Chapter 109

Christian was glued to his phone and didn’t even notice my presence. I grabbed Siena’s car seat and took a deep breath before I made tny way over and slammed my hand on the table. Christian raised his head and looked at Siena, who had a big smile on her face.

“Daddy missed you so much!” He smiled and grabbed her out of the seat before he tossed her in the air. “Be careful!” I said word for word while he glared at me. “She likes it, look!” He spoke his usual words and pointed to the smile on her face.

Whenever Siena was around Christian, she was really hyper, and that’s the exact thing I missed yesterday. Her bright smile and her bright energy. “How is she doing?” Christian asked. “Did she eat?”

I tried my hardest to avoid his gaze and nodded my head. Looking at him would not do any good. It would only make me feel sorry for him. “How are you doing? Are you fine?”

“Considering the circumstances, yes.” I shrugged my shoulders and sat down. It was a lie, I was a mess, and anyone with eyes could see that.

“How did she sleep?” Christian asked. Siena squealed and showed him her toothless smile. She was obviously happy to see him, which made me feel even worse because I took her away from him.

“She woke up everyone, and she screamed.” I sighed. Christian gave me a sympathetic look and played with Siena. I sat back and watched the two of them with a smile on my face. Christian was a good dad. He knew what he was doing, and he enjoyed taking care of her-that was not the problem.

“We need to talk,” I told him. Christian raised his head to look at me. “I don’t want you to run away again, so how about you lead the conversation?” He suggested.

Why would I lead the conversation?

I wasn’t the one who cheated.

“Why did you do it?” I asked him. “Why did you cheat on me?”

Christian opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, I placed my hand in front of it. “Don’t say you’re sorry, and don’t tell me you love me either, because I do not want to hear it.” I rolled my eyes at him. He already apologized, and it didn’t do anything.

He slowly removed my hand and shook his head. “That’s not what I was going to say.”

“At least tell me it was a one-time thing, tell me the truth.” I spoke. “It was, I promise you it was—

and it didn’t mean anything-

“It meant something to me,” I mumbled and looked the other way. “I was drunk-I didn’t know what I was doing, and I know you don’t want to hear it, but it was a mistake, and I love you, and I’m so sorry!” He apologized There it was again, those words which made me feel guilty. A small part of me was ready to forgive him because I felt terrible, but he didn’t deserve forgiveness. “If you really feel sorry, you should’ve told me earlier and not months after.”

“Do you know how stupid I feel?” I asked. “While you were out, doing whatever you were doing, I was in that safe house,” I spoke as tears rolled down my face. “I never meant to make you feel stupid.” Christian sighed and leaned forward to wipe my tears.

“Don’t touch me.” I scoffed and pulled away. “I wanted to tell you from the start, but I chose not to because I was too busy with Fabio.” He confessed. “And after that, we were so happy, and I didn’t want to ruin it- and I didn’t want to worry my dad.”

“Does he know?” I asked with a worried look on my face. The last thing I wanted was to play with Lucio’s health or to make things worse than they already were. “Yes, but he doesn’t know we’re…

not together anymore.” Christian lowered his head.

“I need you to bring me my engagement ring,” I mumbled. Christian looked up with frowned eyebrows. “What?”

“I won’t repeat myself. People will start talking, and Lucio doesn’t need that right now. I also don’t want him to see us like this.” I explained to him. Christian had a confused look on his face.

“I’m the one who’s supposed to be confused for doing something this stupid,” I spoke as I took a deep breath. “I’m not ready to forgive you, and I don’t know if I ever will-but I’m proud you took action and stopped drinking to prevent things like this from happening, and you’ve changed so much, I know that— but at the end of the day you’re still a cheater.”

“I know, and I’m sorry.” Christian reached out to hold my hand, but this time I didn’t push him away.

“Do you think you can give me a second chance, please?” Christian asked with hopeful eyes before he looked down at Siena. “You’ll have to give me my ring-and we should take a break for the time being. So don’t go around thinking you can do whatever you want. We’re on a break.”

“But I thought you broke up with me?” Christian asked. “Yes-and now I’m telling you we’re on a break. Is that not what you want?”

I felt stupid for changing my mind, but forcing myself to hate him was obviously not going anywhere.

“What I want is for you and Serena to come back home-not for you to keep me on a leash!”

Christian pulled the ring from his pocket and threw it onto the table. “Here you go, your ring.” He spoke sarcastically.

“What’s with the attitude? One second ago, you asked me for a second chance, and now you’re acting like I’m the one who cheated on you.” I complained and grabbed the ring.

“It’s because you’re confusing me!” Christian raised his voice. “First you claim you don’t want to forgive me, then you ask me for your ring back-and now you’re saying we’re on a break. I need you to be clear. What do you want?”

What did I want? All I wanted was for us to be a family again, but it would take time. I could not pretend as if nothing happened and forgive him just like that. He had to pay for his mistakes, and I needed some time to clear my head.

“I hate you, I can’t forgive you right now-and there’s no excuse for cheating because I was just as stressed as you were—but I hadn’t even thought about betraying you. You lied to me, and instead of telling me the truth, you deceived me—”

“I understand. A break is fine.” Christian stopped me from talking. “That’s what I thought.” I rolled my eyes. He had no right to complain. “I appreciate you are not trying to stop me, and I’m happy you’re giving me my space,” I said after seeing the sad frown on his face.

“Can you at least tell me one thing?” I took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. “Please tell me it was just some random girl and not someone I know.”

Christian paused for a few seconds and looked anywhere but my eyes. It seemed as if he was trying to think of a proper answer, but all I wanted was the truth. “I don’t want any more surprises, so if you have something to tell me-please just tell me!”

“Just a random girl-I don’t even know her name.” He spoke. “She doesn’t matter. She’s not important.”

felt relieved by his words and took a deep breath. I had prepared myself for the worst, but this news would be a bit easier to process. “So, for how long are we on a break?” Christian asked.

“We’re on a break until I don’t have the urge to poke a knife in your eyes every time I look at you,” I spoke as I directed the knife to his eye. Christian chuckled and lowered my hand. “That’s fine.”

Siena squealed at his laughter and giggled. “You’re a good dad,” I smiled at him. “A good dad, but a terrible. fiance.”

“I know.” Christian nodded his head. “But you called me your fiancé, so does this mean we’re together again?”

“That was not the point, and we’re on a break!” I spoke and slowly lost my patience. This was not a situation to joke about.

“If that’s what you want, then we’re on a break.” Christian chuckled. Usually, Christian’s way of arguing with me was by talking back and testing me, but this time he didn’t. This time he listened.

“I was thinking, I can take her during the week, and you can take her for two days-until I’m ready to go back home,” I suggested. The look on Christian’s face told me all I needed to know. He was not pleased. “How about I take her for the week, and you take her for two days? Why do I only get to see her for two days?”

“What?” I furrowed my eyebrows.

“I’m sorry, how about I take her four days, and you take her three days?” He changed his mind. “Or how about you just come back home? The house is big enough for you to avoid me if you really don’t want to see me.”

“Fine.” I huffed, not in the mood for any discussions. “I’ll come home next week.” I decided.

Christian’s face lit up, and he had a smile on his face. “You will?”

“Yes, fine.” I rolled my eyes. “Siena needs you, so I’m willing to go back home-but we’re still on a break. A break is too nice. You’re on a trial period-I’m still unsure what to do with you.”

“Trial period?” Christian asked. “Yes, I still don’t know why you felt the need to cheat on me-so yes, a trial period.”

“If that’s what you want.” Christian sighed. “Look, you’re confusing me, so you go and look whatever you want to do. I told you I love you, I’m sorry-and there’s nothing else I can say or do. All I’m asking is a proper solution for Siena.”

“So you’re not willing to fight for me?” I asked. “Do you really want me back, or do you want Siena back?”

“Both of you!” Christian said. “I want the both of you, but you clearly don’t know what you want-and I can’t force you. Just please come home so we can work things out-

“Christian, I told you, next week.” I sighed and prepared myself to leave. “You should say goodbye to Siena. I have somewhere to go.” I excused myself. I still promised Dario a city tour, and canceling it was not a plan. He had been texting me every hour to make sure I didn’t forget.

“I’ll put her in the car. I have some stuff to give her anyway.” Christian sighed and held her close.

“Daddy’s going to miss you too much.” He smiled at her.

“She’ll miss you too. I don’t really think she likes me at night,” I spoke as we walked towards the car.

Christian wrapped his arm around my shoulder. I was supposed to push him away, but I couldn’t.

“She loves both of us. Don’t be like that.”

He placed Siena in her car seat and buckled her up while she babbled at his words. “I have to grab her stuff. I’ll be back soon.” Christian spoke and walked away.

The thing I desired the most was to be a family again, but a part of me still hated him. He cheated on me, and I did not deserve it-so he did not deserve my forgiveness.

“Is this enough?” Christian walked towards me as he carried a stroller and a large bag in his hands.

“I got her teddy bear, her favorite blanket, her pillow, her favorite toys-her favorite spoon, some bottles, her snacks, clothes-”

“It’s enough.” I laughed at him and grabbed the bag from his hand to put it in the trunk. “If she needs something else, you have to tell me, and I’ll go get it for her.” He offered. “Don’t carry that. It’s heavy!” He scolded me and grabbed the stroller from my hands. “You know Vernon is still yours, right? He’ll take you anywhere you want to go.”

–

“Stop being cute.” I chuckled and turned around. I wanted to hate him, but he was making it very difficult. He was right. I did not know what I want.

He opened the car door and kissed Siena on her cheek. “I don’t think daddy can live without you.”

He sighed and touched her cheeks. I don’t think I could live without Christian, “Serena, I’ll give you all the space you need until you come back home next week-but can you please promise me something?” Christian turned his head. He placed his hands on my shoulders and pressed his forehead against mine. “Can you please send me pictures and videos of Siena?”

I laughed at his serious request and pushed him away. It was difficult to hate him when he was this cute, but he was still a cheater. “Yes, I’ll send you videos,” I promised.

Christian pulled me into a hug and rested his head on my shoulder. “And I need you to have fate in me. Please don’t give up on me. I need you.” He spoke. My body froze, and I was unsure of how to answer.

I needed him as much as he needed me, but I was not ready to admit that. Taking back the ring and. promising him to come back home next week was already more than I should’ve done. I promised myself to be done with him and planned on letting him go, but I couldn’t. I felt weak and pathetic. “I never did. I just need some time.”

“I understand,” Christian spoke. “And I know you don’t want to hear it, but I love you, and I know you love me too. I heard you over the phone.” He smiled.

“Christian, have to go.” I excused myself and pulled away. How could I be this weak?

Christian held my hand one last time. “I know where you’re going, and I know I’m not in the position to say anything-but please be careful.” He spoke, referring to Dario.

Even if he was jealous or did not agree, there was not much he could say, which was all because of one simple reason. He cheated on me, so he did not have the right to say a word.

“I will, and you should also be careful.”