan's jacket.

I groan and quickly shrug it off — I can't walk into Kent's house, for our...our appointment —

Wearing some other guy's jacket —

I look around, desperate. Should I just like, shove it behind a bush or something? But no — the gardeners will find it there, and word will get back to Kent somehow -

I quickly ball the fabric up and stick it under my arm, realizing that my only choice now is to take it with me. Silently, I pray that nobody's in the foyer when I step into the house.