Chapter 96

I close my eyes for what feels like two minutes before I feel a hand stroking my hair to wake me up. I yawn and exhale uncontrollably.

“Babydoll, we’re here.”

Where on earth is here? I open my eyes to see it’s still dark outside. I can’t see anything as I sit up in the seat. “Where exactly is here?” I ask, scanning out the front window and fixing my hair.

I hear the door open and see him nod towards the trunk of the car before closing his door. I copy him and slide out of the car, feeling a slight breeze. I wrap my arms around myself to keep warm.

Once I make my way to the trunk, I see him opening it. I watch his muscles ripple as he moves delicately. He jumps back into the trunk and holds out a hand for me to take.

I see a blanket and lots of pillows surrounding the trunk. He pats the space next to him, but I sit on the floor of his trunk with my back to the side of the car, ignoring his request.

I take a blanket to cover up my legs. Sitting at the side of the car alone, and away from him, I can’t help but wonder why he brought me here. Wherever here is?

“What are we doing here? Serving ourselves up as an early breakfast for the mosquitoes?” His laughter rings out, a warm sound in the cool morning air, as he pulls his knees up to his chest and wraps his arms around them.

His hands loosely interlock, the fabric of his shirt hanging comfortably from his body. “I brought you here to watch this,” he says, nodding towards the open space. I follow his gaze to see the sun beginning to rise. As the first light of day spills around us, I recognize the place he’s brought me to.

A vast open field, a single green shack nestled at the edge, surrounded by a fence. The vibrant colors of the flowers planted in the field add a splash of life to the scene. I used to come here with my granddad on some mornings to do exactly this; watch the sunrise.

A smile tugs at my lips as I remember the times we spent here as kids, running around in that field, coming home with skin covered in bites. I watch the sky, mesmerized by the palette of colors being painted by the rising sun. This place holds so many good memories for me.

“I used to come here wit—”

“With Pop? Yeah, I know. He used to bring me up here too, to talk about stuff. I loved coming here with him. He always gave me the best advice,” Knox says, his gaze fixed on the horizon as the sun continues its ascent.

Pop used to bring us up here when things got too much for one of us. He’d make us sit and appreciate the landscape, let our minds wander and think about what we were taking for granted. He’d bring me here when I’d had a fight with someone, when I was on the verge of running away. He’d scoop me up, put me in the car, and whisk me away to this place, whether the sun was out, coming up, or not.

“To talk about stuff? Like what? The girls you banged? How to get the girls to like you? Or was it how to lead them on—”

“Alex, please. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I regret it. So much. All I can see is your face when you first saw it and when you were in the car driving away,” he says, rubbing his head as if trying to erase the memory.

He’s wearing the same sad expression he used to wear when he was younger. He hasn’t changed. Not really.

“Whatever. You’re all the same,” I mutter, my tone bitter. I fiddle with my shoelaces under the blanket, trying to distract myself from the uncomfortable comfort I feel with him.

I hate that my body says one thing while my mind says another. But it’s my heart that’s the most confused. My heart can’t take it anymore. But then it needs more to survive. More of him. It almost feels like it beats for him.

How did it come to this? I used to not be able to stand being in the same room as this guy and now he’s all I think about.

He’s the only person I want to hug me; to touch me; to really feel me; to kiss me passionately like all those times we were together. But instead, he chose to be with her.

I wasn’t good enough. He led me to believe that I was. But the truth is; I never was. Just like Drew.

Ignoring my snarky comments, he sighs and continues reminiscing. “I used to ask him for advice like he was my grandfather. He was always there for me, Mason, and Austin, even though we weren’t his grandkids.

Whether it was school, college, football, life... but we always ended up talking about you. He had so much love for you. I wanted to know more about you without going to you and asking. You would’ve shut me down immediately—”

“Damn right I would’ve shut you down... But I’m not that exciting anyway,” I say, pulling the blanket up to my shoulder to ward off the chill. He moves closer to me.

I watch the sunrise, listening to the trees whispering around us. The breeze brushes against my bare face. The warmth from the rising sun slowly amplifies, lighting up the sky.

“You’re the most exciting person I know, Alex, and have ever known,” he says, his tone sincere. I don’t turn to face him, but I feel his hand rest on my leg under the blanket.

The touch of his skin on mine sends a shock wave rippling through my body.

I missed his touch.

“Why did you bring me here, Knox?” I ask, cutting him off. I don’t believe his words. I turn to face him, trying to read his expression in those clear blue eyes.

He gives me a soft smile and turns his gaze back to the morning sky. I watch him closely, studying his features. He’s so handsome. He knows it, everyone knows it. His jaw flexes every time he swallows hard. His blue eyes are illuminated by the sun’s rays, turning them a crystal blue.

So clear. So striking.

“I wanted to talk with you. Alone. I didn’t get to do that at the wedding. With everyone constantly around. Especially Adam. He had your attention the entire night. He knows how to play the game...” He bites his cheek to stop a smile from forming, trying to lighten the mood. “You’re the only person who calms my nerves down. No matter who you talk to, Alex, you always have a kind heart.”

“A kind heart only allows people to walk all over it,” I mumble, picking at my nails. I pull the sleeves of my top down to stop the chill from creeping up them. I tuck my hands under my armpits for extra warmth.

“Why are you nervous?” I ask, looking down at my lap draped in the blanket. I want to know what has the great Knox Carter acting all nervous this early in the morning.

Why does he want to talk about it with me? I’m not going to offer him life advice or girl advice for that matter. I’m not Dr. Phil.

“I have an ESPN interview tomorrow, and I’m fucking terrified because it’s live. I need you to talk me through what went through your head when you did the Science conference,” he says, taking off his hat to fix his hair before putting it back on.

He really is nervous.

“Really? That’s why you dragged me out of bed at four twenty-two in the morning? To stroke your ego? You don’t need me for that. Get Lauren to do it! Hell, get laid while you’re at it! Take me home, Carter—”

I attempt to stand, but he holds me down, refusing to let me go.

“Alex, I just want to talk. I miss our conversations. I’m nervous about tomorrow—” His plea is almost childlike.

“Stop using me, Knox. Physically and emotionally. It’s not fair to me! Do you have any idea how hard it was to hear you and Lauren together across the hall?

Do you know how hard it was to see you two in the same room? I had so many nightmares, I couldn’t tell what was real and what wasn’t!”

I press my hand to my forehead, trying to steady my rapid breaths. It’s difficult when you’re already riled up, with images racing through your mind.

He takes my hand, and I try to pull it away. When I attempt to use my other hand, he takes that one too. I fall back against the side of the car, his hands holding me in place.

I rest my cheek against the cold metal of the car, staring out into the open air. This has to stop.

“I’m sorry, baby doll. I really am.” I can feel his gaze on me, waiting for a reaction I refuse to give. I need to stay neutral, no matter how hard it is.

“Stop saying that. Actions speak louder than words, Knox. You lied to me. Straight to my face. You lied.” He furrows his brows, angry at being called a liar. He hates that.

“I never lied about anything, Alex. What makes you think I lied to you?” His tone softens, and I find myself turning to face him.

“You said we made love. But we didn’t. You just fucked me. It meant nothing to—”

“We did make love, Alex. You’re the only girl I’ve ever made love to. I didn’t fuck you. I don’t see you like that. I never have and I never will, baby doll!” Our eyes lock.

My heart skips a beat. The only sounds are the silence between us, our breaths, and the distant chirping of birds. That’s when it hits me.

I’ve fallen for him.

Hard.

I’ve fallen for Knox Carter.

The Giants quarterback.

The country’s cover boy.

The guy every girl in the world chases after.

The guy I’ve despised for so many years.

The guy who made my life a misery for so many years.

My brother’s best friend.

Knox Charles Carter.

He’s the one I’ve fallen hard for. Why him? Why not someone else? I don’t want to fall for him. My heart sinks at the thought.

Falling for someone who is with someone else is probably one of the hardest things I’ve admitted to myself. Could it be that I only want him because he’s unavailable?

Maybe?

“Can you take me back? Please.” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper. The sadness in his face mirrors the turmoil inside me. I don’t want to like him, but I do.

In fact, I think I more than like him. The longer we stare at each other, the stronger the feeling grows.

He climbs out of the trunk and extends a hand to help me down. I take it, feeling the warmth of his skin against mine. I step down, and we continue to watch each other.

I see his jaw tighten, and he licks his lips. I walk backward, slipping my hand out of his. The morning chill instantly replaces the warmth where he was holding me.

I walk back to the passenger side as he lingers for a few more moments. I wait for him to climb into the seat next to me.

Once we’re both in the car, we head back to the hotel. We park in the same spot he was in earlier this morning. We’ve been silent since leaving the sunrise behind.

He cuts the engine, and we walk to the elevator together. Nothing more is said between us. The doors open to reveal the hallway, and we part ways.

I enter the penthouse I share with my mom and Eric, who are having breakfast with Delilah and Ace in the dining area.

“Mornin’, sugar. How was it?” My mom rises from her chair as soon as I enter, but I don’t reply. I walk straight to my room, slamming the door shut and locking it to ensure no further interruptions.

I hastily pack my suitcase, stuffing in balls of clothing. Once it’s zipped up, I roll it along the floor and announce that I’m heading back to the house with Cole and Sasha.

Ignoring their skeptical looks, I walk out the door. No questions are asked, and that’s exactly how I want it.

I spend the entire afternoon thinking about him and his words. I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help it. After lunch, people gather around the table, sipping on coffee and tea.

I sit with Kyle, Andy, Brett, Ben, and Hannah out back. I start to doze off but am jolted awake by Eden’s loud squeals while playing with Knox. I blow on my fresh cup of coffee to keep myself awake.

I sip my coffee, watching them play every so often. When she laughs, and he smiles at her, I feel a pang of jealousy for my own niece.

Sam and Tyson left for their honeymoon in Hawaii this morning. She was glowing, and Tyson couldn’t keep his hands off her.

My grandfather would be so proud of her, and he would’ve loved Tyson. I’m so happy my sister finally found the one.

Lovey adores Tyson. She danced with him as much as she could last night, telling Sam he’s ‘such a catch’ and winking at her.

My thoughts are interrupted when I hear a cry behind us. The back door slides open to reveal Mila and Adam.

“See, she’s not gone yet, sweetie. Alex is still here,” he reassures, poking his little head out to confirm my presence. Upon seeing me, he rushes over and clambers into my arms.

His eyes are puffy and red, his cheeks swollen and stained with the salty remnants of his tears. I wipe them away and pull him close, hugging him tightly. “I’m still here, Adam. I wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye to you, honey.”

Ben strokes his head, offering comfort. Adam falls asleep in my arms, his steady breathing nearly lulling me to sleep as well. I’m exhausted from crying so hard. ~At least someone will miss me,~ I think to myself.