21 Pack

Amanda

I moved aside so that Porter could enter through the door, but he didn’t move. “Want to go for a walk around the pack instead?” he asked.

“What, I’m allowed outside now?” I couldn’t resist letting a bit of my acid flow. It was safer than any of the softer things that were corroding my desire to get away from him.

He cringed slightly. “Listen, I’m sorry about this whole mess.”

“Well, you know, usually when you have a trespasser you call the police, not kidnap them,” I pointed out. “One thing’s kind of worse than the other.”

“We don’t involve the oblivious humans when we have a problem, it’s already hard enough to keep ourselves hidden. What did you think you were doing here, anyway?”

I shrugged. “I thought something about the situation seemed off, like she fell into something bad. I just wanted to see if Carrie needed help.” I conveniently ignored that a huge part of me had also been obsessed with what Porter was hiding.

“She fell into something, all right.”

I didn’t pursue that line of thought.

“So, do you want to get out of there?”

I resisted the urge to make other snarky comments about where I wanted to be going. I wanted to hold on to my anger. But now that I knew—was pretty sure—that this was temporary and I wasn’t going to be ripped apart by werewolves, it was a lot harder to do, since it felt like a shitty werewolf themed vacation. Although getting out of the trailer would feel pretty good.

Except I really shouldn’t spend more time around Porter, because even this little civil conversation was opening up all kinds of feelings I should be avoiding, and it was making me forget exactly why he wasn’t what I wanted or needed. I wasn’t looking for possessive permanence and he was all wrong for me—no matter what the mate thing thought—but when I stopped yelling and throwing things, he started to feel right.

It was dangerous territory.

I should send him away.

But I really did desperately want a break from the stupid trailer and it didn’t seem like they had any plans to let me wander around alone.

“Fine.”

I’d be fine as long as I didn’t let him touch me.

Which was definitely dangerous since it had been so long since the last time we’d slept together, and I kind of craved another repeat. He looked as good as the first time I had met him, this time in jeans and a shirt that couldn’t quite hide the movement of muscles underneath.

And it had been so good...

No, I was going to stay strong. I just needed to use my inhibitions to keep distance between us and everything would be fine.

I pulled on my own shoes—all the rest of my clothing was borrowed stuff Carrie had provided for me after I’d stopped throwing things at people—and it felt good to be getting out of there. Almost like I wasn’t a captive, while I stepped down the stairs. “Ah, so this is what freedom tastes like, huh?”

He grimaced and I didn’t have mercy on him as we started walking around amongst the trailers and half constructed buildings. “You know, it’s pretty insulting that none of you werewolves think I can keep my mouth shut. There’s plenty of things I never tell anyone. Like, for example, Carrie didn’t know I was going to come and check this place out, did she? And even if I did want to, who would I tell? People would think I was insane if I started talking about werewolves. And honestly, they might be right, because would I even know if I was insane or not?”

“You’re not insane.”

“That sounds like something a drug-induced hallucination dream would say.”

The bastard took the opportunity to grab my hand. “Do I feel like a dream?”

Honestly, yes. Nothing real ever felt this good. I yanked my hand back. “More like a nightmare.”

“As long as you’ve got me in your mind I’m happy.”

This was not good. My resistance to him was weakening. Maybe I should throw a rock at him. No, I’d use my words. “Stop it.”

“Stop what?”

“Flirting, trying to be charming. I’ve told you I’m not interested. Whenever Carrie gets back, I’m going to learn about that rejection thing she mentioned and then you and I are going to go our separate ways.”

Hurt flashed across his face and then his teeth clenched and his muscles tightened. His eyes went from their normal blue to a sort of yellow gold. That sense of danger washed over me again, but nothing happened, he just kept walking like I hadn’t said anything. Finally he broke the silence. “I hope you’ll reconsider.”

I didn’t want him getting his hopes up and I didn’t look at him when I responded because I was way too susceptible to accidentally caring about his feelings. “I don’t plan to.”

“I wish you would.”

I didn’t bother to respond as I inspected the trees as we passed with way more attention than they deserved, and looked at the half constructed building behind a trailer.

He kept talking. “There’s no one I want more in the world than you. There never will be.”

His words may have been sweet, but they settled sour in the pit of my stomach. I didn’t like that intensity, I didn’t want that level of devotion. It was so much like the possessiveness that I remembered with my ex, and I wasn’t going to fall into that again, even if Porter was so much more attractive on the surface. Steven had said so many similar things, and they had all been lies, or worse, true.

I changed the subject to escape the uncomfortable topic. “What’s that going to be?” I asked, pointing to a large skeletal work in progress.

He perked up. “Oh, that’s going to be the pack house. It’s not as big as some packs have, but if things go well, we should outgrow it in time. Most packs have to upsize eventually once they’re established so it’s pretty normal.”

This was a good, neutral topic. “And what’s a pack house?”

Porter grinned teasingly at me and I tried not to let the expression make me weak. “A house for the pack.”

I raised my eyebrows.

“Not all packs are the same, but most do have a main house, although the extent of the pack that uses it differs by the pack in question. Our original pack—Jason, Max, Kain, and I were from the same—had a large one, most of the pack lived in it.” A note in his voice made me want to comfort him, but I resisted the urge and he continued speaking. “Here at Glenshadow we’re guessing it’ll probably be a lower number of wolves who want to live here, because we’ve got a pretty high percentage of former rogues, and they’re always a little rough.”

“Rogues?”

“Packless wolves. Although some, like us, band together and stay together even though we don’t have a set location. We were a small pack for about a year before we moved here and started building.”

“So what makes rogues into a pack?” I was curious in spite of myself, and Porter’s enthusiasm for the topic was kind of endearing. And it was a nice neutral subject. Perfect.

“An alpha, and numbers. The alpha is the one who makes the group into a cohesive whole, and most packs have at least a half dozen members or so. We started with ten. The alpha strengthens the members, the members strengthen the alpha, we’re all connected by bonds of pack. We’re quite strong even though we’re small, because we all trust Jason—and Carrie, too—and he trusts us in return. Packs with cruel alphas tend to be weaker. Abusing lower members only weakens the whole, long term.”

“So Jason’s a good alpha?”

“The best, and our luna only intensifies the effect. Michael and I were the ones who convinced him to take on the role, even though he had his doubts. Imagine a life-long rogue convincing a former pack wolf to start a pack.” He chuckled like this was something unexpected.

“Oh?”

Porter grinned. “I finally convinced him when I pointed out he could just name Kain his heir and pass it off when the kid was old enough, if he wanted to. Although I doubt the kid would want it, even though he has alpha blood.”

“Alpha blood?”

“Yeah, his mother was our former alpha’s sister, and the power of an alpha tends to linger for a few generations, especially if they stay in the pack adjacent to their alpha relation. Something about that expectation and attention from the pack helps kids thrive. Especially alpha kids. Beta kids, too. If Jason and Carrie, or we—if I have kids one day, they’d gain extra power growing up.”

I ignored his near slip up. I wasn’t going to be with him long enough to even think about kids. My testing had come back clear. I didn’t catch anything from him—including pregnancy—and I aimed to keep it that way. “Well, that’s interesting.”

“It’s the way packs work.”

“I’m surprised you’re telling me so much. Aren’t you worried I’m going to run off and rat out all your secrets to the other humans since I can’t keep my mouth shut?” I raised my eyebrows along with my snarky comment, wondering how he would respond.