Conflicted Heart

I slept poorly, tossing and turning the entire night. I got up from bed very early and, after a shower, got dressed and snuck out of our room before Lily had a chance to ask me anything.

I was the first to arrive at my classes. It didn't bother me. I used my studies as a way to distract myself from my thoughts about Drew.

Before lunch, I was still caught up in my torment and mindlessly walked toward the cafeteria. Kate and Lily had asked me to meet them there for lunch.

I was looking at my phone, waiting for Kate's reply, when I accidentally bumped into someone. I looked up and froze. Of all the people from our college, it had to be her. Melanie. And she wasn't alone.

She was with one of her friends, a tall and slim brown-haired girl. The friend was cute, but in comparison to Melanie, she was plain.

“Could you please look where you're going? I almost tripped over.”

“I'm sorry,” I mumbled.

“Oh, you can talk. Nice!” Melanie placed her hands on her hips and stared at me mockingly. Her friend remained silent. I was sure that I would forget all of this, even her face, as soon as I walked away from them.

“Mel, stop it,” I heard a voice behind my back and immediately recognized it. It was Logan.

He walked past me; Drew was following him. He didn’t even acknowledge me. Fucking perfect! My day was getting better and better every moment.

Logan stopped in front of Mel and whispered something in her ear. She threw me a glance, turned on her heels, and walked into the cafeteria. I saw her friend catching up with Drew. She was all smiles and flirty. I saw him grinning at her.

Without saying a word to me, he walked with this girl into the cafeteria, leaving only Logan and me standing there. Logan turned around and looked at me. I barely looked at him.

“Becca… I’m sorry. Mel might be…”

“Why are you apologizing for her? She was the one insulting me. Not only today, but every chance she gets.”

Now, we were staring at each other. I couldn’t continue like this.

“If you see Lily and Kate there, tell them that I don’t feel well. I’ll be in my dorm. I have plenty of things to do.” I didn’t wait for his answer. I turned around and walked away.

When I got to my room, I decided to finish what I needed to study for the day. The decision was forming in my head: I wouldn’t go to the game.

I wouldn’t have gone to the party either, but Kate and Lily made me promise to go with them. Me and my big mouth. When I finished, it was only five in the evening. I decided to take a nap.

I didn’t even hear Lily return to the room. When I woke up, it was already past nine—no messages or calls from Drew. I guessed our story ended here.

“Hey, sleepyhead. How are you? Logan told us that you didn’t feel well... And here I am, found you sleeping.”

“I am better now, much better.” Yeah, except that my heart hurt.

“No date tonight?” She smiled at me.

“Suppose so.”

“Is everything okay? Are you sure? I didn’t hear you coming back yesterday, and when I woke up, you’d already left.”

“Everything is perfect. I am just tired, that’s all. Do I need to go to the party with you?” I decided to give it a shot. Maybe I would be able to skip the party after all.

“Do I need to call Kate?” Lily threatened.

“Fuck... this is ridiculous. I don’t want to go there,” I groaned.

“You promised. We had a deal. Or do you want me to call Kate and tell her about your mysterious dates?”

“Fuck, no!”

“Too much cursing, Rebecca. It doesn’t suit you.”

My phone buzzed. I looked at it—it was Drew—and immediately felt confused. I was sure that he wouldn’t contact me today. But no, here he was. He was waiting for me to see him. I closed my eyes. What should I do?

“Go, Becca. You need it. I can feel it. Maybe this guy will be able to cheer you up.”

I had big doubts about my decision to meet Drew, but still, I got up and changed. I chose my deep red hoodie and black jeans, pairing them with my Adidas sneakers.

My hair was in a mess after my sleep, so I just made a high ponytail. This would do. After how he acted with me today, that was all that he deserved. In ten minutes, I was in Drew’s car.

He was the one initiating small talk now, without saying a word about what had happened earlier in the cafeteria today.

Drew parked the car in a secluded area. He stepped outside, collected two cups of coffee and a box of donuts from the backseat, and walked to the front of the car.

He placed the cups and box on the hood of the car, then he leaned back on the hood and waited. I sat inside the vehicle, observing him. He sensed my uneasiness. He was giving me time to come to him without forcing me to do so.

Five minutes had passed when my phone buzzed.

DREW

Are u planning to sit in the car the whole evening?

BECCA

I haven’t decided yet.

DREW

These donuts are pretty delicious. And the coffee will be cold soon.

I sighed, placed the phone in my pocket, and exited the car. I walked to the hood and stood beside Drew, leaning back like him.

“I was starting to think that you weren’t going to come out of my car,” he said.

“It was the plan.”

“What made you change your mind?”

“Honestly? I don’t have any idea. The only reason I am here is because of Lily. She told me that I needed the fresh air. Where are we, by the way?”

“It’s my place. I found it in my first year here. It has quite a view, though. You can see the whole city from here. It’s the highest spot in town.”

“Uh huh.” That was all that I said. I was staring off into the distance. I saw the lights of the city: small houses in the residential area, shops, and restaurants on the main streets, our college. I looked up at the sky and saw a scattering of stars. It was magical.

“Becca, seriously… drink this. I bought you a latte. You told me once that it’s your favorite.”

“Thanks.” I took the cup he was offering me and took a sip. The coffee was just as I loved it. What was more, I was happy to hear that he remembered something about me.

“Listen… about today…”

“What?” I looked at him, holding his gaze. I wasn’t going to back away. I wanted answers.

“I acted like a jerk, I didn’t even say ‘hello’ to you... I am very sorry about that. It’s just... it’s hard for me to explain.”

“Try. You might be surprised.”

“No, Becca... I can’t. At least, not now.”

“Not now? Who am I to you?”

“I don’t know.”

“Hell... I should have stayed in my room. We’re wasting our time here. In two days, you have the game. You need your strength for that. Let’s call it a night.”

“I don’t want you to leave this soon.”

“Why?”

“I wanted to spend my time with you. I wanted to talk.”

“Funny way of showing it.”

“Please, Rebecca... don’t do this... This game is too important for our team; all of our emotions are running high. It’s a fucking rollercoaster!”

“After practice, every one of my muscles is sore. I want to soak in the bathtub for hours. I want to sleep, but I can’t... I fucking can’t!”

“You’re constantly on my mind. You’re everywhere. I could smell your perfume in my car. Today, I was sitting on the bench in the locker room and smiled like an idiot, remembering our time... Fuck, you’re screwing with my mind, Rebecca...”

“Oh, I am sorry... But do you think that you’re the only one? I couldn’t concentrate on my studies because of you. I was waiting for you to come to me. Screw you, Drew!”

I turned around, ready to run away from him, but he caught me and wrapped me in his arms. He spun me around and held me tight.

I closed my eyes and pressed my head to his chest, wrapping my arms around his torso. Smelling his familiar scent. I felt safe in an instant.

“I am sorry... I am so sorry, babe... Let’s just stay here for a while. Let’s talk,” Drew said gently. “What do you want to talk about? Tell me about your childhood. Or about your ex, if you feel like talking. What happened?”

“You want me to talk about Rob?”

“No. I know everything that I need to know about the guy from your class. I was asking about your boyfriend from high school. He hurt you, didn’t he?”

“Oh, hell…” I buried my face in the hollow of his neck.

“Hey, hey, look at me, babe… I am here to listen, not to judge. But only if you’re ready.”

I looked up at him, and he immediately placed his lips on mine, kissing me softly and savoring every moment.

I felt lost, but Drew found his way to me. So, I told him everything about how Adam had started to pay attention to me, how he had persuaded me to give him a chance, and how happy I had been with him.

I didn’t hide any detail from Drew, and I even told him how Adam had explained his unfaithfulness to me: that I wasn’t enough for him, that I didn’t satisfy him in bed. When I finished, Drew gave me a long, solemn look.

“Yeah… you were right… Your ex is not the smartest guy in the world. I would go further and tell you that the problem wasn’t with you. It was him.

“You didn’t satisfy men in bed? That seems like a joke to me... You’re amazing! I know what I am talking about. I know a lot of girls. It’s his loss. I am sure he already knows that.”

“You know, next time you are talking to a girl to try to reassure her, do not tell her that you had plenty of girls before her.”

“Shoot.” We were sitting in his car in the backseat by now, my head pressed to his chest. I had been lying here in his arms for almost two hours, and we continued talking until I saw him yawning.

“Drew, we need to go back to the campus. You need to sleep.”

“We could spend the night here. I won’t be able to see you tomorrow.”

“It’s okay. We will see each other at the party.”

Drew looked me over. He saw that I had made my decision and wasn’t going to change my mind about it. He sighed. An hour later, I was back in my room.

He didn’t want to let me go, kissing and caressing me until I was short of breath. I felt better, but his refusal to talk to me about our relationship was hanging over my head.

I saw him the next morning on campus. I thought that he would at least smile at me, but he only nodded. He was with Logan, who had Melanie by his side, and this brown-haired girl was with them again.

I guess this helped me finally decide what I was going to do about the game and the party.