New Beginnings, Old Wounds

BECCA

The next day, I received a job offer from Mr. Wilson’s assistant. It was exactly as he had told me. I waited for two hours before accepting the offer and sending all the needed information by email. I even started singing while writing the answer. Damn, how happy I was!

My suitcase was packed and waiting in the corner of my room. Chase was working, but Jenny said she would be able to drive me to the airport. These two people were my safe harbor in this big city. They gave me their love and support without even asking for it.

My parents were incredibly happy to hear about my unexpected vacation. Mom was ecstatic; she started planning what we would do and which places we would visit. I laughed at her enthusiasm. She was like that all the time.

Dad was calm as always, but even he sounded very cheerful. He said he would meet me at the airport, and that way, we would have time to talk a little without Mom’s intervention.

Okay, now I need to make a call. Lily called me earlier, but I was in the bathroom and didn’t hear it. I hesitated before calling her.

I was sure that Kate had already told her about our conversation. My only hope was that Lily would be open-minded as always and would understand the reasons for my anger.

“Becca! Finally! I was afraid you wouldn’t want to talk to me after your lovely talk with Kate.”

“Lil, you know me. She is always like that, but I guess the stress I was under for the past month made me very impatient and impulsive.”

“I know, hon. How are you?”

“Well... I got a job!”

“Oh my God! I am so happy for you! What kind of a job?”

“I will be working for a very successful guy; his name is Justin Wilson. I could learn a lot from him.”

“You know, that’s a concise description of your work. But I am a patient person, I will wait for you to get here and you will spill your beans for me. Deal?”

“As if I will have a choice.” We both laughed. “And moreover, he is now overseas. That’s why he expects me to start working in a month. So... I will stay in my hometown for three weeks. I missed Mom and Dad too much. These weeks sound like Christmas gifts.”

“Damn! If only I weren’t going on my honeymoon with John, I would have loved to spend more time with you.”

“Lil, Hawaii is waiting for you and your future husband. You could always visit me in New York. Well, as soon as I find my own place to stay.”

“I love the sound of that.”

“How are the preparations? How are you feeling before your big day?”

“Everything is good—more than good, perfect. John is very supportive, and he is ready to do everything for me. All I need to do is just ask.”

“A perfect gentleman! I forgot to ask you. Were you able to find the dress of your dreams? I remember that you were very stressed about it a few months ago.”

“Yes, yes, a thousand times—yes! It looks exactly as I was dreaming. Every line, every stitch, and even the material! All thanks to Logan!” Why did I need to ask her about the dress?

“I can’t wait to see you in it. The photos were amazing, but I am a hundred percent sure that you will look way better than that model.”

“I hope so. It’s a funny story, actually. When Logan asked his agent to find who did the dress in the first place, they were able to find only this girl from the advertisement. Logan contacted her himself, and of course, she immediately recognized who was calling her.” I rolled my eyes.

The Jones family was proud of Logan and his success. Lily could talk almost non-stop about her brother’s career and success. He was a freaking celebrity with a tremendous amount of money in his bank account and a fucking mansion in Philly.

And let’s not forget about his cars—Maybach, Lamborghini, and Porshe. Goddamn it!

“… Teresa helped him, but in return, she asked for one date. And… Now my brother is dating this girl! They look perfect together, and she’s so lovely!

“I was stunned when I met her for the first time! I thought she was a bitch with an enormous ego, but she’s amazing! They have been together for four months already!”

“That must be a record for your brother.”

“Becca, that wasn’t nice. You could do better.” I sighed. It was always like that. As soon as our conversations turned in this direction, I acted very bitchy. It was stupid and childish, but I couldn’t change it.

“Sorry. You’re right. Listen, Lily. I need to go. I have some errands to run before my flight tomorrow. See you on Thursday.”

“Okay. I will be waiting for you. You will come after lunch?”

“Yeah, near 2pm. I forgot to book a hotel, but I will do it right now.”

“You’re joking?”

“Um... No.”

“You can stay at my house, or at Kate and Tim’s place. We can discuss it when you get here. Don’t you even think about booking a hotel room! You hear me?”

“I don’t want to bother your parents. I'm not so sure that I want to live in one house with Kate.”

“I don’t want to hear it. When you are here, we will talk. End of discussion. Bye, Becca. Have a nice flight!”

Lily ended the call. Fucking perfect! I had no desire to stay in her parents’ house. It always brought back too many memories and reminders of the emotions I felt.

I was happy in that house, and I was sad and heartbroken. I was miserable. I had nightmares when I stayed there the last time. Lily even came to my room in the middle of the night because I was crying in my sleep. She stayed with me until the morning.

Yeah, the last time I was in her hometown was four years ago at Tim and Kate’s wedding. So maybe, I will be okay now because I wasn’t planning to stay at Tim’s house. Not after my argument with Kate.

I had been sitting on my bed for an hour. I was trying to think, so I put my favorite music on, and now I was listening to “Eyes Closed” by Halsey. I needed a plan.

Absentmindedly, I stroked my left wrist with my tattoo on it. It was a tattoo of a little bird with stars—a swallow, to be exact.

I no longer had my necklace, the one Chase gave me when I was going back to college in my first year. Someone tore it off my neck and threw it into the lake. I got this tattoo a year ago as a memory of my necklace and all the good memories associated with it.

This swallow symbolized freedom for me, as well as travel. But at the same time, it also represented family, home, and a sense of belonging.

Okay, my train of thought took a turn again. I hated myself at times like this because it meant that I had lost control. I wasn't shutting out my past, giving it an opening to my heart and soul.

I knew it wasn't just about the necklace. It was about me and my memories. It was about the emotions I felt and was afraid to remember.

I had always been strong. My high school boyfriend cheating on me didn't break me. The ups and downs of my relationship with Drew and our breakup didn't break me either. But the realization that Logan and I couldn't be friends anymore did.

It was hard for me to accept that. I felt depressed and overwhelmed with sadness. The feeling lasted much longer than I had thought it would. It was during the time when I moved to Miami and started my life there alone. I was a wreck.

I don’t even know now how I was able to cope with that, and even made friends.

Chase pointed out the obvious. I cared about Logan’s whereabouts. I read all the news about his career and his team. Weekly, I checked the news about Logan’s social life. That’s how I knew about his cars, his house, and his salary.

Of course, I saw every model whose name was connected to him—he was seen with them on dates, at social events, or when they went to cheer for him at his games.

I guess it was all because I hadn’t had my closure with him. He just ruined our friendship four years ago, not giving me even the faintest idea why he acted like that. I wasn’t the type to beg or humiliate myself, but I sent him messages almost daily at first, then it was a few times a month.

I did that for nearly six months until I stopped. Why continue if he didn’t send me anything in return? I wanted to know the reasons. I felt that he owed me that. He didn’t think the same.

I even believed that he had forgotten about me. I didn’t exist for Logan, and that realization was very hard on me. He was the reason why I was so afraid to go to this wedding. Not Drew.

With Drew, I had a talk. I even spent the night with him after Tim and Kate’s wedding. We both needed it to be able to move forward with our lives. There wasn’t any hatred between us, just emptiness.

But at least, we talked things through and were able to close the book on us being together. Yes, I would have liked not to see him, but it was inevitable. I was nervous, but I knew what to expect from that meeting.

With Logan, it was a whole different story. I wasn’t sure that I had it in my heart to be able to act unaffected and ignorant. He had been too important to me in the past. He held a big part of my life in his hands.

He was the only person in this world who knew everything about me—my deepest desires and fears. Even Chase didn’t know half of it.

I needed a plan—the plan of how I was going to survive at this wedding.