Unspoken Fears

BECCA

I went outside my room with my phone in hand. I heard Chase moving in the kitchen. He said he would cook something for us to eat.

I turned on my phone, and there was nothing for me. No new messages, no missed calls.

It was almost 2 pm, and Logan hadn’t tried to contact me. It started to suffocate me. Suddenly, I received a notification about a new message on Instagram.

I opened it and stopped at the kitchen door. Chase smiled at me while I focused on my phone again. I had no idea who was messaging me, but I opened the message and instantly regretted it. Teresa sent me a message. A voice message. I played it, pressing the phone to my ear.

“Well, hello, Rebecca. I warned you when I saw you for the first time. I told you that you were embarrassing yourself in front of Logan and me. You haven’t listened to me. Maybe because you were sooooo wasted.”

Her voice rang in my ear. She was talking while stressing every word. My heart was beating loudly in my chest, almost hurting me.

“I just can’t understand, how can you be that stupid? Why would he need to be with someone like you? Did you really think that he wants a relationship with you? He just spent his time with you while I was absent. Though thank you for keeping him busy. You were no threat to me.”

“Now I am back, and he is with me. If you don’t believe me… I will send you our lovely video from last night. Take care, Rebecca.”

What the fuck! Who did she think she was?! Logan was perfectly clear with her; he wasn’t even in a relationship with her and was ignoring her. He told me that himself.

I started typing a message. I almost finished when I received a video from her. I hit play, and it opened. It was recorded in Logan’s living room. He was bare-chested, Teresa was in her lingerie. They were dancing very sensually with each other. Logan’s hands never left her sides.

Then, like in the nightmare, I saw as he pulled her to him and started kissing her lips passionately. The video ended when someone stood up and went to them. I figured that it was Drew.

Now everything was clear. I was just a substitute. A girl to have fun with. A girl to mess with, while his real girl was busy with her modeling. How could I be so blind? I saw how he looked at her at the wedding!

He just decided to jump on this opportunity when I offered myself to him on a silver platter. I started crying silently.

I deleted my previous message and wrote just this one:

Becca

I wish you all the happiness with him.

~Sent.~

What would be better to do in a situation like this? I have no backup. I have a plane ticket to Philly. I have nothing that would make me stay in New York. I can’t go back to Justin Wilson and ask him to take me back.

The only option for me was to go home to my parents. They will be terrified when they hear that I decided to return. But they will support me. Maybe I could even work for mom. Yep, that’s what I will do.

“Becca, what do you say about a cup of coffee?” I looked up from my phone and locked eyes with Chase. He instantly became very alarmed. He rushed to me, placing his hands on my shoulders. “What happened?”

“I... I...” A sob escaped my lips. “I need to change my ticket. Can you... Can you...”

“Becca, what’s wrong? What happened?!” He shook me slightly. I wasn't even reacting. I knew that as soon as he took his hands off me, I would slide down to the ground. Tears started blurring my vision. I felt horrible because my heart was ready to explode.

“Becca, dammit! What’s wrong?”

With trembling hands, I unlocked my phone, hit the play button, and showed the screen to Chase. He took the phone from my hands and glued his eyes to it.

“What the fuck?! Who sent you this?!” I started shaking my head. My mouth was full of bitterness. “Becca, baby, look at me, please…”

Chase’s voice sounded pleading. I sucked in air and met his eyes. I saw pity in his. He took me in his arms, cuddling me to his chest, and took me straight to my room.

He placed me on the bed. Instantly, I curled up into a ball, crying and sobbing. I will never be enough for someone whom I genuinely love. Never. I will always be the girl who was being cheated on. Drew warned me about him. Why hadn’t I listened to him?

The mattresses sank, and then I felt Chase’s hand. He was stroking my hair without saying anything. He was there for me. Then I remembered Jenny. She needed him so much more than I did. I felt repulsion toward myself. I was the worst best friend in the world.

Yeah, he was always there for me willingly. But I got used to it so easily, letting myself think that he would always be there for me, no matter what. My cry was frenzied; it was a lot closer to hysteria. I hid my face in the pillow. I was howling, trying to muffle the sound of it.

“Shhh, baby… Shhh, don’t cry, my beautiful girl… Don’t cry… It’s breaking my heart, Becca… Please… I will need to go to Jenny… She needs me, but I can’t leave you like that… Baby girl, please… I promise you everything will be okay…”

“Change... my ticket... I want to... to... to... go home…” I was stumbling over my words.

“You could stay with me…”

“No... Jenny needs you... I don’t... I don’t deserve... I want... to see my mom…”

“Okay, okay.” I heard as he stood up, then I listened to his footsteps. Soon he was back. I was just lying on my bed with my eyes wide open, letting tears freely stream down my face. My pillow was already wet. “Give me your details.”

“It’s in the bag.” Chase stood up, and soon I heard him rummaging through my things.

“There is a plane tonight. You will be with your parents around 10 pm.”

“O... okay…”

“Done. Do you want me to call your parents?” I shook my head. I wanted to be alone. Today. Forever. I couldn’t handle this pain; it was tearing me apart. Thank goodness that at least my tears finally stopped.

“Becca, everything will be alright. You will be happy. I am sure as hell that it won’t break you.”

“Do you know how to add contacts to the ‘blacklist’?” I asked, ignoring his last words.

“Becca, you can’t be serious.”

“I want them gone from my life. I don’t want to have anything in common with them.”

“Yeah? Are you going to block Kate? Lily? Tim? All of them?”

I clenched my jaw.

“Becca, you were supposed to come back tomorrow... He will call you, and he will explain everything to you... I am sure that he can’t be that cruel, to let you come to Philly and then to tell you that he and this girl are together. He would tell you this beforehand.

“Babe, you were in a situation like this before. You need to have closure.”

“I had it. I wished her to be happy with him.”

I sat on the bed. My emotions were off. It was even so easy to breathe. Fuck, how much I wanted it to stay like this forever! Don’t feel anything. Don’t worry about anything. Just a tormented soul in a human’s body. It will be so easy. No love, no longing, no pity. A robot.

I took my phone, and it was off again. Well, it’s even better this way. It hadn’t had time to recharge properly. I sighed and went to the exit of the room.

Chase was on my heels, following me to the bathroom. I washed my face with cold water, scratching it with my fingers. I combed my hair and made a braid. When I stared at myself again, I even smiled to myself.

My eyes were emotionless, like an empty glass. I had a feeling that all these butterflies that I felt a few days ago in my stomach were now dead, and I had a graveyard inside of me.

“Becca, don’t shut everyone out of your life.”

“Me? I am not doing anything. People are making their own decisions. These people chose this path. I am choosing my own.”

“When will you be back?” My eyebrows furrowed.

“Back? I will stay in our hometown. I completed my journey, and now I am going home.” Chase laughed curtly, and then his laugh died in his throat.

“No. No. Becca, no! You’re wallowing yourself in this cage. You love big cities. You will be miserable.”

“Miserable? I will be quite alright. Someone who doesn’t feel anything won’t be bothered by a lack of streets, big shopping centers, or interesting events. It won't matter to me.”

“What fucking bullshit! Rebecca, stop this! It’s not you!” Chase grabbed my hand and stopped me in my tracks. I stared him straight in the eyes.

“It’s a new version of me. I advise you to get used to it.”

“It’s a joke, Rebecca. I refuse to continue this insane conversation. I will talk to you when you are back to your senses.”

“It’s a pity. It means that I will be on my own for a lifetime.”

I shrugged my shoulders and walked back to my room. I was going to collect my things and go to the airport. I would stay there. Alone. He would thank me for that later. I was a burden for him. It needed to stop. He had his own life. His wife. It would be better this way.

Forty minutes later, I was outside Chase's house hailing a taxi to the airport.