Chapter 151

But also…what is it that I want? Do I actually want like…two boyfriends? How would that even work? And what does that look like in twenty years – do we all just…live in a house together? Would we…have kids?

God, this is so weird.

Jackson blushes deeply now that he’s been put on the spot, his mouth twisting as he looks down at the floor.

“Well?” Rafe asks. “Speak now, Jacks, this is your chance to say what you really want. Are you cool with Ariel dating Luca too? Or…”

“Fine, whatever,” Jackson snaps, unhappy to be pressed into telling his truth and not looking at me. “I want what Luca wants, if you really want to know. I want my mate to myself, I don’t want to share her with anyone.” He raises his eyes to glare at Luca a little, like it’s all his fault.

“All right,” Rafe says, sounding satisfied. I turn to him in confusion now, my hands spreading at my sides because…I mean, we didn’t decide anything –

“It looks like you’re going to have to choose, Ari,” Rafe says, his face even and his voice controlled.

My mouth pops open in horror.

“Well, they don’t want to be in an open relationship,” he says, gesturing towards my mates with my coffee mug.

“But we said -!”

“I know,” Rafe says, nodding, reading my mind. “And I still stand by that. You have a right to explore both of your mating bonds, which the Goddess gave you – a gift from our grandmother.”

“Wait, what?” Jackson asks, stepping forward a little, confused.

“We’ll explain that later,” Jesse murmurs, waving a hand at Jackson, his eyes trained on Rafe.

“But,” Rafe says, holding up a finger, “I don’t think that it’s fair for you to have unlimited time to explore those bonds. I think that, in deference to what your mates have stated they want…that you should take the time you need to make your decision, but that in the end…” he holds my eyes now, knowing that it’s breaking my heart, “you should choose one of them, Ariel. It’s…it’s not fair not to, if that’s not what they want.”

My mouth pops open as I stare at my brother and then over at my two mates, my heart breaking at the idea of not having one of them.

Because –

I mean –

They’re – they’re mine –

They’re both mine!

“Rafe,” I say, my voice thick with my grief at the idea, “I can’t…”

“Well, we can’t,” Luca says, folding his arms and staring at me, hard. I feel all of his sadness, all of his grief as he does. “I mean, I don’t speak for Jackson, but I can’t live like this. Not forever. For a little bit…” he sighs, hanging his head, thinking about it. “Maybe. Maybe, Ariel. Because I think I’m better for you than he is, your true mate, but because you might need time to figure that out? I think…I think I could live with it. For a while.”

Shocked, my eyes move to Jackson next.

But he doesn’t say a word, just holding my eyes.

And as I stare at him, I realize what the emotions are coming down my bond with him – just…a desperate desire, an open yes, absolute horror at the idea that he could lose me and a determination to keep me on any terms.

As I realize that that’s how my sweet mate is feeling – so desperate, so ready to say yes to whatever keeps me by his side no matter what the terms - I set my jaw and raise my chin, determined to do what’s right.

Because it’s not fair to Jacks. Even if he hasn’t said it aloud, he wants me so badly that he’s willing to take me however he can get me, even if that means sharing me with Luca, which is not what he wants to do. And Luca – he knows how to fight for himself, knows how to ask for what he wants, to insist upon it.

But Jackson…

And I can’t…suddenly, I can’t anymore. I can’t insist on both of them letting me have them forever, even if it’s what I want, because it’s just not fair. If it’s not what they want, not what they can give, then it’s not fair.

“Fine,” I say, my lip shaking and my eyes filling with tears as I raise my chin and move my eyes back to my brother. “Fine. I’ll…I’ll choose. If that’s what’s fair, then that’s what I’ll do.”