Chapter 113

#Chapter 113 – The Note I struggle to get free from underneath my blankets and children. I haven’t heard from Edgar since our visit to the Beta camp, despite many calls and texts.

“No, it’s okay,” Edgar says, closing the door behind him and taking a few steps into the living room.

“Don’t get up – I don’t mean to disturb you.”

I ignore him, pulling myself free and standing up. I take two steps towards him, but he puts out a hand to stop me. “Please, Evelyn,” he says softly.

“We’ll give you some space,” Victor says, standing up and putting out a hand for each of the boys.

“No, Sir,” Edgar says. “I’d like to speak with you as well, if you don’t mind.”

Frowning, Victor nods. “Boys, upstairs please. We need a moment of privacy.”

The boys, sensing that something is up, nod and head up the stairs, giving Edgar little waves as they go.

“Thank you,” Edgar says, meeting each of their eyes. I can see that he is anxious.

“Edgar, why haven’t you answered my texts and my calls? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Evelyn,” he says, meeting my eyes, his own filled with emotion. I can tell that whatever he’s going to say, it’s hard for him. And, well, I think I know what’s coming. I bite my lip.

“Listen,” Edgar says, heaving out a breath and running a hand through his hair. “I don’t want to make this anymore dramatic and awkward than…well, than it already is.” He gives us a little smile. “But I have noticed that there is something…between you two.”

Victor simply puts his hands in his pockets but I take a few steps forward, putting out my hands to him.

“Edgar, no –“

“Please,” he says, putting his hands up again, holding me off. I stop and slowly lower my hands, my heart in my throat. “Please, I’m not accusing you of anything, or trying to force you two to…take any steps, or have any conversations, if that’s not where you are.”

He sighs and again runs his hands through his hair. I’ve never seen him so at a loss. “God,” he murmurs. “I should have practiced this or something. What I’m trying to say is that no matter what is happening between you two,” he gestures, here, at the space between Victor and I, “I’m going to need to move on.”

I open my mouth to speak but he looks to me, pleading in his eyes. I close my mouth. He’s right. I haven’t been faithful to him, I haven’t been good to him, and…well, even if there is something good between Edgar and I, he is right.

There is something between Victor and me as well. Something that I need to sort through before I could ever consider a true and honest relationship with someone else.

My eyes fill with tears. Edgar shakes his head at me, his own face full of emotion. I can tell that he’s barely holding it together himself.

I look away, trying to save him from it. He deserves at least that.

After a moment, he continues.

“Um, I wanted to give you this.” From the corner of my eye, I see him hold out a folded piece of paper. I hear Victor take a few steps forward, see him take the note from Edgar’s hands.

“It’s instructions – pretty vague ones, I’m sorry I can’t be more exact, I haven’t been there in a while, but they’re accurate. They’re to help you find a woman I once met – she’s…she’s strange, but she’s very wise. I think she can help the two of you.”

I raise my eyes at this, confused, and see that Edgar has pulled himself together more than I have. He stands with his shoulders back, meeting Victor eye for eye.

“I think she can help you two understand…whatever it is between you.”

“What do you mean?” Victor says, frowning a little.

“I’m not…honestly, I’m not even sure what I mean. Just…if you want to know more, go find her. She can help you. That’s all I can say.”

Victor nods and places the folded scrap into his pocket.

“And Sir,” Edgar says, taking a deep breath. “I’d like to tender my resignation with the Beta force.”

“What!?” The word leaves me with a great huff of air. Victor’s face likewise the picture of shock, though he says nothing. I look between them frantically. “Edgar, no! You can’t! Not because – !”

I take a few steps toward him and he surprises me by letting me take his hand. “Please, Evelyn,” he says softly, looking me in the eye. “This is…this is hard enough for me. I can let you go, but I can’t…I can’t be around to see what happens next. I have to go somewhere else.”

“She’s right, Edgar.” Victor says, very serious. “There’s no reason for you to leave. You’re such a valuable member of my team and…and my friend. Please,” he puts out a pleading hand, “there must be something we can do – we can have you permanently assigned to the base, or any other position of command you might want –“

“No, sir,” Edgar says, straightening and dropping my hand. “I’ve made my decision. I’m going to go, to make my own way.”

Victor shakes his head, disappointed, and then pinches the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger.

After a moment, he speaks again. “I can’t approve it, Beta. You’re a member of my pack, a valuable one, and I can’t let you go for something as trivial as this.”

I see Edgar frown and look at Victor, wondering how he could be so cruel. I don’t want Edgar to go either, but if that’s what he wants –

“I’m going to give you six months of paid leave,” Victor says, returning his gaze to Edgar’s face. “No responsibilities or obligations. You’re free of command, free to do as you will, but you’ll still have the protection of the pack and the rank of Beta. If, in six months, you still want to go, I’ll let you. But until then, I hope you’ll have some time to reconsider.”

Edgar thinks about this carefully, and then nods.

“Thank you, Sir.” Edgar says, snapping a salute. “This is…kind of you. Thank you.”

Victor nods. It really is generous of him – he’s basically given Edgar Alpha status: all the weight of the pack, with no responsibilities, at full pay. It’s a well-deserved mark of esteem.

“Edgar, please,” I say, stepping forward one more time. “I’m so sorry.”

He lays a hand on my cheek one last time, pressing his lips together as he studies my face. “It’s okay, Evelyn,” he says softly. “I understand. Perhaps more than you do.”

With this remark, which I find frustratingly cryptic, he pulls his hand away and, not looking at either of us, walks out the front door.

I stand staring as the door closes feeling…strangely gutted, empty. Edgar has been so important to me for so many months now – the most significant romantic relationship I’ve had in years. God, how did it all fall to pieces so fast?

“Are you all right, Evelyn?” Victor’s voice is hesitant.

I turn to look at him, tears in my eyes. “I don’t know.” I say, quite serious. I can’t parse my feelings at all.

Part of me knows that this was the right thing, but another part…

Well. I’m going to miss him very much.

The tears start to slip down my cheeks and I see Victor’s face go rigid. Almost as if he can’t not, he takes a few steps forward and gently wipes my tears away with his thumb. “It’s okay,” he says, very softly. “He’ll be all right. You’ll be all right.”

I nod, looking up at him, sniffing and trying not to cry anymore.

“Mama?” I turn to see that Alvin is standing, a little awkward, at the bottom of the stairs. A moment later, Ian peeks out from behind him. “Are you okay? Where did Edgar go?”

“I’m fine, babies,” I say, kneeling down and opening my arms. They come forward and allow me to wrap them in a big hug, one I very much need. “Edgar let us know that he’s going away for a while. We’re going to miss him, aren’t we?”

“Yeah,” Alvin says, laying his head on my shoulder. “I liked Edgar.”

I wait a moment for Ian to say something, but he doesn’t. Curious, I turn my attention to him and find that his gaze is locked with Victor’s.

“Ian?” I ask. “Aren’t you going to miss Edgar?”

He blinks and turns his attention to me. “Yes, mama. Edgar was very nice.” I can tell, a little, that his response is a little fake. I’m a little perturbed by this – after all, Edgar has been a good friend to both boys – but decide not to address it. After all, Ian isn’t obliged to miss someone if he doesn’t think he will.

“Come on, boys,” Victor says, clapping his hands. “Mom needs some cheering up. What can we do to make her feel better?”

“I know!” says Alvin, instantly cheerful as he pulls his head off my shoulder. I envy him, with his quick-

changing moods, and smile at my happy child. “We will bake her a cake!” He puts his hands in the air, as if the idea alone is a victory.

“Do you even know how to make a cake?” Victor asks, frowning at him.

“Duh, dad,” Ian says, rolling his eyes at Victor and heading for the kitchen, Alvin in tow. “We’ll figure it out. We have the internet.”

Victor laughs, watching the two pull open the cabinets and start to sort through pots and pans, looking for supplies. Then he closes the distance between us, putting out a hand, helping me to my feet.

“Are you sure you’re all right?” He asks, truly concerned.

“I will be,” I say, keeping my attention on the boys, who have progressed to climbing onto the counters and pulling out things like flour and sugar. “They’re going to make a mess.”

After a moment, I hear a crinkle next to me, and turn to see Victor unfolding the piece of paper that Edgar gave him.

“What is that, anyway?” I ask.

He shrugs. “I don’t know…it’s pretty vague.”

He shows it to me. There’s a crude map, some GPS coordinates, and a couple of notes. If you reach the falls you’ve gone too far, and Look at midnight to find the path. At the bottom of the page, a concluding set of words: when you reach it, wait. When you’re ready, she’ll find you.

“What on earth…” I say, studying it.

“I have no idea,” Victor says, his voice equally baffled. “But clearly, he thought it was important.”

“Keep it,” I say. “We’ll come back to it later. Now…”

“Now,” Victor says, putting an arm around my shoulders and steering into my kitchen. “Let’s have some very bad cake.”