And the Downward Spiral Continues

Why is it only Wednesday, I thought as I dragged myself down the hallway. I was so tired. Zac had woken me up at 3 in the morning crying about a nightmare he had. So, I coerced him into going back to sleep but he fell asleep in my bed. I fell asleep not too long after that but it had taken me a whole hour to get him to go back to sleep so I barely had an hour to rest. I wearily looked around at my surroundings to notice all of the new Homecoming decorations looming around. There were tons of school spirit banners hanging up on the walls, school stickers covering kids' lockers and the school colors of blue and yellow hanging around in streamers against the hallway lights. I had almost forgotten that homecoming was right around the corner. I should have known though, since I was part of the council that was helping set it up. I guess that I should also be excited for it considering I am both the student body president and the quarterback of the football team. Everyone was already putting me on a pedestal since I was the reason the team has been undefeated for the past four years. I'd made varsity my freshman year and have been leading the team to endless victories ever since. While, I just liked playing football and happened to acquire good skills, everyone thought that I was some kind of prodigy. Usually, around this time of year, I would be bathing in praises and partying it up with my football teammates. Yea, I will admit that I could party and drink myself to the core. I wasn't all that perfect. Still human, here.

Anyway, this year, I just wasn't in the mood for it. I didn't feel like being around loud music and people who had lost their common sense. That was weird though. I used to love that part of my lifestyle but now, I'm starting to feel a bit disgusted about it. Although, I was a lot smarter than my teammates, I never thought of myself as better than them or anything. That's why I found this new irritation a bit strange. But then again, maybe it was just stress or something. I mean, I did have a lot going on with my classes this year and my family and everything else. Or at least I really hoped that it was just stress. But yet, I still felt as if there was something more than just stress. My heart felt heavy and sometimes I felt like I was suffocating between everyone. I also felt drained a good half of the time. Ever since football season started back up, I've been having practice four days a week. All of that was killing my body. Plus, I still had to juggle homework, student council meetings, babysitting my brother, and now Mia. Damn, I have way too much on my plate.

Mentally, I sighed. I wished that I could just take a couple days off from life and just relax. Now would actually be a good time for me to get sick and just lay in bed for a day or two.

Suddenly, my eyes flicked to Mia who was putting books into her locker. She was dressed in the normal uniform for girls which was a skirt and a blouse with her hair falling down over her small shoulders. I smiled at the sight of her and quickly crept up behind her. "Hey beautiful," I whispered in her ear as I wrapped my arms around her waist. She jumped in surprise at the sound of my voice but turned her head to meet my eyes. Her cheeks were a bright red while her big blue eyes were bright with infatuation. Her pink lips pulled up into a big smile.

"Hi handsome," she replied before I leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"How are you," I murmured against her soft skin. The sweet smell of her perfume wafted through my noise, causing that lurch in my stomach again. I ignored my body and continued to indulge in her sweet scent.

"Well I'm good now that you're here." I smiled into her neck. "How are you?"

"Tired," I said as I reluctantly pulled my head up. I let go of her to lean on the locker beside hers. "My little brother woke me up in the middle of the night."

"Nightmares," she asked as she shot me an empathetic smile. I nodded.

"Yup but he's four so I think that's normal. The whole 'monster under the bed or in the closet' phase and what not."

"He's probably adorable though," Mia said happily. "I bet he looks like a little version of you." I playfully rolled my eyes causing her to giggle.

"Honestly, none of us know where that little boy came from or how."

"Ah so he was the surprise child?"

"Boy, was he." Mia smiled wider at me. "So, how was your morning?"

"The usual I guess. Get up, get dressed, eat breakfast, drive to school, etc. Nothing too eventful this morning."

"Mmm, well if you want, we can always make a run for it now and see how long it takes for them to catch us." Mia laughed.

"Danny, you're on the track team. You'd probably leave me in the dust without realizing it. Plus, my legs aren't very long. One of your strides is like three of mine."

"True, but it's cute so I guess it's acceptable." Mia smiled as I pecked her cheek again. Out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed Jayden across the hall. He was at his locker with some black haired girl standing beside him. The girl was a lot shorter than him – I mean a lot. She was probably a little shorter than Mia at my best bet. She was also curvy – not just slim like most of the girls around here. Her clothes hugged her curves snuggly but not too tight. Her black hair fell in long waterfalls down to her waist and her slightly angled dark blue eyes were decorated in black and dark grey eye shadow. Her plump, dark red frosted lips were moving rapidly as she talked animatedly to Jayden.

"Who's that," I asked, impulsively as I nodded towards the pair. Mia glanced over her shoulder to where I was looking.

"Oh, that's Bethany. She's kind of the high school stereotypical Goth girl, I guess you can say." I slightly recalled Jayden mentioning something about having a girl best friend when he almost pummeled me into the ground on Friday. I guess this was the girl he was talking about. She was really pretty with her caramel colored skin and her killer eyes. A part of me wondered why he didn't date her. When you think about it, I've never actually heard of Jayden dating anyone before. That's strange. Someone like him would be bound to have a different girl every week or at least a steady girlfriend. Or does he actually care about a female's feelings? Hmm. "Is there something I should know," Mia asked shyly. I snapped back into reality as I looked down at her concerned expression.

"What do you mean," I asked quickly.

"Is there some more tension between you and Jayden that I should know about?" I hesitated for a moment but finally replied to her question.

"Well, on our date on Friday...um, when I went to the bathroom...we kind of had a small argument and I might have punched him."

"You what," Mia exclaimed, causing us to get some looks from other students in the hall. She blushed deeply due to her outburst and lowered her voice when she spoke next. "Daniel, why would you do that? You know what he's capable of."

"I know, but I just... I don't know. I didn't exactly think when I did it. I just hit him." Mia sighed softly before shaking her head.

"Daniel, what am I going to do with you? I mean, I don't know if I should be mad that you almost got killed on our date or if I should be worried that you're basically writing yourself a personal death wish."

"Mia," I said softly as I gently took her by the arms. Her big blue eyes looked up at me with both care and sincere concern. I could tell that she really was going to watch me more closely and probably would try to make sure I didn't try to get myself killed. I appreciated her concern but I needed her to know that everything was perfectly fine. I was a big boy; I could handle this. "You have nothing to worry about. You don't have to worry or be angry about any of that. I can deal with this. Everything will be okay. Alright?" She hesitated but nodded. "Just trust me."

"Okay," she murmured. "I will. I'll take your word but if anything seriously bad happens then I will give you a piece of my mind whether you're in the afterlife or not." I smiled.

"Well, I don't think you'll have to do that." Mia raised an eyebrow as she began to cross her slender arms.

"And why is that?"

"Because I can't take you to the homecoming dance if I'm dead." Mia's eyes widened at the sound of my indirect proposal. She seemed surprised, actually. I wasn't sure why. Honestly, I thought that she might have expected it since we were starting to slowly form a relationship and such.

"Oh my gosh," Mia squealed loudly. Again, she gained looks from the other kids in the hallway but this time with the addition of Bethany and Jayden. The dark haired girl immediately frowned at the sight of my soon-to-be girlfriend while Jayden just looked annoyed in general. That might have been caused from my face though. The second our eyes met, his lips tugged downward. He slammed his locker shut and began to walk down the hallway. Bethany noticed his movement and hurried to catch up with him. Not before she sent me a weird glance over her shoulder. It was as if she was putting something together in her head. Or at least that's what the look on her face said. "What's wrong," Mia asked as she turned her head to the retreating pair.

"Nothing, it's just...Bethany, she looked at you weird. Is there something I should know about you and Bethany?" Mia's eyes dimmed slightly as I said this. She tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear as she looked away.

"It's a long story. For now, let's just say that we used to be best friends and had a huge falling out." I opened my mouth to further question her small summary but the warning bell rang. Mia quickly leaned up to peck my cheek. "I'll see you later." I nodded and grabbed her small hips so I could pull her closer. I lightly kissed her forehead before letting her go. I shot her a smile before walking away.

As if it wasn't obvious but: I actually didn't kiss her yet. After the whole fiasco with Jayden during our date, I just didn't feel right making a move. I didn't know why but something just didn't feel right about kissing her that night. The moment may have been perfect since I had walked her to her front door and we were standing under the porch light when we bid each other goodnight. I could have kissed her right then and there and it would have been perfect. Instead, I just kissed her cheek and let her go inside. Thankfully, Mia was actually more than happy with that. She blushed so deeply when I did so that I thought she was going to turn the color of a tomato. It was so cute. I guessed she was the type of girl who would appreciate taking things slow. I was grateful for that. I needed to take our budding relationship slow. I didn't exactly have a lot of free time and I didn't want to ruin the spark that we have. I really liked Mia and she really liked me. If anything, it was the stability of our future relationship that was going to keep me from going insane. I just hoped that Mia, herself, would stay around for a while but not for any wrong reasons – just because she truly felt something for me. If I had that then I would be perfectly happy.

X

"See you Danny boy," my teammates yelled after me as I walked out of the locker room that afternoon. Football practice had ended about a half hour ago so I hurried to take a quick shower and get dressed. I had to meet Ashley at my car and then get home so that I could get some homework done. I glanced at the clock in the gym as I made my way across the glossy wooden floors. I still had a couple minutes before Ashley got done her study session with Jayden. I quickly decided to walk down to the library myself and checked on her. While yes, I did know that she knew better than to do anything illegal, I still didn't trust Jayden around her. He could be the new Einstein and create futuristic inventions but I'd still be cautious of him around my sister. She got herself into enough trouble on a daily basis. Sometimes, I couldn't think of how ironic it was how she would always go out looking for trouble and now trouble was being thrown right in her face.

I remember when she first started acting out. She had to be in about fifth or sixth grade when she started doing anything she could to get in trouble. It used to annoy the living hell out of me at times. I mean, she was an intelligent, pretty girl with a bright future ahead of her. Why the hell was she always trying to risk throwing it away? At first, it was small things like talking back to the teacher or picking fights with the other girls in her classes or not cooperating in class. Gradually, she started stepping into further turfs like missing curfew or skipping school. Before we all knew it, she had practically began to surround herself with stoners and young alcoholics. She also came to be familiar with the unsafe part of town and acquainted herself with a couple of gang members whom she frequently got in trouble with. At one point, she even tried to get initiated into the gang but my parents were not about to let that happen. I still vividly remembered the argument that pursued the night that we had to drag her home from the gang's little hangout place. I had involuntarily been part of it since I had taken part in trying to get her home. Throughout all the yelling and screaming that was exchanged that night, I found out a lot about my sister. I found out that she felt alone, unwanted, and ignored. She admitted that she wanted at least a little bit of attention and care from our family since she thought that I hogged all of it. Apparently, she secretly hated me. She hated the way I always did everything right while everything she did seemed to be wrong. She hated how I always had the spotlight while she stayed behind in the curtains. All she wanted was for our parents to act like they sincerely cared for once.

After her little emotional speech, though, our parents just shook their heads and grounded her. Then they left to deliberate about what other punishment they had in store for her. I remembered Ashley falling to the ground, crying hysterically. I tried to comfort her but she started yelling about how she hated me and she wished she were never born. Despite her fighting against me, I held her close and told her that everything would be alright. I held her for a long time before she finally calmed down. After that, we became the close siblings that we are now. She saw that I didn't give up on her when our parents did and she took security in that. She told me that I deserved the best big brother award – as an addition to all my other achievements. I had smiled at her and told her that it would mean more to me than any of my other accomplishments. The smile she had given me that night was the brightest expression I'd ever seen on her face.

Looking at her now, as she tapped her pencil on the table unconsciously while she stared down at her paper, made me think of that smile on her 13 year old face. I don't even know who I can thank that her rebel acts have died down. I'm just plain thankful.

I looked to Jayden who was sitting across from my sister at the table. He was leaning back in his chair, his eyes scanning something on his phone. Suddenly, Ashley's eyes lit up and she scribbled something down on the paper. Jayden's emerald eyes shot up at her movement, his eyes monitoring her pencil's eraser's rapid swinging. Ashley smiled as she finished writing and proudly pushed the paper towards Jayden. He raised an eyebrow at her but picked up the paper and began to look over it. Ashley tapped her pencil on the table again but with impatience this time as she waited for him to finish. After a couple moments, Jayden looked up and shot my sister a small smile. I saw his mouth move as he said something to her. I assumed it was the words she wanted to hear since Ashley smiled wider and began to rattle something enthusiastically. I guessed she got everything right. Slowly, I began to make my way towards their table. Jayden's eyes immediately flicked to me, his small smile vanishing almost instantly. Ashley looked over to me as well. Immediately, she hopped out of her seat and almost tackled me to the ground with her hug.

"Whoa there, little sis," I said as I struggled to keep my balance under her sudden lightweight on me. Ashley looked up at me with a bright smile that almost reflected the one she had given me in the past. A part of me felt envious at the fact that it wasn't directed towards me but more towards what Jayden had helped her do.

"I did it! I finally got it down! I did it, Danny," she yelled happily. I smiled down at her.

"Good job!" I told her.

"Yea. It was all thanks to Jayden," she said before hurrying the small distance to tackle him into a hug as well. I walked closer as he chuckled under her embrace.

"I told you that you would get the hang of it eventually," he said.

"I know but I can't thank you enough!" He chuckled again as he slowly wiggled out from under her.

"I'm glad you've accomplished something. I've actually got to get going..."

"Okay," Ashley chirped. "We're still on for Friday, though, right?" I raised an eyebrow. Friday? What the hell was gonna go on Friday? "I'm still not too clear with some of the formulas that my teacher has been easing us into." Oh, more tutoring. Good.

"Of course," Jayden tells her before glancing at me. Ashley also gives me a quick look over her shoulder, her face crumbling into a bit of worry.

"I would leave you guys alone but I'm kind of scared to," she admitted sheepishly. Wait what? I never told her about what happened Friday night. Did he? Or was he planning something that I didn't know about but she did?

"I just have a question about the chemistry homework," Jayden said with a shrug. Ashley hesitated but nodded.

"Okay," she said before turning. "I'll be right outside when you're done," she said before flouncing off. I looked to Jayden who was eyeing me up and down like I was a piece of meat that he was about to tear to shreds. Shit.

"We had to do the balancing equations questions on page 54. Mr. Myers also wanted us to read back over section 3 since that'll be the topic of discussion tomorrow. Oh, and we have a lab on Thursday and he said to make sure we don't wear our good uniforms," I rattled off quickly before turning to walk away. I felt a strong hand grab my wrist before I could even take a step though. I immediately jerked out of his grasp, turning around to face him. Jayden raised an eyebrow at my movement as I noticed how close he was to me. I could practically smell a soft cinnamon scent that wafted off his tanned skin.

"Whoa, are you scared, white boy," he asked. I could see amusement in his eyes but his taunting smirk visibly expressed it when I didn't answer. "Don't worry, I've actually had a change of heart. I'm waiting on you to get the balls to punch me again and then I'll rip your throat out." I didn't reply. I didn't want to. I was too tired to even want to deal with another one of our small altercations. I just wanted to go home – in one piece. Jayden seemed pleased with my silence and backed away to grab his jacket from off the back of the chair he had been sitting in. "Oh, and piece of advice," he said as he began to shrug into the leather jacket. "Stay away from Mia."

"What do you know about Mia," I asked, my mouth moving impulsively. Jayden shrugged casually.

"A lot more than you do." I opened my mouth to question that statement but he spoke again. "See you around, white boy," he said before he left me standing there in the middle of the empty library.

X

I tapped my pencil against my head as I stared down at my AP Chemistry textbook. It had to be about 5 at night and I still wasn't finished doing my homework. While a part of me was actively doing my work, another part of me was paying no mind to it. Instead, I couldn't help but wonder about what Jayden meant when he mentioned Mia. I mean, I knew that she had a falling out with his friend but what did he know about that? Or what perspective of the story did he know? From the way the girl practically glared at Mia earlier, I'd guessed he knew the one where Mia was pictured as an evil bitch. But he didn't know her. Or at least, I didn't think he did.

"Hey Danny," Melanie said as she bust into my room. I looked up at her to see that she was dressed in a pair of sweatpants and one of my old hoodies that I'd given her. I smiled at her.

"Hey," I said. I felt relieved to see a familiar face. Maybe I could finally talk to her and get everything off my chest. I opened my mouth to speak but she began to babble.

"You know what we need to do," she said as she flopped down onto my bed. "We need to go to the mall. I need to go dress shopping for homecoming because it's next week and I have absolutely nothing to wear! I think I wanna wear blue because blue is part of the school colors and since we're seniors, maybe it would be cool to indirectly endorse school spirit. Or is that corny? Do you think it's corny? Maybe I should go with red, it looks better on me. But I wore red last year. Oh, I could wear black or a nice gold! Yes, that sounds good! Daniel, what do you think? Do you have any thoughts about who you're going to take to homecoming?"

"Well, yes, actually..." Melanie immediately hopped up from her position and looked at me with wide, anxious, hopeful eyes.

"Really? Who?"

"Well, I already asked Mia, the girl from my calculus class."

"Oh," Melanie said, her enthusiasm dropping. "The girl whose number was on your desk a while ago."

"Yea," I murmured. For some reason, I felt a bit awkward and hesitant about talking to Melanie about this. Something about it just felt so...weird.

"You never told me you were planning on asking her," Melanie said, sincere hurt laced into her voice.

"I'm sorry. It kind of just happened, ya know. I was in the spur of the moment. We were kidding around and it sort of just came out." Melanie nodded in understanding.

"Have you ever been out with her before?"

"Yes, actually. I took her out last Friday." Melanie nodded once more, a sadness washing over her brown eyes. I tilted my head at her. "What's wrong," I asked.

"You don't get it, do you," Melanie asked, her voice suddenly hard. I opened my mouth to say something but the sudden realization washed over me like a flood. Oh shit. I was in trouble. "You are such an asshole," Melanie yelled as she shot up from her spot on the bed. "How can you be so blind and inconsiderate? Do you not care about how I feel about you? Do you not care about how I feel now that you're prancing around with some whore? Did you not hear the words that I told you this summer? Did you not feel anything when I kissed you? Jesus, Daniel, I have waiting patiently for years! Years waiting for you to just return even a sliver of the what I feel! Years to even get the courage to even tell you how I feel and now that I did, you go off and find yourself a frilly little girlfriend! You're such an idiot!"

"Melanie," I said softly as I got up and made my way towards her. Tears had begun to stream down her face during her little outburst so now she was a hysterical mess. My heart felt so heavy seeing her like this. I didn't want to hurt her. I just...I didn't feel the same way. I couldn't fake a relationship with her just to make her happy. I couldn't break her heart like that. Yes, I loved her but not in the way that she wanted me to. "Please stop crying," I told her as I wiped away some of her tears. I cupped her face in her hands and made her look up at me. "I'm sorry," I sincerely said. "I had no intentions to hurt you or to make you feel like this. I am so sorry, Melanie, but you know how I feel about you. You know that I love you and you are one of the most important people in my life. I need you more than anything else and you know that, Mel. Remember in the summer after you told me everything and we settled it. Do you remember what we promised?"

"Yes," Melanie said with a sniffle. "We promised that we wouldn't let my love for you break up our friendship – we promised that nothing would. But Danny, it's easier to say that I don't feel jealous or angry or hurt when I see you with other girls but in terms of doing: it's so much harder than I expected."

"I know, Melanie, I know. And I know I'm making this hard on you and I'm sorry for that but I'll try to make it better. Just tell me how to make it better." Melanie sniffled again as she looked down. Her small hands came onto mine and she pulled them down off of her face.

"I think that maybe we should spend some time apart." I opened my mouth to object but she held up her hand. "Daniel, please, for my sake. I just...I want to try to move on and get rid of whatever feelings I have because you're my best friend and I just want things to go back to normal. That's all I want."

"And you think that by us not hanging out will solve that?" Melanie looked up at me and shrugged.

"I hope so." I sighed as my heart grew heavier. I was losing the one person I could really turn to in my time of need. Hell, more of I was losing my life raft. She was the one who was always there for me. If she was gone – even if only for a temporary time period – I didn't know what I was going to do. "I'm sorry, Danny. I promise that I'll get things back to normal. Okay?" Reluctantly, I nodded. Melanie nodded as well before letting go of my hands and walking out of my room. As she did so, a part of me felt as if it would be the last time she did so. With a deep sigh, I flopped face first into my bed. My face went right into my pillow as I groaned loudly. What the hell was my life coming to?