Sleepless Night

“It wasn’t a joke. You asked for my truthful answer and that is my truthful answer. I believe that your best option is to marry me and the sooner the better,” Edward replied without batting an eye. He was so serious.

“Can you tell me why?” I asked.

“It’s late. You must be tired so you should sleep now. We can pick this up tomorrow,” Edward replied as he swiftly got off the sofa and headed for the door.

“Edward…” I called his name softly.

“My bedroom is at the end of the hall…in case you need something,” Edward said without turning back.

He was gone before I could think of something to say. What should I do now? Do I take his advice and just go to bed?

…

This is bad. I’ve been tossing and turning in bed for hours now. No matter what I do, I cannot fall asleep. My mind is so restless with all the new and shocking information that it had to take in. I’m overthinking everything and rerunning what happened and Edward’s words in my mind. This is driving me crazy. I’m sweating and everything about this bed and this room feels uncomfortable. Although, I’m sure it isn’t this room’s fault. The fault lies with my stress and my inability to control it.

I fumbled in the dark for my phone which I had placed on the bedside table. 3:45AM read the time on my phone’s screen. I felt tired but I’m still wide awake. Well, it’s not like I have to be up early tomorrow.

In fact, my life is so empty right now. I don’t have anything to do and no plans. I wonder how much longer my life will be like this. I want to find some purpose in life or maybe I just want to find a job like what people my age are supposed to do.

I haven’t started any serious job hunting yet, but I think it is probably easier to get a job than to figure out my messed-up love life right now. I’m unsure what sort of job I want but figuring that out must be easier than figuring out my emotions. Both Lucien and Reiner had not contact me, they must know that I’m with Edward. I’m not sure how to face Lucien when I get back.

This is driving me insane! I rolled over onto my belly and put the pillow over my head. The true problem right now for me is that I’m not sure how I should feel about Lucien and Edward anymore…

‘You shouldn’t stop loving him just because he isn’t your first love but whether you should continue to love him or not depends on the present. Same goes for my case. Should you fall madly in love with me suddenly just because you found out that I was your first love from ten years ago? Of course not, right?’

Edward’s words kept running through my mind on repeat and it’s making me restless. He’s partly right but not completely. I still love Lucien. My love for him has not disappeared but I cannot deny that there must be some impact. The same probably goes for how I feel towards Edward.

Oh no! I forgot to tell Edward something super important! How could I have forgotten? I bolted up in bed as I was overwhelmed with guilt. Edward is probably asleep right now, so I guess I have no other choice but to tell him tomorrow. Tomorrow for sure, I will tell him the moment I see him. This should not be delayed any further than it already is.

It’s clear that I won’t be able to get a wink of sleep tonight, so I might as well take a stroll outside to clear my head. This idea entered my mind when I realized that there was some light coming in from the balcony through the window. I got off the bed and headed towards the balcony. I wonder how I didn’t realize this before, outside below the balcony, there was a beautifully lit decorative water fountain.

Wow, for a place he rarely visits the gardens are well decorated and lighted at night as well. The water fountain was big and tall and lit with warm tone lights. I can’t tell from here, but it’s probably made from carved marble in shapes of mystical animals.

The moment I stepped outside of the room, I automatically turned and walk towards the end of the hall which would lead me to Edward’s room. No, no…I should not go see him now. I don’t want to wake him up. I should continue with my original plan to go to the garden…

…

It’s so silent outside and a little cold. My nightgown was thin, so I wrapped the robe around my body tighter in an effort to fight the wind. I found my way out of the mansion and into the garden where the water fountain was without any problem. Up close the fountain was much larger that I thought and much more beautiful. I sat on its edge as I slowly dipped my hand into the water.

I looked up at the sky where the stars still shone so brightly. Trying to think and relax here was a great idea indeed. The water was slightly cold to my touch but the sound of splashing water from the fountain helped calm me down somewhat.

“Why are you out here?”

I turned around in surprise when I heard a familiar voice call out to me. I had been so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn’t realize that someone had approached me.

“Edward…why are you here?” I asked softly as I saw Edward standing in the shadows.

“I couldn’t sleep so I came out for a walk. You? Why are you out here?” Edward said with clear concern as he came to stand in front of me.

“Same as you, I couldn’t sleep so I came out here,” I replied solemnly.

“This late? You should not come out this late. You don’t even know this place well either. What if you got lost?” Edward reprimanded me but he didn’t seem truly angry. He does have a valid point though.

“…I’m sorry. I didn’t realize it earlier, but this garden must be very beautiful in the daytime if it’s already this beautiful at night,” I said as I glanced at Edward.

Edward sat down next to me and took my hand in his. He didn’t say anything but the way he held my hand was very comforting. Edward seemed lost in thought as he gazed up at the stars in the sky, I wonder what he saw up there. I started gazing up at the star-lit sky as well with my mind filled with my own thoughts.

Oh right! I almost forgot again. I have something important I need to tell Edward.

--To be continued...