Chapter 36

The next morning Virgo dragged herself out of bed, a slight hangover lingering against her temples. Between the commotion of celebration and love, the group downed more shots of tequila than Virgo could remember, the celebration eventually transforming itself into a game that Virgo and Shea played when they lived in France together. They, of course, were experts at said game, which involved ordering five shots of tequila for whomever wanted to play and racing to finish all five. Everyone, even Cammie, participated last night, eager to prove themselves. Cammie especially put on a tough show of draining her glasses without flinching, but failed miserably. They group was all laughs and giggles, and not one of them could remember the night after that. Somehow they all ended up home and in bed.

"Putain," Virgo muttered, quietly slipping out of bed, careful not to disturb Cammie. As soon as her feet hit the ground, the headache collided between her temples, sending throbs of angry protests from her body in her skull. She laughed to herself, knowing it was stupid to have drank that much, but also knowing she didn't regret a thing.

Virgo crept to the bathroom to shower off the night.

"Good morning," Cammie mumbled from the bed when Virgo returned to pull on her clothes. Eyes were still half closed, Cammie battled to stay conscious. Much like Virgo, her head was screaming in protest from the night before.

"Good morning, mon amour." Virgo bent down and kissed Cammie on the forehead. Clumsy from sleep, Cammie pulled Virgo back into the bed, the girl falling on top of her. "Stay."

"I can't," Virgo chuckled. She cleared the hair away from Cammie's face, smiling down upon her.

When she pictured her happily ever after, this was always the image she had in her head. How beautiful this girl was. It warmed her heart to finally have these shared moments of intimacy with her Soulmate: being able to sleep next to her, waking up and have semi-conscious conversations, and lazy morning kisses.

"Are you sure?" Cammie asked, her eyes completely closed, but arms firmly locked around Virgo's waist.

"Yes."

"Are you coming back after work?"

"Of course."

A slight lift of Cammie's head brought their lips together for a moment before she collapsed back into the pillow. "Okay I'll see you soon."

"À bientôt."

As Virgo closed the door behind her, she heard Cammie's soft voice calling out to her once again, raspy from sleep. "Je t'aime."

"Je t'aime, mon amour."

Cammie found it impossible to sleep after Virgo left, despite the throbbing in her head and the limited time she had actually slept. Instead of laying helpless in her bed, Cammie pushed herself up, deciding to begin her day.

The first stop in her journey was the bathroom. She pulled open the medicine cabinet and scanned the bottles, locating the aspirin bottle and poured a few pills into her hand. The kitchen was much too far, so Cammie drank water straight from the tap to swallow the pills.

"Morning," Savannah said, joining her in the bathroom. She held out her hand and Cammie passed the bottle. Savannah followed Cammie's example, pouring the medication into her hand and drinking from the tap. "Jesus, what a night. Your girlfriend can drink."

Cammie smiled, thinking the same exact thing last night. When Shea suggested the game and Virgo explained the rules, she believed them both to be out of their minds. Nonetheless, five glasses appeared in front of them all, each of their hands salted in preparation.

"Yeah, she's definitely a little crazy."

"Yeah, but it's pretty great. I've never seen you have so much fun going out with us."

Cammie agreed, all smiles.

"Hungry?" Savannah asked.

"Very."

The girls made their way to the kitchen and Savannah set herself up to cook breakfast while Cammie sat down at the table.

"My head is fucking kill me," Cammie complained, dropping her head into her hands and waiting impatiently for the medicine to kick in.

Savannah grinned over her shoulder. "You took shots like a champ last night."

Cammie laughed. "It would've been rude to not take them."

Savannah made a face and went back to cooking. Cammie stared listlessly out the window, the bright morning light creeping through the apartment. She wasn't quite sure how long she had been staring blankly out of the window, but her trance was broken by Savannah's voice.

"I saw your parents over the weekend." She did not look at Cammie as she made this comment, keeping her shoulders squarely faced toward the counter as she chopped vegetables.

Cammie glanced from her reverie to Savannah, settling her face—and emotions—into indifference. Despite this effort, her heart began to pound wildly in her chest as questions and possibilities flooded her mind.

"Oh."

"Yeah." Savannah chewed on her lip, displaying characteristics more akin to Cammie than herself.

"Is that it?"

"No, they were just asking about you."

"What did they ask?"

"How you were."

"They can always ask themselves. They have phones."

Cammie wasn't sure how she was supposed to feel about this. Happy that they were concerned? Angry that they hadn't called? Guilty for hurting them? She vaguely wondered how it was possible for a person to feel all these emotions all at once. Was it too difficult to ask to be able to simply feel one emotion at a time? This was exhausting.

"Yeah," Savannah mumbled, unsure of how to proceed. "That's true."

The girls hadn't spoken of the Drivers again after Cammie returned home from making her big confession. When Cammie returned home that night with Jess, it was Jess who explained the details of the night, Cammie too exhausted to even speak, having fallen asleep in the car on the drive home and immediately going to sleep. Whenever Savannah tried to broach the subject, to check-in with her friend, Cammie always seemed reluctant talk. Savannah never pushed.

"What did you say to them?" Cammie asked, her curiosity getting the better of her.

"I told them you were doing well. Not much, really. I figured you weren't talking to them for a reason, so I didn't want to say anything you didn't want them to hear."

"Thanks, Sav. But I don't care anyone, honestly. They can know everything. It doesn't make a difference to me."

Savannah finally spared Cammie a glance, her brows furrowed as if she were trying to solve a puzzle. Eventually, she settled on a nod, as if she understood Cammie's position; she was, however, struggling to play catch-up. For the sixteen years of their friendship, Cammie had always fought tooth and nail against change, against anything that wasn't her parents' desire for her. While Savannah felt pleased with Cammie's newfound confidence and freedom, it was still shocking to hear Cammie utter words of dissent against her parents. Although Savannah knew that a breaking point was in Cammie's near future, she never imagined that it would play out like this—with the Drivers completely ignoring each other, either too proud, too hurt, or too cowardly to speak to one another.

"I did tell them they could always call." Savannah laughed, picturing her arrival home. Savannah and her mother stepped out of her car at the same moment Mr. and Mrs. Driver had. "My mom yelled at me as soon as we got inside."

Cammie broke into a grin. Cammie could picture her parents' faces falling as Savannah feigned ignorance of the entire affair and suggested they do the simple thing of calling. She also pictured Savannah's mother, a woman with just as much spirit as her daughter, horrified at her daughter's completely lack of tact, though Cammie was sure she inherited that from her mother too.

"I could tell they wanted to ask more—like if you're still in school or how well you're doing." Cammie rolled her eyes. "Or if you found your Soulmate," Savannah added as an afterthought.

"I'm sure they would love to know," Cammie spat, rolling her eyes. "Probably so they can prepare themselves for when I'm seen with a girl. As if anyone cares enough. My mom acts like I'm being tailed by the paparazzi. Like, I don't get it. What is going to happen if I'm seen kissing a girl. The world's not going to fucking end."

Savannah laughed, happy to hear Cammie getting fired up instead of cowering. "Yeah, I agree. Obviously our families are friends and our moms are close, but I never really understood your parents. It's not like they're famous or anything. I don't understand why they're so worried about who you date or what you do or anything like that."

Cammie shrugged. "I have no idea. They care so much about their imagine with their little circle of friends. Honestly, I doubt any of them would even care."

"I know my parents don't."

"Your parents know about me?"

"Yeah, of course. You know I tell my mom everything."

"What did they say?" Cammie asked slowly, not entirely sure she wanted to know the answer to that question.

Savannah shrugged. "She's happy for you. I told her you already met Virgo. She wants to meet her."

"I love your mom." Savannah grinned. "I don't get how your mom is so chill about everything and my mom isn't. And they're friends."

Savannah shrugged. "Different priorities, I guess? I don't know. It's weird. Maybe they're just friends by proximity. Or because we're friends."

"I have no idea. But I wish my mom would just take a Xanax or something and chill the fuck out."

Both girls laughed at Cammie's comment, both fully aware that she was serious.

"Maybe they're just insecure," Savannah suggested.

This comment gave Cammie pause. Were her parents insecure? They were well into their 40's. Cammie just assumed that by that age, most people stopped caring about what others thought. Apparently this memo was lost on her folks.

"Be that as it may, I'm just trying not to let it get to me."

"Yeah, how are you doing?" Savannah asked, deciding to stop preparing food and sitting down at the table with Cammie. Although Cammie had avoided this topic for well over a month, Savannah was hoping her friend would finally open up.

"Oh you know," Cammie began, her sentence falling off.

Unbeknownst to Savannah or Virgo, Cammie had found moments to isolate herself, disappear, and allow her thoughts to torment her.

Cammie often doubted herself, wondering if it was the right decision to confront her parents like she had. She constantly wondered if the life she chose was worth the suffering she endured. In these moments, sometimes accompanied by panic attacks so severe she thought she would suffocate, she would scramble for her phone, hoping Jess would pick up. She always did

Jess.

The only person who really knew what Cammie was going through. The only person who really understood Cammie's predicament.

In those moments of torrential uncertainty, when all of the worst possible outcomes and anxious thoughts assaulted her, screaming that she was wrong, that she made an irreversible mistake, that she was a stupid girl, Jess sat with Cammie on the phone, listening. Cammie would pour out her guts, admitting all of the fears that haunted her. To Jess, she told everything, even the deepest parts that she would rather keep hidden, even from herself. The out pour of emotions was so raw.

When Cammie would finish her tirade against herself, Jess would simply talk: encourage her and tell Cammie the exact opposite of whatever lies her mind spoke. Jess would reiterate how proud she was of her sister; how much strength she acquired from making the decision to walk away from their family. Jess talked about the woman Cammie had become. Jess would remind her of all the good things that came from this decision. Jess would remind her of the love she would have with Virgo. Of their future together. Of Cammie's future, now bright, unclouded with expectation and chains.

Most important, Jess reminded Cammie that she hadn't lost her family; she still had the unwavering support of her sister.

Cammie always listened with intrigue as her sister spoke the voice of reproach to silence.

No one knew about these conversations except Jess. Cammie didn't want anyone to know; she was ashamed to admit that despite the decision she made, uncertainty still lingered like a bad taste in her mouth. Cammie had no direction, no sense of what to do next. It scared her.

"Cam, you okay?" Savannah asked, peering deep into Cammie's eyes, attempting to decode the faraway look that suddenly transformed Cammie.

"Yeah. Yeah, sorry. I'm fine."

After a beat, Savannah asked the question she was afraid to hear. "Do you regret what you did?"

"No." Cammie answered immediately. "No, it's not that, it's just . . . Hard, I guess."

Savannah nodded sympathetically. "Yeah, I get that. I can't imagine what you're going through."

Cammie took a deep breath. "I'm just taking it one day at a time. It's a big change, that's for sure. One that I never thought I'd ever have to deal with."

Savannah reached out a comforting hand and gave Cammie's own a squeeze. "I know. I'm here for you, whatever you need. I know that you feel like you don't a family right now, but just know that Jess, me, Jen, and Virgo are all here for you. Always. I know it's not the same, but it's a start." Cammie nodded, tears pricking her eyes. She quickly blinked them away. "Do you have any plans for what you're going to do next? I mean, are you going to finish school?"

"Yeah, of course I'm going to finish school. Although, I don't think my parents will pay for it anymore. I think they're going to try and talk to me this summer and figure this all out and once I really put the nail in the coffin, they're not going to pay for my tuition anymore."

Savannah was speechless. Cammie shrugged.

"I've been applying for scholarships and grants and stuff and looking for a job for the summer. I mean, they don't pay for Jess' school."

"Jesus," Savannah muttered. "I didn't know that."

Cammie had always left out that fact in conversations, not wanting to admit to anymore else—even herself—that her parents were that petty.

"So the plan is to just hope that you get enough money together to finish out school?"

"Well, not exactly." Cammie threw a sidelong glance at Savannah, suddenly nervous and ashamed to tell her friend about the news of studying aboard. The two had been together since they were five, never separated, always together. Now Cammie was about to tell her that she was leaving for a year—maybe longer. It was perfectly reasonable, in Cammie's opinion, to guess that Virgo would want to stay in France to live, at least for a period longer than a year. Cammie had considered this possibility, and while she wasn't sure what her decision could be, she was open to the idea of living abroad after her studies concluded. Cammie believed it was time for a big change, a big adventure. "I have some news."

"Okay."

"I never told you, but back in March I applied for a study abroad program."

"What?" Savannah was flabbergasted. "You're joking, right?"

Cammie shook her head.

"That is . . ."

"I know. Not like me at all."

"Not at all."

Cammie took a deep breath. "Well, I heard back and I was accepted."

"So . . . Where are you studying?"

"France."

Savannah nodded, as if she could have made that prediction. "With Virgo?"

"Mhm."

"When do you leave?"

"Classes start in September, so I guess late August. I don't really know. I thought about maybe leaving early to travel around first. Everything is up in the air right now."

"How long will you be gone?"

"The entire year." Savannah felt like she had been sucker punched. The room began to spin. Cammie, noticing the change overcoming her friend, immediately jumped up and threw her arms around Savannah. "I'm so sorry."

Savannah shook her head, but didn't speak. Cammie's stomach sank as the possibility of every raw and terrible emotion ripped through her heart, wondering how badly she wounded Savannah. When Savannah finally did look up, there was a smile on her face, but tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. The sight summoned tears to Cammie's own eyes; Cammie could count the number of times she had seen Savannah cry.

"I'm sorry, Sav," Cammie repeated when Savannah still did not speak.

Again, Savannah shook her head. "No, don't be sorry. Cammie, I'm so happy for you. Truly, I'm so happy for you." Savannah wrapped her friend in a hug and the two girls held each other tight. "I knew once you met Virgo that your life would take you far away from here. I guess I just thought we had until after college. But you met your Soulmate. I know you've got to move on."

"I'm not moving on," Cammie protested.

"But you are." Savannah held her friend at arm's length so she was able to look her in the eye. There was not a trace of malice or accusation in her gaze. "It's not a bad thing. You've outgrown this life, but it's so good, Cammie. It's so good. I'm so happy you've found your Soulmate and you're moving on. This life was suffocating you. I'm just going to miss you, that's all."

Cammie smiled at her friend through the tears that she couldn't withhold. Savannah, too, had them silently streaming down her face as she spoke. The girls held each other, tears falling freely as they both privately reminisced over their friendship the last sixteen years. They thought about they grew together, how they became women together. Now, they thought about how it would change. For better or worse, the girls didn't know. But it was time to transition to a different type of friendship, an adult friendship, which meant not seeing each other as often, not being with each other as often.

"I love you. You are my best friend and I know that I couldn't have done any of this without you," Cammie said.

"That's true. I'm great." Savannah flipped her hair over her solder with dramatic flair and broke into a grin. Cammie laughed at Savannah's show of thematic. "Seriously though, Cam. I'm so proud of you. You've grown into such a strong and beautiful woman. I'm not used to the Cammie that says exactly what she's thinking and speaks her mind, or tells her parents off, or dates a girl, or decided to study abroad. But I love her. I can't wait to get to know this new Cammie."

"I'm not used to this Cammie either. I'm just faking it until I actually feel it. Make your mind catch up to your body sort of thing."

"Fake it till you make it."

"So, France. Where are you going to live?"

"I have no idea. I'm thinking Virgo will have a better idea."

"Are you going to live together?"

"I have no idea. I assumed that I would live with other students, but I guess I could live with her. We haven't really talked about it."

"Well, wherever you end up, there better be a place for me to sleep so I can visit you."

With her entire day ahead of her and only two weeks until her final exams, Cammie decided to spend the rest of the day painting. After the making the decision to forego law school, Cammie suddenly found there was no reason to study as much as she did. The material really was boring and uninteresting. Why spend her precious time cramming now useless information into her head when she could be doing anything else?

Hunched over her desk with music pumping from the small speaker perched on her desk, Cammie carefully mixed paints, touching up the colors and adjusting the shades of purple and blue she worked with. She smeared the paint with precision, capturing the warm colors of sunset from the blazing heat of the sun and the cool colors of the inviting ocean. Cammie, completely enraptured by her creation, failed to notice Virgo entering the room many hours later. When Virgo bent down and swept Cammie into a loving embrace, Cammie nearly jumped out of her own skin.

"Jesus," Cammie exclaimed.

Virgo chuckled, noting a small smudge of paint dotting Cammie's nose. Virgo licked the tip of her thumb and attempted to rub the paint away, but it persistently clung to Cammie's nose.

"I didn't even hear you."

"Que peignes-tu?"

"Quoi?"

Virgo smiled and gestured to the painting, repeating her question slower.

"You're asking what I'm painting?"

Virgo nodded encouragingly. She had been speaking to Cammie in French more often, claiming it would prepare Cammie for her move to France. This was partially true, but she also loved to speak in her native language, especially to her Soulmate, whom she hoped would one day learn the language.

Cammie hesitated, thought a moment, then answered: "La plage."

"Oh, tres joli."

"Merci."

"Tu es très douée."

Cammie stared blankly to indicate she didn't understand. Instead of answering, Virgo learned down and kissed Cammie on the cheek. Cammie spun around in her chain to face Virgo, who threw herself down on the bed.

"How was your day at work?" Cammie asked.

"Busy. I'm tired now."'

Cammie made to get up and join Virgo, but she stopped her. "No, keep painting. I am going to take a nap."

"Okay. How's your head? Are you hungover?"

"Not anymore," Virgo answered, kicking off her shoes and pulling off her pants.

"You and Shea are crazy, you know that?"

Virgo grinned and pulled the blanket over her body, curling onto her side. Cammie turned the music back on, albeit quieter, and continue to lose herself in the painting, mixing and the colors so that they swirled into perfection into soft shades of nostalgia.

"Should you be studying for finals?" Virgo asked, her eyes opened and staring back at Cammie. Immediately, a guilty expression flooded Cammie's face and she looked down at her painting, recalling the hours she'd already poured into it. She glanced over her shoulder at her girlfriend. Upon seeing the crestfallen look on Cammie's face, Virgo immediately laughed. "I'm totally kidding. I'm so glad to see you painting and not studying."

Cammie frowned. "That was mean." Though she couldn't keep the smile from her lips.

"When I met you, your nose was always in a book. Now you have paint on your nose. I'm such happier to see that."

Cammie playfully stuck out her tongue. "Don't you have finals to study for?"

Virgo shrugged. "Yes, but they're not difficult. One is a paper. It will be fine."

Cammie never really saw Virgo study or work on her school work. Every time she and Virgo were together, Virgo was either working, playing music, or hanging out with her girlfriend. Cammie vaguely wondered how this girl managed to finish school. She decided to ask.

"How are you even going to graduate? I never see you working."

"It's music."

"So?"

"It comes easy to me. I finish my work quickly. Do you want to check my homework, Mom?"

"Whatever. I can't believe you're graduating with that work habit."

"We're not all perfectionists like you."

Cammie tossed an eraser at Virgo's head. It missed, and instead hit the wall behind her. Virgo chuckled and stretched out on the bed, closing her eyes. Cammie turned back to her paint, a smile on her lips. Once again, she lost herself in the colors and the beat of the music. She softly sang alone with the words to the songs emanating from the speaker, or tried. Over the last month, Cammie made it a point to listen to French music as much as possible to practice her accent. Forcing her mouth to move the correct way and her tongue to twist the right way to pronounce the foreign words was difficult, and more often than not, Cammie knew she wasn't saying the words right, but persisted, determined to get her mouth accustomed to the odd sounds and movement.

"What are you listening to?"

Cammie snapped from her reverie. "Aren't you supposed to be asleep?" Cammie asked, turning to face the other girl. Virgo's expression gave Cammie pause. "What?"

"Do you know what you're saying?"

Cammie had been singing along to the song, but of course she didn't know what most of the words in the song meant. Or any song for that matter.

"Not at all."

Virgo burst into laughter.

"What?" Cammie asked again, suddenly self-conscious.

"It's funny to hear you sing those words."

"Why are they funny?"

Instead Virgo laughed again like she was an insider to some secret that Cammie wasn't akin to.

"Virgo Payet. Tell me what it means."

Virgo tried to answer, but couldn't stop herself from continuing to laugh. Huffing, Cammie reached for her phone and searched for the lyrics to the song, scrolling down to find the words she had been singing. Scanning through the lyrics, nothing immediately popped out. Her face scrunched in concentration. She knew part of the phrase, but the last word was a black hole of mystery.

"Make me . . . something." Cammie translated out loud. Quickly, Cammie typed the last word, the mystery word, into Google Translate while Virgo continued to laugh. "I don't understand. 'Make me enjoy.' Why is that funny."

"Did you type the entire phrase in the translator."

"No. I know what 'fais' and 'moi' mean."

"It changes the meaning when you put it all together."

Cammie furrowed her brow began to type the entire phrase from the song into the translator.

"Wait, wait. Before you translate it, say it to me."

Cammie gave Virgo a look. "Why?"

"Just say it to me once. You said it so perfectly when you were singing."

A sudden burst of embarrassment made Cammie deny this request.

"S'il te plaît," Virgo begged with big doe eyes.

"No way."

"Please, for me?"

Cammie rolled her eyes, but obliged. "Fine. Don't laugh at me though."

"I promise."

"Fais-moi jouie."

A huge grin spread across Virgo's face as she tried not to laugh.

"I hate you," Cammie said as she typed the full phrase into the translator. The translation appeared before her: make me cum.

Cammie's mouth hung open and Virgo could no longer control her laughter.

"Virgo!" Cammie threw a piece of charcoal at her and ran over to jump on top of her and beat her with a pillow. Virgo, for her part, did nothing to defend herself because she was laughing so hard. "You're disgusting!"

"Me?" Virgo asked between gasps. "You were the one saying it!"

"I didn't know what it meant!"

"Then don't say things in other languages if you don't know the meaning of the words!"

"You're so mean!"

"Come on, it's not like you don't want to do that."

Cammie's mouth hung open. She reached for the charcoal and began to draw all over Virgo's face, smearing black lead over her forehead, nose, and cheeks. Cammie's sheets and hands were quickly covered in the black smear. Cammie, however, was quickly overpowered and Virgo found herself with the charcoal in hand, drawing all over Cammie's face. The girls laughed and squirmed, fighting for control of the weapon. Eventually the charcoal broke into smaller pieces and they were lost. The girls lay panting and breathless, Virgo's sides aching from the laughter.

"I hate you," Cammie said again, laughing.

"Tu ne veux pas que je te fasse jouir?" Virgo said very slowly so that Cammie could hear every single word. It took a moment for Cammie's brain to work out the words and when she did, she hit Virgo with her pillow once more. Virgo laughed again and scooped Cammie's into her arms. "You are so easy to . . . What's the word? To tease."

"You're the worst."

"No, I think you like it."

"I can't believe you made me say that to you."

"If you listen to Therapie Taxi like that you are going to learn a lot of bad words. Consider this a lesson to not walk around singing their songs out loud."

"Lesson learned," Cammie admitted.

The conversation died after that. The girls both smiled, their noses touching as they laid on their sides, gazing into each other's eyes. They enjoyed laying together, being together.

"Belle," Virgo murmured, both of their eyes growing heavy.

Cammie kissed her soulmate, still grateful for every opportunity that was available to her to kiss this girl. How could she have resisted such a beauty for so long? Virgo made her laugh like no one else, held her like no one else, made her feel like the most important person in the entire world. Cammie could not put words to how lucky she felt.

"You're everything to me," Cammie said.

A lazy smile appeared on Virgo's lips. "I feel the same."

"I can't believe we're moving to France."

"Neither can I. It's a dream come true. One after another."

"I can't wait for our future together."

"Me too. I cannot wait to show you France."

"Me either. I'm so excited to see your childhood. See your life. Everything."

Virgo hesitated a moment, then asked. "Speaking of . . . Are you ready to meet my family?"

***

As always, thank you everyone for reading! I know I say this every week, but I couldn't do it without your support. :)

We are back to our regularly scheduled programming! Plus, some good news: I have jury duty all week, which means no work for me. So hopefully I'll be able to write during most of it.

Until next week, thanks again for reading. :)