Reiner - Guilty

Morning came and although I didn’t sleep at all last night, my mind felt very clear. Having spent the majority of time last night deep in thought about how I should proceed now that I knew that Reiner was the one that killed my mother. Thinking about it for a long time gave me various perspectives on the issue. The one thing that I realized was that I didn’t know why he killed her.

Recalling how Reiner told his story made me realize that he was very focused on delivering the facts of what happened and not the reason behind why things turned out the way that they did. He never told me why he killed my mother. From what I can figure out, Reiner didn’t seem to know my mother personally. He had no reason to kill her, but he did, which probably means that it really was part of his job back then.

I believed him when he told me that he killed her. It was a fact that he did. If he didn’t do it, she would probably be alive today…or maybe not…

I wasn’t sure…

When I first heard Reiner’s story, I blamed him for my mother’s death. However, after sleeping on it, I wasn’t sure who or what to blame anymore. Is it his fault if he was doing it as part of his job? If he was hired to do it…?

Thinking about it all alone in silence was giving me a huge headache and I felt like I was ready to throw up all the time. Food in the hospital tasted horrible. I wondered if Lucien found out already that I was hospitalized here. That would be a complete disaster. However, since no one had visited or called me yet, perhaps Reiner was keeping it a secret.

There was only one way to solve all my problems…

“R…” I called his name softly.

Reiner didn’t reply but he did turn to look at me from where he was sitting close to the window on the very far end of the room. The room was small, but he still kept his distance by staying as far away from me as possible. I found it very hilarious. Who’s supposed to be scared of the other person now, I wondered.

“Why did you kill my mother? You didn’t know her personally so you couldn’t possibly hold a grudge against her. You were hired to kill her, right?” I asked straightforwardly.

My sudden questions must have surprised him because his eyes widened a little before his face returned to its emotionless expression.

“The agency that I worked for got a request and they assigned me to it. The mission was simple. I just had to shoot a car and make sure that the driver died in a car crash,” Reiner stated softly.

“Come here…” I said as I beckoned for him to come close to me with a wave of my hand.

Reiner sighed softly but he got up from where he was sitting and came to sit on the chair next to my bed. There were many things that I wanted to ask him. It wasn’t because I was curious, but I felt like I couldn’t make up my mind on how to feel or how to act about all this if I didn’t know everything. I needed to know the whole truth behind what happened.

“Did you know that my mother would be driving that car?” I asked suspiciously.

“No. It wasn’t my business who was driving the car as long as someone was driving it, I will shoot it,”

Reiner replied matter-of-factly.

“If you weren’t assigned to the job, would someone else have taken the job instead?” I asked as I looked him in the eye.

“Of course. The job was already accepted by the agency so someone must finish it at all costs. That’s what we get paid for,” Reiner replied without needing to think.

“Who ordered for my mother to be killed?” I asked.

“I have no idea and I have no way to find out,” Reiner replied.

I sighed loudly. Unfortunately, I sensed that he was telling the truth. Great.

“Do you feel guilty…for killing her?” I asked, surprised at the daringness of my own question.

“Does it matter?” Reiner asked in return.

“If it doesn’t then why are you here with me right now?” I asked as I stared deeply into his beautiful blue eyes.

If it never bothered Reiner, then why did he decide to appear in my life? It couldn’t have all been a coincidence, right?

Reiner seemed to hesitate, and I could tell that he was indecisive. Does he perhaps feel guilty for killing my mother? Is that why he decided to step into my life?

“Were you guilty for taking my mother away from me? Is that it?” I asked desperately.

Reiner looked at me, but he didn’t answer my question. I could tell that he was battling with his own internal demons as he searched for an answer to my question. I wondered if he ever considered the reason why he decided to appear in my life. If he feels guilty, does he even know or understand his own feelings?

“Your mother wasn’t supposed to die…” Reiner said softly but there wasn’t any emotion in his voice.

What did he just say? What is that supposed to mean?

“What do you mean by that?” I asked as confusion took over my mind.

Nothing was making sense and once again I was lost at what was going on with my life. So many mysteries were unravelling right in front of me, and I wasn’t sure that I understood their implications.

Most of all, I wasn’t sure what to make of them or how I should be feeling. I was just simply and plainly confused.

“The car she was driving was Lucien’s car. I don’t know why or what happened, but your mother was driving Lucien’s car,” Reiner said softly.

“Does that mean…” I whispered in sudden realization.

It couldn’t be. Was this all just an unfortunate coincidence?

--To be continued…