35 Crying

Porter

The fact that I loved her just slipped out of my mouth, and now she was upset, sitting on my lap silently staring across the room, and it was clearly my fault for pushing her. I wished she would start yelling or throwing dishes at my head again, anything but this sad contemplation. “Amanda? You don’t have to—”

“I hate—”

I braced for impact. This was going to hurt.

“—that fucking asshole.”

What?

And then she started crying. Big, ugly sobs as she contorted her face.

Great job, Porter. Your mate’s crying and you have no fucking clue what you did wrong this time. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. I could think of about fifty things I might have done wrong not even counting blurting out that I loved her, but I didn’t have a clue why they were wrong.

She put her face into my shoulder and continued to cry, drenching my t-shirt. Well, maybe it wasn’t me she was upset with this time, since she wasn’t running away. Most likely it was ‘that fucking asshole’, and there was only one fucking asshole I could think of who might have upset her this much.

My wolf wanted to crunch that Steven bastard’s trachea, before turning him inside out. Protecting our mate was what our strength was for and he had upset her and it made me feel murderous. If I ever found him, he wouldn’t walk away after our meeting. I didn’t care that as a human he was weaker than me, Amanda was probably weaker than him and he’d clearly abused his power over her. An eye for an eye seemed reasonable to me.

“He’s the reason I can’t be normal with you,” she said, her voice half a whimper.

Yeah, I was going to kill him. “Don’t cry. I don’t care about normal.” I kept my hold on her light so she could break away if she wanted.

“I’m not scared of you, but I’m scared. How does that even make sense?”

“It’s no rush. I’ll wait as long as you need for your fear to go away.”

“That’s not fair to you.”

“I don’t want fair. For me, it’s never just been about your body, Amanda.”

She sniffled.

“I mean, obviously I like your body. You’re the hottest woman I’ve ever seen. And you’re my mate, so I’m wired that way.” I shrugged. “But I like how you’re fiery and stubborn and when you speak your mind. I just like being beside you. Although I still kind of want to kill him,” I admitted.

“I kinda want to let you,” she whispered.

“I can’t though.”

“I know. You can’t. You shouldn’t. He’s far away, he’s not bothering me.”

“I wish I could.”

“It wouldn’t fix the problem anyway. He’s not the problem. It’s in me. It’s like he rotted me from the inside out and even with him gone I’m not the same as I was before.” She shrugged like her words meant nothing.

“You’re not rotten. There’s nothing a bit of work can’t fix.”

She sighed.

“Even well-structured buildings need repair and renovations.”

She raised her eyebrows at me. Her eyes were still puffy, but the incredulous expression was a relief.

“What? We did some refurbishments. It takes time, and tools, and most people can’t do it alone.”

“I can’t believe you’re trying to use a construction example on me.” She shook her head and leaned her head into my shoulder again.

Well it just popped into my head. “Hey, I’m trying here.”

“I know you are.”

“All I’m asking is don’t shut me out.”

“Already said I wouldn’t.” She exhaled a long, shaky breath. “I’m tired, Porter. Could we just watch something?”

“Sure.”

I would have carried her but she pushed up and made her way to the couch. I sat beside her, and she curled up half on top of me like a cat.

Maybe that was why she wanted fifteen of them. Maybe she had a feline shifter ancestor way back.

I started the show, and five minutes later she was snoring softly. I just sat there and relaxed while I acted as her pillow, until Jason’s voice broke into my mind. “Kain’s finished training and he’s on his way back, everything safe? Don’t traumatize the kid.”

“Yeah.” As if Jason were one to talk with the way he kept chasing after his luna every chance he got.

Footsteps sounded outside and I mind linked Kain before he could disturb my mate. “Amanda’s sleeping on the couch...”

“Yeah, yeah. Tell me something else new.” He slouched inside and wandered down the hall. Before long the shower turned on. Amanda kept sleeping peacefully in my arms. I brushed the hair from her eyes, and admired the peaceful lines of her sleeping face. She looked young and innocent, like the world hadn’t touched her.

If only appearances weren’t deceiving.

Still, for the first time since I met her, I really felt like my wolf was unwinding, just having some of the contact we craved was enough to let me actually relax. I was tired, too, and my eyes grew heavier as the show I was watching continued.