Unsettled

BECCA

I returned to the living room and just stood in the doorway. I had no idea what to do. I was impatient. I wanted all of them to go to sleep. But it looked like they were going to sit there for a long time. It was almost 11 PM.

I caught Lily’s gaze and walked over to her. She was sitting at the table with her phone in hand, while the men were deep in discussion about football. Shit, it’s going to be a long night.

“What took you so long?” Lily asked, leaning towards me. I sat on the stool near her.

“Just chatted a little with your mom. About the wedding and other stuff.”

“I see. What are you planning to do tomorrow?” I glanced at Logan, and Lily saw it. She arched her eyebrow at me.

“Well, I will stay here until it is time for you to leave for the airport. Then I will go to Kate and Tim’s house. We agreed to it yesterday.”

“Will you stay there long?”

“I don’t know…” Another glance in Logan’s direction. He was sitting on the couch, Drew was near him, while John and Mr. Jones were sitting across from them. He was relaxed and having fun. I stared at his smiling face and his dimples. I want him to be mine.

“Becca? Quit staring. I was talking to you.” I blinked a few times and turned my head to Lily. She wasn’t smiling anymore. She looked serious.

“Yeah, sorry. I think I will go back home on Wednesday or Thursday at the latest.”

“Almost like Logan. He will be here till Friday and then will fly back to Philly.” Good to know. She gave me the information I needed. “Becca, what did Drew say to you yesterday?”

“Nothing.” I held her gaze.

“Yeah, play dumb with me. I saw how you strode away from him from the dance floor. You were angry, and I noticed that you were drinking a lot.”

“It was nothing, really. Drew just hasn’t changed at all.”

“Becca, am I right in thinking that you aren’t interested in him?”

“Probably... No, you’re right. It’s in the past.”

“Oh…” Lily placed her hand on mine and squeezed it. “I am sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?”

“I talked to Logan…” I stared at her. What was it? “He told me that Drew is head over heels for you. That he wants you back.”

“And what does Logan think about that?” I asked and chewed on my inner cheek. I felt my heartbeat quicken.

“He thinks that if Drew would be more open with you and would make an effort - you would be together with him.”

“He’s wrong.” I can’t believe it! Was he blind?

“Yeah, I know that now. I observed you a little. I saw how you look at Drew… and how you look at Logan as well.”

We fell silent. She let her words hang in the air. If she was expecting me to open up to her—it wasn’t the time. It would only be the time if I would be successful in my conversation with Logan.

“Have you already packed your suitcase?” I decided to change the subject.

Lily looked at me for a few seconds and then started telling me about her plans for the honeymoon. She was excited and happy. I talked to her for more than an hour, until John came over to us. He waved at me, took his wife’s hand, and then they left the room.

Mr. and Mrs. Jones had gone upstairs a little earlier, leaving Drew and Logan alone with me. I saw that Drew was hesitating. He had no desire to leave the house, but he had no other choice. He called a taxi, and after a few minutes, he was gone.

Logan started climbing the stairs almost immediately after he closed the door behind Drew. It looked as if he was trying to avoid me. Hell no! I can be a very determined person.

I followed him without saying anything. He opened the door to his room and walked inside. He turned on the lights, and the whole place was lit.

“Rebecca, if I can be honest... I am tired... I want to go to the bathroom and then to sleep.”

“I want to talk to you.”

“Fine. But make it quick.” He sat on the bed and only then bored his eyes into me. Until then, he hadn’t looked at me, hadn’t glanced at me, he talked to me as if I wasn’t there.

“I want to be with you.”

“What?” Logan leaned back on his elbows, a frown on his face. Not a good sign.

“What I told you was the truth. I love you, Logan. I have always known that I have feelings for you. Seeing you again now only helped me to admit them. Your kisses awakened something in me that I was trying to forget…”

“I have never felt an attraction as strong as I feel for you… I can’t resist you at all… When I know that you’re somewhere near me, I can’t help but look at you.”

“Rebecca, I…”

“Logan, I am sure of my feelings. All those years ago, when I was here for the first time, you told me that yourself. If you had been single, Drew wouldn’t have been in the picture. It’s true… You know that and I know that…”

“We can’t change the past, but we can influence our future. I am ready to do anything to be with you.”

I said my piece. Now the ball was in his court. I was incredibly calm, and that surprised me. Maybe because I couldn’t do anything more than I did. I told him everything that I wanted to say.

If it isn’t enough, well… I will do as I promised to Mrs. Jones. I will step aside, and I will do everything I can to forget about Logan, even if it is very hard or even impossible.

Logan was silent. He leaned back, placing his elbows on his knees and stared at his feet, not even looking up at me. I nervously gulped. He had a life in Philadelphia, a life where I didn't belong. I started counting silently. When I reached one hundred in my mind, I sighed and turned around.

“I am sorry for bothering you. It won't happen again.” I walked to the door, placing my hand on the doorknob. “Tomorrow, I'll leave for Tim and Kate's place, and you won't see me anymore because, considering what I just said, I can't be your friend. Goodnight, Logan.”

I walked out the door, closing it behind me. God, I wanted to bawl. I felt suffocated. How was this even possible?

Never in my life had I been as mistaken as I was just now. I thought I knew what he felt for me. I thought that he would want to give it a try. But I was completely wrong, and it hurt like hell.

I opened the door to my room and walked inside. I went straight to the bathroom, stripped naked, and stepped into the shower. I stood under the pouring water while tears streamed down my face.

Damn, how painful this was! Understanding the missed opportunities between us was too hard to handle.

I didn't regret my relationship with Drew. I was happy with him. We loved each other. But that relationship killed all of my chances to be with Logan, the only person in this world to whom I felt an insane attraction.

Who was able to finish my thoughts for me sometimes. Who was always able to understand me and wanted to protect me.

Why was it like this? I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I wasn’t blind, and I was good at reading him. He was attracted to me, but unfortunately, it wasn’t enough to try to be together. It wasn’t enough to change his mind.

I leaned my back against the shower wall. I was sure that it was my last night in this house. I wouldn’t be able to come here anymore. I wouldn’t fight for this relationship. It was useless. I intended to keep my promise to Alicia.

I shut off the tap and stayed for a few minutes inside the shower. I decided to go back to my room when I started to feel cold. I was shivering, and my body was trembling. Something was telling me that it wasn’t just because I was naked.

It was stress and the strong emotions that I felt right now. I wrapped the towel around myself and walked closer to the mirror. My mascara left dark traces on my face. I took care of it, wiping it from my face.

I rubbed my hair with the towel. My blond strands were making my face even paler than it was right now. My eyes were puffy, as if they were drained from all of my emotions.

“You’re a fucking walking disaster, Rebecca Dawson…”

I sighed deeply and opened the door to my room, stopping in the doorframe.

Logan was sitting on my bed. He held his phone between his palms and played with it—tossing it back and forth between them. He looked up, and our eyes met. What was he doing here?

“Come here, Rebecca…”

He placed his phone on the bed and extended his hand to me. I clenched my jaw, completely confused by his sudden appearance. We stared at each other. My heart was going insane in my chest. I bit my lower lip, hesitating. Then I walked to him and took his hand with mine.