Chapter 91: Loveless

“I will marry Angela because I have to. But I don’t love her. I never have, I never planned to, and I never will,” Lucien replied earnestly. I guess I was relieved that he didn’t love her.

“I see. I thought you’re marrying her out of love like how you married my mother. I didn’t think you would marry without love,” I replied honestly.

“Natalia. Listen carefully…” Lucien said in a low voice as he stepped closer to me to place both his hands on my shoulders.

“Yes?” I replied.

“I’ve never married anyone for love,” Lucien stated blandly.

“What do you mean…by that?” I asked, confused. What about my mother?

“I won’t be marrying Angela for love, and I didn’t marry your mother because I loved her either,” Lucien stated, clearer this time in order to make sure that I understood.

“It can’t be…you never loved my mother?!” I gasped with shock. Did he trick her? Why?

“I never loved her. I had a lot of respect for her, and I still do but never once did I have any romantic feelings towards her,” Lucien replied honestly.

“No…why did you trick her? She was so in love with you!” I cried as I struggled to brush his hand off of my shoulders.

“I didn’t trick her! She was never in love with me either. Your mother and I, we never had a romantic relationship with each other,” Lucien tried to explain.

“Then why did you marry her? Why did you marry each other? I always thought you two were so in love and I was so happy when my mother married you,” I shot back. Clearly, I was shocked and upset.

“Listen to me. I know this may come as a shock to you, but I married your mother in order to protect both you and her. Your mother agreed to my proposal because I promised her that I would keep you safe and that you would have a stable life,” Lucien explained slowly.

“No…this can’t be true,” I said as I shook my head in denial. My mother found Lucien and she was happy to get married to the love of her life.

“Your mother never loved me. Even when we were living together, I never held her hand, I never touched her and I never slept with her in every sense of the word,” Lucien said desperately.

“So, in the end, my mother died without experiencing any happiness? Then what was this whole charade for? It can’t be. Lucien, why do you have to protect my mother and I?” I asked suspiciously. I couldn’t think of a reason why Lucien needed to protect us or go so far as to marry my mother in order to do so.

“…I can’t tell you…but I need you to trust me. I will protect you,” Lucien replied as he hugged me tightly to him. I felt the warmth of his body against the whole of my own.

“No…I can’t believe this. It’s just too sad…and none of it makes sense. I’m sorry…please leave me alone,” I wailed in a cracked voice. The wetness I felt on my cheeks told me that I was crying. I’m sorry, Lucien, but I just can’t accept what you just told me. If the foundation of my life is destroyed, how do I keep on living from now on?

I couldn’t face Lucien anymore. I ran back to the car as fast as I could. I sobbed and cried all the way.

Why did I force myself to go through all that suffering if it never made my mother happy? I couldn’t protect her happiness; there was nothing for me to protect from the beginning.

…

Lucien watched as Natalia ran away from him. He let her go because there was nothing more that he could say to her to comfort her or to give her more clarity.

“I apologize. I made your daughter cry right in front of you. Did I do the right thing by telling her the truth about us? I swear to you that I will protect her. Not just because she’s your daughter but because I really love her. I’m sorry that I couldn’t protect you…or your husband…” Lucien spoke to the lifeless tombstone before bowing low.

…

Reiner looked up to see Natalia running towards him. She seemed very distraught. What happened between her and Lucien? Lucien is no where in sight yet.

“Natalia? Are you ok?” Reiner shouted to Natalia.

Natalia didn’t reply to him as she continued running towards him.

“R…” I called Reiner’s name as I flung myself into his arms. I hugged him tight as I buried my face into his chest and cried my eyes out.

“Natalia…what happened? Where is Lucien?” Reiner asked with concern.

I just shook my head and continued to sob into his manly chest. I want to go home. I just want to sleep and never wake up.

Reiner wrapped his arms around me and held me until I couldn’t cry anymore. After that, he helped me into the car without asking any more questions. I appreciate the gesture and his understanding that I didn’t want to talk about it, at least not right now. He handed me a bottle of water so that I could wash my face to get rid of the traces of my tears. I put on my big black sunglasses, thankful that I did not forget this essential piece of accessory for today. Although, I cried for a different reason this year, the sunglasses still served its purpose of covering my swollen eyes.

“R…what would you do if your whole world is crumbling away at your feet…?” I spoke up softly as I covered my face with my hands.

After a while, Lucien returned to the car, and we wordlessly began our journey back the mansion.

Lucien and I didn’t say a word to each other all the way back. I kept my hands on my lap so that we wouldn’t have to hold hands.

--To be continued…