Chapter 15

It was as if the Dream happened all over again. Cammie woke with Virgo's face fresh in her mind after a particularly vivid Dream. Much like before her heart was racing, but this time Cammie was unsure if it was from anxiety or nerves.

The morning sunlight washed over the room, illuminating the darkness that seemed to blot out Cammie's rational mind the night before. Now that it was morning, everything seemed much clearer, more manageable. Cammie turned in the bed to find Savannah still asleep next to her. She thought about the support that Savannah had offered her the night before and the reassurance that nothing had changed between them. A smile crept across her face, grateful that she still had her best friend's support.

Cammie turned her attention now to the strange mixtures of emotions filling her heart. In the night, her brain was demanding that she ignores the vivid images of Virgo that were conjured up in her unconscious mind; yet her heart seemed to have other ideas about what she should want. With a good night's sleep between her and Virgo, Cammie less at the mercy of her emotions and able to wrap her brain around exactly what was happening in her chest.

Cammie thought back to the conversation with Savannah last night and lingered on the idea that Savannah was following Virgo on Instagram. An idea popped into Cammie's head and with a pounding heart, feeling like a thief in the midst of a heist, she reached for Savannah's phone and navigated to the app. She quickly typed in Virgo's name. It was the first result in the search. Cammie hastily clicked on the profile and found herself with access to a small portion of Virgo's world.

Virgo had a simple biography written on her profile containing her name a French quote. Cammie read over the strange words written in familiar letters: "L'esprit cherche et c'est le cœur qui trouve. - George Sand."

Cammie typed the quote into Google translate to discover its meaning: "The spirit looks and it's the heart that finds." Her brow crinkled in thought, pondering both the meaning of the quote and the reasoning behind why Virgo chose it. Perhaps she could discover that truth within the photos that Virgo took to catalog her life.

The most recent picture was a photo of Virgo from last night standing on the stage. The memory of Cammie's feelings came rushing back and it was like she had never left the bar. Virgo was beautiful and Cammie could no longer deny that. The photo captured dramatic shadows angled around Virgo's face and body, extenuating her figure. Cammie carefully studied Virgo's expression and felt like she could read the emotions there. Virgo was confident on the stage, like she belonged there. But Cammie detected that underlying weariness hiding behind her eyes. Perhaps it was because Cammie had heard her sing, heard the raw emotion in the French girl's voice when she sang, that Cammie was able to see deeper into the picture.

Guilt washed through her as she thought again how she had hurt Virgo, so she quickly scrolled through Virgo's profile, looking at other pictures, gathering together the pieces of Virgo. Each picture was like a stroke of an artist's brush, painting an image of this mysterious girl. Cammie discovered that Virgo loved to travel; it seemed she had been all over the world. Cammie was amazed that a girl that grew up in the South of France and traveled to furthest corners of the earth had ended up in the same city as her.

Cammie also learned that Virgo had two older brothers that had the same striking brown eyes and hair that their younger sister had. They still lived at home in France.

Virgo's love for music became more apparent as Cammie looked through the profile. There were even a few videos posted of Virgo strumming her guitar, singing into the camera. For fear of waking Savannah up, she decided to watch these video's later, the allure of hearing the haunting voice almost too much to bear.

Savannah rustled in the bed next to Cammie and she quickly closed the app and placed Savannah's phone back on the nightstand.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" A sleepy Savannah asked, stretching from sleep.

"I'm okay. Better than I have been."

"I'm so happy to hear that. We should do something today."

"What do you have in mind?"

Savannah thought a moment. "Want to go out tonight? The last time we went out was on your birthday."

"As long as it doesn't involve you tricking me again."

Savannah feigned innocence. "I would never."

The girls laughed together. It felt good to laugh with Savannah, have things be normal between them again. Distancing herself from Savannah had been one of the more difficult decisions that Cammie had made and it had been detrimental to her mental health not having anyone to talk to or lean on.

"Yeah, let's go out tonight," Cammie agreed.

Cammie climbed out of bed and made her way back to her own room. She picked up her phone and noticed she had a text from Adam. She thought for a moment and chewed her cheek, but eventually decided to put her phone down without replying. She had clung to Adam to much in the last few month out of fear, that perhaps a day without him would be good for her.

*

The girls got out of the sleek car that dropped them off and approached their friends waiting outside of the club. The familiar thump of the bass was a strange comfort to Cammie, like things were getting back to normal.

The bar was crowded and loud, but Cammie didn't mind, she felt her energy begin to spike to match the atmosphere of the club.

The group made their way through dancing bodies to the bar to begin their night of bottomless negligence.

Never one to dance without some enoucrshement by both Savannah and alcohol, Cammie reluctantly let herself be pulled out to the dance floor once had consumed her first drink. The friends all danced with each other to the beat of the loud thump. Cammie lost herself in the music and the drink, the night swallowing her whole.

A surge of curiosity pumped through Cammie's body with the encouragement of the alcohol. She began to glance around the room, looking at every girl, starting with her friends. She looked each of them up and down, studying their faces, their hair, the shapes of their bodies, their legs, and finally their breasts. Cammie was waiting for some deep, stirring of desire at the sight of these women dressed in sultry attire, but she found that none came. Perhaps it was just because she was not attracted to her friends, or perhaps it was because none of the women she was surrounded with were her type (though she could not be sure what her type was, as she only had Virgo for reference and none of these women looked like Virgo). Whatever the reason, Cammie found that she was not physically attracted to any woman in this room. A small bit of relief began to fill her knowing that perhaps her worst fear of being attracted to women was not coming to fruition.

The tension began to leak from Cammie and she felt lighter than ever. When Savannah suggested they begin to bar hop, Cammie eagerly agreed.

The next bar was on the corner of Santa Monica and North Roberston. The building was done in old Spanish style with a tiled roof. Lights were strung around the outside seatting and bar area. The music could be heard from a block away.

The group flashed their IDs to the bouncers and they were let in. Male Go-Go dancers were up on the tables dressed just enough to leave nothing up the imagination.

"I'm going to grab a drink," Cammie said above the blare of the music as the group began to dance, still spinning from the previous bar.

"Get me one too," Savannah said.

Cammie weaved her way to the bar, pushing between bodies and side-stepping others to stay out of the way. It was much more crowded here than the last place and Cammie found it was going to be nearly impossible to reach the front.

"What are you drinking?"

Cammie looked up. A girl was standing in front her, leaning against the bar but facing her. Cammie hesitated, thought about it, wondered why she was taking so long to answer, looked back at the girl—who smiled—and finally said, with utmost confidence: "Anything."

The girl laughed at Cammie's remark and called to the bartender for two gin and tonics. The woman quickly made the drinks.

"Keep the tab open," the mystery girl said and grabbed both drinks, handing one to Cammie.

"Thanks," Cammie said. She smiled at the girl's generosity and walked away, completely forgetting about Savannah's drink.

"I'm Jen," the girl said. She followed Cammie back to the dance floor. Jen had an air of what Cammie could only describe as "cool" about her. She was huddled in a stylish coat and carried herself with authority.

"Cammie."

"Nice to meet you."

"Thanks again for the drink. You didn't have to buy it." Cammie thought it would have been quite impossible for her to get to the front of the line. She was not quite that bold, not like Savannah. In fact, Savannah should have gone to get them drinks. She would have to tell her that. Where was Savannah anyway? She had just followed Jen back to the dance floor.

"For a pretty girl like you? It wasn't a problem."

Cammie's heart rate picked up. Pretty?

Since the time she was aware that people liked each other more than just friends, Cammie had been completely unaware of any attempt to flirt. Savannah had to work hard to convince Cammie that Adam was even hitting on her. Although Cammie was infamously terrible at picking up on flirting, she really had no way to deny that Jen was hitting on her now. But the bigger question was how she felt about it.

It was in this moment when Cammie looked around the bar for the first time and really noticed where she was. The go-go dancers had changed; now instead of mostly-naked men, there mostly-naked women on the tables, surrounded by other women offering them ones and jeering.

She was at a gay bar.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm not, uh, I'm not gay," Cammie finally managed to stutter. She wasn't, right? She had just experimented at the last bar and realized that she felt nothing?

Instead of frowning, as Cammie had expected, Jen smirked. "Oh, right. You're straight." Jen had used her hand that wasn't clutching her drink to make air quotes.

Cammie did not like the way Jen said the word "straight."

"I have a boyfriend."

"I've had a boyfriend." Jen cocked her eyebrow and Cammie began to grow nervous, though she was not quite sure why. She was also not sure how to respond to this girl who had bought her a drink and seemed to want to hang out with Cammie more than find whomever she had come here with.

"I currently have a boyfriend," Cammie said.

"I didn't think we were going to get married."

The confusion was evident on Cammie's face.

"You're at a gay bar," Jen continued. "And you have a boyfriend—supposedly. Isn't that why you're here?"

Cammie felt like she was missing something.

"Care to tell me why I'm here?" Cammie asked. The alcohol was making her tongue looser than she usually allowed. Always watch your word and lace them with vinegar disguised as honey, her mother always said. You never wanted someone to know you were looking down on them at that moment—you wanted them to realize it later.

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"No," Cammie lied.

"Isn't that why you're here?"

Cammie considered Jen. She looked the girl up and down, as she had with the other girls previous. The only resemblance this girl had to Virgo was their hair color, yet Cammie realized with sudden dismay that she couldn't deny that this girl was attractive. What she had failed to conjure up with the last crop of girls was suddenly bubbling to the surface with Jen standing in front of her. Jen wasn't done up with heavy makeup or a tight, revealing dress. Jen had on boots, ripped jeans, and a simple bomber jacket. The small stirring in the pit of her stomach that she had anticipated before was now there.

No, she wasn't attracted to Jen. She couldn't be, didn't want to be. Accepting that she was attracted to Virgo had been one thing; Virgo was simply an outlier. If she admitted that she was attracted to Jen, it was becoming a pattern.

"I came to have a good time with my friends," Cammie answered.

"I can be your friend tonight."

Heat flooded to Cammie's face. She took a quick gulp of her drink to distract from the blush that was not covering her features.

Jen stepped close to Cammie, moving to the rhythm of the music. Cammie felt torn: should she dance or not? Cammie couldn't deny that there was a part of her that wanted to dance with Jen, to experience this other world of attraction and excitement. But she also did not want to admit to this, to admit to herself that there was a hidden desire to be with a woman in any type of capacity. Eventually, the curiosity and temptation won out and Cammie found herself moving in sync with Jen.

"So you've never kissed a girl?" Jen said into Cammie's ear over the music.

Cammie shook her head, not counting her kiss with Savannah.

"How old are you?" Jen asked.

"Twenty-one."

"Do you want to kiss a girl before you're tied down to your boyfriend?"

"It's complicated."

"Tonight doesn't need to be complicated."

Cammie felt herself blushing again. Adam had never spoken to her like this, made her heart race like this. Is this what Virgo offered her? Or any girl, for that matter?

If you had asked Cammie how it happened, she wasn't quite sure she would be able to describe exactly how, but one moment Cammie was talking Jen above the blare of the music, the next she found their lips pressed together. Cammie had never been kissed like this. It felt exciting and forbidden. Through the blur of the alcohol, Cammie realized kissing Jen was nothing like kissing Savannah.

Or Adam.

They broke away, staring at each other.

"You're incredibly beautiful," Jen murmured. Cammie blushed again. "Do you want to go outside for a bit?"

Cammie nodded and followed Jen out to the patio where Jen lit a cigarette.

"Want one?"

Cammie shook her head.

Jen took a long drag of her cigarette before speaking. "So what's your story? You're twenty-one, right? Is your boyfriend your Soulmate?"

Cammie laughed, her entire situation now seeming to her incredibly ridiculous.

"I have no idea," Cammie admitted.

Jen cocked an eyebrow, intrigued. "You're going to have to explain this."

Cammie thought a moment, took a drink, and then dove into her story. She couldn't be sure if it was so easy to tell Jen all of the sticky details of her life because of the alcohol or because Jen was a stranger, but before she knew it, Cammie described to Jen how she had come to being with Adam, what their relationship felt like now, all of the fights and arguments they had had. Cammie told Jen of her Dream and how she had been terrified, how she pushed everyone away. She spoke of her her fear at seeing Virgo and how she had ran, the open mic night, and finally, how she felt when Jen had kissed her.

"Wow," was all Jen said at the end of Cammie's monologue.

"Wow? That's it?" Cammie asked, laughing. She felt like a weight had lifted off of her shoulders.

Jen laughed. "That is . . . a lot. I can't believe you ran away!"

Cammie dropped her head into her free hand and groaned. "I know."

"So what do you think you're going to do?"

"I have no idea. Tell me what to do?" Cammie asked hopefully.

Jen laughed.

"So the random stranger is supposed to give you advice?"

Cammie nodded.

Jen took another drag of the cigarette. She hummed in thought. "Well, the random stranger is inclined to believe your Dream."

Cammie sighed, expecting that answer.

"But not because of your Dream." Cammie waited for her to elaborate. "Because of how you felt when you kissed me. And how you' felt last night when you saw her perform."

"What do you mean?"

"You just told me you've never felt like that when you've kissed your boyfriend."

"I don't know, maybe it's just because he's comfortable and we've been together so long that thing have lost their spark."

"I remember the first time I kissed a girl. I knew I could never go back."

"You've had boyfriends before, right? That's what you said?"

Jen nodded.

"So what did you do?"

"Kind of what you did. Denied it for a while. I didn't have a boyfriend like you did, but I really didn't think I could be gay. I started to sleep around a lot—with guys. And then one night I met a girl, not my Soulmate, but a beautiful girl. It was just a one night thing, but after her I was confident about my Dream."

Cammie chewed on her lip while she considered Jen's story.

"But it's still up to you," Jen added as an afterthought.

"That's what my best friend told me too."

"Well, it's your life, right? You should be able to choose who you want. If you really want to be with your boyfriend because you love him, then you should."

Cammie smiled.

"But, you shouldn't stay with him out of fear. Don't stay with him because you're worried about what your mom will think or whatever. Be with him for him."

Cammie considered Jen's words.

"Thanks for tonight. I think it helped."

Jen grinned. "I want updates though."

Cammie smiled. She wasn't entirely sure she knew what to do, but she did know that she felt better for the first time in months. The two lapsed into comfortable small talk in which Jen probed Cammie about details of her life. Cammie returned the favor. Much like with Savannah, Cammie felt that she didn't have to hide anything from Jen. Jen met Cammie where she was at and accepted her for all of her flaws.

After what seemed like hours of chatting with Jen, Savannah found Cammie and joined the two. After introductions, Cammie confessed to Savannah that Jen knew everything.

"So, what do you think?" Savannah asked.

"Well, I think she should be with this girl Virgo."

"Right?"

"But, she should still be free to choose."

"Exactly!" Savannah turned to Cammie. "I like her. You have great taste in friends."

Jen joined Savannah in laughter while Cammie rolled her eyes.

"Well aren't you just two peas in a pod," Cammie commented.

"Are you here with anyone?" Savannah asked.

"I was here with friends, but I haven't seen them in a while."

Everyone laughed at this.

"Stay out with us tonight then," Savannah suggested.

"That sounds fun. Where are we heading next?" Jen asked.

Savannah pulled them both to their feet. "We'll figure it out when we get there."

***

Thank you so much for reading! Feel free to leave a vote/comment if you liked this chapter or story. :)