Chapter 52 But You Can

The representatives had been around for several days now, and Ashleigh had returned to her regular duty rotations. Because the sections of training had already been planned out and she should have been training with Caleb, there was little else for her to do. She was only able to help in some of the sparring sessions but not much beyond that.

Granger had at least two training sessions each day, one for scouting and another for ranged combat. Both involved long treks through the forest. Because of this, it had been easy for Ashleigh to avoid him after they had fought about the claims of Summer using fae magic. He had reached out to her several times, but she chose to be the one to ignore him this time.

Returning to her training routine, patrolling, and regular pack duties, she felt comfortable again. No strange impulses, no invading desires. She could breathe without worry. Still, a part of her missed her time in Summer.

The warmth on her skin, the beautiful colors of nature beyond snowy white. The simulations offered a true challenge to her skill set. But, when Ashleigh thought too long about it, she realized that she could see herself in Summer, growing, becoming something. She clenched her jaw and shook the thoughts away.

Ashleigh sighed as she checked the last border post on her patrol. She thought about the day that she and Granger had been attacked, how they had been ambushed. If their border fences had an electric reinforcement or even a monitoring system beyond the patrolman’s watch, it could have been avoided.

‘We have offered Alpha Wyatt a multitude of technological advancements over the years. Unfortunately, he has rejected most of them. And over the past couple years, every one of them.’

Caleb’s words suddenly resonated in her mind.

“There has to be an explanation,” she whispered to herself. “I need to know.”

Ashleigh turned, intent on finding out the truth from her father. However, she was surprised to find herself face to face with the pale blue eyes that had always made her heart flutter.

Anxiety clutched at her heart, she turned to walk away..

“Ashleigh, please!” he called after her, his voice filled with hurt.

It upset her to hear it. Ashleigh wanted to stay mad, to avoid another argument. But hearing the pain in his voice, all she wanted to do was comfort him.

Granger came to her, stepping close but still giving her space.

“I’m so sorry, Ash,” he said softly.

She looked up at him. He looked rough. She had already heard that he had been to the bar several times, at least once he had to be carried home. While she had been concerned, she also felt disappointed. He had never been this way before; she began to wonder if this was what their future would be like?

Would he run off to the bar every time they fought? Would he suspect every man she spoke with of being a rival? Would he continue to pick fights with Caleb even after they were married?

These were the thoughts that had been on an endless loop in her mind since their argument. Ever since Bell had reminded her, she had a choice.

“Can we talk?” Granger asked, “Please?”

Ashleigh looked up at him again, his eyes were red-rimmed, and the bags underneath showed he had barely slept in days. He was worn out. Seeing him this way, her heart ached.

She nodded.

They sat together on a nearby log. Granger took a deep breath before turning to face Ashleigh.

“I was out of line,” he began, looking back down at the ground. “I shouldn’t have talked to you the way I did. I should have stayed calm and listened. But I wanted to believe what I was told, so I didn’t listen to you.”

“Why would you want to believe that one of the packs would be using fae magic?” Ashleigh asked.

“No, I wanted to believe that he was.” Granger sighed.

“Why?” she asked again. There had to be more to it than simple jealousy.

Granger met her eyes, and she could see the tears that were already filling them. She gasped at the sight. His brows furrowed in a painful expression, and then he looked away.

“Because, Ashleigh, if he was using magic. If he was manipulating you, then it wasn’t real,” his voice was tired.

She wondered when the last time he slept was.

“I wasn’t trying to make you hate him or think he was a bad guy. Yea, I wouldn’t be sad if you did, but that wasn’t what it was about,” he sighed. “I just wanted a way to explain why you feel something for him, a way that wasn’t real.”

He stood up, hugging himself and pacing back and forth as he spoke.

“Before I met you, I never felt anything for anyone like that. I didn’t have crushes. I didn’t think of any of the girls in the south as more than just packmates.”

He took a breath.

“But the day I got here, it felt different, the air, the sound, the smell, everything was better. I didn’t know why as we got closer and closer to your house, I felt happier, more comfortable, excited. I didn’t know until I laid eyes on you.”

Granger turned to her and stopped moving. He smiled, the same beautiful and loving smile she had cherished for two years. The warmth of him, of their bond, spread through her entire being.

“I felt like I was home,” he smiled, “You are my home, Ashleigh. You are my heart, my everything.”

He sat down beside her once more. He took the risk of reaching for her hand.

A tear rolled down her cheek, and she sniffed as the suddenness of her own emotions overwhelmed her. Finally, she reached out the rest of the way and took his hand in her.

He smiled, and his tears fell.

“Baby, I am so sorry,” he whispered. “I know I haven’t treated you the way you deserve for a while now, not just this fight. All the fights, all the jealousy. You don’t deserve that.”

“I understand,” Ashleigh whispered, reaching her hand out to his cheek.

He smiled and leaned into her hand.

“You don’t,” he let out a sad laugh. “I know you try, but you don’t understand. You can’t.”

She didn’t know what to say how to respond. All she could do was tilt her head in confusion.

“Ash, I know you have had a hard time with all of this. I can’t begin to imagine what you’re feeling, how you’re handling it all. But you can’t see my side either.”

He kissed the palm of her hand before pulling back and turning his body towards her. He held her hand in his as he spoke.

“As different as all the packs are, our beliefs, our way of life, our culture. There is one truth we all share. The mate bond,” he stated. “Every pack acknowledges the bond as a blessing from the Goddess herself, one mate for each of us. So even if we don’t find them, we know they’re out there.

Personally, I never put too much thought into it. Like I said, I had no interest in anyone before I met you. And maybe because of that, I knew immediately without a shadow of a doubt that it was you and nobody else. Just you.”

“I knew it too,” Ashleigh said softly.

“But not anymore,” he added sadly.

“That’s not—”

“No Ash, that is it,” he smiled, “because even if you choose me, even if you tell me that I am the one you want to be with. It’s not the same.”

He gave her a comforting squeeze of her hand, a small smile. But every action was veiled in a layer of sorrow.

“I don’t understand,” she said, her voice beginning to crack ever so slightly.

Ashleigh felt tired.

The pit in her stomach had long ago become a black hole. Sucking away all the light and joy she felt, leaving behind only panic and dread.

“It’s not the same because I can’t understand what you feel. I can’t understand sharing this,” he pointed back and forth between them, “with anybody else. Just you, only you. Always.”

His voice cracked, and he took a deep breath. The tears were falling now. There was no more holding them back. Instead, he let the emotions run over him.

“But you can,” he said painfully, his eyes glistening from the tears that continued to flow. “And that kills me.”