Chapter 74

The Fourth of July, a day of independence, and in a quiet corner of my heart, I was celebrating my own. It had been a week since the incident with him and his Barbie doll of a girlfriend.

I hadn’t uttered a single word to him, despite his attempts to reach out. He’d been messaging me, especially at night, sending me a heart each time I turned off my light.

It was as if he was waiting outside, watching for the darkness to envelop my room. But I didn’t look at him, didn’t speak to him.

I’d leave the room the moment he entered, usually with her in tow, in my own family home.

Every night, I’d climb onto my roof, bottle of alcohol in hand, and sit there under the stars, talking to myself. Some nights, I’d drink too much and wake up with a hangover that would earn me disapproving glances from my family the next morning. I’d just ignore them.

Sleep had become a luxury. Nightmares of what I’d seen—him with her, and then walking in on Drew—kept me awake. I was afraid to sleep, afraid to see those images again.

Between those nightmares and the living one across the hallway, I’d hear Lauren’s moans and screams when she reached her peak with him.

He’d leave the room once she was done, slamming the door behind him as he descended the stairs. I didn’t know where he went, and frankly, I didn’t care.

He’d usually return an hour or so later, when he was sure she’d either left or fallen asleep in his bed.

Every single night, it was either a nightmare about them or a nightmare about catching Drew. Sam, Tyson, Hannah, and Andy were the only ones who knew what had happened.

I’d told everyone else that Drew had called me to get back together. It wasn’t a complete lie. He had been messaging me a lot more lately, which was strange. He’d gone MIA for a while, and then suddenly, it picked up again.

Andy would always come in with Hannah to hand me two Advil when she knew I’d been drinking the previous night.

At the moment, I was in the kitchen with Adam on my hip, peppering my cheek with kisses in an attempt to cheer me up. He was resting his little head on my chest, his arms hanging down his side.

He lifted his head off my chest to look up at me. “Alex, why are you sad?” he asked so innocently, and I felt a pair of eyes on me. I knew it was him. I could always tell when he was looking at me.

“I’m not sad, baby, I’m just tired. That’s all,” I reassured him, kissing his head to make him giggle before he rested his head back on my chest. He whispered to me, “I can hear your heart beating.”

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I let out a breath and whispered to myself, “Barely.” I kissed his head again, then took him outside and set him down so he could run around on the beach with Eden and Noah.

He took Eden’s hand when she fell over in the sand, making sure she was okay. Normally, I would have smiled at this, but I just couldn’t. I was too tired to smile, too tired to do anything.

I walked over to the side of the deck where the shade was and sat down next to Cole, who had Reign in his arms. Sasha was upstairs, taking a much-needed nap.

“Hey kiddo! How are you feeling?” Cole asked me, looking at Reign who was staring up at his father. He was such a beautiful kid.

“Fine, just tired,” I replied.

“Still not sleeping?” I shook my head no. We sat in silence for a while, and I could feel his eyes on me, but I was looking down at Reign.

I gently stroked his cheek, and he started to smile at me, but I couldn’t return the smile. I was just too exhausted.

“You want to hold him for a while, while I get something to eat? You know, fulfill your godmother duties,” he joked, but I didn’t laugh.

I nodded, and he handed Reign over to me. I laid his head on my chest, just like I had with Adam.

“I miss your smile, sis. You know you can talk to me about anything. I know this isn’t about Drew, but I want you to trust me enough to tell me,” he said, kissing my forehead. I gave him a weak smile in return.

He headed back into the kitchen while I lay back with Reign on my chest. I closed my eyes, relishing the silence around us. I stroked Reign’s back, soothing him to sleep.

But it was also soothing to me. The soft material of his clothes against my skin felt nice. The baby smell that Reign gave off brought back many memories of holding the others in my arms.

The sound of children giggling and waves crashing against the shore was relaxing. But I couldn’t fall asleep, not with a newborn on my chest.

I opened my eyes and stared up at the bright blue sky peeking through the side of the roof above us. I felt him stir on my skin and looked down to see if he was alright. His eyes were shut, but I could feel his little breaths on my skin.

“You’re such a beautiful boy, Reign. I’m going to be the best godmother for you. I’m going to help you through the good and the ugly times that lie ahead of you, baby.

I’ll be there for you. So will your family. I can’t wait until you’re old enough to meet your brother, sister, and your cousins.

I’ll teach you how to treat the women in your life right, especially the one you’ll fall in love with one day—or guy.

I can’t wait until the day I get to see you standing at the altar, waiting for your bride or groom to walk down the aisle. When you have a family of your own.

I’ll be there for all of it. Every play, every fall, every heartbreak, every time you achieve something great, when you graduate, when you get into college, when you get your first job and paycheck.

“Even when you hit rock bottom, when you have a fight, even if it’s with me, I’ll be there for every struggle, every birthday, and for every tear you shed. I’ll be right there for you, with your family. You have wonderful parents who will adore you and a family that will protect you. I promise I will always be there for you until the day I die, my sweet baby boy.”

I gently kiss his head, careful not to wake him. The sound of the back door sliding open alerts me to Cole’s return, and I breathe a sigh of relief that it’s not him.

Cole sits down beside me, handing me a bowl of fruit and a water bottle. I thank him and pick at the fruit before speaking softly.

“If you ever need any help with Reign during the night, I’m awake anyway so I’d be happy to feed him and calm him if you two want to sleep. I’ve done it with Adam and Eden before so I’ve no problem doing it. Also, godmother duties and all that,” I try to joke, earning a small laugh from Cole.

“I think I’ll take you up on that offer every second night. Sasha is exhausted and I’m starting to feel it too. Mom said she’d help but she’s not young any more. She raised five of us, she needs her rest... Are you getting nightmares again?”

“Sure, just tell me when. Um... yeah, you know the usual,” I shrug it off, hoping he thinks it’s the ones about our dad. Right now, I’ve been having none about our father and about that night. I don’t know which ones are worse, to be honest. They’re all bad in their own way.

“Alex, Cole, we need to have a family meeting now. Can you both come in?” My mom pokes her head out of the open door.

I hand Reign back over to Cole and he stays asleep. We walk inside and I see my family sitting at the dining table, along with the Carters, the Williams, the Avery’s, Brett, and Tyler.

Cole brings the kids into the living room and sets Reign down in his chair that rocks him to sleep, though he’s already asleep. He carries out a baby monitor and I feel his arms rest on my shoulders.

I have a bad feeling about this meeting. Kyle and Max walk over to me too. Max places a hand on my other shoulder while Kyle rests his chin on my head.

I know what’s happening. I know why this meeting has been called. I know what my mother is about to tell me. Those dreaded words are about to come out of her mouth.

I’m going to be sick. This is the day I’ve dreaded the most ever since he got put away.

“He’s out, isn’t he?” I ask, looking down wide-eyed at the floor. I got to it before my mom could tell us. I slowly raise my head to meet her glassy gaze.

She licks her lips and clasps her hands together like she’s about to pray, pushing them up against her lips. She nods and I feel my body being stabbed again from her confirmation.

My lungs feel restricted with air and I crouch down on my feet closer to the ground, burying my head in my hands.

Trying to get my breathing under control, I feel my nerves being pumped with adrenaline. My hands start to shake and I feel my brothers crouch down beside me, but I’m not looking up.

I know they’re trying to help me, I’m thankful that they are, but they don’t understand. Nobody does. I hear them saying they’ll keep him away and they’ll protect me and then it all falls into silence.

I finally rise back up to my full height and speak.

“He’s not after you. None of you get it. He didn’t stab you. He won’t come near any of you. He’s not after you. He’s after me. Me!” I clench my jaw on the last part. They don’t get it.

“We’ll protect y-”

“No, you’re not getting it. You didn’t see the look in his eyes when he drove that knife through me. He has nothing but pure hatred for me, all because I exist. You don’t know what it was like to feel your life being put in the hands of someone who hates you.” Thinking out loud, I’ve never said anything like this to my family before.

They don’t understand, they didn’t see the look in his eyes that night when he chased me through my own house. Where I was meant to feel safe. To feel protected.

“We’ve notified the police here, LA and New York about the situation. All you have to do is say your name and that you’re in danger, Alex, if he comes near you. He’s on probation, and I filed a restraining order against him for your protection. He has to stay five hundred feet from you-” I start to laugh bitterly at that.

“I know you’re trying to help, but it’s no use. Do you honestly think that psychotic man will stay away from me? The only time he’ll stay away from me is if he’s either A) locked up and never gets out, B) gets the death penalty, or C) finishes the job he started. And let me tell you, C) is the more realistic option right now-”

“We won’t let him touch you, Alex, I promise,” Kyle assures me of him and my brother’s protection. I do feel safe around them, but my father is after me and if they get in the way they’ll get hurt.

I can’t let any one of them hurt, they have families of their own, people who love them in their lives.

“Whatever,” I mumble. Why does all the bad stuff happen at once?

When you feel it getting better, karma is there to remind you of that one bad deed you did on the spur of the moment, and a disaster crash lands in the middle of your house.

Immersed in the world of you. I meander towards the sliding door, my gaze fixed on the vacationers outside, their laughter echoing in my ears. My arms are crossed over my chest, a protective barrier against the world. I rest my forehead against the cool glass, releasing a shaky breath.

Tears well up in my eyes, spilling over and tracing hot trails down my cheeks. I let myself cry silently against the window, the cool glass a soothing balm against my heated skin. Suddenly, I halt my tears, drawing in a deep breath to quell the storm of emotions that have been dormant all week.

Turning to face my family, I say, “When he finds me—and I know he will—I want to be cremated. Scatter my ashes at the lighthouse, into the sea. Hang my boards on the wall of my room, above my bed... I need some air.”

I slide the door open, the silence behind me a stark contrast to the cacophony outside. I step onto the deck, making my way towards the steps leading to the beach.