Chapter 36 ۵ Sorry

AUTHOR'S POV

Yara stirred in her sleep, the quiet hum of the night settling around her like a thick blanket. She was wrapped in the warmth of Julian's embrace, his steady breath against her neck, but her mind was elsewhere. She tossed and turned, her dreams shifting from peaceful to unsettling in an instant. In the haze of sleep, she saw him, Alejandro. Just when she had thought she'd forgotten about him and left him the past he came back to haunt her in her dreams.

His cold eyes were as piercing as ever, his dark features sharp in the dim light. He stood at a distance, watching her with that same unreadable expression. She wanted to call out, to run to him, but her feet felt heavy. Then, his voice, low and commanding, like it always was when he spoke to her echoed through the dream. "I'm sorry" he said, his words echoing from every corner.

Then his eyes turned from their usual icy sharpness to something softer, something broken. "You've forgotten me" His voice was low, almost a whisper, carrying a pain that pierced straight through her, his words kept echoing, no matter how much she tried to shut it out, her hands over her ears, his voice still echoed.

"Tell me, Yara. How could you?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came. Guilt clawed at her. She had moved on.

"I never wanted to let you go cariño" he admitted, his voice cracking slightly. He took another step forward, close enough that she could see the faint lines of exhaustion etched into his face.

Yara's throat tightened, and she felt her hands trembling at her sides. "Alejandro....." she managed, but her voice broke, the weight of his words sinking into her chest.

He let out a shaky breath, running a hand through his dark hair. "And now you're happy" he said, almost to himself, his gaze dropping to the floor for a moment before returning to her. "The way you smile, the way you look at him. He gives you what I couldn't, doesn't he?" The guilt intensified, sharp and relentless. She wanted to deny it, to tell him that wasn't true, but wasn't it? She felt a tear slip down her cheek.

Before she could say anything, the dream began to dissolve, Alejandro's figure fading into the shadows as his voice lingered in her mind.

"You've forgotten me " he said, his voice echoing. And then he was gone

Yara awoke, her breath quick and shallow, her heart racing in her chest. She gripped the fabric of Julian's shirt, clenching her eyes shut.

"Yara?" Julian's voice broke through her thoughts, soft and concerned. She opened her eyes, meeting his gaze as he stirred beside her. "Are you okay?"

She nodded quickly, forcing a smile. "Yeah just a bad dream" she let out a light, humourless laugh, to disguise the fact that it was more than just an average dream she had.

But as Julian pulled her closer, wrapping her in the warmth of his embrace, the image of Alejandro lingered in the corners of her mind. She knew she shouldn't still care about him, not after everything. But she couldn't help it. She couldn't shake the feeling that she had left a part of herself behind with him.

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Yara sat on a worn park bench, AirPods in her ears, looking ahead of her. The sky above her was grey, clouds heavy with the threat of rain. She felt herself disconnected from everything around her and her thoughts a swirling mess. Her mind kept on going back to that dream she had, how it felt so real, the look of hurt Alejandro had in his eyes. She wondered if he truly was sorry, if he truly did regret everything.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear the footsteps approach. Not until someone sat down beside her did she take out an AirPod and look beside her. Her heart stuttered, a familiar knot tightening in her chest. She blinked, unsure if she was seeing things, her vision cloudy from her scattered thoughts. But there he was, in the flesh, with his signature cocky smile and confident posture.

Rafael.

"Rafe?" Yara's voice cracked, disbelief pooling in her stomach. She had expected many things, maybe a stranger passing by or even the shadow of her own thoughts but not this. Not him. She pinched herself making sure this wasn't a dream.

Rafael looked over at her, his smirk never faltering. He was the same as ever. He leaned back casually on the bench, his hands tucked into his jacket pockets. "You know it took me longer than I expected to find you"

Yara's heart pounded, a mix of confusion and old anger rising in her chest. She was trying to forget about her past, not have someone from it come and visit her "What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice firmer than she felt.

Rafael looked at her with an almost bored expression, then let out a sigh. "Came to check up on you. See if you're doing as badly as Alejandro is" Her breath hitched at the mention of his name, and she quickly turned her head away, trying to hide the way her body tensed. She'd pushed Alejandro out of her life or so she thought. She didn't want anything to do with it. Or with Rafael, for that matter.

"Why would you care? I'm sure your boss wouldn't appreciate this" she spoke, her voice quieter now, laced with frustration and confusion. "Did he send you to check on me?" For some reason she wanted the answer to be yes.

Rafael shrugged "He doesn't know I'm here"

"Right" she hadn't spoke to Rafael for a year, she didn't know what to say to him. Deep down she wanted the conversation to end and for him to leave because his presence only reminded her of Alejandro.

"You know, he's a mess Yara. It's been a year, and he's still stuck on you even though he doesn't want to admit it he is"

Yara's heart clenched. She hadn't expected that answer. She'd heard nothing about Alejandro since she'd left Spain, it made her feel sick. She didn't know if it was relief, anger, or something else entirely, but the words felt like a knife twisting in her chest.

"Why are you telling me this?" Yara muttered, playing with her fingers.

"Because I want you to come back, only if you want to. He needs you" her heart hammered, the idea of going back to him, seeing him, made her sick.

"Why should I care, he was the one that got me to leave. I've moved on Rafe, all he ever did was hurt me" she watched as Rafe's smirk disappeared, replaced by disappointment. He didn't know Yara had moved on, in his mind she was just as broken as his best friend was, but he was wrong.

"You're lying to yourself, you do care Yara. If he walked up to you right now, you'd run back to him. You can't just erase someone like that" Yara turned away, clenching her fists in her lap. The last thing she needed was Rafael of all people reminding her of the mess she had left behind. She had made her decision, she wasn't going to let him ruin her life again. She couldn't go back, she wouldn't.

"I'm not doing this" Yara said, standing up abruptly. "Go back to your life Rafael and please just let me live mine"

Rafael didn't follow her immediately, though she could feel his gaze on her back as she began to walk away. "You'll come to your senses eventually" he called after her, his voice echoing in the cold air.

Yara's steps quickened as she made her way down the path, not looking back, her heart pumping in her chest.

Just as she reached the exit of the park, Rafael caught up with her. His breath was a little heavier from the quick pace, but his usual smirk was still firmly in place.

"Come on, Yara" he said, catching her arm gently. "I haven't seen you in a year. Let me at least buy you a coffee. Please?" Yara jerked her arm back, her temper flaring. She spun around to face him, her chest rising and falling with the rush of adrenaline. "What do you want from me, Rafael? What's your game here? Because I'm not going back to him. I won't" she let out, her voice breathy.

Rafael's smirk softened, just a little. "No game, Yara. I just want to catch up" Yara stared at him for a long moment, her heart still racing from the flood of emotions he'd stirred up. She exhaled sharply. "Fine" she said, the words slipping from her mouth before she could stop herself. "But only for a few minutes"

Rafael grinned, clearly pleased by her response. "That's all I need"

The two of them ended up at the café. Yara sat across from him at a small table, nursing a cup of hot chocolate, feeling awkward as the conversation shifted from silence to small talk.

"So" Rafael said casually, leaning back in his chair, "how's life been? I mean, I can't imagine it's been easy after everything that went down. Are you still-" He hesitated, his eyes narrowing slightly as he looked at her. "You know what, never mind"

Yara's grip tightened around her cup, but she kept her expression neutral. "Life's been good" she said firmly, wanting to end the conversation already. "Things are good" Rafael raised an eyebrow, clearly unconvinced, but he let it go. The conversation shifted once again, this time landing on her relationship status.

Rafael leaned back in his chair, eyeing Yara with a sly grin. "What's it like being...normal again?" he asked, his tone carrying that familiar edge of sarcasm.

Yara raised an eyebrow, not bothering to hide her irritation. "Normal?" she repeated, her voice flat.

"You know what I mean" Rafael said, gesturing vaguely around the cozy café. "No dangerous people after you, no Alejandro, being free. A little mundane, don't you think?"

Yara took a slow sip of her hot chocolate, letting the silence drag for a moment. "It's peaceful" she said finally. "Maybe if you'd stopped with your mafia lifestyle or whatever you'd understand"

Rafael chuckled, the sound low and amused. "Maybe, but what's the fun in that. I mean don't lie, you get bored don't you? without that lifestyle, without Alejandro. It's just you, your family and......what? A nine to five job?"

Yara set her mug down with a bit more force than necessary, her jaw tightening. "You came all this way to insult my life choices, Rafe?"

"Not at all" he said smoothly, though the glint in his eyes said otherwise. "I'm just trying to figure out why you're so unbothered"

"What, would you like me to be miserable beacuse Alejandro threw me away? Because I'm not, I've moved on, I don't think about him anymore, I don't think about that life Rafael" she spoke with conviction, thought Rafael was anything but convinced.

For a moment, neither of them spoke, the tension between them palpable. Rafael leaned back again, his expression unreadable. "Fair enough" he admitted. "Hurts to know you don't even think about me" he huffed, acting hurt, make a small smile appear on her lips.

Yara stood abruptly, grabbing her bag. "Goodbye Rafe....it was nice seeing you again" she lied, putting on an awkward smile before leaving the café stepping into the cold air, not giving him the chance to reply.

Yara walked home in a haze after her strange encounter with Rafael. His words echoed in her mind, and she couldn't quite shake the tension that had followed her out of the café.

That night, as Yara lay in bed, the feeling that something was coming, something she wasn't prepared for, gnawed at her, made her feel sick to the core. It wasn't the life she'd wanted, the peace she had worked so hard to build. But it seemed the past wasn't done with her yet.

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Yara stood in front of the mirror, carefully applying the last touches of her makeup. The smell of perfume lingered in the air and she could hear Heidi humming in her room. It had been a while since she'd gotten dressed up like this. The party was supposed to be fun, a way to forget about everything weighing on her mind. But, as she adjusted her lipliner, she caught a glimpse of Heidi trying to find a for herself.

"Oooh, this one's cuteee" Yara froze, her fingers hovering over her hairbrush. It was the one Alejandro had given her. She hadn't worn it since that night. It had been tucked away but now it lay in front of her, gleaming in the soft light.

Heidi walked in and smiled "looks expensive. Where'd you get it?" Yara's breath hitched, her throat tightening. Alejandro's face flashed through her mind, his gaze intense and full of meaning as he placed the necklace around her neck that night. The memory felt suffocating, pressing against her chest. Heidi's eyes softened, noticing the subtle shift in Yara's expression. She stepped closer, her tone gentle. "Yara? You okay?"

"Yeah. Fine. My um, my mum gave it to me " She lied, not wanting to bring up Alejandro. Heidi put the necklace back and instead picked out another one. She raised an eyebrow but didn't press further. Instead, she shrugged and changed the subject. "Let's go" Yara nodded, trying to regain some composure.

Yara took one last glance at herself in the mirror. She was determined to distract herself, to stop the memories from pulling her under, but they wouldn't stop, she remembered that night so clearly like it was yesterday. Alejandro's fingers brushing against her skin as he moved her to the side, putting the necklace on. The way he looked at her in the mirror. She could feel her heart pumping faster, her breaths becoming uneasy.

"I just need to do something real quick" Yara said, hurrying to the bathroom.

Her hands trembled as she gripped the edge of the bathroom sink, trying to steady herself. She was on the verge of breaking.

'I fucking love you, and I hate it' his words came rushing back, a reminder of everything she had tried to bury. Every bad memory she had with him rushed in. All those times he had hurt her physically, mentally.

Her reflection in the mirror was blurry, her makeup smeared from the tears that had fallen without warning. She didn't even know why she was crying, it wasn't like she hadn't thought about him before. But today, tonight, it felt different. She was supposed to move on, to be fine but every time she thought she was free from the memories of Alejandro, something would pull her back in.

'stop loving me Yara' she tried to shut him out, but she couldn't and the tears only came faster, uncontrollable, and before she could wipe them away, the door creaked open. Heidi stood in the doorway, her eyes wide with concern staring at the broken girl on the floor, sobbing. She got down on her knees, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"Oh, Yara......" Heidi whispered, her voice soft and understanding. She didn't even have to ask she knew her best friend was crying over Alejandro.

Yara let out a broken sob, burying her face in Heidi's shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I just.......I was over him. I thought I was fine, but I'm not. I can't stop thinking about him Heidi" she croaked out.

Heidi gently pulled away just enough to look Yara in the eyes, her expression serious but kind. The girl she met in the hallways was long gone, replaced with a broken version "it's okay Yara, everything ok" she hushed her, feeling pity for her as she whimpered into her arms.

Yara nodded, the tears still flowing freely. "I tried to forget him. I've tried so hard and I did, for some time I did. And now it's like all of it was for nothing because all I can think about is him. I don't know what's wrong with me" Heidi's hands cupped Yara's face, her thumb gently brushing away the tears. "There's nothing wrong with you, Yara. You're just......hurt. And it's okay to feel that way. It's okay to miss him, even if you know he hurt you"

Yara sniffled, shaking her head. "But it's been so long, Heidi. It's like he's still haunting me. I can't escape him"

Heidi's gaze softened, and she pulled Yara into another hug. "You're not supposed to forget someone like him that easily. He was a part of your life, even if he didn't deserve to be. But that doesn't mean you have to let him control you. You've made it this far without him, and you'll keep going, okay?" Yara closed her eyes, the warmth of Heidi's words washing over her, but the ache in her chest didn't go away. She felt weak, vulnerable, like the pieces of herself she'd worked so hard to rebuild were crumbling again.

"I'm sorry" she whispered, barely able to speak through the knot in her throat. "I just....I hate feeling like this"

"You don't have to apologise" Heidi replied, her voice firm but gentle. Yara nodded slowly, but her heart still felt heavy.

Yara got up, looking at herself one last time in the mirror before turning away.

"How about we skip the party?" Heidi suggested softly, her tone not a question but an offer, a way out of the plans Yara had clearly been dreading. "We could just go for a walk. Maybe get some ice cream or something"

"Yeah, I'd like that" Yara replied quietly, her voice still fragile, but a sense of gratitude running through her. She needed the space to breathe, away from everything and everyone who reminded her of Alejandro.

Heidi smiled, relieved to see the change in Yara's expression.

The weight of Alejandro's memory still lingered, but for a few quiet moments, Yara allowed herself to simply exist, without trying to understand or fight against the pull of the past.

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Alejandro stood by the window, staring out at the city below, though his mind was far from the view before him. His mind kept replaying her, Yara. He had tried to move on, tried to fill the void with work, with people who didn't matter, but nothing worked. He had never been the type to dwell on things, he prided himself on control, on being able to put everything in its place, to keep his emotions under lock and key. But Yara had unraveled him in a way he had never known possible. He didn't want to admit it, but she was the one thing he couldn't forget.

"I'm sorry " he whispered but it was too late she was gone, she wasn't here to hear his apology.

But maybe, just maybe, he could make things right. There had to be a way. Even if she hated him, even if she never wanted to see him again, Alejandro couldn't let go of the belief that somewhere, deep down, she still felt something for him.

Just then Rafael had walked into the room. Alejandro sat down in his chair. He hadn't seen Rafe for a few days, he didn't finish the task Alejandro had given him, making him suspicious "Where the hell have you been?"

Rafael's eyes flickered up, a small smirk pulling at the corner of his lips. But it didn't reach his eyes. "Just.....taking care of things. Nothing important"

Alejandro narrowed his gaze, feeling the irritation rise. "Taking care of things?" he repeated, his voice low. "What kind of things?" He asked, lighting a cigarette.

There was an awkward pause before he finally met Alejandro's eyes, the expression unreadable. "I went to England. To see Yara" he said slowly, his tone guarded. Alejandro froze at the mention of her.

"Of course you did" Alejandro muttered under his breath, his eyes now cold, though his voice betrayed the sharp edge of jealousy and resentment that had been simmering beneath the surface. He hated it. Hated how Rafael had done what he couldn't bring himself to do. He hated how easy it had seemed for him.

Rafael's eyes flickered, catching the change in Alejandro's tone. He exhaled, a small sigh escaping his lips, before he spoke again. "I would've invited you, but my guess was you'd say no" he wanted to change the conversation but his mouth betrayed him. His voice came out hoarse "How is she?" He spoke, taking a puff of his cigarette. The question felt foreign on his tongue, like he had no right to ask it. He didn't want to know. He shouldn't want to know. But the words had slipped out, before he could stop them.

Rafael hesitated, and Alejandro could see the hesitation in his eyes before he spoke again. "She's good, Alejandro. Really good. She's......she's moved on. She's got a boyfriend now. Things are....things are different"

A boyfriend. The words hit him like a wave. His mind raced, an involuntary image of her with someone else flashing through his mind, her laughing with another man, holding his hand, her living a life that had nothing to do with him.

His grip on his glass tightened until his knuckles went white. He looked down, trying to steady himself, trying to push the pain back down where it belonged. The bitterness in his chest threatened to choke him. He should be glad for her, right? She deserved happiness. But the jealousy, the regret, those feelings were heavy, and Alejandro felt like he was drowning in them.

Rafael's voice broke through his thoughts. "Julian, I think his name was. He works at a café with her. Seems like a nice guy from the way she talked about him and he-" There was no malice in Rafael's words, just the blunt truth.

"I get it Rafe" he said coldly, cutting him off, his voice steady, even though everything inside him screamed otherwise.

After Rafe had left, Alejandro sat in his office looking at some files, his breathing heavy, as the words Rafael had said echoed in his mind. She's moved on. She's has someone else now. He only pushed down on the paper harder with his pen, the anger inside him building. He didn't want to feel this way. He didn't want to care about Yara. But he did.

His fist clenched, and before he even realized what he was doing, he was throwing everything off his desk. Papers scattered across the floor, the computer monitor crashing to the ground with a sickening thud. The sleek, polished surface of his desk was covered in shards of glass, cutting his hand, but Alejandro barely registered it. His mind was consumed by the thought of Yara, her moving on, with someone else, someone who wasn't him.

He kicked over the chair, the sound of it slamming into the wall reverberating in his ears. He grabbed another item from the desk and hurled it across the room. It hit the wall, shattering into pieces. He could hear the glass crackling, the fragments falling to the floor, but it did nothing to stop the fury building inside him.

"Fuck!" he roared, his voice full of rage and desperation.

His eyes scanned the room, taking in the chaos he was creating, but it didn't matter. Nothing mattered.

His breath was ragged, his chest heaving with each labored inhale, and he finally stopped, standing in the middle of the wreckage. His eyes, wild and burning, scanned the destruction around him. The room that had once been a place of control, a place where everything had been carefully arranged, was now a reflection of the chaos inside his mind.

Yara's face flashed before him, and for a moment, it felt like he could still reach her, still hold her. But then, the image slipped away, replaced by the cold reality of what he had done. He had pushed her away, forced her to leave, and now she was gone.

He needed her, craved her. It was a question that gnawed at him every night. Was it too late? Was there any chance left? He wasn't one to beg, to plead, and yet, the impulse surged through him. Could he fix things?

He scoffed bitterly, striding out of his office. He wanted her back. Not because he needed to prove something, not because of pride, but because there was a part of him that knew he would never be able to live a life without her.

He was going to get her back. He didn't know how yet but he knew one way or another, Yara would be his again.

A/n

Enjoy 👹