42 Fixated

Amanda Mature

Once we got back onto Glenshadow territory, I breathed a sigh of relief. That sense of safety that I had so tentatively built over such a long time crumbled over a few flowers.

As much as I hoped that one of my former one night stands hadn’t decided he had feelings for me, it would still be so much better than Steven re-emerging in my life. I was finally starting to feel happy and secure. It would be just like him to come and destroy that. I hoped it had nothing to do with him. It was probably nothing.

Porter was living in the pack house now, which wasn’t as much like weird communal living as it sounded, because the beta’s quarters were kind of like a small apartment. Besides his space, there were other unoccupied small single rooms and apartments I’d seen as Porter showed me around, clearly proud of what they were building. Carrie showed me hers and Jason’s space. It was a bit bigger than the others, but it was still pretty simple which didn’t surprise me since she tended to be focused on practicality.

Once we got into his rooms, I set Uno up, googling kitten care since I didn’t know much what I was doing. I would have loved a pet when I was growing up, but my mother had been adamantly against it, and in retrospect under our uncertain circumstances it was good that she hadn’t let me. A defenceless cat hadn’t deserved such instability.

I focused on the little fur ball who was batting around a cat toy and pushed the unpleasant memories from my mind. There was a reason I didn’t talk to my mother anymore, and it was more complicated than just that I didn’t like her current boyfriend. The reason I didn’t call my father was less complicated, and it was because as far as I knew he was a piece of shit without any redeeming qualities.

It didn’t matter if he had some virtues, because even if he was a good person, he had abandoned me with her.

I shook my head. Why was I thinking about them when they just made me miserable? Maybe talking with my counsellor was ruining my hard won repression skills. My counsellor just loved when I made jokes like that.

“You okay?” Porter asked, returning from fetching the supplies I had requested.

“Yeah. Just got a bit paranoid. And other stuff.”

“Ah.” He crouched down beside me.

“I’m tired.”

“We can go to bed.”

“Of all the bullshit.”

“Yeah.”

“Uno might be the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever given me,” I commented, a lump in my throat. Why were my eyes burning?

“I picked this one because it reminded me of you.”

“Because it’s got orange fur?”

“Because it’s got attitude like you.”

“That might have been a bad plan. You’ll be outnumbered.”

“It was inevitable once you have your fifteen cats.”

I snorted. “I think this apartment is too small to fit them all in here at once.”

“True. Might need a bigger place.”

“Do you really want me to move in with you?”

“Is that a real question?”

“I guess not.” Like every step we took I felt paralyzed. I petted the kitten. It was an adorable distraction. “I do want to live with you.”

He studied my face. “Because you’re scared?”

“No. I’ve been thinking about it for a while.”

“If it’s what you really want, I want you here. If I could be with you every minute of the day and night I would.”

“You can’t.”

“I know.”

I swallowed hard. “Okay. I’ll tell Lisa and Daria. And start packing soon.”

His grin was practically blinding. He was always good looking, but his expression when he was happy was probably my favourite. “Whenever you’re ready. It can’t be too soon for me.”

I smiled back at him. I liked this feeling, like I was accepted for who I was and not what I was good for. “Thanks.”

“For what?”

“I don’t know. For being you, I guess.”

“Well, that’s easy to do.”

“No one else has managed that.”

“Guess you’re stuck with me, then.”

“Guess I am.”

“Come on,” he said, helping me to my feet. “I don’t think Uno needs to you hover over him all night.”

“No? But what if he needs me?”

“What if I need you?”

My heart skipped at his words and pressure built. “Then I guess I should do what I can to help you out.” I leaned up to kiss his jaw, and he picked me up and carried me off to his bedroom. I protested but I kind of liked it.

He put me down once we got there and joined me beside me on the bed. I was surprised that he didn’t instantly start pulling off my clothing, instead he pulled me close to him so my back was up against the hardness of his front and he inhaled by my shoulder. I hadn’t failed to notice how fixated he was on that part of me, and even if I was only human I wasn’t too stupid to put together what he wanted even if he never complained about it.

“Uh? Porter?”

“I just worry about you,” he said.

“I’m fine.”

“I know.”

“You know, when you said you needed me, I thought...”

“Oh, I need you every way.”

“Well, I need you a specific way.”

He chuckled. “Are you saying you only need me for my body?”

“Well, maybe one or two other ways.” I admitted. It was getting easier to admit heavy things like that with him.

Like a reward, his hand slipped up my shirt and grasped my breast through my bra, my nipples almost instantly hard. “This what you need?”

“You’re getting warm.”

“Maybe I can do better...” His hand swept down my hip and rested there.

“Warmer.”

“Well, I know where it’s warmest. But maybe I should make you wait.” His hand moved just enough to remind me it was there.

“I didn’t say I needed you to torment me.”

“I think you like it though.” His hand slid over my ass.

“Sure. Believe what you want.” My pretense of nonchalance was probably ruined by my uneven breathing. I could hurry him along by taking charge of the situation, but I would rather see what he would do.

“Well, if you don’t, we could just go to sleep.”

“You’re right. We could just do that,” I agreed, trying to sound like that wouldn’t be pure misery.

He chuckled again, the sound reverberating through me. His fingers slipped down between my legs. “Seems like you do like what I’m doing.”

I turned my head to give him a view of my eye roll, but he sunk his fingers deep and thoroughly distracted me. The only reason he got away with it was because his slow measured movements felt so good, but they teased rather than satisfied, like I was trapped in a stasis.

“Porter,” I complained.

“Yes Amanda?” he asked innocently.

“Stop messing with me. You know what I want.”

“I do?”

I reached behind me to grab his cock. “Yes. You do.”

Before I could blink he rolled us over so that he was on top of me, and his lips were on my neck. I pushed myself towards him as his hands worked my pants down and I wiggled out of them. He stopped kissing my skin long enough to get rid of the rest of our clothing, and then his mouth wandered down, sucking and nipping at my breasts, and then down my stomach to the place between my thighs. His breath, and then his tongue, made me writhe against him.

Then he moved up and shoved into me, hard. I moaned and wrapped my legs around him, feeling him in the deepest part of me, perfect, like he belonged there. And then he found his rhythm, and I panted as I neared the next peak of ecstasy.

He broke before I did, and he ground his pelvis into me as he came, and the pressure against my sensitive parts made me follow him into waves of bliss as he pumped into me.

After we caught our breath and we snuck off to the bathroom to clean up, he pulled me close in our original position and I fell asleep in his arms.