Book 2 Chapter 9

Daphne's Point of View

I jolt awake in a cold sweat, and it takes me a moment to realize where I am. Once the fog of sleep

has lifted, I look to make sure that I have not woken Caleb up. Thankfully, he is still soundly sleeping

and was not disturbed by my movement. For a moment I am jealous that he is able to sleep so

soundly when lately I have been consumed by nightmares. Knowing that I will not be able to find

sleep again I carefully remove Caleb's arm from around me and slip out of bed.

My wolf was itching to be free, and since no one else was up I decided that going for a nice

morning run would clear my head. I quickly throw on a pair of shorts, and a shirt and grab my shoes

as I quietly walk out of our bedroom door. It does not take me long to make my way out of the

house.

As I start walking towards the woods, I cannot stop my mind from wandering back to my dream.

Somehow in my dream my parents were still alive. Caleb had gotten tired of me not producing an

heir and was returning me to them. In the dream we had returned to my former home and Caleb

had told my parents that he had made a mistake. My mother in all her glory was there to snidely

remind me that it was only right that my child had died since I had killed her son. My father was

shaking his head in disappointment as he told Caleb that I was an abomination, one that should

have been terminated. Even though there was no physical violence in the dream, I felt as beat up as

ever.

Recalling the words that my mother had spoken in the dream; I truly wonder if the Moon Goddess

has decided that I was not worthy of raising pups. Although I had once believed that she favored

me at least a little because Caleb was my destined mate, was that the only happiness that was

meant for my life? Could I be happy not being a mother?

Finally reaching the edge of the wood line I forcibly shake my head to dispel my thoughts. Right

now, it is time for my wolf to run. She deserves to be free and wild, and I have not been attentive to

her needs lately. I ensure that I am alone before stripping down and shifting into my wolf.

I feel the burst of excitement as her paws hit the earth beneath her. Taking a long whiff, I enjoy the

clean crisp air up here in the mountains. I start the run out slow, taking long leaps and stretching

out my muscles that have not been used lately. Soon I feel loose and free and start dashing deeper

into the woods, allowing my wolf to frolic.

Soon I come upon a rock wall and decide to run along side of it. I giggle internally as I startle a few

rabbits. I can tell that I am getting dangerously close to the perimeter of my pack.

My wolf stops suddenly, tumbling head over tail as we unexpectantly come across one of the pack

warriors. He quickly takes up an attack stance, and a bit of pride shoots through me. Using my mind

I**k I quickly tell him who I am. The young warrior is at first shocked, and then fearful as he was in a

stance to attack his Luna. I reassure him that it is fine, as he profusely apologies to me. I make sure

to tell him that I am proud of his quick reflexes, before turning and bounding back into the forest.

This encounter makes me realize that I do not know as much as I thought I did about the perimeter

of our pack region. Although I knew that we had guards and scouts posted along our borders, I do

not exactly know where our borders are. I make a mental note to inquire about that issue with

Caleb. As I near the area where I left my clothes, I snort not looking forward to what I have resolved

to do today.

I once again make sure that no one else is around before shifting and putting my clothes back on.

Walking back to the house I bask in the early morning glow of the sun. Despite my duties for today,

I am feeling really good right now.

I promised myself yesterday that I would call the pack doctor today. I know that I need to get over

losing the pup, not just for my sake but for Caleb's as well. Training the peculiar wolves has been a

sort of therapeutic relief, but now I worry that I am doing more harm than good. I barely see Caleb

now. Jogging up the last few steps to the main door, I am resolved that I will call the pack doctor

immediately.

Entering our room, I can tell that I have just missed Caleb. His scent is still very strong, and there is

evidence that he has just left the shower. My heart aches with missing him. With him in mind I reach

for my cell phone. It dawns on me that I am not sure who to call. I am not sure if I should call the

physician that handled the loss of the pup, or the clinic. I decide to call the clinic. Upon reaching the

receptionist I quickly explain the reason for my call, and she politely informs me that she is

transferring me to the mental health clinic.

The next receptionist that I speak with is very polite, and she asks if I would like a male or female

doctor. I explain that I do not have a preference. She begins to take my information to get me

scheduled, but when she learns that I am the Luna, she puts me on hold. It is not too long before

the phone is picked up by a rather cheery voice.

“Luna this is Doctor Hollis how are you feel?”

"Well, I have been having a few issues and my sister suggested that I reach out and see if there was

anything that might possibly help.” Now that there was a doctor on the line, I admit that I was

incredibly nervous to admit the issues I was experiencing.

“I would be more than happy to help you. I also want you to know that whatever we discuss will

remain between us only, you have full doctor patient privilege.” I felt slightly better after she stated

that. “Now how about we get down to what you are currently experiencing, so that I will know how

to assist you better.”

"Um so to start with I am having trouble sleeping. I keep having nightmares.” She mumbles I see

and encourages me to continue. “I was um pregnant, but um the baby was not alive.” I had not

realized that I was crying until I felt the tear hit the palm of my hand.

“The loss of a child is truly devastating. I am sorry that you had to endure that.” There is no hint of

malice in her voice. In fact, it is strangely comforting, almost motherly.

“Should it be this devastating though? I never held it, I never even seen the face of the pup. The

doctor literally said it was a lump of cells. Before this happened, I had never even thought of having

pups.” The words poured out like a leaking faucet.

“Just because you had not thought of being a mother does not lessen the pain of losing the

unexpected pup. You have every right to mourn that loss. Now that you have lost the pup, do you

desire to be a mother still?”

“Yes.” The word is out before I even think about it. “Caleb and I have never fully discussed having a

family, but yes I would love to have a child.”

“I see. Well, my first exercise for you to complete is to have an honest discussion with your mate

about your desire to have a pup. Although I am not Caleb's physician, I have seen him interact with

the young children of the pack and I do not believe he would be opposed to the idea. Although I

know that an honest discussion is needed between you two regarding the matter.” Her words are

not unkind, and I know that she is right. I do need to talk to Caleb.

“I have been avoiding him.” The words come out barely above a whisper.

"Everyone grieves differently, but I have to say that isolating yourself from your mate will only lead

to more heartbreak. Is there a particular reason why you have been avoiding Caleb?” I like that she

does not hedge around the problems, instead choosing to address them outright.

“I feel like I have failed him. Not just failed him but failed the pack. I know that most Alpha’s desire

an heir. I am supposed to be able to give him an heir. Plus, I know that he would be an amazing

father to any pup.”

"You have failed no one Luna. Miscarriages are common amongst our kind, and humans. It does not

mean that you cannot or will not have other pups. Do not let this tragedy determine your outlook

upon yourself. I also feel the need to add that this is the modern world that we live in Luna. You

hold no responsibility to bless anyone with an heir.” She laughed a little at the end and I

appreciated her ability to lighten the mood.

“Thank you for that.”

“There is no need to thank me, Luna. I am going to prescribe a sleeping medication; we will start

you off with a low dose and will increase it as needed. I would like to schedule you for another

appointment in a week. In the meantime, if you have a bad day or feel the need to call me, I will

send over my private number. Now I was serious about giving you the exercise to work through. You

need to set time aside to have a discussion with Caleb about how you are feeling, and how this

event has affected you.”

I thanked Dr. Hollis again while she scheduled my next appointment. Once I was off the phone, I did

feel slightly better, and I took her words to heart. I had been avoiding Caleb for far too long. Caleb

has never been harsh with me and I need to be considerate of how this has affected him as well.

A quick plan formulated in my head involving surprising Caleb with dinner. I jumped off the bed

excited to get into action. I cannot wait to see his surprise.