– Chapter 136

Selene

“Maybe I should call him?” I suggest to Drake.

“Selene, Bastien will call when he can.” My friend replies, for what seems like the thousandth time. I can tell he’s getting tired of my constant fretting, but his frustration cannot ease my worries, no matter how guilty I feel. “You mustn’t allow yourself to become overtaxed. It’s not good for the baby.

Why is it that men always feel so confident in telling women what is or isn’t good for their children, when they would never be able to bear the toil of actually bringing one into the world themselves? I ask Luna.

Because they’ve convinced themselves they’re the stronger gender. My wolf replies, And it comforts them to think they have some control in these things.

Idiots. I mutter internally, letting my grumpiness take full control.

“If I can’t call him, then I at least have to find out whether or not our spies have any information.” I reason. “Aiden and Donavon must have some contacts in the Calypso pack, that’s how they found out about the Volana bounty in the first place.”

Drake glances around to make sure we’re alone. “Selene, I don’t mean to overstep, I know this is a sensitive topic. But I can’t help asking just one more time. Why does Blaise want you anyway?”

While Bastien may not have trusted the Eros Alpha with this most precious secret, my instincts tell me my friend can be trusted. He would never turn on me the way my mate fears. “If I tell you, you can never repeat this.” I caution, “Not even to Sophie.”

Drake frowns, already so enthralled by his beautiful mate that the idea of keeping anything from her seems terribly wrong. “Is it truly that delicate.”

“It is.” I confirm. “Not just for me, but Lila too.” I confide.

Drake thinks about it for a long moment, before he finally nods. “I want to help you Selene, I don’t think I can do that unless I know what’s going on, and…” I can almost read his thoughts, for all his comforting words, he’s already thinking as I am, that he might be all I have left if Bastien is lost.

“It’s alright.” I interrupt, “you don’t have to say it.”

“I’m sorry.” Drake sighs, “I’m not trying to make you feel worse.”

“As if you could.” I scoff. “No, it’s okay. I’ll tell you.” I decide. “The truth is that… Volana blood isn’t special simply because of the power it gives to bearers of the lineage.” I sigh, “The power it carries can also be transferred. It can be consumed… such that anyone who drinks the blood of a Volana will live forever, and be immune to harm.”

Drake blinks, “Excuse me?”

“You heard me.” I remark ruefully.

“You’re saying that if I were to drink your blood, it would make me immortal?” Drake demands in utter disbelief.

“So help me,” I joke, “if you come at me with a knife and a straw I will repel you with every bit of strength I have.”

Drake swats my arm, “You know I wouldn’t do such a thing. I just don’t understand. I mean Volana’s aren’t immortal themselves, so why would their blood give that gift to another?”

“I don’t know how the Goddess works or what her reasons are, any better than any other wolf.” I admit, flopping back on the couch. “As far as I’m concerned, magic is magic, and I’m not meant to understand.” Remembering Garrick, I press on, “But I think my bloodline is the only reason why I survived the wolfsbane as long as I did. And I think it’s why I’ve been able to overcome so many hardships since.”

“And Bastien…?” Drake questions.

“Bastien knew the danger I was in from the beginning. For the longest time, I believed that’s why he married me. Because my blood was such a threat that I needed constant protection… That’s why I convinced myself he didn’t really want me.

It’s why I believed he was sacrificing his happiness to be with me.” Shaking my head, I realize just how far I let my insecurity and guilt mislead my poor mind. “I told myself I was a victim, and I convinced myself he saw me the same way.”

“But you aren’t.” Drake insists. “If this is true, Selene, you’ve got to start practicing your powers now more than ever.”

“I can’t,” My arguments with my mate play through my mind as if they happened yesterday“Bastien is worried it will harm the baby.”

“That’s fair.” Drake assesses, “But you went through a hell of a lot carrying Lila and everything still turned out fine. If you ask me, the stronger you are the better, and that begins with your powers.”

“I don’t even really know what I’m doing.” I admit. “I mean I’ve been following ancient textbooks and trying my best to feel things out on instinct, but what I really need is a teacher.”

“Then we’ll find you one.” Drake shrugs, as if this is no problem at all.

“Easier said than done.” I laugh, “In case you hadn’t noticed, Volanas are an endangered species, it’s not like I can walk into a university and stumble across a mentor.”

“You’re thinking too small.” Drake laughs, “Who ever said you needed another Volana to train you? Power is power, you just need to find someone who knows how to wield it, whether theirs is the same as yours or not.”

“So what?” I clarify, “You’re saying I just need to find a shaman or witch and misapply their teachings to my own contexts?”

“Why do you have to make everything a problem?” Drake exclaimed, “It’s like you expect to fail so you don’t let yourself hope.”

“In my book that’s called self preservation.” I bite, trying not to let the derision I feel seep into my tone and failing miserably.

“Well in mine it’s called defeatism.” Drake counters. “Don’t count yourself out of the fight before it even begins.”

Rolling his words over in my mind, I consider how it might feel to give in. My instincts have been begging me to take action and practice my skills for ages, but I’ve been holding myself back all this time under the pretense of not defying my mate and not endangering my child. “Bastien will never allow it.”

“Bastien doesn’t have to know about it until it’s already done.” Drake states coolly,

“After all, it’s not like he’s picking up the phone right now anyway.”

A moment ago I was smiling, but it slips away the moment his words hit home. As if he realized his mistake, my friend instantly reaches towards me, “I’m sorry, Selene. I didn’t mean that. It was a thoughtless, cruel thing to say.”

“No.” I purport. “It was true. Bastien isn’t in touch right now, so he doesn’t have a say.” I agree, a terrible sense of dread filling my body, “And though I know you won’t say it, I also know you’re right when you think that I need to find my strength without my mate.” My voice is thick with emotion, but I fight through it. “If he doesn’t come back I’m going to have to do all this on my own. I can’t count on someone else fixing my problems.”

“Selene, he’s going to come home.” Drake promises.

“Whether he does or not,” I decide, “I will protect my family.” The pain of the words seeks to cripple me, but I fight it every step of the way. “Don’t get me wrong, it will destroy me if he doesn’t return. But I have to figure out how to survive either way. For Lila, and for our new pup.” Deciding once and for all, I announce. “I did it once, I can do it again.”

“That’s right.” Drake agrees. “You can do anything you put your mind to.”

Pretending to gag, I tease. “Don’t give me that. I want your real advice, not pandering.”

“I’m serious!” He cries, laughter overtaking his features. “I truly think you can do anything.”

“Don’t think it.” I advise, finding my voice. “Help me prove it. I need a teacher, and you know everyone who’s anyone.”

“You have a deal.” Drake concedes. “We;’ll find you a teacher, we’ll get you up to speed, and then…”

“And then we’ll ensure that no one can ever take advantage of this pack again.” I decide. “I’m tired of people thinking we’re lost without an Alpha.”

“Agreed.” Drake confirms. “With a Volana leading the Nova pack, it will thrive every bit as well as it would with a strong male wolf in charge. I have no doubt in my mind.”

“Are you sure you can find me a teacher?” I question doubtfully.

“Don’t you worry.” Drake promises, “Before the week is out, you’ll be testing your skills against a master.”

“You promise?” I ask, nudging the big wolf.

He grins and nudges me back, “Promise.”