Chapter 17

I give the cab driver my address and hold back my tears until I’m home. As we pass under the streetlights, I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the side mirror. There’s a red mark on the side of my neck. ~No, no, no! He did not give me a hickey! Please let it be something else! Please, oh please!~ I rummage around for my phone to check, but then it hits me.

~Shit! Knox has my phone!~

I lean back against the seat, letting out a frustrated sigh. The cab driver glances at me in the rearview mirror.

“Are you alright, miss? Do you have money to pay for this ride?”

I sit up straight and nod frantically. “Uh—sorry, yes, I’m fine, sir! And yes, I have money for this ride! Sorry, it’s just been a rough night, that’s all!” I assure him.

He nods back through the rearview mirror. When we arrive at my apartment, I hand him the money and tell him to keep the change. I hop out of the car and head straight to my apartment.

I kick off my heels in the elevator and run to my door, tears stinging my eyes. I swing the door open and throw my shoes on the floor.

I sink down to the floor, crying into my knees. I feel so dirty.

I was hyperventilating hard, I knew there would be a panic attack somewhere along the line. I can feel it.

He seemed so nice and charming. Why did it have to be me? I know nothing happened, but it felt like something did. This probably happens to a lot of girls my age, but it doesn’t make it right.

~God, I’m so stupid! I should’ve known it was too good to be true. He was only after one thing.~

~My body.~

~Why didn’t I see it? This stupid dress didn’t help! Fuck, why did I agree to this? I should’ve stayed home watching Sons of Anarchy, but no! I had to go to a club with a bunch of NFL players!~

They think they can play girls, coax them into bed with them. They think they can mention they play in the NFL and girls will drop their panties for them. Not me! I have higher standards than that!

It seemed like the girls who were there tonight would do anything to sleep with those guys. They looked like they were ready to get down and party right then and there with half of them.

Walking around the club sober, you tend to pick up on these things.

This was supposed to be a night of fun, a night to help me forget about Drew. To help me go numb so I can’t feel the hurt anymore. But I still feel it, not just with Drew but now with Travis.

His eyes held a distant look, as if he wasn’t entirely present. It was as if he was out of his mind, and the image of his gaze, predatory and intense, was seared into my memory.

The sound of a key fumbling in the door broke my reverie. The door swung open and I quickly rose from the floor where I’d been sitting, hastily wiping away my tears. I squinted, trying to focus my tired, blurry vision on the figure in the doorway.

“Baby doll?”

“Knox? What a-are y-you doing h-here?” I stammered, trying to regain my composure. I hadn’t expected anyone to follow me, to come find me. I’d planned to cry my eyes out, alone.

He rushed over to me, enveloping me in a tight hug. He pulled out his phone and dialed Kyle’s number.

“Hey, I have her! Yeah... she’s with me... No, no, you guys stay out... Yeah, it’s fine... I’ll stay with her, man!... Yeah, yeah... no, it’s fine, seriously, Kyle, go have fun with Andy! I’ll see you back here... yeah, alright, I will... yeah, bye, man!” He ended the call and tossed his phone over my shoulder onto the counter behind me.

He wrapped his arms around me again, allowing me to cry into his chest. ~God, I’m ruining his t-shirt.~

“It’s alright, baby doll, I have more of them in my room,” he laughed. I balled my fists in his shirt, the urge to hit something—or someone—overwhelming me. ~Why is my life filled with so much drama right now?~

I pulled back to look up at him. He cupped my cheeks, his gaze intense. His eyes were glassy from the drinks he’d had tonight, his pupils dilated and focused solely on me.

“What happened, baby doll? Why are you crying? Why did you leave without telling us? Or texting us?”

I reached into his jean pocket, dangerously close to his lower region, and his eyes widened at my touch.

“Baby doll, what are you doing?” he asked cautiously. I pulled my phone from his pocket and waved it in his face. Realization dawned on him—he’d had my phone the whole time.

“You had my phone, so I couldn’t text you. I just wanted to leave. I didn’t feel like staying there. Sorry if I cock blocked you tonight... I was going to message Andy from my laptop to tell her I left,” I lied. His eyes scanned my face, and then he noticed it—the love bite on my neck. ~Shit, shit, shit!~

I slapped my hand over it in a futile attempt to hide it, but it was too late. A deep furrow formed on his brow as he frowned.

“Is this why you’re crying, Alex?” he asked, gently removing my hand from my neck and running his thumb over the forming bruise. His touch was hot, sending shivers down my spine. It was so gentle, his hands rough from years of playing football.

“Alex?!” he asked again, snapping me out of my thoughts. The fact that he used my name instead of ‘baby doll’ showed me how serious he was about this.

I nodded, squeezing my eyes shut as the memories flooded back.

“Who did this to you, Alex? Open your eyes! Look at me and tell me who did this to you? I will make them regret it!” His demand was stern, but I felt safe with him.

I met his pleading gaze and responded, “The guy you sent here to give me tickets.” My voice was cold, filled with disgust at his actions tonight.

The realization of what I’d just said hit him hard.

“Travis? He did this? I’m lit—”

“Stop, please! I don’t want to hear his name. I can’t. It’s not worth it, Knox. Really. I just want to go to sleep,” I pleaded with him, but I knew better than to believe he’d let this slide.

“Alex, he hurt you! Nobody hurts my baby doll! Nobody! It’s truly breaking my heart seeing you like this right now...” He whispered the last part more to himself than to me, but I heard it.

~Wait, he just said ‘my baby doll’?~

~No, no, Alex, you heard that wrong, you’re nobody’s anything!~

~God, he’s hot when he’s protective—woah, Alex, chill! Now is not the time! You’re not drinking anymore if you’re going to keep thinking about him like this.~

~He’s Knox! Remember! He was so mean to you in high school and pretty much your entire life! So no! You cannot think about him like that! Maybe he’s changed, man? Maybe?~

~But I’m not going to go there, he’s Kyle’s best friend! But he looks so good tonight!~

~Stop that!~

“Baby doll? Say something, I know your mind is going a million miles an hour in there,” he said, worry etched onto his face.

I gave him a small smile and chuckled a little. He was right.

“Let me in, baby doll,” he pleaded once more. I looked up at him.

“Who are you and what have you done with Knox?” I joked, causing him to laugh. I couldn’t help it, but I also wanted to know who this person was! It certainly wasn’t the Knox I grew up with.

“What do you mean, baby doll? I’m still the handsome, rugged sex god you know and love,” he teased back, lightening the mood. I rolled my eyes at his ridiculous response.

“Annnnd he’s back!” I said, causing a bellowing laugh to escape his mouth. We both stood there, laughing at each other’s responses. Then we both calmed down after a few moments of enjoying our quip responses.

Staring back at each other, I rested my hands on top of his that were still cupping my face gently. He smiled his famous smile that all the girls drop their panties for in a heartbeat.

~Mentally shaking the image from my head, hah! What was in those drinks tonight?~

“Knox?”

“Yes, baby doll?”

“Will you—uh—will you lie with me? Like old times?”

His face registered pure shock at my question, and I was just as surprised as he was. A few moments of silence ticked by, serving as his response.

Okay, this is getting awkward. I shouldn’t have asked. I nodded in defeat, accepting that he wasn’t going to stay with me like old times.

“It’s okay, I get it,” I said, averting my eyes to my feet. “You can head back to the party if you want. I’ll be fine.” I stepped out of his touch, immediately feeling the coldness that replaced his warmth.

But his large hand grabbed my small one and tugged me back to him. He kissed the top of my head, wrapping himself around me for comfort. ~He’s so comfy!~

“Of course I’ll lie with you, baby doll. Anything for you! I was just in shock, that’s all.”

“Haha, I could see that!” I quipped back at him.

“I didn’t know you knew I used to lay with you when I stayed over at your place. I thought I got in and out before you realized I was there. This is so embarrassing!” he cried out while I laughed.

“I always knew, Knox. My mom even knows. Obviously, you wouldn’t have made a good ninja!” I joked, but he just turned red in the face. ~He’s so cute right now!~

~Oh my god, Alex, stop!~ But I couldn’t.

~Note to self: stop having conversations with myself.~

“Are you serious! Shit! That’s why they—never mind! But why didn’t you say anything? I thought you hated me?”

“Knox, I don’t hate you. I don’t hate anybody. You were always so mean to me. And is the great Knox Carter blushing with embarrassment right now? That’s a first!” I was avoiding the question he had just asked so desperately.

“You didn’t answer my question, baby doll.”

“Hmm?”

He quirked his eyebrow, standing his ground for an answer. ~Why is he so stubborn?~

“Ugh, you’re so annoying, you know that? I don’t know why I didn’t tell you.” ~Lie!~

“Lie.” ~Shit!~ A few moments went by in silence. I knew he wasn’t going to give up.

“Fine, every time you slept with me, I had a good night’s sleep. I never had a nightmare with you.”

“That’s all?” he smugly asked.

“You may or may not have been comfy? Or good at cuddling? But you’ve slept with enough girls to know that!

Listen, I don’t need to boost your Earth-sized ego right now, or ever! You don’t need it. So are we going to cuddle or what?”

“Oh, so now you want to cuddle?” He teased me.

“Fine, you can sleep on the couch then. Don’t miss me too much!” I flipped him off and walked towards my room. I felt his arm wrap around my waist and hoist me up against his chest, carrying me into my room.

“Oh, so now who wants a cuddle?” I teased his words back to him.

He let out a low chuckle. “Yes, baby doll, I’ll always want to cuddle, because believe it or not, I’m the best you’ll ever have!

And for those other girls, you have nothing to be jealous about. They’ve got nothing on you,” he assured me from behind.

“Jealous? Who said I was jealous? If anything, I feel bad for them having your little guy inside of them!”

“Baby doll, don’t deny it, you want it inside of you too! It’s only a matter of time before you beg me for it,” he joked, causing me to throw back my head to rest on his shoulder. ~This escalated very quickly.~

“Oh, Knox, what gave it away? Was it the constant need to beat your ass up or the gagging sounds I make when I see your ugly face?” The sarcasm dripped heavily from my words.

“You know there’s something else you can gag on instead if you’d like? But we can save that for later, baby doll,” he winked as he placed me on my bed.

“Is this the part where I swoon at your words and start to strip and feel myself up in an attempt to look sexy?”

He whipped his head around to face me with both brows raised. “I mean, I won’t stop you, baby girl! While you’re at it, can you add a lap dance to the menu? I’ve been dying to see you give me one!” he playfully said.

“Sure, why not? I’ve been practicing too. Just put up a pole in my room and it’ll be like your own private strip club that you and your friends are so used to.

They could become my regulars too. But I have to say, I only accept twenties!”

“The pole is already up, baby doll,” he winked, then proceeded to take his shirt off, giving me my own private screening of the Calvin Klein commercial. ~Damn!~

He cleared his throat, bringing me back up to his face to see him smirking down at me.

“Again, wipe that stupid smirk off your face, Carter!” He smiled even wider and continued to strip until he was just in his boxers. ~Double damn! This boy is hot!~

Everything in the commercial was on display right in front of me. ~Suck on that, females of the USA!~

~NOOOOOO! Stop! You. Don’t. Like. His. Arrogant. Ass!!~

“Please don’t say that to me when you say that to the girls you bang on a nightly basis! I’m not like those girls,” I moaned, causing him to laugh.

Laying down on my bed, he pulled back the covers and lay there with his hands behind his head. The covers left his bare chest on display. ~Damn, it’s been a while. Stop checking him out, seriously, get a grip!~

“I’m not the kind of guy you think I am, and I resent the idea that I’m bedding women every night! For the record, I don’t, and I never have!” he insisted.

“Alright, so it’s a weekly thing then?” I shot back, a smirk playing on my lips.

He shook his head at me. “Nope, try again!”

“Hourly?” I teased.

He shot me a deadpan look as I sauntered over to my wardrobe to retrieve my pajama top, which was actually his jersey. I turned to see a wide grin spread across his face. I rolled my eyes and slipped out of my dress.

Yes, I was undressing in front of him, but he’d done the same to me, knowing full well his abs were on display. This was payback, and I couldn’t help but smirk at the thought.

I reached for the jersey on the bed, but he grabbed the other end. I looked up at him, his eyes wide and trailing slowly over my body.

Men! Show them a little skin and they’re all over you, trying to get in your pants. Wait, what? He’s not trying to get with you, woman!

“Eyes up here, Knox,” I directed, pointing to my eyes. But he didn’t follow, his gaze was fixed on something on my stomach. I looked down to see he was staring at the scar on the left side of my abdomen.

The memory associated with it made me uncomfortable. He released his hold on the jersey—my jersey? I wasn’t sure what to call it. I pulled it over my head and let it hang mid-thigh.

“Is that from him?” he asked, referring to my so-called father.

I sighed heavily. “Can we please not bring him up?” He agreed and mimed zipping his lips, lightening the mood.

He patted the bed beside him, inviting me to join him. Before I did, I locked my door and climbed onto the bed.

“What are you planning on doing to me that made you lock the door, baby doll?” His voice was laced with a teasing tone.

I turned to face him and smirked, causing him to sit up straight. Oh, I could have some fun with this! But this was drunk Alex talking. Sober Alex wouldn’t dare.

I leaned into him, throwing my leg over his waist so I was straddling him. He looked up at me, a smile playing on his lips. “Are you trying to seduce me, baby doll?” The sexual tension was palpable.

“Seducing you, Knox? No, no, I’m simply...” I whispered, trailing a teasingly light touch down his chest to his abs, hooking my finger around the waistband of his boxers.

He took a sharp breath in, his eyebrows shooting up. He obviously liked what I was doing. This was too easy. I reached across to the table, my face coming dangerously close to his. I could feel his breath on my lips.

~This is so hot!~

“I’m just getting my phone charger,” I said, grabbing it and rolling back to my side of the bed to plug in my phone.

I giggled to myself, surprised at how turned on I was. I could feel the throbbing between my legs. ~I’m never doing that again.~

“Also, Andy has a habit of bursting through the door whenever she feels like it, so I’d rather keep her out of the room tonight.”

“That wasn’t cool, baby girl! Why would you do that? Now I have to calm this guy down,” he groaned.

“Aww, were you turned on, Knox? Surely you’re used to girls seducing you by now?” I shuffled down into the covers to face him.

“Girls, yeah, but you? No! Fuck, Alex, why did you do that? I need a minute,” he said, resting his head against my headboard and closing his eyes to concentrate.

“What are you doing, Knox?”

“Please, baby girl, don’t say my name when I’m like this. It doesn’t help. I’m thinking of Kyle in a mankini to turn myself off. Do you know what he looks like in one of those? It’s a major turn-off!”

Well, this turned awkward. I felt bad now. I shouldn’t have done that.

“I’m sorry, Kn—I’m sorry. I didn’t realize how hard it is for guys to... cool down. I wouldn’t have done it if I knew you’d react like this. I thought you’d be used to it with all the gir—”

“Please stop, baby doll. Look, I’m not as much of a man-whore as you think I am. That’s all tabloid speculation. I don’t like you thinking of me like that. It really bothers me.”

“Please, I’ve seen you with girls on nights out, bringing them home or to your hotel room. I’m not stupid.”

“I know you’re not. You’re the smartest person I know! Look, I’m no saint. I’ve slept around in the past, but I’m done with that. I want someone who likes me for me, not my name.”

“Please, you love the attention they give you. Every single girl falls at your feet, ready to give you a blowjob, sex, lap dances, whatever! You’re not fooling me. That’s all you guys want.

Sex! Sex on your terms. And when it’s not, you go off and cheat. You’re all the same, going after the easy girls instead of the ones who could give you more than just meaningless sex.”

I slowly realized this wasn’t just about Knox anymore. As I stared blankly at the ceiling, I heard him sigh. I felt his arms wrap around me, offering comfort.

“Sweetheart, I won’t deny that I used to enjoy that kind of thing, but I can’t stand it now. Not all men are the same. Some prefer the quiet, shy bookworm who’d rather spend a night in than out. They prefer the simple girls over the drama queens, the genuine over the artificial.

“Don’t you ever read those sappy romance novels?” His laughter echoed softly beside me. I nestled further into his chest, the rhythm of his breathing sending gentle waves of comfort through me.

I smiled against his chest, intoxicated by his scent.

“But any man who cheats on his girl is a fool who doesn’t deserve her. And any man who cheats on my sweetheart is an even bigger fool, and he certainly doesn’t deserve her!

“And not all men are after just sex. Sure, it’s a part of it. But when they find the right girl, they’ll accept her, all of her.”

His words were a soothing balm, easing my troubled thoughts. Maybe Drew wasn’t the one for me. Maybe I’d been trying to convince myself otherwise the whole time we were together.

“And what about you? Have you found your girl?”

His deep sigh sent a tickle across my forehead. “I have, but it’s complicated.”

A sharp pang of something—jealousy?—stung my heart, and my breath hitched in my throat. But why? I don’t have feelings for him...do I?

“Come here,” he murmured, pulling me closer. “Let’s get you some rest, and we can talk about it tomorrow.” He pressed a gentle kiss to my hair.

I knew we wouldn’t discuss it tomorrow, but I let it go. Maybe he didn’t want to talk about it?

I shifted closer to him, reveling in the comfort of his embrace. I’d never slept with him like this before. Usually, I’d be curled up with my back to his chest, but now we were facing each other, my body wrapped securely in his arms.

His chin rested on the top of my head, while mine was nestled against his solid chest. His arms held me close against his warm body, and I never wanted to move.

I could stay like this forever.