– Chapter 121

Selene

Thunder crashes overhead, jarring me straight to the bone. Terror lances through me as lightning streaks through the sky, pushing me to run faster, even as I hear Bastien howling for me in the distance. The rain begins soon after, fat droplets bursting onto the forest floor and transforming dirt and leaf litter to thick, sticky mud.

Annoyance flits through my mind. The rain might help cover my scent, but the quickly coalescing muck will save my footprints in a perfect trail. It will be only too easy for Bastien to follow me, and I do not wish to be caught.

The worst part about my mate’s hurtful words is that we both know they’re undeniably true. I deserve to feel this pain, I deserve to suffer the consequences of my past cruelty.

Tears stream from my eyes as I run, the steady pounding of my heart punctuating every loping stride I take. I don’t want Bastien to leave, I’m terrified that if he goes to the Calypso territory he’ll never come back. I’d rather live with him in danger for the rest of our lives, than live safely without him.

I want my pups to be safe too, what mother wouldn’t? I hate the idea of anyone wanting to hurt my babies and I want Blaise gone every bit as much as Bastien does, I just can’t stand the idea of losing him, even to such a noble cause.

As the heavens open above me, releasing a torrent of rain so powerful I fear the earth might flood, I wonder if I’m being irrational. Bastien is trying to do the right thing and keep my children safe, how can I begrudge him thus when I want the same exact thing?

Perhaps it’s because he intends to do it all without me. He made the decision without me, he informed me rather than consulting me, and now he’s going to go across the continent and leave me behind to agonize about whether or not he’s dead in a ditch somewhere.

Pushing myself harder and feeling mud splash over my legs and belly, dirtying my pristine white coat, I channel all my fear and frustration into the run. Bastien’s howls are sounding farther and farther away now, but I don’t feel relieved. The deeper I run into the storm, the closer I come to the haunting memories of my past, which now include all the years I spent separated from the man I love.

I’ve never been surrounded by more love than I am now. Between Bastien, Lila, Odette, the new baby and the suddenly and shockingly supportive pack, I’ve never been more supported. So how is it that I’ve never felt more alone than I do in this moment?

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Bastien

When the storm begins my fury with myself detonates into a blazing inferno. How could I be so thoughtless, how could I be so cruel.

I sent my pregnant mate running off into the night crying, and now she’ll be facing the traumas of her past all alone.

I’m still on her trail, my sense of smell and her muddy footprints guiding my way even through the heavy downpour. Still, I know she’s far ahead, and I hate the idea of her spending even one moment alone in this state.

As I crash through the undergrowth and howl into the darkness, I slowly begin to recognize the path my wayward wife has taken. At first I think I’m mistaken, but the closer I draw, the more certain I am that I know where Selene is headed. And it’s the very last place I’d expect her to go.

The scorched shell of the family cabin Arabella burned down almost four years ago lays exactly as we left it. I never had it rebuilt, never had the hollow structure demolished. I left it standing as a sort of macabre monument to my lost mate.

I used to come here when I felt like punishing myself, on the days I started to feel too good about myself and needed to be reminded of my past failures.

This is the first time I’ve been here since Selene returned, and certainly the first time I’ve visited since learning it was not the site of her demise. I still hate it, especially when I see my beautiful mate huddled in the wreckage, naked and shivering, with tears streaming down her face.

When she hears me approaching behind her, Selene turns, her glowing eyes landing on my solemn expression as she hugs her arms around her body.

“Baby what are you doing here?” I croon, pulling her into my arms.

“T-this is where I left you.” She weeps. “This is where I rejected you.”

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry for what I said. It was horrible and unfair, I never should have said it.” I explain desperately.

“It was t-true.” Selene hiccups. “I did leave you, I gave up on you.”

“You ran for your life, you did the best you could with the information you had.” I correct. “I’m sorry. You have every right to be upset that I’m leaving when there’s still so much to worry about here, when you’re going to have to go through another hard pregnancy and I can’t promise

I’ll be here to support you through the worst.” She shakes her head. “I know you’re only leaving to protect us… I’m just scared.” Selene admits. “I thought we would be together this time and… What if something happens to you?

“We will be together.” I vow, hoping to the Goddess this is a promise I can keep. “I’ll be back before you know it. I’ll deal with Blaise. I’ll make our family safe. And then I’ll come home to you and we canstart our future once and for all.”

“What about the pack?” My mate sniffles, “What about the threats here?”

“Aiden and Donovan will take care of the investigation and keep the trains running with the elder council.” I explain, “We’ve already got a plan in place to cover all our bases. And Mom will help where she’s needed.”

“I can help too.” Selene states, pulling back and swiping at the salty liquid staining her cheeks.

Shaking my head, I adopt my sternest tone. “I just want you to focus on taking care of yourself, Lila and this baby.”

“What?” She pouts, looking so adorably disgruntled I have to smother the urge to smile. “So you get to risk your life to help our family and I’m just supposed to sit here and let other people fix all myproblems?”

“That isn’t what I said.” I reply ruefully.

“Maybe not, but it’s what you meant.” Selene insists.

In essence that may be true, but I have every reason to feel this way. Carrying the new baby is already sapping my mate’s strength, painting dark circles beneath her eyes and hollowing her cheeks. “I just want you to be healthy.” I murmur, ‘You’ve got enough to deal with wrangling Lilaand coping with the pregnancy. ‘

“I don’t want to go through life having other people fight my battles for me, Bastien.” She informs me coolly.

“That’s not what this is.” I assure her, trailing my hand over her rain-slicked belly. “This is just a different kind of battle. No one else can cope with the sickness for you. No one else can give our pup a home while she grows.”

“He.” Selene corrects me with the barest hint of a smile.

“Either way,” I grin, kissing the tip of her nose.

“You’ve created another miracle. Safeguarding it – and our first – is the most important thing you can do. I’ll be protecting our family from afar, you’ll be protecting it at home. That’s all.”

“Just promise you’ll come back.” Selene implores, “If you can’t figure out how to make Blaise give up, just come home. Don’t kill yourself playing the hero.”

“I promise I will do everything in my power to come back to you.” I profess sincerely. “But you have to promise me that no matter what happens, you won’t come after me. If I don’t return, don’t come looking for me. You can’t ever set foot in Calypso territory.”

She instantly balks. “But what if you’re in trouble? What if you need help?”

“Then I’ll do my best to get out of it, but if I’m to die on this journey, you have to let me go, baby.” I instruct.

“No!” Selene stubbornly retorts, “You’d never simply stay put if something happened to me. You’d exhaust every last possibility before ever accepting I wasn’t coming home.”

“Maybe not.” I agree. “But I wouldn’t be in mortal danger just setting foot into the territory.”

“It wouldn’t matter if you were, the danger wouldn’t stop you.” Selene claims hotly.

“But this is about so much more than just you or me!” I remind her. “This is about Lila. It’s about this baby. If you’re in danger, so are they, and I can’t have that.” I growl. “You have to promise me, for their sake if nothing else, that you’ll let me go.”

“Pups need a father every bit as much as they need a mother.” Selene whispers weakly.

“They need a parent who loves them.” I agree, “And if I’m gone, then you’re the only one they have left. Don’t risk making them orphans on the off chance that I might be saved.”

I can see Selene wants to continue fighting: she doesn’t want to agree to my conditions even though she sees the logic of my words. She’s not going to give up.

With a stab of regret, I pour all my Alpha authority into my next words, “Promise me, Selene.”

She struggles against the order, her wolf railing for control and her heart rebelling against her instincts. Eventually, shooting me a sullen glare that tells me she knows exactly what I”ve done, my mate agrees.

“I promise.”

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