Chapter 85

The scent of bacon frying mingles with the throbbing pain in my head. I groan, my skull pounding like a drum. My lips are dry and crusty, my mouth as parched as the Sahara.

I roll onto my back, cradling my aching head in my hands, and force my eyes open.

God, I hate hangovers.

I glance around, taking in the unfamiliar surroundings. Panic surges as I sit up abruptly, realizing I’m not in my own bed.

“Fuck!” I whisper, cradling my head again. The covers slip down, revealing last night’s outfit still clinging to my body. Oh god, what did I do?

Did I sleep with someone? Whose room is this? Please tell me I didn’t sleep with a stranger.

I don’t feel sore or bruised. I glance down at my body, noticing a few bruises on my neck. Lifting my bra, I see love bites trailing down to my nipples and breasts.

I gasp in shock. What the fuck happened last night?

“Ahhh, you’re awake! Good morning!” Matt strides into the room, balancing two plates in his hands.

Matt! I slept with Matt? Shit! I wish I could remember. I can’t recall anything about last night.

“Morning! I feel like shit! What did I drink last night?” I laugh nervously, hoping he can fill in the blanks. I can’t remember anything after admiring his tattoos.

But if I managed to sleep with Matt, I must have done something right. I’ve never had a one-night stand before.

He stands over me in his boxers, looking as delicious as the breakfast he’s just cooked.

“I left you two Advil there. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving!” Matt settles against the headboard, crossing his legs at the ankles, and starts to eat.

“Thank you! For the Advil and the food. You really didn’t have to—”

“You’re welcome. I was hungry anyway, so I thought I’d make you some too,” he laughs, and I blush.

“I’m going to guess you don’t remember much of last night judging by your face.” I nod, embarrassed, popping the Advil and washing it down with water.

“I’m sorry, I was so drunk last night—”

“I’ll break it down for you. At three this morning, you got a call from Carter asking where you were. You told him you were with me. He got pissed and you hung up.

We made out for a long time, things got a little heated.”

“So... we didn’t have sex?” He shakes his head, and relief washes over me. Thank god!

“No, we didn’t. Don’t worry, you would’ve remembered if we did. You were wasted beyond belief and I couldn’t do that to you.

Although you were super horny and it tempted me a couple of times, we didn’t do the deed. I only ate you out like five times. Gave you some hickeys, oh your body is sexy as fuck too!

But then your brother called too and he was pissed off that you didn’t come home. The two of them were threatening to kill me... so pray for me.

But your orgasm face was sexy as hell so it was worth it. Did you know you have a dirty mouth? Like, I wonder what it would be like to have sex with you judging from that alone.”

“Oh shit! I’m so sorry! You probably won’t see me again so you’ll be alright—”

“Why won’t I see you again?” He asks after swallowing a bite of toast.

“Well, isn’t that what happens? You never see each other again?”

“Yeah, usually that’s how it works. But I’d like to still keep in contact? If that’s cool with you?” He looks at me, chewing on his toast.

“Oh yeah, sure! I’d like that... sorry, I just don’t know how this works... it’s my first time doing this... staying with a guy... But, um, why didn’t we, you know?” I smile sheepishly at him.

He smiles back at me and I lift the plate, starting on the breakfast.

“It’s cool. I guessed that, but I wouldn’t have last night. Fuck, you’re wild... don’t take offense to this, but if you got with me to piss Carter off, it worked.

He was roaring down the phone at you. But you handled him so well. The best part was when you moaned down the phone at him. We weren’t even doing anything at that point but you really got under his skin!

But you passed out after the fifth time so we just cuddled. You’re a good cuddler,” he laughs, reminiscing about last night.

I sigh, letting out a small laugh. Fear creeps into my system as embarrassment washes over me from his recounting of last night.

“Well, I’m a dead woman! Trust me, I’m not the type to use someone to piss another person off. I could never do that to someone. I just wanted to forget about things last night and I clearly succeeded...

I’m sorry if you felt that I used you, I didn’t. You’re a really great guy. But I can’t date anyone. I’m not mentally ready to get back into that game again...”

“Hey, don’t sweat it, it’s cool. I enjoyed you pushing his buttons along with your brother's. But you’re a great girl too, we had fun last night, that’s all it was.

Nothing serious. It’s cool! But... don’t get mad, because I know you will. I can tell you and Carter both really like each other—”

“We don’t,” I mumble, mouth full of bacon.

“—it’s so obvious, Alex. He wouldn’t have called you at three in the morning. I mean, I’m jealous of the guy. If you had feelings for me like that, I would’ve made you my girlfriend by now,” Matt tries to lighten the mood with a joke.

I blush, realizing I’m sitting here in his bed, wishing it was Knox’s. ~Why am I wishing that?~ I chide myself.

After about an hour, I smooth down my clothes and head for the door, picking up my underwear that Matt had tossed aside last night.

He insisted on driving me home, refusing to let me take a cab. Now, I’m sitting in his car as he turns onto my street, clutch and heels in hand, ready to make a quick exit.

But the dread of entering my house begins to creep up on me. He parks a little way from the driveway so my brothers won’t see him.

“Thanks for the ride, Matt,” I say, giving him a smile.

“No problem. Just want you to get home alright,” he winks, making heat crawl up my cheeks. He was so sweet.

“You’re such a gentleman. I wish some guys would be like you!”

I slip out of the car and he rolls the window down as I close the door. “Hit me up if you want a repeat of last night, or to refresh your memory, or something more. Also, I’m down for just talking. I could listen to you all day.”

Winking once more, I roll my eyes and wave back, saying, “Bye, Matt!”

He smirks at me over his sunglasses, “You have my number, use it. For anything! And good luck with your brothers, but most importantly, good luck with Carter! See you soon! Maybe we can surf together sometime!”

“Yeah, I’d like that! You’d like my other friend Ben! He’s a surfer too! He can join!”

“And Eiffel Tower you? Sure, why not,” he teases me and I flip him the bird as he drives off into the distance. I fix my hair before I enter my house.

Walking along the pathway in my bare feet, I avoid the random stones lying in the way. I don’t even make it halfway down the driveway before the door swings open.

Cole, Max, Kyle, Knox, Wes, Brett, Mason, Austin, Tyler, and James walk out to meet me halfway. It’s like the fucking Brady Bunch right now. All standing there with stiff postures and frowns on their faces.

“Inside now,” Kyle grits out through his teeth, making me smirk as I walk inside ahead of them. I see Andy, Hannah, Sam, Zara, Amy, and Rachel standing in the hallway too, smiles on their faces.

I hug them and feel myself being dragged into the living room with the boys. The girls join me for backup, but I don’t need it. I can handle them.

I stand under the TV, waiting for them to settle down and stop pacing outside in the hallway.

I bite down on my lip to stop myself from smirking. They’re all such hypocrites. They all pile into the room and sit in any free spot. I see nothing but angry faces. Stone-cold glares directed right at me.

I’m waiting for one of them to open their hypocritical mouths. But it turns into a staring competition between me and the boys.

“Where the fuck were you?!?” Kyle bellows at me. I start to feel the heat rise in my stomach at his outburst.

“Out,” is all I say, knowing how to piss my brothers off. If they want to play it like that, then so be it.

“Out? OUT! Alex! That’s not a fucking answer! You went home with a guy! Do you have any self-respect—”

“SELF RESPECT! Are you fucking serious! You do this all the fucking time! Each and every one of you! Don’t you dare fucking slut shame me and give me a lecture about self-respect!

How is it any different from when you all bring a girl home or go home with them! I don’t sit you down like you’re doing now and give you a lecture on self-respect!”

After sitting down, I get up and so does Kyle, and I go right up to him. I’m not afraid of him. They’re all up on their feet with anger except for Knox. He’s pissed but sitting down.

His stare is setting my insides on fire. He’s that annoyed. Good, now he knows what it feels like.

“Alex! For fuck’s sake! You’re testing my patience right now—”

“Kyle, she’s right....” To my surprise, Cole puts his hand on Kyle’s shoulder to stop him from launching at me. Kyle’s head whips around to face our brother, looking at him like he’s out of his mind.

“Are you kidding me, Cole? You’re taking her side? That guy fucked our little sister and you think that’s alright! It’s fucking not!” Kyle turns his anger towards Cole, who is staring hard at me, trying to read me.

I tilt my head to the side, trying to read his emotions.

“I trust our little sister, Kyle. I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt. She hasn’t told us what actually happened. We’re all jumping to conclusions,” Cole says calmly.

Too calmly, if you ask me. Kyle paces to the window and stares out of it. His back is facing me and his hands are gripping his hips while I stare at Cole. He’s always been the logical brother.

Kyle has always been the hothead. Max has always been the quiet one.

“I get that you’re struggling, Alex, but to go home with a guy and have sex with him is not going to sit well with me. Ever!” Kyle says after a moment of staring out at the dull grey clouds, reflecting the fight that is about to erupt between us. I’ve had enough.

I’ve had enough of him being so overprotective of me, wrapping me up in bubble wrap and locking me away in a room. He doesn’t know anything about struggles.

“Struggling? Struggling?” I echo back at him, my voice laced with anger.

“Alex, calm down,” Cole interjects, extending his hand in an attempt to quell my rising fury.

“No, Cole! You don’t fucking understand what I’ve been through! None of you do—”

Kyle whips his head around to face me, his eyes wide with surprise. I march up to him, my voice rising with each word.

“You try having a fucking gun to your head and see how easy life is! And to have that same person stab you. I’m not just struggling, I’m terrified! Terrified of myself, my thoughts. Last night, for a few hours, I felt like I escaped that fear. Do you hear me waking up every morning screaming? No, you don’t. Do you see the lack of sleep I get? No, you don’t. Do you see the pure fear on my face when I wake up? No, you don’t. I’m afraid to sleep, and I’m afraid to stay awake.

“I’m struggling to distinguish between a dream and reality. And for you to stand there and slut-shame me because I came home from a guy’s house without knowing the story? That’s not sitting well with me.

“We didn’t do anything! We didn’t ‘fuck’ as you so crudely put it. We only made out... So fuck you! Fuck all of you hypocrites!” The look of pure shock on their faces is almost satisfying.

I won this battle. I wiped the floor with each and every one of them.

“Come back to me when you know what it feels like to be terrified of your own mind,” I finish, leaving the silent room behind. In the kitchen, I’m alone.

My head is still fragile and I need to hydrate. I reach into the refrigerator, grab a cold water bottle, and drink half of it before a brain freeze sets in.

Shit! I hate brain freezes.

I decide to text Matt.