Chapter 188 Let Me Be There For You

It was almost half an hour later that there was a knock at Axel’s door.

He sighed, not ready to have this conversation.

“I don’t want to talk, Ashleigh,” he called.

“It’s not Ashleigh,” Bell called back.

He unlocked the door and returned to his desk without looking at her.

Bell stepped inside and closed the door behind her. She sat down on his bed without a word.

“I brought you something,” Bell said cheerfully.

Axel turned in his chair, to see that Bell held out a Snickers.

He took the candy bar and tipped it in her direction.

“Thanks,” he said, setting it down on the desk.

“You really have given it up, haven’t you?” she asked.

“What?” he asked.

“Chocolate, candy, and anything remotely sugary was part of your obsession.”

“I wasn’t that bad,” Axel sighed.

“Axel, you have stashes hidden all around this house, even in some of the guard posts!” Bell laughed. “The amount of candy you have hidden around this place, it’s like you thought it would disappear one day.”

Axel didn’t respond. He just turned away..

Bell watched him thoughtfully.

“There’s something wrong,” she said. “Tell me what it is.”

He sighed.

“Because I’m not eating candy anymore?” he asked. “Weren’t you always the one telling me it was too much anyway?”

“Yea, but that’s not why you stopped. You’ve never listened to me before.”

“I always listen to you,” Axel replied quietly.

Bell smiled.

“Yea, you usually do,” she said. “But not about the candy.”

Axel sighed.

“Axel,” Bell called to him.

He turned, not quite looking at her.

“I know something is wrong,” she said. “Please, you have always been there for me. Let me be there for you.”

He turned back to his desk. Picking up the candy and picking at the wrapper.

“I can’t,” he said.

“Why not?” she asked.

He shrugged.

Bell sighed.

“Well,” she said as she got up from the bed. “If you change your mind… you know where I am.”

Bell approached the door.

“Do you know about ‘treatments?” he asked, setting the candy back down on the desk. “I mean, the kind with the tea.”

Bell turned back slowly.

“The tea?” she asked. “Are you talking about Bitter Night?”

Axel turned back to look up at her with furrowed brows.

Bell sat back down as she spoke.

“Bitter Night, it’s a plant that blooms only at night. When it does, it leaves a bitter smell in the air around it. But the petals can be ground down into a fine powder. In small doses, it is mixed with tea to alter memories.”

Axel nodded.

“How do you know so much about it?” Axel asked.

“In Autumn, it’s often used as a street drug,” she said. “A lot of people would rather forget the things they have to do to survive.”

“Then, have you ever met someone that had it forced on them?” Axel asked.

“Forced?” Bell asked. She thought about it. “Most people I saw were using it by choice. But I know it was used on some against their will. I only ever saw one or two like that. It was… difficult to witness.”

“Why? What happened to them?” Axel asked, leaning forward in his chair.

Bell noticed his interest, the concern in his eyes. There was more to his questions than he was letting on.

“Axel, what’s really going on?” she asked. “Why are you asking about this?”

He sat back again.

“I had a treatment,” he said after a silent moment.

“What? Why would you do that?” Bell asked, sitting forward. “It’s dangerous!”

“I didn’t know I had it,” he said. “I just found out a few days ago.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I was ten.”

Bell gasped.

“It was at the first Blood Moon I had ever been to,” he said. “I met someone there, someone important. But there was someone else, and he didn’t like that we were friends. So, he made me drink the tea and forget about her.”

“Oh, Goddess…” Bell whispered.

“I met her again not long ago. I started getting these migraines when I thought about her. It got really bad a few days ago. Peter helped me figure out what was going on, and then he helped me remember.”

“That was so dangerous, Axel!” Bell shouted with concern. “Your memories were locked for so long! Your mind could have collapsed from the shock of it!”

“What was my alternative? Keep living with an empty space in my memory? With this feeling as though some part of me was missing. Like there was this empty space I needed to fill with fucking chocolate!?”

“Axel…” Bell said sadly. “I didn’t know you felt that way….”

“Neither did I,” he sighed. “I never thought about why… I just needed to have it. I needed to know the chocolate was there. I only found out after I got the memories back that it was something she said. Before I drank the tea, she gave me a piece of chocolate and told me to remember her with it.”

“Oh, Goddess…” Bell whispered. “Was she… is she… your mate?”

Axel swallowed down his reaction, trying to remain neutral.

“Why would you think that?” he said.

“The bond between mates is one of the strongest influences that we know of. She offered you a comforting gesture, something to help you feel at ease. You held onto it even though you forgot her,” Bell said. “When your mate asks you to do something, even something as simple as remembering them with chocolate, it leaves a deep impression.”

Axel nodded.

“Yea… she is my mate.”

Bell hugged him tightly.

“I’m so sorry, Axel.”

For the first time since Axel had found his lost memories, he cried.

Bell held onto him for twenty minutes, he let out all he had been holding on to, and she supported him. They talked a little more, but Axel wasn’t ready to share much, and Bell respected that. They agreed to talk more another time.

“I’m sorry,” Axel said as Bell prepared to leave. “About earlier.”

Bell smiled at him.

“I shouldn’t have reacted like that,” he said. “It wasn’t my place.”

“Actually, it was,” Bell smiled.

Axel furrowed his brow.

“You were right, Axel,” she said. “We weren’t respecting our traditions.”

She stepped back to him and grabbed his hand gently.

“You are Alpha of Winter now; it is literally your job to keep the wolves of Winter in line and remind them of tradition and values. You did the right thing, even if it wasn’t for the right reason.”

“I do believe in our traditions,” he said. “But, yea, I was already in a bad headspace about my own mate. Seeing the rest of you … I just let my own anger get the better of me.”

“Apologize to Ash, you don’t have to tell her anything you don’t want to, but she was afraid she had really disappointed her big brother,” she said. “We both were.”

Axel gently put his hand on her cheek and leaned in close to meet her eyes.

“Never,” he said. “I love you both more than anything. You could never disappoint me.”

Bell smiled and looked up, trying to push back the tears.

“Ok enough,” she said. “I have already done too much crying the past few days, and I get the feeling there will be tears tomorrow too.”

Axel laughed.

“I have a few things left to do before dinner,” she said.

“Bell?” Axel called as she opened the door.

“Yes?” she said.

“If you want me to,” he said with a sigh. “I will apologize to Caleb and Galen too.”

“Why would you do that?” she said with a playful grin. “For Ashleigh and me, you will always be Axel, big brother, and punk.

“But to everyone else? You are the Alpha of Winter now. So make sure they remember it.”