10 Bullseye

Amanda

There was a loud banging on the door, so I pushed myself up off the couch. I had been bundled up in a blanket so I wore my cocoon draped over my shoulders straight to the door, since it was probably just one of my roommates who had forgotten their key and they’d seen me looking worse.

I opened the door and immediately realized my mistake as I took in Porter’s face and the determined set of his jaw. I tried to shut it, but he was too fast, getting his foot in place before I could slam it in his face. “Porter! What are you doing here?” I snapped. Besides the fact I had thought my silence towards him was a clear signal, I was also irrationally bothered that I looked as terrible as if I had been just sitting on the couch moping because I didn’t feel like doing anything—because that was exactly what I had been doing.

“I want to talk to you.”

“Well, I don’t. I think the blocking your number and not responding thing should have been enough of a hint.”

“You blocked me?” he asked, and hurt flashed across his features before he hid the reaction. I told myself I didn’t care, and that unpleasant tightness in my chest was because I’d eaten too much ice cream.

I pulled my blankets tighter around myself. “I did. Because this is unhealthy. You shouldn’t be so...whatever you are about some girl you met one night at the bar. It comes off as kind of obsessive. And I don’t like that.”

“You’re not just some girl I met at the bar. You’re the girl I met at the bar that I want to be with more than anyone. And who I’ve had sex with twice now. And—”

“Well, what I want matters too, and I don’t want to be anything with anyone. And the sex was meaningless.”

He looked increasingly furious as I spoke and my instinctive reaction was to cower and recant. But I wasn’t going to back down, oh no. It was better that I push him to prove just how bad he was when he lost his temper, and that ridiculous part of me that kept thinking about him would finally die and I could go back to normal.

“It wasn’t meaningless,” he said through obviously gritted teeth. His whole body was tense. But still ridiculously hot, so I forced it from my mind. I shouldn’t be checking him out at a time like this.

“Well, it was, to me.”

“I don’t want to be a booty call.”

“Good, because you’re not even that anymore,” I shot back. Eventually he’d get it through his thick skull and give up. “This is why I cut off contact with you. You obviously can’t not get attached.”

“You’d have just left me waiting forever?”

“No. You’d have given up and moved on eventually. I’m sure you’d be fine. Now, leave.”

A muscle in his jaw jumped. Was he going to yell? Insult me? Attack? I didn’t care, I’d survived it all before, and I would again. I stared him down while he seethed.

He closed his eyes for a moment, then he opened them and looked directly into mine with a glare so piercing it felt like it went right through me. “What happened to you, Amanda?”

I was caught off guard by the unexpected turn. “What do you mean? I’m the same as ever.”

“No. Who hurt you?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked, trying not to sound like he had just hit a perfect bullseye.

“Was it a bad relationship? Something else? I’ll take care of him, her, whoever for you.”

A shiver ran down my spine at his last words. He sounded deadly serious. For the first time, I looked into his eyes and saw the wildness there I hadn’t recognized before, eyes like a predator, and it scared me more than I cared to admit. All of my bravado fled.

I had been playing with fire, and I hadn’t even realized. No wonder I had been reluctant to continue with him, he was more dangerous to my wellbeing than I had thought, maybe even more dangerous than Steven had been.

I swallowed, hard, and admitted more than I should have. “I’ve got a restraining order taking care of him.”

He scoffed, like it meant nothing.

“Listen, I dealt with it and I got away, far away, and you don’t need to worry about it.” He didn’t even look like he was listening. “You need to go and move on. I’m not whoever you think I am.”

“You are, though. I know it. It’s deeper than knowledge, it’s instinct.”

His words made me want to just give in again, but it was a sweet trap. “No. You’re dreaming.”

“I’m not.”

“You are. And if you actually care about me...” Why were the words so hard to get out? “you’ll do what I ask.”

“What are you asking?”

“I want you to go and leave me alone.” I kept my focus behind him because I couldn’t look at his face.

“But, Amanda. I can’t... I... Fuck.”

Now his temper was going to explode. And that was a good thing. I needed to see his true colours for my own peace of mind.

But instead, his shoulders slumped almost imperceptibly, and he stepped out of my doorway. He didn’t even say anything as he left, and I didn’t blame him.

I retreated back into the apartment, shut the back window because I suddenly felt cold, and went back to my couch and my melting ice cream.

—————

Author’s Note:

Poor Porter, I know. And Amanda’s miserable too, even though she doesn’t entirely know why.

I swear these chapters don’t feel so depressing when I write them, maybe because I’m always thinking way further into the story about where they’re going to end up. It’s only when I get ready to post each chapter that I realize how miserable my precious poor characters are in the moment. (I swear I don't just love torturing them for fun hahaha).

We’re getting closer to where TAOW left off though. Lots of fun stuff coming if you can just hold out.