– Chapter 111

“It’s almost time.” Hugo is standing in the doorway, watching me with a sort of detached curiosity that makes my skin flush red. It’s as if I’m some sort of strange new oddity, a creature he thought he understood but now realizes he misjudged. A lot of people in the Pack House have been eyeing me this way lately – and it makes my skin crawl every time.

I drag my gaze from the Beta, returning it to the full length mirror on the far wall. Of course, my reflection mocks me like all the rest. Here I am, standing in the most stunning dress I’ve ever seen, looking like a completely different person than I did mere months ago – but still it’s not enough.

It feels very strange to envy someone who has had such a difficult life, but Goddess help me, I can’t help but wish I was Selene. She is beautiful in a way I will never be. She has this air of mystery, this unknowable quality that enchants every man who meets her. Where her tragedy has left her with an irresistible air of dark romance, my own has left me with naught but sadness.

My looks are decent enough, with my long rose gold hair and hazel eyes that shift between gold and green depending on the light, but whatever beauty I might have possessed has been buried beneath my sorrow. My Cupid’s bow lips are always trapped in a frown, and my lithe figure has been deprived of its curves by stress and privation.

I haven’t the faintest idea why Drake asked me to be his date to the Eclipse ball. Actually that isn’t true- I know exactly why he did it: pity.

If the Alpha was actually free to invite the she-wolf of his choice, I expect it would be someone much closer to his beloved Selene. Someone graceful and lovely, charming and gorgeous without even trying. Instead his guilty conscience forced him to settle for me. He found me this dress, provided every luxury to help me get ready, but I’m still going to be a disappointment. No amount of professional makeup or hair styling can erase the haunted expression I seem doomed to wear for the rest of my life.

Hugo is going to escort me to Drake’s office in a few minutes, where I know my unrequited love is probably working himself into the ground trying to track down Selene’s enemies. He’s been working day and night, constantly on the phone with Bastien and using every moment not dedicated to governing the pack, to their hunt.

I don’t know everything that has happened since Selene left Asphodel, but it’s clear Drake wishes he was in Elysium with her. It still amazes me how my heart can feel so much pain, when it’s completely broken. After all, it’s lying in absolute tatters; it shouldn’t be able to long, love, or grieve. It shouldn’t be able to feel anything at all – yet somehow it does. Perhaps Drake has not yet broken it enough.

Tears burn in my eyes as I contemplate how the Alpha could possibly trample my bleeding heart any further, but I force them down, looking up to Hugo with a gravel smile, “I’m ready.”

————

“You look incredible.” Drake’s words warm me from the inside out, and I actually want to smile. At least, I do until I remember he’s only saying it to be polite.

“You don’t have to say that.” I demure, flushing out of embarrassment rather than flattery.

“Oh yes I do.” Drake replies fiercely, green fire blazing in his eyes. He strides forward and catches my waist, gently applying pressure so that I’ll spin in place and give him the full effect. “Incredible.” He repeats once I come to a stop.

The truth is that if anyone looks incredible, it’s Drake. His raven hair is slicked back, and his strong jaw is clean shaven for once. He smells like oakmoss and sea salt, and he fills out his velvet-lined dinner jacket so completely I worry the seams might burst.

My deep green gown seems to belong next to his sleek black suit, only the wrong person is in it. Seeing us side my side in the reflective windows of Drake’s office makes me want to erase my body from the image, leaving only the silhouette of the elegant frock. It wasn’t made for someone like me; I don’t deserve to wear it, and I don’t deserve to accompany the Alpha to such a fancy event.

Just as I’m about to conjure some excuse to get out of the evening, Drake stops me. “Are you ready to go?” He asks.

“As I’ll ever be.” I answer nervously, smoothing my skirts.

A few hours later my head is light from too much champagne and my heart is heavy from watching Drake captivate the pack, going through his duties with unfathomable ease. I can’t understand how he does it, how he bears the weight of all their scrutiny and dominates them without ever second guessing himself.

For most of the night we’ve danced and celebrated like all the others, me simply going through the motions and praying no one will see through my act, while Drake lives and breathes the event. He really is a good Alpha, and I feel like an absolute fraud standing next to him.

I’ve watched an endless parade of stunning she-wolves prance around in front of the Alpha, all hoping to catch his attention and shooting daggers at me when they fail. Drake seems completely oblivious, grinning at me with that devil-may-care charm and sweeping me around the dance floor with predatory grace.

“What are you thinking about?” His jaw, already sprinkled with fresh scruff, grazes my cheek as his warm breath flutters over my ear.

The eclipse has already begun, and while most of the pack is out lining the docks as floating bonfires glitter on the water, Drake and I are standing alone at the center of the ballroom’s sprawling terrace.

“Nothing.” I lie, keeping my face turned up to the quickly disappearing moon.

“Come on, little lamb.” Muscular arms slide around my waist, causing butterflies to explode in my belly. “Talk to me.”

“Why do you call me that?” I question grumpily, trying and failing to shrug out of his hold.

“Because when I look at you, I see the sweetest creature I can imagine.” His lips trail across my cheek, and suddenly I feel like I want to cry.

“You mean helpless.” I correct him bitterly.

“No, I mean sweet.” Drake retorts sternly.

“You shouldn’t.” I insist stubbornly, “You don’t call anyone else that sort of thing. It’ll give people the wrong idea.”

“And what idea is that?” He purrs, pulling me more tightly against his hard body.

“You know!” I snap, “and you shouldn’t touch me that way either.”

Though I try to pull away from him again, he doesn’t let me. “Sophie, what’s going on?” He asks me abruptly.

“What do you mean?” I counter defensively.

“I mean, what’s going on?” He repeats severely. “Why are you acting this way?”

“Nothing’s going on.” I say again, barely resisting the urge to stomp my foot, “I’m just tired of this.”

“Stop.” Drake orders, his voice full of raw authority. “I’m not asking as your friend anymore, I’m asking as your… Alpha.”

Why did he pause that way? Rose wonders in my head.

I don’t know, and I don’t really care. It isn’t fair of him to torment me this way. I answer.

“Well as my Alpha you can kindly leave me alone.” I inform him, sounding almost haughty.

“No I can’t.” Drake replies, forcing me to turn in his arms and cupping my cheek in one large hand. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

“What? You mean other than interrogating me?” I hiss, squirming against him. “I’m entitled to my own thoughts, you know. I should at least be allowed some privacy.”

Drake’s brow furrows in befuddlement. “What has gotten into you?”

I know what he means. I feel like I’m spinning out of control. I’m so overwhelmed and off-kilter after everything that’s happened recently. The kidnapping, Martin’s death, watching Drake slip away from me a little more every day. Still, I can’t help it. My wolf wants nothing more than to lash out with all this turbulent emotion, even if it is at my oldest friend and deeper love.

“Stop treating me like a child.” I demand, knowing full well that I’m acting like one. “Nothing has gotten into me, I’m sorry if I don’t feel happy every second of every day, but I can’t help having feelings.”

“What feeling are we talking about, Sophie?” Drake inquires huskily, his emerald eyes glimmering.

“It’s not important,” I redirect immediately, “what did you want to talk to me about?”

Looking suddenly like he wants to eat me for dinner, the Alpha replies, “You’re in luck baby.” The palm he’s been resting so gently on my cheek slides into my hair, undoubtedly ruining my updo as he buries his fingers in the silky tresses. “Because feelings are exactly what I want to talk to you about.”