– Chapter 164

Selene

After two full days of arguing about my plans to go to Tartarus – most of which were devoted to convincing the Betas it was the right thing to do even though we’d already reached that agreement with Helene – Aiden, Donovan and I have finally reached something close to a detente. The Betas have accepted that I’m going to Tartarus whether they like it or not, and now Helene and I are well under way planning out trip. After reviewing the quickest route to Tartarus over and over again, we finally moved on to figuring out how we’re going to disguise me, what precautions I’ll take to avoid Blaise, and how to convince Bastien to believe me over Arabella.

I’ve continued training with her day and night, moving on from bending shadows to working on hypnosis, harnessing moonlight and putting people to sleep. I’m not very good at the latter two, but I’ve made surprising progress with the hypnosis, so much so that Helene offered me rare praise after our first session, telling me my efforts “weren’t half bad.”

In the meantime I’ve been trying to figure out how I’m going to explain what’s happening to Lila, let alone how I’m going to work up the strength to leave her. I’ve never been away from Lila for longer than a day or two, and at least one of those occasions was her kidnapping, so I don’t exactly have strong positive feelings associated with the idea.

I wish I had more time to prepare her for my departure, letting her sit with the idea for a day or two would surely be better than surprising her with it and immediately disappearing, but we simply don’t have the time to spare. So today I’m going to spend every last second of my time with my pup, and tomorrow we’ll both be leaving Elysium – Lila traveling West with Drake and Sophie, and me traveling to the far East in hopes of rescuing Bastien from Arabella’s cruel clutches.

I’m so lost in my thoughts about what is yet to come, I forget to hide my pensive mood from my daughter.

“Mommy, wha’s wrong?” Lila asks, coming to stand beside me as I finish doing the dishes from Breakfast.

“Sorry Lila bean, I was just thinking. Are you almost ready to go?” I ask her.

“Mommy I’s ready hours ago!” She announces dramatically, throwing her dark head back in exasperation.

“Alright, alright.” I laugh, drying my hands, “let’s go!”

I’ve been promising Lila a real trip to the zoo after our last attempt was thwarted by Frederic’s kidnapping scheme, but this time it’s going to be just us. Sophie is spending the day with Drake, so I’ll have an abundance of quality time with my little girl, and countless chances to break the news of my departure to her.

Of course, when it comes down to it, Lila has so much fun zooming around the enclosures full of exotic animals that I’m loathe to ruin her good mood. Still, I know it has to be done. As we stroll through the aquarium, surrounded by glowing turquoise light, I say, “I have to tell you something Angel.”

In hindsight I realize telling her here may have been a mistake, because she’s so distracted naming all the fish in the floor to ceiling tanks lining the walls, that she isn’t listening to a word I say. “And dat one’s Gil, and Flipper, ooh and there’s Guppy and Stripe!”

Pulling Lila to a bench in the middle of the room, I lift her into my lap and wrap both arms around her, resting my chin on her slight shoulder, “Which one is your favorite?”

“I like da pretty speckled one.” She announces happily, pointing to a lionfish.

“That is a good one.” I agree, “I bet you miss all the fish in Asphodel, don’t you?”

“Uh-huh.” She confirms, still only half listening – though now rather than being preoccupied with what’s in front of her, her thoughts seem far away. I have no doubt she’s remembering running through all of the floating city’s canals, it used to be impossible to get her to come inside when the sun was shining and the water was teaming with fish and wildlife. “I like ‘Lysium better cuz of you ‘n’ Daddy, but I miss all my fish friends.”

“Well how would you like to visit them?” I suggest, praying the conversation continues to go smoothly.

“Really?” Lila chirps, bouncing up and down in my lap. “Can I, can I, can I?”

“You can.” I confirm with a wide smile. “Uncle Drake and Aunt Sophie have invited you to come stay for a few weeks. You can see all your friends and ride the boats, then you can go searching for manatees and have pancakes at the cafe!”

“When d’we leave?” She exclaims, already jumping down from my lap.

“Well that’s the thing, Lila bean.” I sigh, catching her and pulling her to a stop between my legs. “I actually won’t be coming with you.”

Her exuberant expression disappears, confusion overtaking her sweet features. “What’d you mean?”

This is the absolute worst part of having young pups, I decide. When they aren’t old enough to understand why bad things are happening, but you can’t protect them from misfortune either.

Just rip it off like a bandaid. Luna advises. I know it hurts now but in two years Lila won’t even remember this happened.

Unless I don’t come back. I think morosely.

Don’t say that. Luna snaps. Thinking that way doesn’t help anything.

Easier said than done. I concede, turning my attention back to my daughter. “I don’t want to lie to you, Lila. So I’m going to tell you something very serious, and I want you to promise me you’ll try to understand.”

“I pwomise.” She vows sincerely, her blue and violet eyes wide.

“I’m going to find Daddy and bring him home.” I admit, dragging my knuckles across her cheek. “He’s a little lost, just like I was when he came and found me in Asphodel. So I have to go find him now.”

“Then I come with you.” Lila decides firmly.

“You can’t my darling.” I try to break the news as gently as I can, but it hurts just speaking the words. “It’s too dangerous. So while I’m gone, Uncle Drake is going to keep you safe.”

“But…” Lila thinks for a moment, her lower lip pushing out in a pout. “When you come back?”

“I don’t know, little one. I wish I could tell you for certain that it will only be a few weeks, but I don’t want to make you any promises I can’t keep.” I share honestly.

“But what if you don’ come back?” Lila is working herself up to tears, and my heart thumps in sympathy, “Like Daddy. What if you goes away and I don’ see you ‘gain?”

“You’re going to see me and Daddy again.” I swear, gripping her shoulders. “Do you know why?”

“Why?” She sniffles, rubbing her eye.

“Because we love you more than anything in the world and as long as we are alive, we will always find you. We will always come home to you, even if we get a little lost on the way.” I promise, knowing that this is one vow I can absolutely keep. Nothing on earth could keep me from doing whatever is necessary to get home to my pup. “Besides, this baby is going to need it’s older sister to teach it how the world works.”

Distracted, Lila gazes at me in surprise. “Mommy tha’s a lot of ‘sponsibility.”

“I know.” I laugh, “That’s what Daddy and I have been trying to tell you. Being a big sister is a very important job.”

“Will da baby be here when you comes back?” She questions, cocking her head to the side.

“I sincerely hope not.” I reply honestly. “I’m going to come home with Daddy as soon as I can, and then we can all watch this new pup make me big and fat together.”

Lila giggles. “Okay Mommy.”

“So is that okay?” I press, amazed that she’s not more upset, “Will you be okay with Drake and Sophie for a few weeks?”

“A course.” Lila shrugs, “I loves uncle Rake.”

“I know you do.” I grin, pulling her in for a hug. “Thank you for being such a big girl about this. I’m so proud of you, Lila.”

“Mommy, I am a big girl.” She reminds me in exasperation.

“Silly me.” I hiccup, “How could I forget?”

“Silly Mommy.” Lila laughs, “Come on, I wanna see da sharks!”

As Lila drags me forward through the aquarium, leading me by the hand and pointing out all her favorite animals, I feel a catch in my throat. I know it won’t really sink in that I’m leaving her until tomorrow morning when Helene and I set out, but I can’t help but feel like Lila is handling all this much better than I am. I’m a basket case thinking about leaving her for so long, but she took it all in stride. I’m both proud and worried for what will happen when we actually part ways. But for today, I’m determined to make the most of our afternoon together. Despite what I told her, I’m far too aware that if things don’t go as planned, this might be the last time I see her – and that scares me more than Blaise Denizen ever could.