Chapter Eighteen

Alone in the hospital room with Cole and their sleeping baby, it seemed unnaturally quiet. The hospital television subscription had run out so there wasn't even any background noise to distract herself with. She busied herself by folding all of the baby's clothes. Every tiny sound seemed amplified in the sterile room. The more they packed the more awkward it became.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you." She whispered finally. "The other day when I said you'd used me. It's not what I believed at the time, and I don't think you're the type of person who would do that. I just... I can't think of any other explanation now."

Cole glared at her, the set of his jaw told her he wasn't ready to be over it. "You didn't hurt me." He said bluntly and turned his back.

"I was trying to apologize."

"Got it." He tossed her slippers into the case.

"You're such a stubborn ass, you know that?"

"Yes. I've been told." He kept his back to her. "Usually by you now I think about it."

Her eyes flittered around the room looking for something to hit him with. Given the events of late, she had a good defence. Sorry Judge, I didn't mean to beat him with a box of rubber gloves, it must have been my temporary insanity.

They worked in silence to pack up the room. She'd accumulated quite a few things in the month since Freddie was born. Mostly due to Cole bringing gifts for the baby every time he visited, which was twice a day without fail. He was never too tired or too busy. So far he was proving to be nothing like his father at all.

Mrs. Washington came to visit every couple of days, took a thousand photo's and left. Tess was quickly beginning to think of her as an ally. They would sit and chat and Tess had learned a lot about the Washington family and why the name was of such importance. There were years of tradition, history, and pride in it. It seemed important to Mrs. Washington that Tess understood the richness of their history.

Tess had never been a part of anything bigger than the here and now. She made enough money to live from week to week, while the Washington's could support generations to come. No one wanted to put the home at risk. Tess had a mother she hadn't seen in years, a father she'd met once or twice and that was the extent of it. The closest she had to family was GG. Well... until now. Freddy was her family now. An actual blood relative.

Determined it would mean more to her than it did her mother and father, she had sudden respect for Cole's history. Cole's father may be a giant ass hat, but he was an ass hat that stuck around and raised a family. He worked hard, allegedly, and he provided a comfortable life. Especially because he could have retired years ago but chose to continue to build and run the family business.

Despite the rough first impression, Tess would love nothing more than to become a Washington. The realization surprised her. She'd had such distaste for them at the beginning but the more time she spent with Cole's mother the more she adored her. She had a good heart.

Then there was the constant effort to keep Cole at arm's length. It was becoming increasingly difficult lately. The sheer amount of time they spent together made getting over him impossible. And besides their original break-up, he'd been perfect. She needed to go to some sort of Cole Washington rehab center where they show you photos of all the other available men in the world. Oh, and checklists, yes, checklists to mark off all the reasons he could be a class 'A' jerk off.

Why did he have to be so darn adorable? The way he talked to Freddie. Entire conversations about life, about his hopes for him and the way he told him how much he loved him at least 10 times a day. Damn you, Cole, for being so perfect.

No one else had visited since she's had the baby. She'd spoken to GG every day on the phone and was embarrassed to realize she'd already turned into one of those irritating parents who send at least 15 photos a day of their kid. GG was itching to get out here and visit but Tess had told her to hold off. She really wanted to be at home so they could spend more time together. Not just within visiting hours.

The drive home from the hospital began in complete silence, not so much as the radio on the car stereo. Well, it wasn't completely silent, Cole made a point of huffing and puffing and making little noises with his tongue, just to ensure she knew he was annoyed.

She would have to be blindfolded, wearing earplugs and submerged in a tank of water to not notice he was ticked off.

Her mind wandered to Cole acting shifty over his lunch date. She didn't want to care but she did.

Just let it go.

Just let it go.

Just let it go.

She chanted over and over in her head. "So who did you say this extremely old friend was that you met for lunch?" She asked.

Damn it.

She had no chill what-so-ever.

Cole sucked in a deep breath and let it whistle out between his pursed lips. "You're unbelievable you know that?"

"Thank you, I know. And you're avoiding the question." She snapped. Her ears burned and she hated herself for letting him know she cared.

"Fine." He said at last.

"Fine what? Who was it?"

"Fine, I'll answer you... It's none of your business. That's my answer." A smile crept across his lips.

Wringing her hands together she shoved them in her lap. More so she wouldn't pop him one than anything. She watched as the world whizzed by in a blur, her red cheeks reflected back at her in the glass window. Silence crept its way back through the car. A part of her really expected for him to just fess up but another 5 minutes passed without a word.

"It's not like I care anyway." She mumbled finally.

"You're right, doesn't look like you care at all. And you certainly don't look jealous." He kept his eyes focused on the road and gave no indication if he was playing with her or not.

"What would I have to be jealous of? If I wanted you, I would have said yes to your totally bogus proposal." The rage gates opened. There would be a stampede.

"That's right you could have had me. You still can have me. You're choosing not to. Remember that Tess."

"Remember that Tess." She mimicked him and scrunched up her face, looking more like Robert DeNiro than Cole in that moment.

"Yep, thanks, you're so mature. And I don't look like that." He shook his head as though he was dealing with a child. "No one looks like that."

"That's right, you're much uglier."

He laughed. "And you're a brat. How old are you again?"

"I'm old enough to recognize a womanizing pig when I see one."

He rolled his eyes, "So you're back to worrying about other women."

"I'm worried for them maybe."

"Sure you are." He said.

She narrowed her eyes at him, her gaze so razor-sharp, she was surprised it didn't cut through the glass of his window. Maybe around his silhouette like a chalk outline.

"I went for lunch with Marigold." He said it quietly. A man resigned to his fate.

"Hmpf." She snorted and stuck her nose in the air. "Wasn't that the girl your mother wanted you to marry."

"Yep."

"I see."

"No, you think you see. But you don't."

"Please Cole, enlighten me." She was beyond caring now. Anything he had to say from here on in was going to be disregarded by her brain anyway.

"We were working on a special project. We're done now."

"Is that what the kids are calling it these days." She crossed her arms in a huff and decided not to talk to him.

"Tess, why do you do this? You had your chance. You rejected me. You can't then try to control what I do. You want in, or you don't but you can't be halfway. I'm sorry."

Her heart pounded like a heard of elephants in her chest. How can it be possible to hate someone that you love so much?

Great... now my brains throwing around the love word. Damn these post-natal hormones. Brain, are you listening? We hate Cole okay? Yes, we definitely hate him and his smug face, dressed in his suit and tie. No brain, we don't care that he's wearing those pants that pull tight across his package. Focus. Cole=Jerk.

"Don't you get it? You didn't want me, Cole. You rejected me and sent me away and now you suddenly want me back. Why? Because I have your child? You didn't care about me before I got pregnant so why now? It's not enough for me. I want someone to love me for me, not because I was their baby incubator."

Oh God, she'd said it out loud. It felt great. Releasing the words out into the atmosphere not only let him know why it wouldn't happen between them but really reminded Tess why she couldn't fall for his gentleman act and puppy dog eyes. Not even the for the package? Brain! I won't speak to you again. Do not... I repeat... do NOT think about Cole's package.

Coles' mouth set into a straight line. The only movement from his eyelids blinking on an occasion and his hands sliding back and forth on the steering wheel.

Well, it had felt therapeutic, but now I just feel like a psycho.

When they arrived back at the ranch she took Freddie out of his car seat and brought him inside to lay him down.

She walked in and realized immediately that someone had cleaned up all the bags and boxes from the sitting room. Spinning to face Cole, she didn't try to hide her panic. He placed a hand on her shoulder. "I tidied up." He reassured her and she let out a slow shuddered breath.

"Oh, I thought..."

"I know." His voice softened and suddenly his anger seemed to dissipate. "We'll work out what's going on. Just relax, you're safe here."

"So you do think I'm crazy." She spat out at him.

"No, no I don't I just..."

"Just what Cole?"

He scratched his head and appeared to be contemplating making a break for the front door.

"You left Tess. No one fired you. I've avoided telling you but it has to be said. You need to know."

"That... that's not true. How dare you call me a liar?" She was shaken. If what he said was true, this memory issue had been going on a lot longer than she'd thought.

"I don't think you're a liar I just want you to get some help." He soothed.

Seeing the pity in his eyes really pissed her off, or maybe it scared her. She wasn't quite sure which. Whenever she'd been worried, he'd laughed it off and reassured her and now out of the blue, he'd switched sides.

"How about you worry about your multi-million-dollar company and I'll take care of myself?" She raised her voice and it wobbled.

"And who's looking after Freddy?" He raised his voice back.

She recoiled as though she'd been slapped.

"I am quite capable of looking after my son- now I'd like you to leave thank you."

"Are you confident of that?" He threw the words at her before gathering his coat and walking out the door.

With Freddie still in her arms, she sat gently back on the sofa and stared at the little boy in her arms. Becoming a mother was so surreal, like coming through the other side of an extremely painful dream, only to discover something better than anything you'd ever imagined.

She was a survivor. She'd had a childhood far from perfect yet she always fought to do the best she could. The struggle to provide a sense of security she'd never been given was always paramount. Until now. Now, her wellbeing needed to come secondary to the little man she held in her arms. Sleeping in her hands, complete trust, complete faith. Did she deserve it or was Cole right? What if she forgot to feed him?

She shook her head to dislodge the thought, no, that could never happen. Speaking of feeding him, she had about two hours left until he needed to be fed again. Maybe she could put him down and have a quick nap.

Standing up she made her way down to the room her and Cole decided they would turn into a nursery. She would need to start setting up all Freddie's stuff tomorrow but today, she was just too tired. Planning to grab a few clean blankets and a clean outfit for him she reached around the door that was slightly ajar and switched on the light.

Yellow beams spread across the floor, highlighting the room. As she stepped inside a gasp escaped her lips. The room was gorgeous. All the furniture was fully assembled, the dark oak crib and matching nursery furniture took her breath away. Never in her life had she seen a room this wonderful. The blue and black organza curtains blew lightly with the breeze coming in through the window.

Her eyes zoomed in on the rocking chair. What was that furry thing hanging on the back of it? She walked over and let her free hand run over it. Oh lord, it was a Mohawk. Cole had stuck big bulging eyes and colored Mohawks on everything in the room. From the foot of the crib to the throw cushions on the rocker. Little felt guitars, microphones, and drum kits were stitched in the corners of Freddy's towels and blankets.

But the best part could quite possibly have been the most perfect thing she'd ever happened across in her life. It was the coolest, least gray thing she'd ever seen. A mural on the far wall. Painted to look like a stage, complete with musical instruments, speakers and a blurred crowd of fans.

In the center of the drum kit, it said Washington Misfits.

Tess Placed Freddie in the crib she hadn't expected to see and stood taking in the room for a good half an hour before she realized how much time had passed. Cole had made her and Freddy a present and she acted like a crazed, rabid, raccoon. Irrationally flying into an attack.

If only there wasn't so much at stake. If only she and Cole could be together but there was no way. It couldn't be possible. Although... if he was telling the truth and he didn't have her fired...

There's hope. She realized.

Brain!

I'm warning you!