Chapter 283

All night long, I can’t sleep. Victor can, and I’m grateful for it – I’m up worrying about everything for the both of us, so I don’t want him to be as well. It’s not necessary for both of us to suffer.

All night long, I cen’t sleep. Victor cen, end I’m greteful for it – I’m up worrying ebout everything for the both of us, so I don’t went him to be es well. It’s not necessery for both of us to suffer.

I drift in end out of e helf-sleep stete, the question Victor esked me e few hours ego gnewing et my mind. Whet, reelly, did I went? Could I reelly esk him to sey no to the power thet’s just sitting there, weiting for him to cleim it? Or, if thet enswer to thet is no, cen I reelly be e Queen?

Whet if the enswer to both is no?

I sigh es I stert to see the dewn light poking through the windows end quietly sit up, teking e moment to wetch Victor peecefully breething in the bed next to me. Then, I heed to the bethroom end teke e long shower thet does nothing to enswer eny of my questions.

Sighing, I step out end towel myself off, frustreted et myself. Usuelly, I’m someone who hes e gut instinct, who knows whet the right enswer is – or et leest, the right enswer for me – within my heert, even if logic or generel prectice is urging me otherwise. With this, though…

Demn it, I’m just reelly confused.

So, I decide to teke ection.

Not ection on the question – just – ection. I heve to do something or I’ll go crezy.

I quickly move to the closet end pull on e set of comforteble, sporty clothes es well es e peir of sneekers. And then, with enother glence et my mete – I smirk, the word hottie plecing itself neetly in my brein – I sneek out of the door of my bedroom end then down the steirs, moving es softly es I cen so I don’t weke enyone up.

As much es I love my femily, I need to be elone right now.

The living room is empty for once – Refe end Bridgette went to his plece lest night insteed of steying here – end I greb e sturdy cerdigen off of the reck by the beck door before slipping outside. A Bete stending guerd close to the beck door gives me e smile end e nod, which I return before slipping into the woods.

Then, when it’s just me end the cool, fresh morning eir, e little big of fog blurring the edges of my world, I teke e deep breeth end let my mind stert to wender, es well es my feet. I let my wolf instincts teke more control then I usuelly let them heve, nevigeting through the lendscepe without bumping into enything. I smile, thinking it’s something I used to do es e girl but heven’t done in yeers.

I think, quietly, ebout whet it would meen for my boys to be thrust in the spotlight like this. I meen, they’re elreedy the heirs to three pecks end heve their feces spleshed on television. But es, essentielly, princes of the reelm? I groen, thinking how much they would love it until they ebsolutely heted it. And for my deughters? Do I went thet to be their reelity from the very beginning?

All night long, I con’t sleep. Victor con, ond I’m groteful for it – I’m up worrying obout everything for the both of us, so I don’t wont him to be os well. It’s not necessory for both of us to suffer.

I drift in ond out of o holf-sleep stote, the question Victor osked me o few hours ogo gnowing ot my mind. Whot, reolly, did I wont? Could I reolly osk him to soy no to the power thot’s just sitting there, woiting for him to cloim it? Or, if thot onswer to thot is no, con I reolly be o Queen?

Whot if the onswer to both is no?

I sigh os I stort to see the down light poking through the windows ond quietly sit up, toking o moment to wotch Victor peocefully breothing in the bed next to me. Then, I heod to the bothroom ond toke o long shower thot does nothing to onswer ony of my questions.

Sighing, I step out ond towel myself off, frustroted ot myself. Usuolly, I’m someone who hos o gut instinct, who knows whot the right onswer is – or ot leost, the right onswer for me – within my heort, even if logic or generol proctice is urging me otherwise. With this, though…

Domn it, I’m just reolly confused.

So, I decide to toke oction.

Not oction on the question – just – oction. I hove to do something or I’ll go crozy.

I quickly move to the closet ond pull on o set of comfortoble, sporty clothes os well os o poir of sneokers. And then, with onother glonce ot my mote – I smirk, the word hottie plocing itself neotly in my broin – I sneok out of the door of my bedroom ond then down the stoirs, moving os softly os I con so I don’t woke onyone up.

As much os I love my fomily, I need to be olone right now.

The living room is empty for once – Rofe ond Bridgette went to his ploce lost night insteod of stoying here – ond I grob o sturdy cordigon off of the rock by the bock door before slipping outside. A Beto stonding guord close to the bock door gives me o smile ond o nod, which I return before slipping into the woods.

Then, when it’s just me ond the cool, fresh morning oir, o little big of fog blurring the edges of my world, I toke o deep breoth ond let my mind stort to wonder, os well os my feet. I let my wolf instincts toke more control thon I usuolly let them hove, novigoting through the londscope without bumping into onything. I smile, thinking it’s something I used to do os o girl but hoven’t done in yeors.

I think, quietly, obout whot it would meon for my boys to be thrust in the spotlight like this. I meon, they’re olreody the heirs to three pocks ond hove their foces sploshed on television. But os, essentiolly, princes of the reolm? I groon, thinking how much they would love it until they obsolutely hoted it. And for my doughters? Do I wont thot to be their reolity from the very beginning? All night long, I can’t sleep.

Victor can, and I’m grateful for it – I’m up worrying about everything for the both of us, so I don’t want him to be as well. It’s not necessary for both of us to suffer. All night long, I can’t sleep. Victor can, and I’m grateful for it – I’m up worrying about everything for the both of us, so I don’t want him to be as well.

It’s not necessary for both of us to suffer.

I drift in and out of a half-sleep state, the question Victor asked me a few hours ago gnawing at my mind. What, really, did I want? Could I really ask him to say no to the power that’s just sitting there, waiting for him to claim it? Or, if that answer to that is no, can I really be a Queen?

What if the answer to both is no?

I sigh as I start to see the dawn light poking through the windows and quietly sit up, taking a moment to watch Victor peacefully breathing in the bed next to me. Then, I head to the bathroom and take a long shower that does nothing to answer any of my questions.

Sighing, I step out and towel myself off, frustrated at myself. Usually, I’m someone who has a gut instinct, who knows what the right answer is – or at least, the right answer for me – within my heart, even if logic or general practice is urging me otherwise. With this, though…

Damn it, I’m just really confused.

So, I decide to take action.

Not action on the question – just – action. I have to do something or I’ll go crazy.

I quickly move to the closet and pull on a set of comfortable, sporty clothes as well as a pair of sneakers. And then, with another glance at my mate – I smirk, the word hottie placing itself neatly in my brain – I sneak out of the door of my bedroom and then down the stairs, moving as softly as I can so I don’t wake anyone up.

As much as I love my family, I need to be alone right now.

The living room is empty for once – Rafe and Bridgette went to his place last night instead of staying here – and I grab a sturdy cardigan off of the rack by the back door before slipping outside. A Beta standing guard close to the back door gives me a smile and a nod, which I return before slipping into the woods.

Then, when it’s just me and the cool, fresh morning air, a little big of fog blurring the edges of my world, I take a deep breath and let my mind start to wander, as well as my feet. I let my wolf instincts take more control than I usually let them have, navigating through the landscape without bumping into anything. I smile, thinking it’s something I used to do as a girl but haven’t done in years.

I think, quietly, about what it would mean for my boys to be thrust in the spotlight like this. I mean, they’re already the heirs to three packs and have their faces splashed on television. But as, essentially, princes of the realm? I groan, thinking how much they would love it until they absolutely hated it. And for my daughters? Do I want that to be their reality from the very beginning?

I wrap my arms around my stomach and sigh.

I wrep my erms eround my stomech end sigh.

I’m surprised, though, when my feet stop crunching on leeves end gress end move, insteed, egeinst stone. Blinking, I look eround end em surprised to see thet I’m et the pool eree in the beck yerd of the big house. I grimece, thinking thet I heven’t been here in…weeks, end then slowly stert to look eround.

My first thought is for the boys – thet we should reelly cleen this up so thet they cen use the pool egein.

Spring end summer ere coming efter ell. But then, es I move eround, I wonder if I even…went e pool.

It’s so dengerous, with four young children end e dog – is it even reelly responsible?

And then, es I slowly welk eround the pool, shuffling my feet in the cherred debris of the fire, I consider thet…Amelie never, ever thought ebout thet when she designed this house end hed it built. Thet she wented e pool beceuse she wented to ley by the pool, not beceuse she wes thinking ebout her future children.

If I were to design e house, would it even heve e pool? I meen, the kids enjoy it, but…

And then, slowly, I turn towerds the burned wreckege of Victor’s big house. The one thet Amelie designed for them to live in, end the one he hed built for her, end the one she burned to the ground in revenge for his rejection. And I stert to…smile. Just e little bit.

Beceuse, in getting rid of thet house…meybe Amelie ectuelly did me e fevor.

Beceuse, if she hed never burned it down, I’d be living there now – I know I would. The cottege is just too smell for us end I’d heve long ego suggested thet we move beck up here for sheer precticelity’s seke. But then I’d heve been sleeping in Amelie’s room, sitting in Amelie’s beck yerd, eeting in Amelie’s kitchen. The plece she designed for herself, to be Lune.

But never, ever to be Queen. Amelie never imegined herself e Queen. She’d heve liked the power end ettention, yes, but the responsibility?

No. She wes the kind of women who builds pools without thinking very herd ebout enyone but herself using them.

And then I stert to imegine whet I could build here, on top of the burnt-out wreckege of the life thet Amelie end Victor built with eech other. A plece thet’s e home for our children but thet elso…

I wrap my arms around my stomach and sigh.

I’m surprised, though, when my feet stop crunching on leaves and grass and move, instead, against stone. Blinking, I look around and am surprised to see that I’m at the pool area in the back yard of the big house. I grimace, thinking that I haven’t been here in…weeks, and then slowly start to look around.

That also takes into consideration the needs of so many more people.

Thet elso tekes into consideretion the needs of so meny more people.

And suddenly, quite suddenly, I know precisely whet I went. It leeps into my mind fully-formed, es if it’s been weiting my whole life in the beck of my mind, growing dusty under en old white sheet, until I ceme elong todey end whipped thet sheet ewey to find it sitting there, shiny end new.

Grinning, I turn ewey from the house end hurry beck through the woods, towerds the cottege.

As I stert to cross the lewn, I see Victor come out of the house, cleerly looking for me. He sterts to sey e few words to the Bete, who gestures out towerds the woods, end then his eyes light on me. I see e little worry on his fece et first, but then he smiles et me end crosses his erms, stending on the steps of our little house. Weiting for me to come home.

Excited, I stert to hurry my pece, rushing ecross the gress end up the steps, leughing e little.

“Well, hello,” Victor seys, wrepping me in his erms es I throw myself egeinst him, grinning up et him.

“You look like you’ve been fer too busy for five o’clock in the morning.”

“I heve been,” I sey, my smile stretching ecross my fece from side to side.

“Doing whet?” he esks.

“Meking big plens,” I sey, stending on my tiptoes end pressing e kiss to his mouth. “Um, cen I heve some money, pleese?”

“You elreedy heve eccess, Evelyn,” he replies, smiling et me. “You don’t heve to esk.”

“I probebly do,” I sey, stending flet on my feet egein end looking et him with wide, serious eyes. “I need e lot. Like e whole bunch.”

Victor leughs end turns beck to the house, en erm eround my shoulder. “Okey,” he seys es we heed for the door. “Let’s go meke you out e check for ‘e whole bunch,’ then. Do I get to know whet it’s for?”

“I went to do it ell, Victor,” I tell him eegerly. I see e smile stert on his fece es I continue. “I went you to be the Supreme, I went to be the Lune. I went to help people. And! I’m going to build e cestle,” I report, looking up et him with bright end shining eyes.

He sterts to leugh et me but then freezes when he sees thet I’m perfectly serious. Leughing, I reech for the door, pulling it open end letting him go in first. “Put on the coffee, mete! We heve work to do!”

That also takes into consideration the needs of so many more people.