Chapter 137 Ashleigh

‘Abandon Winter?’ she thought, ‘Selfish desires… this is what he thinks of me? Of everything I have done for our pack… our family?’

Ashleigh felt heavy and weighted down in sorrow. But, Caleb’s warmth, acceptance, and love entered her mind.

She realized that she didn’t have to feel this way anymore.

“I’m tired of feeling like this….” Ashleigh sighed.

She looked at her father and shook her head as she let out a bitter laugh.

“I have worshipped you my entire life,” she said. “I have always done everything you asked of me and more.”

Wyatt looked away from her.

Ashleigh closed her eyes, the tears falling.

“When I was eight years old, dying in the mountain during the blizzard, all I could think was how much I would disappoint you by failing.”

Caleb had saved her on the mountain.

The man she loved, the man that was meant for her, was the reason she had lived that day. A story that she should have viewed as a sign of their bond.

But when he told her about his role in her story… all she could think about was that she had to be saved at all. She didn’t make it down the mountain on her own. She had help.

“Working my way up the ranks of the berserkers, each challenge round, I told myself that I couldn’t let you down. No matter how much it hurt, no matter how tired I was… I had to keep going.”

Ashleigh thought back to those nights when she was left on the training room floor, bleeding, broken, and in so much pain she couldn’t move. How she would refuse to give up on any fight, no matter how hurt she was..n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om

One of these fights was won by forfeit. The warrior had given up because he had seen how hard she worked; he knew that she was better than him. So he saw no reason to fight.

But to her, a forfeit was an insult. How could she tell her father she took a rank she hadn’t earned? So her answer to his forfeit was to break his arm.

Wyatt had complimented her sense of honor, though he was disappointed she had let her feelings get the better of her.

“And when I met Granger…” she paused, taking a breath.

Ashleigh could see that Wyatt had clenched his jaw. She pursed her lips and tried to pull in the emotions.

As a small child, Ashleigh knew two truths above all else.

Axel would be Alpha, and it was Ashleigh’s job to be of service to the pack in another way.

In Winter, there was only one other way. Military ranking.

Ashleigh’s young life was filled with training her mind and body on Winter’s military tactics. But, even before her first shift, she had already begun training her body on her own.

But no matter how hard she trained; she couldn’t build up her stamina enough to be considered anything more than an average soldier.

She worked harder than anyone else. She spent hours of every day practicing over and over. Running, enduring, building her strength.

It wasn’t until she watched the first challenge round that the idea sparked.

Berserkers. The highest military ranking of Winter. Elite fighters that held their place through respect, practice, and skill. Gaining this rank meant you had proven yourself to everyone.

Ashleigh studied the berserkers. She watched them train and tried to mimic their movements, their skills. But none of it worked for her. Not until her first challenge round.

She was destroyed. Took the beating of her life. The first of many. But she learned, she adapted, she understood.

Her mission was to become a berserker and prove her worth, and she did. It took years, broken bones, and occasional surgery. But she made it.

Ashleigh had never felt stronger or prouder than when she took top rank.

Wyatt was proud, too. He told her as much.

‘Top rank, and your mate as Axel’s Beta. You’ve made me proud, Ashleigh.’

The memory left a bitter taste in her mouth.

“When you realized that my mate was Richard’s son, that Granger could be Axel’s Beta…” she laughed. “You finally looked at me like I had done something right.”

Wyatt let out a shaky breath.

“I did everything I could from that moment on to maintain those two points in my life,” she said through angry tears. “To maintain my position as a berserker and become Granger’s perfect mate.”

Ashleigh sat forward in her chair.

“Do you know that I never considered what it meant to feel love while with Granger?” she asked. “I assumed that I must love him because I felt something, the mate bond.”

The comfort of home. That was what she felt with Granger, nothing more and nothing less.

“Even after I met Caleb and felt what it really means to connect with another person. To feel the bond of a mate…” her voice shook with all the pain and regret of her choices.

She paused, taking a deep breath.

“Even then,” she continued, “I refused to consider that he was my mate. Because that meant that I had to tell you, and that look of pride would be gone forever.”

Ashleigh felt tired. She was exhausted.

“When Granger changed, when he tried to…” she let out a sob. “I still had to fight myself to admit the truth.”

Ashleigh let out a pain-filled sob. The agony of the truth she didn’t want to admit.

For just a moment, she cried, and then just as quickly, she took a deep breath and cleared her throat.

“I didn’t want to let you down,” she sighed.

There was a silence between them that Ashleigh waited for him to break. But when he didn’t, she continued.

“You let me down,” she said. “When Caleb first told me that you rejected valuable supplies that would have saved lives, I didn’t believe it.”

She still remembered how angry she had been at Caleb, how sure she was that he was lying.

“When I confronted you, you didn’t even defend yourself or explain, and it was the first time I questioned you.”

Ashleigh sighed.

“Then later, the defense upgrades, the medical equipment. Without those things, so many more would have died. But, you wanted to reject them all. Even after Caleb was paralyzed helping our people, you still tried to force Peter to send him away!” Her voice cracked under the weight of her emotion.

Now Ashleigh was the one that clenched her jaw, feeling the anger of it all settling over her.

“I don’t know who you are, but you aren’t the man or the Alpha that I thought you were all my life.”

She stood from her seat.

“I don’t owe you my explanations or my loyalties,” she said. “If you want me to choose between you and Caleb, you’ve made it easy for me.”

Ashleigh sniffled and wiped away her tears.

“I will say my goodbyes to mother and Axel,” she said, “I will leave for Summer in the morning.”

She turned to leave.

“I have always been proud of you.”

His voice came out softly just before she reached for the door.

“You were already so strong before you even shifted. I never realized you needed the reassurance.”

Ashleigh stood still; she swallowed the feelings piling on top of each other, racing to see which would take charge. Finally, she turned to look back at him.

Wyatt was looking at her already. Tears welled up in his eyes, and sorrow was written plainly on his face.

“That was my mistake.”

Wyatt had never understood until this moment how much he had hurt her by trying to protect her. But now that he knew, all he could do was be honest. No matter the cost.

He looked away again, clearing his throat.

“I understand your disappointment. However, there is more that you need to know,” he said. “And truthfully, it will only disappoint you more.”

Wyatt stared down at the desk, but she could see that his eyes held shame and guilt.

“I wanted you to give him up out of my own selfishness. So that I would never have to tell you this story.”

Ashleigh moved back to her chair.

“I rejected all of Caleb’s gifts out of shame and regret. Because I could not accept any gift from Summer after what I did,” he said. “It was foolish. My sense of honor cost lives needlessly.”

Ashleigh felt a dread crawling over her. Her mouth felt dry, and her heart was quickly picking up speed.

“What did you do?” she asked.

Wyatt looked up into her eyes.

“I betrayed my best friend. I betrayed Cain.”