Chapter 52

Chapter 52

Luca’s stumbles again as he holds me up with one arm below my ass, the other still around my waist –

but I don’t care.

I don’t care at all – don’t care about anything except the taste of his mouth, the feel of his lips pressing

against mine again and again. I can only concentrate on the way his tongue feels as he licks me,

promising without words all the different ways he wants to taste me, all the different parts of my body

he wants to taste –

God, fuck, if we fall to the ground in this damn dream forest, I don’t care

Might be better, honestly, so I could feel the weight of him on me, pressing me inexorably down, into

the ground –

But Luca finds his footing, his grip on my thigh moving upwards to tighten at the soft place right at the

crease of my ass. He moans again, that hard shudder passing through him as I wrap his hair in my fist

and tilt his head backwards an inch, taking control of the kiss, pressing my tongue into his mouth this

time.

He shakes his head, panting against me, his eyes flicking open just for a second, hazy with lust. And

slowly, deliberately – not knowing at all what makes me do it – I pull back just incrementally to lick the

length of his lower lip, wanting to taste him there. The feel of the stubble on his chin against my tongue

makes my eyes flutter shut with want.

“God damn it, Ari,” Luca murmurs before sealing his mouth hard to mine, his hand drifting higher on my

back, up my neck, his fingers brushing the hair at my nape. I lose myself to him completely, to the feel

of his body pressed tight to mine, to his heartbeat my own – pounding in his chest.

–

–

as vivid as

But suddenly his fingers move higher, burying themself in my hair hair that is longer than it should be,

for a boy –

And my cap, it falls sideways off my head –

All of my hair tumbles down a moment later, cascading around my shoulders.

Luca’s eyes fly open as I gasp, pulling back just an inch

Chapter 52

But it’s enough.

Enough, as his fingers run once through the length of my hair.

I freeze. Completely freeze like a panicked animal, staring at him.

◌ོར་’མས

I see every second of it as Luca’s eyes go wide, taking in the rose–gold expanse of my hair as it pools

around my face.

“Ari…” he whispers, mystified.

And something about him saying my name – it breaks me out of my shock.

I shriek and shake my head, pressing my eyes shut –

Willing the dream to end.

–

I groan the moment I wake up, burying my face into my pillow and shrieking again unable to help it, but

also desperately hoping that my deep–sleeping brother and cousin don’t hear me.

Because I desperately, desperately can’t let them know how completely I’ve fucked this up.

I roll onto my back when I feel capable of controlling myself, covering my face with my hands and

staring up at the ceiling of my tiny, perfect nook, totally ashamed of my loss of control.

This

–

this could be the end of everything, couldn’t it? All because I was so stupid and weak and couldn’t

resist kissing him couldn’t keep myself from absolutely losing control with him, climbing him like a

stupid little monkey just because he kissed me.

–

And god, what a kiss – I

“Ve kissed boys before, but not like that –

–

But even as I being to reminisce, I scold myself. Even if it was a shatteringly good, life- changing kiss

this isn’t precisely the time for kissing, is it!?

–

I have thing to do! I have goals!

Chapter 02

And even if I don’t think that Luca would spill my secret, anything could happen right now. He’s

probably waking up in his own room right now, completely freaked out and baffled about what’s going

on, desperate to know more

–

I mean, he could storm into breakfast tomorrow and just absolutely blow my cover! And considering

how moody he was this morning when he didn’t even know if the dream state was real, imagine how

he’s going to react now!

I am miserable all night long, going over all the possible scenarios in my mind. Whether or not Luca

actually figured out I’m a girl when my hair fell down…

But, of course he did. Of course! He’s not stupid, after all.

But also…did he? Did he think it was just dream magic? Or…

And, I mean, is he going to hate me for keeping even more important truths from him? I can’t blame

him for that.

But how will he actually react to it?

What will he do?

But surely, surely he’ll refuse to keep my secret any more with Rafe and Jesse, wanting everything out

in the open…but then!

Rafe!

Rafe thinks that Jackson is my singular mate! What the hell is he going to do when he figures out I’m

making out with Luca in a dream state!?

I

groan again, sick of myself, sick of trying to balance all these secrets, sick of my complete loss of

control.

I’m completely miserable for the next several hours, which I spend in bed loathing myself with my eyes

pressed shut. But sleep does not find me, not an ounce of it. I don’t know why – I’m completely

exhausted, but somehow it just doesn’t. Maybe because I’m terrified of entering the dream state again,

of facing him –

Or that he won’t be there, because he’s too mad at me –

Or maybe I don’t sleep because I’ve convinced myself that I don’t deserve sleep, because I put my

enrollment in the Academy at risk because I was too weak to resist a kiss.

As the night starts to turn towards dawn, I give up on the prospect of sleep all together and sit up,

pulling my chemistry book closer. I light the little lamp on my tiny bedside table and, ensuring that the

curtains around my nook are tightly shut so that my family can’t see it, I lose myself in my studies for as

long as I can.

I jump almost out of my skin a few hours later when Rafe pulls back

my

curtain.

“What are you doing?” he asks, frowning at me when he sees me slumped over my chemistry text.

“Studying,” I murmur, glancing up at him from where my face is pressed miserably to the page. I’m too

close to read anything, but also too miserable and exhausted to get up.

“Ari,” Rafe snaps, scowling and coming forward, putting a hand under my chin and obliging me to sit up

so that he can survey my face. “You look like shit did

you get any sleep at all last night?”

Still wretched, I just shake my head.

–

He sighs, glaring at me a little before dropping my chin and stroking his palm once over the head, like a

pet. “You have to sleep, Ariel. You’re not going to make it through this if don’t rest. What, are you

anxious about something?”

you

Not lying at all, I slowly nod

my head.

“About what?” he asks, sinking down to sit on the edge of my bed and stare at me, worried. “Ari, you

have nothing to worry about – you’re the smartest girl I’ve ever met, smartest person, full stop! And

Jesse and I – we’re going to kick your ass at workouts so that you’re ready when the Examination

comes around! You’re going to be fine!”

I sigh, my eyes filling with

tears at my sweet brother’s pep talk, and I push my chemistry book away, crawling across the bed a

few feet and pressing myself warm against his side, resting my head on his chest. Rafe sighs,

wrapping his arms around me and rocking me back and forth just like mom does when we’re sad.

“Don’t get overwhelmed now, baby trouble,” he murmurs, using my family’s pet name for

1. me. “We’ve got you.”

“Thank you. Rafe,” I murmur, sniffing a little, gratitude overwhelming my worry for just a second. “You’re

the best.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” he says, smirking at me as he tilts my head up so that I look into his face. “I’m in

charge of your workout this afternoon, and I’m going to make you suffer, little Shrimp.”

I can’t help the little smile that finds my lips, the tiny laugh that pulses through me. “Nooo, go nice on

me, big brother,” I sigh, putting my head back down. “I’m tired.”

“Coffee will patch you up,” he says, patting me on the back and standing up abruptly so that I flop onto

the bed in a heap. “Now get up! The day is not waiting for lazy girls!”

I sigh, watching him stride towards the bathroom and then shifting my eyes to Jesse as I see him start

to stir in his bed, stretching his arms over his head in a yawn. His face bursts into a grin as Rafe pulls

the bathroom door shut and his eyes focus on me.

“Hey, tiny cousin,” he says, wicked. “How’d you sleep? Any interesting dreams?”

But I just scowl at him and burrow under my blankets, not needing any of Jesse’s nonsense today.

Because I have to prepare myself for breakfast.

And Luca’s definitely, absolutely going to be at breakfast.