Farewell Fight

BECCA

It’s been two months. Two months since my life changed completely. Sixty-one days. Eight weeks. One thousand four hundred eighty-eight hours. Eighty-nine thousand two hundred eighty minutes.

And minus eighteen pounds. I lost weight, and it was so obvious, so almost everyone tried to convince me that I needed to eat more. But I couldn’t.

I cut off all of my connections to Logan Jones. Even with Lily. It was tough, but I needed that. She couldn’t understand. The only one I stayed in touch with was Kate. And only because she came to visit me as soon as I was back home.

She spent a week with me. She talked to me. She tried to cheer me up. I ended up showing her the video and allowing her to listen to Teresa’s voice message. I don’t even know why I saved it.

I was happy to hear that her pregnancy wasn’t in danger. She was almost six months pregnant, and she was radiating happiness. I tried to recharge my own batteries while I was near her.

My parents… I don’t even know where to start. When my plane landed, I stayed at the airport hotel. I had no desire to go home. I gave myself time to unwind a little. I drank almost two bottles of wine, watched ~The Notebook~ on repeat, and cried my eyes out.

I wasn’t ready to go home until the next day.

When my mom opened the door and saw me, her smile disappeared. She pulled me to her and held me in her hands for quite some time. She understood everything from the start. I was so grateful for my mom and dad that they hadn’t asked me for details.

I told them that Logan and I had decided to separate. That it was wrong of us to try to be together. Dad was so angry at Logan, so I ended up yelling at him for all the bad words he said about my ex-boyfriend.

Yeah, this guy was under my skin, he was in my blood. And I had no idea how to get rid of him.

I started helping mom at her bookstore. It wasn’t something that I had dreamed about, but I needed work. I had no desire to live off my parents. I wanted to have my own money. To be independent, as I was used to being before all this.

Chase and Jenny went on vacation and sent me photos with their smiley faces. It was one of those rare things that made me smile all the time.

He forgave me for my behavior; he was worried about me. But this time, I was doing everything in my power not to worry him. He had his wife, and he needed to remember that she needed him. And so much more than I did.

I was perfectly aware that I was miserable and that my face was pale. That my eyes were empty. This time I was a plain copy of my past self.

Yes, when Logan and I decided to be together, I knew that if things went wrong, I would be hurt without the opportunity to return to normal ever again. I couldn't even imagine myself being in a relationship.

But now, I was kind of glad that I decided not to shut down my emotions. I lived them, and it did me a lot of good.

My life these days was so easy and monotonous. I hadn't gone out even once. Home, store, home. It was the list of places I had been visiting.

Dad tried to convince me to go with him to visit our family's friends in the neighbor's city, but I refused. I was good alone. I wasn't even talking that much to my parents—just me, myself, and I.

You know, I believe that all the things that happen to us—bad or good—are destined to be. I never had a chance to have a happily ever after with Logan. I should have understood it from the way our relationship started.

And I'm not talking about our 'relationship' that lasted for only a few weeks. Something that was based on a lie would grow bigger and bigger until it exploded.

I shouldn't have pushed him. I knew that trying to be with someone to whom you have no willpower was a mistake. It was a disaster from the start. I was perfectly aware that he had a girlfriend and let him kiss me in the bathroom of his fraternity's house.

We never had a chance. Never. It was stupid of me to try to pursue this mythical attraction. It was desire, and we both were blindsided by it. Well, no, a little correction. I was. Logan knew exactly what he was doing.

I was oblivious to his being this time. I unfollowed his social pages. I hadn’t read even the slightest news on his account. And I hadn’t seen his team playing. The first games of the season came and went. I had no idea—did they win or lose?

And I was okay with this obscurity. It was strange. After being so invested, so interested, and then to have zero emotions about the man you loved. Yeah, I loved him. This thing was too hard to ignore or forget. Will I ever be able to forget about him?

Two weeks ago, one guy started coming to the bookstore every day. I chatted with him without any hidden motives or desire to impress him. I hadn’t cared. His name was Patrick, and he was older than me, he was 33 years old.

His visit to the bookstore was spontaneous. He needed to buy a present for his nephew, and he came to us looking for a book. I helped him that day.

Of course, I was aware of his glances in my direction. I understood that he was interested in me. In other circumstances, I might have wanted to know him a little more. But not now. It was too soon for that.

He was very interesting to talk to. He knew a lot of things and was able to make me laugh within a few minutes. Mom thought that he had a good influence on me. She even cheered him up, giving him my phone number without my permission.

Oh God, how angry I was at her for that! He was nothing but kind and considerate, though. He asked for my permission to call me, and only after I agreed did he accept my number.

Patrick wasn’t like any of my previous men. He was tall and slender; his hair was black while his eyes were crystal blue. He wasn’t too handsome, like Drew and Logan. He had no tattoos. He was nothing like them, and he got me hooked.

But I wasn’t interested in him as a man. I couldn’t even imagine myself being with him. But I liked talking to him. I wasn’t intimidated by his presence, and it was a nice change.

Until he came with flowers... that’s when I understood that despite my total indifference and friendly attitude, he had started to like me. And I honestly didn’t feel good about it. It was like I was leading him on, just like it was in college with Rob.

Ultimately, I decided not to date Patrick. His interest in me was obvious, and I wanted to forget Logan, but I had no desire to repeat my past mistakes. Patrick was too good to use as a cure for my broken heart. Nothing good could come of it.

“Rebecca, I know that it’s too soon. But Patrick Adams is a nice man. He’s a good catch for our town. He has his own business, and it makes an excellent profit. And his family is so amicable. I often saw him with his sister and his nephew in the park... He likes you.”

“I know.”

I was slicing cheese for my sandwich. I wanted Mom to leave me alone. But Mom was in her favorite element. She was already picturing me with this particular man and completely ignoring my protests.

“Mom, I am not going to start a relationship of any kind with Patrick. I am good as I am. And besides, I want to stay single. It’s easier this way.”

“Don’t talk nonsense! You will be happy! I am sure there is a man who will love you no matter what.”

I put my food into the lunchbox and headed to the exit of the kitchen. There, I stopped and looked at her.

“The only man who loved me no matter what was Drew. And still, he cheated on me. So yeah, Mom, when I know for sure that love isn’t enough for a relationship to work, then I prefer to stay alone. I will see you at work?”

Mom was silent for a few minutes, and then I saw her pursing her lips.

“No. You will be on your own today. I have some errands to run. Will you manage?”

“Sure.”

It sounded amazing. The day at work on my own without Mom’s lectures and her nosing around.

Hopefully, Patrick would come today so I could get the chance to talk to him. I need to set the record straight with him. I have no desire to give this wonderful man any false hopes.