Chapter 132 It All Matters to You

“What’s this about Ashleigh?” Caleb asked. He reached out and took her hand in his. “Did something happen today?”

“I just heard some things,” she said.

“What things?” Caleb asked.

He tried to keep calm, but she felt the change in him. The anger under his words, the hint of fear.

“Why are you scared of what I might have heard?” Ashleigh asked.

Caleb sat up a little more, and she felt him pulling away from her.

“I’m concerned because you seem upset,” he replied.

She looked away, unsure how to even start the conversation.

Caleb squeezed her hand. She looked up at him, and Caleb smiled.

“Come here,” he said.

He let go of her hand and rolled his chair back away from the table. He put his arms out to her as she got up and moved to him. Ashleigh sat in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck as he held her waist.

She laid her head on his shoulder and took a deep breath.

“I heard you lost your mate,” she sighed.

Caleb closed his eyes, trying to suppress his own reaction.

“That the Goddess has given you a second chance.”

“You weren’t supposed to hear that,” he sighed.

Ashleigh lifted her head and looked at him.

“I kind of figured.”.

“Ash… I don’t know what to say.”

Ashleigh took another deep breath, gathering her strength.n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om

“Fiona said something,” Ashleigh began. “That you mourned your lost mate.”

A growl emanated from low in his throat.

“Caleb…” Ashleigh said softly, grabbing hold of his chin and making him look at her. “She’s your mom and has every right to be angry at me.”

“I don’t agree.”

“How can you say that?” Ashleigh asked.

“It is between us and no one else,” Caleb replied, pulling her closer and burying his nose into the crook of her neck. “It doesn’t matter what anyone else says.”

Ashleigh was about to chide him again, to try and get him to understand that his mother was just concerned. But she was filled with the sudden worry she felt. She hugged him tightly. Rubbing his back with her fingertips.

“What is this?” she asked out loud. “Why are you so worried, Caleb?”

He pulled back from her, keeping his arms loosely at her waist. The feeling of worry receded from her senses.

“There is always something to worry about. Take your pick,” he smiled.

She hadn’t realized it before, but she recognized it now. The feeling of him putting a barrier on the flow of their bond.

“How are you doing that?” she asked.

“Doing what?” he asked.

“You’re pulling away from me,” Ashleigh said, “putting a wall between us.”

“I’m not putting a wall between us,” Caleb sighed. “I’m just monitoring our connection, keeping us both calm.”

“Stop,” she said.

“Ashleigh, I’m just trying–”

“I don’t care, stop.”

Caleb looked at her carefully. He could see that she was upset.

“Why?” he asked.

“Because,” she said, “I don’t like it.”

She looked away from him.

“It feels like part of me is being stolen away…”

Caleb held her closer.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I thought I was making things easier on you.”

“How?” she asked.

“I have been monitoring our connection since we met, Ashleigh.”

“You have?” she asked, genuinely confused.

He nodded.

“At the Blood Moon, your birthday… the first full moon… I couldn’t control it.”

“I remember,” she said.

Ashleigh thought back to their moments locked in that cell together, running her fingers through his hair. Of the peace, she felt just being near him. In those moments, she forgot about everything and everyone else.

“That was the most honest we have ever been with each other,” she said.

“I’m not the only one that has controlled the bond between us,” Caleb replied quietly.

Ashleigh nodded, knowing he meant her choice to keep them apart.

“I know,” she said, “I don’t want to do that anymore.”

She looked him in the eyes, trying to show him her sincerity.

“I want us to be honest. I don’t want to hold each other back or try to control each other.”

Caleb listened, but he turned away.

“I want that too, but I can’t say that I won’t monitor our connection.”

“Why?” she asked.

He looked at her. They held each other’s gaze. Whatever he was considering, it was important to him, and she understood that.

“There are things we can’t share. Things I need to hold back because of my role as Alpha. Once you have become Luna, it’s different. But for now, there are things I have to hold back from you.”

Ashleigh bit the inside of her lip as she considered what he was saying.

“I can understand that, but I will do my best to not keep anything from you.”

Caleb smiled.

“I appreciate the thought, but I don’t think you can make that promise either,” he said.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

“Until you and I are mated, you are still a member of Winter, and I am the Alpha of Summer. There are going to be things we can’t share.”

He was right, and she knew it. It was disappointing.

“Alright,” she said. “But, there are a few things I need to know.”

“Like what?” Caleb asked.

Ashleigh swallowed. She let go of his neck and stood up. He let go of her, though with some hesitation. She moved away and sat at the edge of his bed. He rolled himself over to sit in front of her.

“Did you really mourn my twin when you thought it was her that was your mate?”

Caleb clenched his jaw and looked away.

Silence remained in the air between them for too long. Ashleigh regretted her words.

“I did, but probably not in the way you think,” Caleb finally said. He took a deep breath before continuing. “When I returned to Summer, I was devastated and… lost. Galen helped me right myself.”

“I’m sorry I did that to you, Caleb….” Ashleigh whispered.

“It wasn’t you,” he whispered back, giving her a soft smile. “I was… guilt-ridden.”

“What?”

“When you told us about your twin when you said….” Caleb clenched his jaw and looked away before continuing. “It didn’t change the way I felt about you.

“I still loved you. I still wanted to be with you. But now, there was someone else I was supposed to be with. And even though she wasn’t alive, I felt as though I had betrayed her by falling in love with you.”

Ashleigh closed her eyes. His words tugged at her heart.

“I mourned her, and the pack mourned the loss of my Luna.”

“No wonder Fiona was so angry with me,” Ashleigh sighed.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“Yes, it does,” Ashleigh argued.

“No, it doesn’t.”

Caleb’s tone was severe.

Ashleigh looked at him and swallowed down her nerves.

“If it doesn’t matter what anyone else believes, why tell them that I am a second chance mate? That the Goddess has found you someone new?” she asked.

“You weren’t supposed to hear any of that.”

“If it doesn’t matter, then why are you so scared about what I might have heard today?” she asked, getting more worked up.

“Ashleigh…”

“If it doesn’t matter, then why hide all of the fear and worry you have about me being here?” she asked.

Ashleigh licked her lips and smiled at him. A look of quiet confusion and sadness.

“I didn’t realize it because I was so happy to see you again, but it’s right there,” she said, waving her hand just above her head. “Right there, dancing on the outskirts of my senses. This almost overwhelming sense of dread.”

“Ashleigh… it’s not….” Caleb stumbled to speak.

“You didn’t want me to come here…” she said, tears slipping from her eyes. “I just forced myself on you.”

“It’s not like that,” Caleb said quickly.

“Then what is it?!” Ashleigh shouted, her emotions starting to bubble over. “What is it that has you so scared of me being here!”

“Because it matters to you!” he shouted. His voice filled with anger and fear. “I don’t care what anyone else says or does or tries to do. I won’t give you up! But it all matters to you.”