Chapter 75

The paparazzi swarm around me, their cameras flashing in my face. I shield my eyes and continue my trek towards the sea. ~Some Fourth of July,~ I think to myself. I wade into the water until it reaches my chest, letting the waves crash against me. I stand there, taking it all in.

~Why can’t I have a different life? This is so hard.~ I start to cry again, my tears mingling with the salty sea. I tilt my head back, letting my silent sobs disappear into the water surrounding me.

I glance back at the beach, the camera flashes illuminating the night. I see Lauren walking up to the deck of my house.

I retreat from the water, settling down on the sand as the waves lap at my feet. I hear a sigh from my brother, Kyle. He settles down next to me, and together we watch the sun dip lower in the sky.

I hear him sniffle a few times and turn to see tears streaming down his face. I wrap my arms around my older brother, hugging him tightly. “Why are you crying?” I ask him softly.

He doesn’t answer, his sobs only growing louder. I pull him closer, my heart aching at the sight of his tears.

I repeat my question, and he finally lifts his head to face me. His eyes are bloodshot from rubbing them so hard.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’ll do everything I can to protect you, Alex. I—I can’t bear the thought of you not being here with me, with us... What happened? You don’t smile anymore. You’re not happy. Where’s my sister gone? You’re a different person now...” His words are punctuated by sniffles.

I swallow the lump in my throat and lean my head against his shoulder, my tears soaking his shirt.

“It’s too hard, Kyle. I don’t want anyone to get hurt because of me. You all have a girlfriend, a wife, a fiancé who loves you. You guys have someone to love you. I don’t want him to destroy any chance of ruining a current and future family for any of you—”

“I love you, Max, Cole, Sam, Mom, and Eric love you—”

“It’s not the same, Kyle. I don’t have someone to look at me the way Andy looks at you, and you look at her... And I’ve accepted that. We can’t have everything in life. But I do love you guys, you’re my family. I will always love you guys. Whatever happens, happens. It’s out of my control. He’s out, and with people taking pictures of me all the time, he’ll know where I am. I’m just being realistic—”

“Stop thinking like that, please, Alex. One of us will always be with you—”

“What happens when I go back to college? Huh? You guys can’t follow me around everywhere I go.”

“I was thinking of moving out to Cali for a few years anyway, so I’ll be there to protect you. Plus, you’ve got Wes—”

“No, Kyle, I’m not bringing Wes into this. Please, I don’t need his life to be threatened either—”

“Alex, what did he do to you? You’re not the same... I miss my baby sis. You don’t smile anymore. Today was the first time you showed any emotion in a week...”

“Nothing...” He sighs once more, his tears finally subsiding. I hold him close, my arms wrapped tightly around him.

“Talk to me, sis,” he whispers, his breath warm against my face. He plants a light kiss on my cheek, and I feel the walls I’ve built up starting to crumble. I break down, my sobs muffled by my hands, my shoulders shaking with the force of my tears.

Kyle stands up, pulling me to my feet and lifting me into his arms. I wrap my legs around his waist, burying my face in his shoulder as I continue to cry. His hand supports me while the other cradles my head. He carries me back to the house, where everyone is still gathered in the kitchen.

The room is eerily quiet, my sobs the only sound breaking the silence.

“I’m going to take her upstairs,” Kyle’s voice breaks, choked with tears. I keep my face buried in his shoulder, not wanting to meet anyone’s gaze.

A shaky “Okay” from my mom is the only response. My body is trembling, as if it’s about to give up on me.

Kyle carries me up the stairs and into my room, laying me down on the bed. I continue to cry into my pillow, my tears soaking the fabric.

Kyle, taller and more muscular than me, lies down next to me. His tears are quieter, but no less painful. He cradles me in his arms, hushing me until my sobs subside.

Exhaustion finally claims me, and I fall into a deep sleep.

“Is she alright?” I hear his voice, but I don’t know how long I’ve been asleep.

Boom! Boom! Boom!

I sit up, panic coursing through me. I scramble back against the headboard, my breath coming in short, sharp gasps. Kyle notices my distress and rushes over to the bed, cupping my face in his hands.

“Alex, it’s just the fireworks. You’re safe, look at me! It’s okay! It’s just me,” his gentle voice coaxes me back to reality, and I hear the fireworks outside my window. Suddenly, I remember it’s the Fourth of July.

I take deep, shuddering breaths to calm myself down until my heart rate is back to normal. I stare into his eyes, watching him breathe with me, helping me to regain my composure.

It works. He kisses my forehead and sits on the bed with me.

“Is this real?” I finally ask, unsure if I’m dreaming. It feels real, but all my nightmares felt real too. Everything is muddled up into one.

Kyle pinches me on my arm, “Ow! What was that for?” I smack him on the arm, making him laugh.

“Isn’t that the saying? Pinch me, is it real?” He asks seriously, and I give him a deadpan look. Is he actually kidding me? I slap him again on the arm.

“Ow! What was that for?” He mimics me, rubbing his arm and scrunching up his face at me.

“It’s pinch me I’m dreaming, dipshit,” I roll my eyes. Hearing his laugh over by the door, I jump a little, remembering he’s still here.

“Did I just get my sister back?” He grins, and I can’t hide my own smile. I purse my lips to stop a laugh from escaping at how ridiculous he looks.

So he pushes me back on the bed and dives on top of me, hugging me. More like squeezing the life out of me. I hear him laugh loudly in my ear as I slap his back to get him off me.

“Kyle, you’re such a fatty, get off me!” I push breathlessly, making him laugh even more. Eventually, he rolls off me onto my bed. I lay there, breathing in sweet oxygen.

“Food is ready downstairs, I’m hungry. Do you want to go down or should I bring you food?”

“I’ll go down in a minute, I just need to wake up a bit more. Save me some food,” he nods and stands up to leave, kissing my head. I hear him slap Knox’s body.

I stand up and look out my window at the colors exploding against the black sky. I walk around and see him standing at my door. I thought he left with Kyle.

I look down to the ground, not wanting to make any eye contact with him, and he asks me.

“Are you alright?” But I stay silent and ignore him. I walk towards my door and try to slip by him without an answer, but I feel him take my wrist in his hand. I feel the burn of his touch.

My heart is hammering against my chest and the tingles spreading through my entire body. My body is betraying me. Why am I feeling like this towards him? I can’t feel like this again.

“Please look at me,” he pleads, but I can’t look at him. I can’t look into those blue eyes. I’ll break down again. I can’t afford to show him how he affected me.

“Alex,” he steps closer to me, his voice so soft I almost did look up at him. I fought the urge to look up by shutting my eyes closed.

“Please, baby doll, look at me,” I say my first few words since seeing him that day.

“I can’t,” I whisper out, taking my wrist out of his hand, brushing his skin, and walking away. I walk down the stairs, leaving him behind. I can’t look at him.

I need to be strong and resist him. No matter how hard it’s going to be, I can’t set myself up for that again.

Ever again.

I’m going to stick with my career goals and multiply them by one hundred so I have no time for guys.

I enter the kitchen and see Kyle piling food onto his plate. Looking further down the line, I see Andy next to him, gawking at the amount of food he’s putting on his plate, and Hannah next to her, laughing at her reaction.

I walk over to them and they turn around, setting their plates down. I throw my arms around them and hug them both. They start to weep, hearing sniffles from both of them.

“You scared me, Alex!” Hannah whimpered on my shoulder.

“Yeah, me too, doll, please don’t do that again,” Andy soothed me by rubbing my back.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you both. I’m just finding it hard,” as soon as I say that, I see Knox storm into the kitchen, slamming the back door closed and walking out.

Lauren gets up from the table and shuffles her feet to follow him out in her wedges. I let go of my best friends and they smile at me, which I return.

“Yay! You smiled! I miss that smile, Alex!” Hannah beams, interlocking her hands under her chin. Next, I see Kyle’s back and I hug his waist and kiss his back.

He swiftly turns around, thinking I’m trying to get his food.

“I thought a little midget was trying to steal my food, sis!” He smirks and hugs me close to his body. I slap his back and hug him tighter than ever.

Feeling three more bodies hug us, Kyle says, “Group hug!” Where we all laugh. I hug Cole, Max, and Sam too. I see Andy’s big grin at Kyle.

He leans down to kiss her lips and I have to look away because it’s not what I want to see. I’m happy for them, but I can’t look at that without my stomach dropping.

I place some chicken and salad on my plate and head outside to everyone. My mom stands up quickly and I set my plate down to hug her.

“I’m sorry I keep putting you through this, Mom,” I whisper into her shoulder and she shakes her head.

“You have nothing to be sorry about, baby, you’re struggling. I can see it. Maybe we should look into getting you some therapy for a while?

I can see you’re not handling things very well and it’s alright to ask for help, sweetie.”

“We’ll see. I’m just going through a rough patch, that’s all. I’ll be fine in a few days, Mom,” I assure her. She seems to accept this for the moment, but warns me that if she sees me struggling again, she’ll book me in for a private session.

I settle down on the sofa next to her and Austin, who sends me a small, comforting smile. I hug him, apologizing if I scared him.

He leans in close, his voice a hushed whisper in my ear. “It’s all good, Alex. If it’s any consolation, my brother is an idiot for getting back with her. She’s the devil in disguise.”

I glance out towards the horizon, where I see Lauren’s arms flailing around and Knox looking down at the sand, his face a mask of frustration as he angrily kicks it into the air.

“Do you know?” I ask, feeling my cheeks heat up with embarrassment. He nods, a weak smile on his face. “You handled it better than I would’ve. I don’t blame you for running out!”

“I wouldn’t disagree with you about her, though!” I roll my eyes at the pair of them, stabbing my fork into my chicken and taking a bite as I listen to everyone talk about their day.

A while later, Adam comes over and plops down on my lap, playfully messing with his dad. He starts to poke my cheek, and I poke him back, making him giggle. I smother him with kisses, his high-pitched squeal of delight filling the room.

Laughter erupts around the table as I keep going, and Austin leans in once more. “It’s good to see you smiling again, kid! I know this little man missed your smiles.”

I turn Adam around so he’s facing the table, and he laughs, leaning back against my chest. I rest my head on Austin’s shoulder and thank him.

“This little man here, and those little guys over there—” I point to Noah, Eden, Lena, and Reign around the table, “—they put a smile on my face,” I tell him.

As the fireworks explode in the sky, painting it with vibrant neon colors, I anticipate the next ones. People are gathered on the beach, and the sun is about to set. I rise to my feet with Adam and place him on my hip once more.

“I’m going to watch the sunset. Does anyone want to come?”

Adam’s hand shoots straight up, along with Noah’s and Eden’s. Kyle also rises to his feet, along with Andy and Hannah.