Keep Telling Yourself You Don't Like Me

"Danny, Danny, Danny," I heard little Zac yell as his little feet jumped happily on my bed. I was lying on my stomach with my face in pillow, trying hard to ignore him. He had been jumping on my bed for the past fifteen minutes for whatever reason. Usually he let me sleep in on Saturday's so I guessed that our parents had sent him up here to wake me up. I really didn't want to though. I didn't have to be anywhere until later. Jayden and I agreed to meet at the library at 2 so that meant I had all morning to relax. I wished my parents understood that concept. "Danny, please wake up," he said as he hopped onto my back and began to shake my shoulders.

"Zac, it's Saturday," I mumbled. "That means that you're supposed to let me sleep."

"I know but daddy told me to wake you up." Ugh, what could he want at 9 in the morning? "Besides, momma said breakfast will be done soon." Hmm, now that sounded pretty good. I was pretty hungry. Last night had been really busy for me. I had to pick Mia up, then pictures with our friends, then the dance and being crowned homecoming king and all that. It was a fun night but it left me tired as all get up. Half the kids who went probably aren't even conscious yet. I heard there was an after party at one of my teammates' place but I didn't go. Mia and I decided to just go home since we were both pretty worn out. Once I got out my dress clothes and lay in my bed: I was knocked out. I honestly didn't even realize Zac was jumping on my bed until he had been doing it for a while. I was too busy enjoying my deep slumber to really notice.

"Alright, alright," I said as I got up. I yawned as Zac cheered happily. I smiled at him before I got out the bed. I threw on a pair of my pajama pants over my boxers and threw on a tank top. I may have been inside of my own house but I still didn't like walking around half naked. I was raised to be too modest. Zac followed me out my room and downstairs into the living room. Ashley was lying on the couch watching television in her pajamas. Her brown hair fell in waves around her head but her eyes were drooping in exhaustion. She had gone to the dance last night with her friends but I did notice that she sneaked out of it early with some guy. I didn't know who he was nor was I trying to really question her about it. I knew that she would tell me about what happened when she was ready. By the looks of it though, it seemed as if she was fine so I didn't think I had anything to worry about.

"Good morning," Zac and I told her in unison. She looked in our directions and smiled softly.

"Hey guys," she said, her voice a bit scratched up. I raised an eyebrow at her. "Don't look at me like that. I just lost my voice from all that hype at the dance last night. I had to cheer my head off when my big brother was crowned homecoming king."

"Mhmm," I said. Ashley smiled innocently at me. Zac hopped up onto the couch next to her.

"Can I watch TV with you," he asked her. She nodded. "Okay, what are we watching?"

"Freddy Krueger."

"Turn that off. He can't watch that. He'll get nightmares," I told my sister. She waved her hand at me.

"He'll be fine." I rolled my eyes.

"Alright but when he wakes up in the middle of the night, I'm putting him right in your room so that you can deal with checking his room for monsters." Ashley once again waved her hand at me.

"Yea, yea," she said. "Dad wants you."

"Where is he?"

"In his office." I nodded before heading out the room. I walked through the dining room to get to my father's office. It was a medium sized room near the back of the house with big wooden doors. Inside, there were bookshelves, a huge desk, a desktop computer, and a coffee table along with some chairs. My dad spent a lot of time in there when he was home. As much as he hated to admit it but he was very dedicated to his job. He was practically always working. He was always on his phone when our family went out places and when we were home, he was always in here. Sometimes, I wondered if he liked his job since he was always doing something for it. Whether it was making phone calls or checking stock and sales or making sure the employees were doing their jobs. I would guess he did but I don't think he did. I think he just like the compensation that came from it. He didn't have to worry about our college funds or anything like that because of how much he got paid. Sure, it was a good thing but I could tell that his job was stressing him out more than he wanted to let on. Even now as he was sitting at his desk in his pajamas, typing away on his computer, I could see that the weariness behind his eyes.

"Morning dad," I told him as I went to sit down in one of the chairs in front of his desk. My dad glanced at me once before he typed one last thing onto his computer. Then he looked to me and smiled.

"Good morning Daniel. How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Tired. Zac woke me up."

"Oh yea, sorry about that. I just needed to talk to you." I raised an eyebrow as I felt a nervous knot in my stomach. I hoped he hadn't found out about the letters in my drawer. But then again, maybe he didn't. If he had then he would probably be bubbling with a mixture of anger and excitement. He was calm and seemed to be content right now so there was probably something else on his mind.

"Okay. What about?" My dad leaned forward on his desk, folding his hands together in front of him.

"About your future. This is beyond college though. I just wanna know where you see yourself in ten or fifteen years. We haven't really talked much about what profession you want to go into or where you wanna be in life. We've only really talked about school and college and I think we can go deeper than that now that you're about ready to make that decision."

"Well, in ten or fifteen years, I'll probably still be in medical school."

"Medical school," my dad exclaimed as a big smile erupted upon his face. "Wow, my son the doctor, huh?" I nodded as I blushed softly.

"Yea. I think that I wanna work in a children's hospital. Maybe as a cancer specialist or a surgeon or even a regular pediatrician. I'm not exactly sure yet. Or I was thinking that I could go into the research field of medicine but I don't know. I'm just gonna go with the whole pre-med major type stuff first and figure out the rest later on."

"That's good, Daniel. That's really good. I'm proud of you for wanting to go into that profession. So, are you thinking about getting married somewhere down the road and starting a family?"

"Honestly, I haven't really put much thought into it," I said with a soft shrug. "I mean it'd be nice and everything but I think I just wanna keep that one in my back pocket for right now." My dad nodded. "Can I ask you a question...about marriage?"

"Sure," he said happily.

"Well, you and mom have been together forever practically and I was wondering about how you knew."

"How I knew what son?"

"How you knew she was the one you wanted to spend the rest of your life with. I mean, I've always figured that you knew early since you guys did go to the same college together and you guys got married not too long after the graduation. It was obvious that you knew at a young age."

"Daniel, I met your mother when we were only 14 years old. I know you remember how you are when you're 14. There's nothing but hormones and you're just always ready to hump the first female you see." I blushed softly though I knew exactly what he was talking about. Those hormonal changes were a bitch. "When I first saw your mother, I didn't get that normal sense of those hormones kicking in. Instead I felt emotion, a genuine emotion. My heart almost stopped, my stomach twisted up into knots, and the first thought in my head was 'Damn she's beautiful'." He shook his head. "It was a sudden epiphany Daniel. From the first moment I saw her, I just knew that she was one. I think knowing is more impulsive than anything."

"Oh," I murmured. What he just described was a big contrast next to the emptiness I was feeling with Mia. Sure, I was happy when she was around and we had a good time together but whenever we kissed I didn't feel anything. Sometimes, I even felt a bit disgusted. It was as if I was kissing one of my friends. It was so strange and it made me feel like such a jerk. Why was I still leading her on when I knew that I wasn't making the romantic connection that I wanted? Maybe I was trying too hard to make the spark connect with my body. Maybe I just needed to relax myself around her and just let things flow naturally. I needed to stop trying to force something that might need time to develop.

"Are you feeling anything similar to that with that girl that I hear you're dating?"

"I'm not sure," I murmured sheepishly. "We're just kind of having fun right now and taking things slow. We're not trying to rush anything." My dad nodded.

"That's good. There's no need for rushing." I glanced at the clock to see that it was starting to hit around 10. "So, I was thinking that we could go out for the day. You and me. Some father son bonding time. What do you say?"

"Actually, dad, I already have plans." My dad raised an eyebrow.

"With that girl?"

"No, with Jayden. Your friend's nephew, remember?" My dad briefly racked his brain as he thought back to a couple weeks ago when he had meet his old friend in the restaurant. His eyes quickly lit up with recognition as he nodded. "Yea, we're partners in our Chemistry class and we have this big project due for this big science fair at the end of the year. We're going to try to create our own lotion or something so we decided to get a jump on it. I'm going to meet him at the library later."

"Are you friends with him?"

"Not exactly. He's not really too fond of me. We're just trying to be cordial for the sake of the project."

"Why doesn't he like you?" I shrugged.

"He doesn't like much of anyone really." My dad nodded before smiling softly.

"Maybe he needs a friend like you."

"I guess," I murmured. "I should go eat breakfast and get ready to head out." He nodded. "Maybe next weekend, we can do something." My dad smiled.

"Okay, son. Have fun." I shot him a smile before I headed into the kitchen. Luckily, breakfast was ready so I ate with my siblings and my mom. While I babbled along to my mom about the homecoming dance, I noticed my sister picking over her food. She looked a bit sick at the sight of it. I wanted to ask if she was alright but I didn't want to put her on the spot like that. Besides, my mom got really overprotective and worried when one of us was sick. I doubted Ashley would really like if mom got all super protective right now. I hoped she was alright.

After I was done eating, I retreated up to my personal bathroom to take a quick shower. I stayed under the hot water for a good hour and a half before I finally got out. I wasn't trying to rush getting out the door. I wasn't sure if Jayden would be there on time and I didn't want to get there too early. I changed into a fitted tee shirt, jeans and a tee shirt. I brushed my hair so that it was decent before going to brush my teeth and such. Once, I finally look presentable, it was about 1:30. Perfect timing. I hurried down the stairs as I shrugged on a jacket and was out the door. I drove downtown to the huge Harrison Library quickly. It was just a little after two when I arrived in the parking lot. I noticed the same red motorcycle that was outside my house a couple weeks ago in the parking lot as well. At least he was here.

I walked into the library and wandered over to the tables section and looked around curiously. I'd been in this library a couple times but I didn't know it by heart. My dad just used to drive me here when I needed a book for a project or something. We would usually just stand at the front desk and wait for a worker to retrieve the book for us. I never actually got to see the whole library before. I was surprised at how big it was and how beautiful. The ceiling hung high with tons of different murals painted on it. The bookshelves also stood tall and graceful. There was a huge ceiling window in the middle of the library, giving a spectacular view of the clear, blue sky. The musky smell of books rang in the air as well but I found it comforting. I was a book lover after all. I spotted Jayden sitting at a table near the back of the library. He was dressed in a fitted red v neck tee shirt, a pair of black jeans and black boots. His black curls fell into his emerald eyes a bit but he was too busy reading a book to really notice. I noticed again how thin but muscular he was. The tattoo on his shoulder was a bit more visible, the ends of it peeking out a bit more. I still couldn't make out what it was though even as I got closer. I did notice what he was reading, though, and I was surprised to see that he was reading Tiger's Curse. There was also a huge stack of books next to him. I could make out the colors of the other books in the Tiger's Curse series as well as the Mortal Instruments and the three books of Perfect Chemistry.

"I see you took my advice," I said as I stood across the table from him. Jayden's bright emerald eyes looked up at me. Immediately, the light hit them and I could see his irises begin to sparkle as they reflected it. In that moment, his eyes stood out even more against his deep caramel colored skin. They looked pretty...cool, I guess I could say. I looked down at the book in his hands to see he was well through half the novel already. I raised an eyebrow. "How long have you been here," I asked as I took a seat across from him. He shrugged but didn't answer. I saw him pick up a black bookmark and tuck it inside the book. He then set it aside and leaned down to go through his book bag. He pulled out a notebook, opened a page and slid it over at me. "What's this," I asked as I looked down at the notes scribbled down on the paper.

"It's a recipe of how to make the lotion texture in the first place along with their designated chemical bonds and stuff. Under that is some possible scent ideas for both men and women along with their chemicals and the bonds used to make those specific scents. I noticed that you were doing the formulas for making the lotion work with the skin so I decided to do some of the other stuff," he replied. As I looked over his work, I realized that he really was smart. Each chemical equation was balanced perfectly and he had brainstormed tons of ideas for our project. I had really overlooked his potential.

"Wow, these are really good," I told him. I slid the notebook back over to him before I picked up my bag to get my own work out. "Now, I went over my chemical equations with my mom since she's a creator/scientist/expert for this type of thing and she said that they were pretty good and should work just fine once we get all of the elemental stuff together."

"Cool," Jayden said simply. "So, I guess we're just working on getting the chemicals to work together, right? Trying to get them to bond?" I nodded.

"Yea. That's going to take a lot of work. How about we do one at a time so that we can end up with about five to ten lotion scents? Maybe if we're a big hit at the science fair, then we can start a whole business. Wouldn't that be cool?"

"It would be but I don't think I like you enough to spend the rest of my life doing business with you." I looked up at Jayden to see that he was staring at me, his ghost smile placed back on his face. His eyes were examining me casually, a hint of amusement in them.

"Yea, you keep telling yourself that," I said. Jayden's eyes suddenly widened, the amusement vanishing from them.

"What are you talking about," he asked quickly.

"I mean that you can keep telling yourself that you don't like me but you know that deep down inside, you want to be friends." Jayden rolled his eyes, his mouth tightening at the sides. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and relaxed in his chair.

"Don't flatter yourself, white boy. I'd rather be shot to death than be friends with you." I put a hand to my chest and frowned dramatically.

"Jayden, your words hurt me so," I told him. He shook his head but I could see the ends of his mouth struggling not to pull upwards. My lips pulled up into a smile unconsciously as the thought of me having the ability to make him laugh filled my mind.

"You're such a fucking weirdo," Jayden said.

"Thank you," I told him.

"You're not welcome." He glanced at the book next to him, his eyes showing longing for it.

"It's a good book, isn't it," I asked causing his eyes to turn back to me.

"You never shut up, do you," he asked. I immediately shut my mouth. I hadn't even noticed that I'd been talking so much to him. That was weird. Usually, the only person I really talk around is Melanie. I'm starting to talk more to Mia too but that's different. I shouldn't even want to talk to Jayden. He already made it known that he didn't like me plus he beat the living crap out of me. Yet, it seems that after our fight, he's been a bit more relaxed around me. It was strange but maybe that's how things went on down where he lived. They fought and then they were cool.

"How come you don't talk much," I countered. Jayden's gaze held steady with mine for a second before he looked away.

"Because English isn't my first language," he murmured. "I know it well but I don't like speaking it." His face had fallen a bit as he said that. I could tell he was ashamed of that fact and that made me feel bad. I didn't know much about Jayden but yet I had the nerve to say those mean things to him the day of our fight. I shouldn't have said them and I know I shouldn't have but at least it cleared the tension between us. Now, it seems that maybe he might even attempt to open up to me. Fat chance probably but hey, it's nice to be a bit optimistic.

"Oh. Sorry, I didn't know..."

"Of course you didn't," he said sharply. He didn't look at me as he said this. Immediately, the small crack I saw in his hard façade in that moment disappeared. Again, he was guarded and had no intentions of sharing any more of his small thoughts with me. "Let's just start working," he said as he grabbed his notebook. I nodded and went along with what he wanted. We worked together peacefully for a good three hours before we decided that it was a good time to start heading home.

"Do you have any plans tonight," I asked Jayden as I packed my bag. He was sitting next to me now since we did need to be able to see the same work to do the equations and such.

"I have to work," he said simply. "How about you?"

"Oh you actually care?"

"No but I was trying to be polite. Sorry, won't happen again." I smiled, shaking my head.

"I honestly don't know. I might hang out with my dad or something. Maybe we'll go to a sports bar and catch a game or something. Tomorrow's the homecoming game so I can't stay out too late. Gotta go kick some Raider booty. Are you going to be there...at the game tomorrow?"

"It depends," Jayden says. "I might have to work. Plus, why would I want to see your face again? I just dealt with it for the past three hours straight."

"You calling me ugly?"

"I ain't calling you cute." We both laughed softly and suddenly, I felt...closer to him in a way. I'd never heard him laugh before. The sound was nice. It was low and held his accent and was nice.

"Whatever. If you have time, you should swing by. Sport some school spirit for once."

"I'll think about it." I noticed Jayden packed his huge pile of books into his bag. I stared at him with a small smile causing him to glance glare at me. "Don't start, white boy," he said. I laughed softly but shook my head. "I got to go. I've got work in an hour," he said as he stood up.

"Maybe I'll ask my dad if we can swing by there. Your uncle and he seem to be really close. Then, I can annoy you some more." Jayden rolled his eyes.

"Don't even waste your time." He pushed his chair in.

"How come you work so much," I asked without thinking. Jayden looked to me, his eyes hardening. I expected him to snap at me or reply with some smart comment but instead, I got an honest answer.

"We need the money," he said simply. Then, he walked away from me. I watched him go, my mind swimming with more questions that I was planning to ask him later. I could feel him getting more comfortable with me and I was happy about that. Then maybe we could get some actual progress done with this project. But a part of me felt more than just happiness for the sake of the project. There was something more there to him than what I wanted to know or anything more for the sake of the project. I wanted to truly know him for some reason. Just as Jayden reached the door, his emerald eyes looked back at me and I could tell that a part of him wanted to know me too.