– Chapter 160

Selene

Shadows surround me, downing me in darkness so impenetrable even my supernatural eye site cannot stand against it. Moments ago I could have sworn Helene was standing next to me, talking me through yet another training exercise, but now when I reach for her she’s nowhere to be found. I cannot hear her anymore, and I cannot find even the tiniest sliver of light to help me find my way out of this place.

I’m alone, completely lost in the artificial night I created with my own hands, and a stab of fear slices into me as I realize I’m truly stuck. The obsidian cloud pulses with energy I can feel but not see, and I will the shadows to part, to take shape rather than blinding me.

They don’t budge, instead smothering me in pitch blackness, choking me with it until I’m gasping for air. Panicking, I send out an energy burst, hoping my power will shatter the darkness and return the shadows back to the fringes and hollows where they belong. But my power only feeds the nightmare, and suddenly the gloom transforms, just not in the way I hoped.

Suddenly I’m ten years old again, locked in Garrick’s basement after losing my mother and wondering if I’ll ever see the outside world again. I’m too afraid to cry out, he always hurts me when I complain or call for help. My body is already covered in bruises, I don’t want any more pain.

Luna? I think weakly, calling to my wolf. Are you there?

She doesn’t answer, and I can feel tears of despair burning in my eyes. She can’t be gone, she’s the only thing I have left – my only friend in the world. Besides, it’s not possible for a wolf to live without their wolf… right?

Wait, my delirious mind thinks weakly, Why does this feel so familiar? Has this happened before?

“Selene!” A voice calls in the distance, sounding miles and miles away.

“Luna?” I jerk my head up, hope zinging through my veins.

When the voice sounds again, I realize it’s not my wolf after all. “Come back to me now, Selene.” I know that voice. I just can’t place it. “You’ve gone too deep.”

Helene! I realize suddenly, returning to the present. All at once the details come flooding back, Garrick’s basement was just a waking nightmare. I’m in Helene’s workshop, practicing my powers. But I didn’t mean to create so much darkness, I just wanted to make a trick of light – and I don’t have the first clue how to find my way back out of this mess.

“I can’t!” I cry, “I don’t know how to make it stop.”

“Yes you do, Selene.” She encourages. “You created the darkness, you can make it go away.”

“It’s not that simple!” I insist, “It’s everywhere! It’s too powerful.”

“The power doesn’t belong to the shadows Selene, it belongs to you.” Helene guides me firmly. “Take it back.”

My hands are shaking violently as I reach out to the onyx void, trying with all my might to pull the electrical currents swirling through the air back into my body. Come back, come back, come back. I think manically, I can’t stay trapped here, I have to get home to Lila.

My pup’s sweet face appears in my mind’s eye, and some of the crushing darkness eases. Luna help me. I beg, praying she’ll answer this time.

Just keep thinking about Lila, and the new pup. She advises. They need you.

But I started out channeling my feelings, I remind her, what if I get lost again?

You got lost because you let your fear take over, but a mother’s love is stronger than fear. She replies sagely, you won’t get lost this time.

Doing as she says, I direct all my determination into getting home to my daughter and caring for my baby. Little by little, the web of shadows unwinds. Strands thin and break, letting in dappled rays of light until with one final tug, the darkness breaks and I collapse on the ground, gasping for air.

Helene kneels down next to me. “Just breathe darling.” She croons, “In and out, slowly.” I’m still gulping in air like a fish out of water, and she squeezes my hand, “slower, Selene. Just inhale and hold it for a moment. Good, just like that.” She praises when I obey.

When I’m finally calm enough to speak, I gasp, “I’m sorry.”

“What happened?” She asks gently.

“I was thinking about Bastien, like usual.” I explain shakily. After our first couple of lessons I quickly discovered that being in the right frame of mind often made the difference between success and failure – and nothing grounds me better than my mate. “He always makes me feel stronger than I am.”

“But?” She prompts.

“But then I started thinking about him too much, about why I haven’t heard from him and why he’s still gone.” I confess, my voice thick with emotion. “I’m starting to show. He promised he’d be back by now… and the more time that passes, the more I think he’s never coming home.”

“What do the others say?” Helene asks, referring to Drake and the betas.

“They keep assuring me everything will be fine, but they haven’t heard from him either.” I share.

“Are you you afraid he’s dead?” She asks bluntly.

“I’d feel it if he was.” I answer simply. “I know he’s still alive, but something is wrong. I’m sure of it. He’d never go this long without checking on us, and if he knew what was going on in the pack, he’d never stay away… if he could come back, he would have by now.”

“Are you certain?” She prods, not skeptical, but curious. “Alphas don’t give up easily, especially when it comes to their family’s safety. He might not know everything that’s happening here, and if he does, he might still put the mission first.”

“The problem is that we’re in danger here too.” I confess, explaining about Frederic.

When I finish, she purses her lips. “That is concerning.” Helene abruptly takes my face in her hands, studying me closely. For anyone else her behavior would be considered odd, but I”ve gotten used to the old witch’s quirks. She does this sort of thing so often that it ceases to surprise me.

“I think you’re right.” She murmurs after a minute. “He lives, but something is waylaying him. Something… or someone.” She releases me, striding to her shelves. “I’ll look into it, but I have to warn you that you may not like what I find.”

“Look into it how?” I ask, following her.

Helene cuts her eyes to me, and I flush and apologize. Another lesson I learned early on, is that it’s better not to question her methods. Some things are not meant for me to know – or so Helene says. “In the meantime, you need to work on controlling your powers.”

“I think I’ll start using Lila to ground myself instead of Bastien.” I decide, remembering Luna’s words.

“No.” Helene replies, surprising me. “Running from the problem isn’t going to help anything. I think it’s good for you to get lost like you did today, and to work through the darkness rather than avoiding it altother. I know it wasn’t pleasant, but the more comfortable you become facing your fears, the better.” She continues, multitasking as she pours varying amounts of herbs and oils into a bowl. “Now you know you can use Lila to help you find your way back, but I want you to continue pushing yourself.”

“Alright,” I agree reluctantly. “If I do, can we start practicing a new skill?”

Helene shoots me another look, “You think you’re ready to move on after two weeks of bending shadows? That’s not how magic works, little girl.”

If anyone but Bastien called me that, I’d probably try to bite them, but Helene is so ancient I know I am just a child by comparison – just like our size difference makes me seem tiny to my mate. “Yes but look at all the threats I’m facing!” I exclaim. “If Blaise turns up here tomorrow, bending shadows isn’t going to protect me – unless of course he’s afraid of the dark.”

Helene arches a brow, “You think that’s all this is? Playing with darkness? Making tricks of light?”

“I know it’s more than that.” I sigh, realizing I put my foot in my mouth yet again.

The witch sets down the vials in her hands and surprises me by saying, “You have a point that your situation may necessitate changing the way I normally do things. However I urge you not to underestimate the power of shadows, Selene. Just look at what a little darkness did to you today.”

“Yes, but darkness is a trigger for me.” I reason.

“Darkness is a trigger for everyone, darling. Your demons are just more literal. You didn’t start out thinking you were in Garrick’s basement, you started out thinking about your husband and then the darkness descended.” I have no idea how she knew what the shadows made me see. It might be a lucky guess, but one of the more unsettling things about Helene is the way she seems to just divine information.

“A man like Blaise is bound to have a lot of demons in his own shadows.” Helene surmises, “if you can use them against him, you stand better than a fair chance of defending yourself when the time comes.”

“You mean if the time comes.” I correct her.

The corners of her mouth tug downward, and I have a very bad feeling she’s about to shatter my world. “No Selene.” She announces sadly, “I mean when.”