Chapter Eighteen- Bubba

Sorry in advance for any errors lol💛

The best thing for me is reading people's comments and a lot of them are about how attractive the models are; how cute the pajamas are; how *insert character from Infinity War* was to blame 😊😂 It makes me so happy💛

Sorry for the late update, sleeping has been really difficult lately and I dunno- I kinda don't want to publish sleepy things? I'm confusing myself already lol

Hope you enjoy ☺️

El x

[...]

Freddie's PoV

We end up on Will's bed, his soft face resting on my bare chest; my hands running through his wispy curls. A cat-like purr escapes from his closed lips, followed by a vibrant blush.

He's adorable.

Gentle kisses from scarlet lips litter my bruised skin, Will's nimble fingers tracing the scars on my stomach lightly. It makes me relax; relishing in the delicate touches.

They seem to force my agitated mind to slow down- at least for a little while.

He hasn't said a word since we left the bathroom, his body relaxed from a warm bath.

I suppose he doesn't want to ask where the scars came from. Will's awfully conscious about offending people, thinking for minutes; analysing a single question before he asks it.

It took him ages to admit that he liked me- I smile slightly at the thought and he pokes at my upturned cheek, raising his eyebrows in question.

It took him even longer to say that he loves me

I kiss his glossy lips, a gentle peck that's barely there but meaningful all the same. His gentle face looks dazed, like it always seems to be. A white patch covers his left eye, yet he is still so beautiful.

I think I'm ready.

I'm ready to tell him.

The harsh bumps on my arms start to itch, the puffy skin sending irritated signals to my cluttered brain. Memories bombard my thoughts; I try to calm down, to focus on the fragile boy in front of me.

I stroke my hand over his delicate face, cupping his cheeks in my hands.

"I love you"- I say, desperately waiting for his reply, needing the confidence.

"I love you too"

My eyes close automatically, not quite used to him saying that yet. He doesn't know how much it affects me.

I let out a deep sigh, opening my tired eyes once more.

And then I just let it all out-

"I had a sister once"

He head snaps up.

"She was an absolute sweetheart, only 5 years younger than me but so much more childish" I smile, a bittersweet emotion sweeping over me, remembering her abundance of stuffed toys, "mum and dad used to fight about it all the time-"

[...]

A small body collides into my thin legs, hugging them tightly in excitement.

"Bubba! Look what daddy got me!" Ava shouts- despite being very close.

A small pink bunny is waved in my direction as I crouch down slightly- it has long, fluffy ears and a small button nose.

'It's very cute Ava' I sign back to her- hugging her tiny body close to mine. She giggles, a joyous sound that varies in volume.

"He's called Nibbles!"

I nod, giving him back and complimenting the name.

"I wish you wouldn't buy her things like that" mum complains, her tanned face pursed up in anger, staring at my dad, "it will only make her stupid. And why does she keep calling you daddy- she's almost six for God's sake!"

The arguing continues, my face falling as I flip backwards and forwards between the two adults.

There's a gentle tug on my left sleeve.

"Bubba! What's mum saying?" Ava 'whispers'- or at least she tries to.

'Mum and dad are having a grown up conversation Ava, do you want to go and put Nibbles in your room?' I sign quickly, gently pulling her away from the fight.

[...]

"She was my dad's favourite, his little princess. He'd always wanted a daughter so you can imagine how disappointed he was about me and my brother."

Will fiddles with the lace on his pajama shorts, a slight frown on his face- "Freddie you keep on using the past tense and I've never heard you mention her before..."

I gulp, my head pounding; my eyes watering slightly.

"Yeah." I trace the short scars on my wrists, caused by burning cigarette butts from over the years.

"Mum and dad went on a date night, they left me in charge of Ava. Benny was on a school trip- you see- so he wasn't there to look after us. I was barely eleven, but they trusted me-"

[...]

'I guess it's just us tonight huh? Do ya wanna grab some colouring books whilst bubba gets the pencils?'

Ava nodded, her chubby body brightening up with immense excitement. She quickly ran up the stairs, with a spring in her step.

I rushed to grab the large batch of pencils dad had gotten yesterday- failing to notice the bright candle mum had forgotten to put out. The slamming of the door caused the frail stick to wobble, catching onto the net curtains.

Ava was messing around in her bedroom, struggling to decide which book to colour in- I laughed and went downstairs.

She was directly next to the wild fire.

[...]

"I smelt the burning too late, it had already spread across the hall and was shooting down the stairs like a raging lion."

Will wipes at the tears that are trickling down his face, hugging me closer to him and burying his face into my neck. He kisses the skin gently, whispering to me that it was okay.

"I don't think she knew what was happening, she couldn't hear me shouting; she couldn't hear the fire alarm blaring. The fireman got me out but...they couldn't save her."

[...]

A cigarette hangs limply out of my dad's mouth- tears trickling down his face. He had only recently developed the habit, something to do with the stress.

The smell of burning makes me flinch, struggling to breathe properly. I let out a weak cough.

He turns towards me, his face turning steely. A meaty finger is pointed in my face, spit flying everywhere as he shouts at me-

"You were supposed to be looking after her Frederick! What the hell were you doing!? She was five- FIVE YEARS OLD! Why on EARTH DID YOU LEAVE HER ALONE!?"

I whimper, lost for words. He had never yelled at me like this before; his breath stank of stale beer.

"You didn't even get a mark. She was burnt alive and you didn't get a SINGLE SCRATCH!"

My hand is brought close to his face, fingers prodding and pinching at the skin on my wrist-

"Nothing"

There's a deadly silence, a sinister grin appearing on his face; glancing down at his cigarette.

Then suddenly-

"NO! DAD! P-PLEASE IT HURTS" I scream out, the soft sizzling of skin filling me with immense pain.

He digs the cigarette in deeper.

"Think about how you killed your sister every time I do that. That's no where near the pain she felt"

He left, my mother following closely behind- rubbing his back and telling him to calm down.

She's swatted away like a fly.

[...]

"He did it for years, the sound and smell of burning flesh fills my dreams- it's with me every time I close my eyes."

We sit in silence for a moment, the air tense yet soothing at the same time. The emotions clash and my mind doesn't know which feeling to settle on.

A soft kiss is placed on my forehead; on each cheek; on my lips.

"It wasn't your fault Freddie, you didn't know- you were only eleven. There is no excuse at all for someone to abuse their child or partner. I still love you, perhaps even more now. It wasn't your fault."

He utters the final sentence several times, placing a kiss on my lips at every pause.

"It wasn't your fault"

A sob escapes me, my eyes clouding up uncontrollably.

"It wasn't your fault"

I've been longing to hear those words for so long.

[...]

Author's Note

This chapter was difficult to write, because it hurts me to see Freddie hurt. I'm sure that Will will help him recover and learn to forgive himself (I blame the mum but my baby refuses to hear that).

I got my braces off and my retainer made and... it feels nice to have smooth teeth. A few people have said that they look super straight but I find it weird looking in the mirror lol. I'll probably update tomorrow because I write on the bus but #nopromises (because I suck at deadlines).

Mum's made us go vegetarian so we can loose weight and be healthier  but I don't really care lol- my brother's not very happy about it 😂

Where would you go for your dream holiday?

I would go to Italy- which is great because I think we're going there this year *fingers crossed* ☺️

Have a great night/ day,

El x