Chapter 15 No Matter How Hard You Try

Granger walked Ashleigh to the door, hugging her once more before letting go.

“Let me know when you’re going to bed.” He smiled.

“We’ll probably be up late.” Ashleigh laughed. “Girl talk, ya know?”

“Still,” Granger urged, “just let me know.”

“That’s sweet, but really—”

“Is it a problem to let me know?” he interrupted, he still wore the same sweet smile, but it felt different to her.

“Well, no, I just didn’t—” she started to answer.

“Then just do it, ok? It makes me feel better to know you’re getting the rest you need.”

Ashleigh nodded slowly, a little dazed. Then, satisfied with her reply, he winked and blew her a kiss before turning around to head out.

“Well, that was… interesting,” Bell said from the door.

Ashleigh turned just as Renee stepped up behind Bell.

“It was sweet,” Renee said.

“Was it?” Bell asked, keeping her eyes on Ashleigh..

“Yes, it was.” Ashleigh sighed as she walked into the house, pushing past her friends.

They followed her in, and nothing more was said on the subject. Instead, they moved on to talking about the wedding, which Renee was gushing with excitement about.

“I can’t wait to meet my mate!” she cried out with anticipation, hugging herself and spinning in a circle. “It will be so romantic… our eyes will lock, and then boom!”

Both Ashleigh and Bell laughed as their friend danced around the room happily. Renee continued to dream aloud about the magical moment she longed for, how time would slow, music would swell, and the fireworks would light the sky.

“Wait,” Bell interrupted, still laughing, “who brought the fireworks?”

Renee rolled her eyes.

“No, seriously, it’s an important question. I mean, are you carrying around fireworks in your purse at this moment? Or is he? Is that how you know for sure he is your mate? You see this guy with the fireworks in his pocket. And then your like ‘oh my gosh!’ and he’s like ‘oh my gosh!’” Bell offered as she waved her arms around for dramatic effect.

Renee threw a pillow at Bell, who had already fallen over laughing at her own joke. Ashleigh tried to cover her laugh to avoid a face full of feathers as well.

“Ashleigh?” Renee called once she had sufficiently beat Bell with her pillows.

“Yea?” Ashleigh replied.

“What was it like?” Renee asked, hugging her pillow to her chest.

“What?”

“The pull of the mate bonds!” Renee squealed with excitement.

“Dude!” Bell cried out, “Even I know that is crazy personal!”

“Oh, come on, we tell each other everything! Besides, it’s not the first time she has told me about it!” Renee retorted.

“What?!” Bell exclaimed, turning to face Ashleigh. “You told her, but not me!”

Now it was Bell’s turn to go on the attack. Throwing a pillow at both Ashleigh and Renee, the girls rolled around until Ashleigh finally called for a truce.

“Ok, ok! I give up! I’ll tell you!” Ashleigh laughed.

Bell and Renee gave each other a high five before taking seats across from Ashleigh. Renee once more hugged her pillow and beamed with excitement. Bell laid back on her pillow and grabbed one of the bowls of snacks they had prepared.

“Alright, let me think for a moment.” Ashleigh smiled teasingly at her friend. “Gosh, I don’t know if I can remember….”

“Boo!!” Bell called, throwing popcorn at Ashleigh, who only laughed.

“Ok, I remember now. I was training,” Ashleigh began.

“There’s a shock!” Bell stated loudly.

“Do you want to hear this or not?” Ashleigh questioned but also laughed.

“Hush!” Renee said playfully, hitting Bell’s leg.

“Anyway, I was training, and my father had told me there would be new scouts coming from the southern base. Granger was one of those scouts.” Ashleigh smiled at the memory.

“I was working on my throwing skills at the time, I remember because I was holding a dagger in my hand when I suddenly felt this warmth crawling along my skin. I was so surprised I dropped it,” she laughed.

“Ooooh, warmth crawling along the skin, huh?” Bell teased.

“Am I telling this story, or are you?” Ashleigh asked with a raised eyebrow.

“My bad boo, my bad,” Bell replied before blowing Ashleigh a kiss.

“Anyway, yes, a warmth crawled across my skin, and I felt the urge to look behind me. When I turned around, there he was. He smiled at me, and my heart melted. I felt like I had known him for years and years.” Ashleigh paused, looking down at her fingers before she whispered, “He felt like home.”

She remembered the moment, turning and seeing him, feeling that connection to a man she had never seen before. She never doubted for a moment that she had met her mate. What else could explain the deep tie she felt to him, the closeness and comfort?

“And…” Bell asked, bobbing her head expectantly.

“And… that’s it… that’s the story of when I first felt the mate bond to Granger…” Ashleigh answered, suddenly feeling as though she were missing something.

“Huh..” Bell muttered.

“What?” Renee asked.

“Nothing, it’s just weird,” Bell answered, glancing at Ashleigh.

“What is?” Ashleigh asked.

“The way you felt. It’s just not what I expected,” Bell said, looking away as though moving the popcorn around in the bowl was suddenly the most exciting activity in the world.

“What do you mean?” asked Renee.

“Nothing. Really,” Bell said, shaking her head and giving a small smile of reassurance.

“You can’t say that the way I felt during one of the most important moments of my life is weird. And then not explain why,” Ashleigh stated, feeling a slight irritation toward her friend.

Bell looked up and held Ashleigh’s gaze for a moment, and Ashleigh saw something strange and unexpected. Pain.n/o/vel/b//in dot c//om

She wanted to ask about it, but before she could, Bell spoke.

“From what I know of the mate bond, it doesn’t sound right,” Bell started, looking away from them out the window.

“The mate bond is primal, based on the wolf side of us,” Bell began, “well, no, not just based on it. The mate bond is a blessing for the wolf. It’s not sweet, romantic, or warm. It’s… fire.”

Her voice was passionate. Her words held a certainty in them that left Ashleigh wondering.

“It’s an obsession. An inferno raging inside of your soul eating away at you until you make that connection,” Bell continued, “It leaves you breathless. And not in that ‘swept away in the moment of it all’ kind of breathless, the suffocating, ‘I can’t breathe!’ kind.”

Bell stopped and took a deep breath as though she were experiencing that feeling herself.

Ashleigh felt uncomfortable as she listened to Bell’s words. It was too familiar, a feeling she had experienced not that long ago.

Just not with Granger.

“Only when you look into their eyes, finally touch that person, only then can you breathe again. That’s when you realize that they are another half of you, that something deep inside of you wants them with you. No matter who they are.”

Bell finished her words and laid back down against her pillows. She took a long pull from her bottle of coke, which they all knew was half-filled with rum. She refused to make eye contact, instead choosing to return once more to the most exciting bowl of popcorn of all time.

“Bell—” Ashleigh began, only to be interrupted by Renee.

“Whoa!” Renee exclaimed. “Wow, Bell. I know you don’t love traditions, and you think a lot of things like Blessings and apparently the mate bond are ridiculous. But come on… you make it sound like torture or something.”

“I never said I don’t believe in our traditions. My father taught me the ways of Winter when I was little. We celebrated Yule; I agreed to honor the mating traditions if and when I met my mate.”

Bell took a deep breath and then looked out the window once more as though she was holding the gaze of the Goddess herself through the Full Moon that lit up the sky.

“But the mate bond is primal, and it is for our wolves. Which means the Goddess doesn’t always do right by the human in us.”

“What does that mean?” Renee asked.

Bell looked back at Renee and Ashleigh. She took another drink and then held Ashleigh’s gaze once more that shadow of pain crept into view.

“You don’t get to choose your mate, no matter how hard you try.”