12 Leave

Porter

I was already agitated when the messenger from the Alpha Assembly arrived to deliver us a very official looking envelope. When I ripped it open and read through the papers I almost lost control of my wolf and shifted then and there. I hadn’t been so volatile since puberty and I was well aware of the depressing cause.

Instead of going on a rampage, I strode across the pack, the few members I crossed getting out of my way, and watching with wary eyes, clearly wondering if it was mate troubles or something pack related. They were all well aware I was holding on by a thin thread and no one wanted to be the one to set me off. I slammed into Jason’s office, only to find the luna straddling the alpha. For fucks sakes! “Are you two at it again?”

“What do you need?” Jason asked, sounding displeased with the interruption. He was going to be a whole lot more displeased when he found out what I had for him. Carrie got up and stood beside him looking slightly embarrassed at having been caught going at it again, unlike her shameless mate.

I threw the papers in front of him on the desk. “Bluegorge is trying to block our pack applications.”

“What? What the hell is in it for them?” Jason growled, and I barely resisted the urge to join him. How dare they threaten our pack? Could nothing in my fucking life go right?

“I don’t know, but it’s bullshit. They’re probably afraid of competition.”

Carrie grabbed the papers and began to read, her voice strained and as angry as I felt. “All the excuses are ridiculous. We’re too dangerous? What, Bluegorge can’t protect itself from a measly pack of twenty-nine—maybe thirty-two? Our territory is too close to theirs? We’d have to run for a half hour to accidentally set foot on their land. We’re a front for rogue activity? Well, maybe there would be less rogues if packs weren’t a bunch of exclusionary judgmental assholes.” She was getting increasingly worked up. “So there’s to be a hearing in front of the Alpha Assembly about whether we have a legitimate claim to be a pack, in six week’s time at the usual gathering.”

“Let me guess, more fucking paperwork?” Jason looked ready to head off to Bluegorge to handle the alpha personally. Joining him would be too satisfying. My wolf desperately needed an outlet for our frustration and that interfering Bluegorge alpha’s face would be perfect for the task.

“More fucking paperwork,” she agreed. “The more I think about it, the more I think all this application garbage is to make it difficult for new packs to start. It’s like you said, Porter. The established packs are a cabal and they don’t want little startups as competition.”

My wolf was pushing at the surface. This attack against our pack, on top of my mate’s near rejection of me, was about as much as I could stand. I was on edge.

“We’re going to beat this challenge, and any other that comes our way.” Jason was determined and his certainty through our pack link had a calming effect. This was why we had decided he should be the alpha, and why I would follow him anywhere. Something in his tone kept my wolf from trying to break out of me.

“We are, Alpha.” Carrie nodded. She was furious and as determined as her mate.

I nodded. They were right. Together, the two of them made me believe that we could and would succeed against Bluegorge’s interference.

“I’m going to try to see Amanda, and then I’ll come back here and help. She’s been refusing to talk to me at all.”

Her eyebrows drew together in concern. “Don’t push her too hard.”

“What choice do I have but to try? She’s never going to learn to care for me in return if she doesn’t see me, Carrie.”

She heaved a sigh. “Go and see her, but if that doesn’t work, I’ll try talking to her. Maybe I can help open up her mind.”

I left the office and headed off to my truck, not stopping to change or anything. If I had been in a better state of mind, maybe I would have considered my actions, or even tried to make myself look better before she saw me. But I didn’t.

I needed my mate, even if she didn’t want me.

—————

When I got to Amanda’s place I went straight to her door. I could already smell her scent and it both calmed me and made my wolf even more frantic. A short woman with black hair and delicate features who I didn’t recognize—although she smelled familiar—opened the door and my mate’s scent hit me harder. She looked me up and down with surprised appreciation in her eyes. Hopefully that meant I didn’t look too bad.

“Can I speak with Amanda?”

Her brow furrowed at me questioningly. “I’ll see if she’s home.” She shut the door on my face.

It smelled like Amanda was home, unless she had just left, but if it had been a lie I was glad her roommate was at least protective of my mate. It wasn’t enough to calm my nerves about her staying here unprotected, but it was at least something I could hold on to.

Footsteps got closer on the other side of the door and it opened. She was as breathtaking as ever, hair flaming and eyes flashing, but her expression was all resignation as she stepped out closing the door behind her. “What do you want, Porter?”

You. I want you, however I can have you.

“Would you go out with me, Amanda?” Her name was sweet on my tongue.

Her resignation flared into irritation. “I already made myself clear.”

My wolf whimpered. “I know that, Amanda. But I can’t forget you.”

“That’s flattering.”

“I would do anything for you to give me a chance. Anything.”

For one second I thought she was softening. Then she stiffened her shoulders and met my eyes.

Amanda heaved a sigh. “I’m not interested in getting involved.”

“Involved?”

“In anything. I’ve been doing everything I could to make you see that. I don’t want to have to be cruel, but you’re just not getting it. I don’t want anything to do with you. And you shouldn’t want me, either.” She didn’t look angry now, she looked sad.

I risked a step closer, there was so little distance between us. “There’s no way for me not to want you.” No way that I could bring myself to sever this connection, because I was not going to reject her, even if I had to live the rest of my life with this gaping wound.

She looked up at me. Her blue eyes burned, like the hottest fire, and I feared she would disappear from me like smoke. I put my hand on her arm, and felt the contact that proved we were mates. She looked down at my hand, and then up at me again. “Porter.”

I leaned forward and she leaned up and met my lips with her own, every bit as good as—no, better than the last time, because I missed her more every time we were parted. I drank her in like a man dying of thirst, and pushed her up against the door.

And then her hands pushed against my chest and I reluctantly moved back. “No, Porter. Leave. I never want to see you again. Don’t text me, don’t send me flowers, don’t come here.”

My wolf howled, and urged me to grab her and drag her back to the pack with me where she belonged, and I fought the overwhelming urge. She was my mate, and she belonged to me, but that didn’t give me the right to force her to do anything. My heart beating, my throat tight, I forced out the words. “If I leave, I’m not coming back.”

She straightened her shoulders. “Goodbye.”

I whirled and left before I gave in to the worst inclinations of my wolf.

—————

Author’s Note:

Another depressing chapter. I. Am. So. Sorry. Porter/readers. It does get better eventually.