11| Clothes

Chapter Eleven

Alice

Aria sleeps in the guest bedroom two doors down. Her jet-black hair covers her face and her slight snores take up the room. I need to go get her some more clothes. I am an idiot. I only brought her enough stuff for a day or two-not nearly enough for what a girl her age needs.

What if she gets her period? What if she spills something on her clothes? There are so many things that can happen to her which require a lot more clothes. And not to mention the clothes. This room, it's so guest room like not like a young girl's room on the cusp of maturity.

Next week, we should go furniture shopping and buy some paint. I had the time of my life watching Alesiso attempt to paint.

I tiptoe out of the room and stare at the sleeping child once more before I close the door. My heart skips a beat at the sight of someone so innocent and small in this comfortable dreamlike state. I walk back to my room. I tighten my robe that cascades down to my ankles.

Alessio sleeps in all of his barely dressed glory, and it almost pains me that we need to go to the store together. I don't want to ruin the comfort he's in with something like this. But, I need someone to drive and carry the bags.

I push his sleeping form. "Les, hey Les," I say in almost a whisper. His eyes immediately open, and I smile. "Can we go to the store? Mom still has all my keys hidden. So, I sorta need a ride."

He yawns, "sure. I just need to get ready. Give me about five minutes." The sheets on his body are gone and I get a good look at his dong through his underwear and I swallow my spit. Later, it's far too soon for me to ask for sex-after everything.

He will surely say no.

As Alessio gets up, I rush to get my clothes on myself. "What store are we going to?" He asks as he puts on his shoes.

"Target. I need to get Aria some stuff for today so that we can go to the amusement park and the dentist."

His eyes widen. "oh, you were serious?"

"Very serious," I assure him. "Your appointment is at nine, and hers is at ten. Then at eleven, we should be going to the amusement park. And it's seven, so we have to go like now, Les." I slide on a pair of my flats as Alessio ties his sneakers up.

The ride to Target doesn't take very long. Alessio parks and we walk into the ghost town of a store. I like it like this. I can avoid the rumblings of other moms trying to find their daughters the laters coolest things too. Aria is gonna have it all and then some if I have anything to do with it.

Alessio grabs a cart, and I walk by his side. When I see the red decorated store I stop breathing for a second. Or easier to say, I can't breathe. I feel the hairs on my arms begin to stand. The last time I was here. I had a belly and my Annabella kicking like a madwoman. I put a hand over my stomach, half hoping I would feel a kick and nothing comes. "Alice?"

I look up at his tall figure. "Yeah?" I smile.

"You okay?"

"Les, I am fine," I assure him. I pull his hand and walk towards the girl's section. "Now come on, we don't have a lot of time before the appointments."

I fill the cart with everything Aria will need. Underwear, training bras, pants, skirts, t-shirts, and everything else she will need for the next month probably. Alessio sits quietly, letting me add as much as possible. This is good for me-shopping, making sure Aria is fine.

This is good.

"Do you think she needs anything else?" Alessio asks.

I tap my finger on my chin. What else does a young girl need in this day in age? I look at the pictures covered with girls Aria's age. One girl is talking on her phone and laughing with her friends. Of course, "Aria needs a phone," I tell him. "Don't you think?"

"Yeah, it would be nice for a girl her age to have a phone. I think everyone her age has a phone right now."

"Right!" I rush to the tech section with Alessio in tow, but I stop in my tracks when I see it.

The rabbit dress.

"Alice?"

They still have it-the rabbit dress that Annabella was supposed to wear. This is it, the exact one. I walk towards the small dress that is hanging for all to see. The small dress is for babies at three months old. I cusp the edge of it in my hands. She would have looked so cute in this. Her chunky legs and the small hood covering her black curls. Annabella, you were supposed to wear this.

She'll grow into it

She'll grow into it

She'll grow into it

And I do the worst. I scream, and I am on the ground cusping the dress. "Alice! Alice," Alessio shouts. I know he's loud due to the sheer number of bustling that comes near me so quickly. But I still cannot hear him.

And in an instant, I'm back. I am back in that cold room alone with her in my arms and Alessio yelling at the doctors right outside. I'm staring at her little face begging for her to breathe, and she doesn't. She doesn't breathe and once again I am empty.

I am empty without her.

Annabella.

~

"Dr. Avery, she just passed out after letting out this scream, and I-I don't know," Alessio says. I will always know his voice, even in my groggy state. "I'm glad I was there with her, or I don't know what was going to happen. God imagine if I weren't driving-she would be dead right now if this happened on the road." I manage to open my eyes, and Alessio is wearing what he had earlier but in a much more ragged state.

"Les?"

Alessio rushes to my side, and before I can say anything, he hugs me. "Alice," he murmurs. He tightens his hold. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I rub his back. "What happened?"

Dr. Avery comes from behind him-she is wearing her pantsuit and looks down at me. "You had a panic attack, Alice. And you passed out." She takes a seat on the bed. "Can you tell me what happened? Right before you passed out."

I passed out? "Um...Les." I take a look at Alessio, and he's silent.

"Alice, what happened?"

"Um...Alessio and I were in Target, and we went shopping for clothes for Aria. And then I thought to get her a phone, and then I walked past the baby's section. And then-" The words are struggling to come out. The image of that dress makes my body shake.

"Alessio, can I speak with you for a moment," Dr. Avery asks. He lets my hand go and walks towards her outside. I passed out? I was doing so damn well. Shit...

I get up from the bed and stand in the doorway.

"Alessio. I already called the police," she whispers.

"What?" He says a bit louder than what Dr.Avery would like.

"Please calm down Alessio. It's in her best interest. In my professional opinion, Alice is not competent enough to function. I have contacted the psych ward and-"

"No!" I yell. "No! You are not going to ship me off to some looney bin. I am fine," I assure her. I am fine. I just had a small panic attack, but I will be okay.

Dr. Avery's eyes widen at the sight of me. She takes into account my clothes that are in shambles and the mop on my head I call hair. I look like a nut case, but I am fine. "Alice, you are refusing medication. You have been missing therapy for the last two months." Alessio's eyes widen. God, I wish she didn't say that.

"Alice, you haven't been going to therapy?"

I grit my teeth. "Because I do not need it anymore. I am fine-better even. Way better than when I was going."

"Fine? Alice. Up until two days ago, you've been trying to get pregnant," Alessio says. Dr.Avery takes a step back.

"Alice, are you serious? When I said refocus and try to think of things to channel your grief...I never thought you would do this."

I cross my arms. He did not have to tell her that. Now, she's probably more determined to send me off, forcing me to live a life dedicated to the next happy pill. I am not going. I refuse to go. I didn't go after my accident, and I sure as hell am not going now.

"If you guys think you're gonna ship me off to some looney bin, then you have another thing coming. Alessio, you and I are not married, and you are fired as far as I'm concerned, Dr.Avery. So, neither of you can ship me off." I say.

I have no idea if this is the truth. But if Dr.Avery is no longer my therapist then she doesn't have jurisdiction over me. Right?

"Alice, do you hear yourself? You just had a panic attack and-"

"Alessio, please stop it," I say. "Dr.Avery, please leave my home right now."

Dr.Avery walks towards me instead of shouting at me or shaking the little sense I have left in my head. Dr.Avery hugs me. The hug is so tight that I feel like she might break me in her grasp. "Alice, I want you to know I am here for you."

She leaves without a second glance. "Alice," Alessio starts.

"No," I say as I look for my phone. I need to get Aria clothes. If I can't go myself, then I'll have it ordered. It'll be here in a few hours.

"Alice," Alessio says again. I turn away from him and focus on my phone. Alessio snatches the phone from my hand so quickly it's as if it was never in my hands. "Alice!" He yells.

"What! Alessio! I need to get Annabella clothes!" I yell. My eyes widen when her name comes out. "No...I didn't mean Annabella. I meant Aria. Yes Aria," I feel my eyes begin to well up.

"Alice," he starts.

He's gonna send me away. "I meant Aria, Alessio. I swear."

"Alice, you cannot go on like this," he cries. "This isn't healthy."

"It's fine," I run a hand through my hair. "I'm fine."

Alessio hugs me. "Alice, I love you so much." He engulfs me in his arms. And then I see them-the police cars and I hear the ambulance. I hear the fumbling of footsteps and two men dressed in uniform are there to take me away.

"Ms.Edwards, please come with us," one says.

"Alessio?!" I stutter. "Please don't," I cry.

I move out of Alessio's grasps and stare up at him as they cuff me. "Alice, this is for your own wellbeing," he cries.

"No! I promise Alessio. I'll stop! I will stop acting crazy, just give me a few more days. I promise I am okay!" The lies spill out of my life as if they were the truth. I am not okay and I won't be. I just need to keep pretending. If I pretend, put on a good face then I won't have to be separate from them.

"Alice...this is for your best interest. So, please don't fight."

And I say nothing at all, and let them cart me away.

To oblivion.

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter.

Wow...looks like Alessio had to make a big decision. I wonder how this will affect their relationship.

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