25| Love

Chapter 25

Alessio

I think I may have fucked up royally when I called Alice to come over with Charlie tonight. I look in the mirror once more to make sure I looked alright. Over the last few weeks since Aria's birthday. Alice and I talk, not full-blown conversations, but I can ask her how she is, and she gives me a genuine answer.

So to my surprise, after a sip of liquid courage, I asked to see Charlie, and for Alice and me to have dinner, which she agreed to for Aria's sake, she added.

She said it was an excellent way to rekindle a sort of friendship. Friendship, the word feels dirty on my tongue when I say it in regards to my wife. I have no intentions of us being friends and even fewer intentions of her leaving after this dinner.

I'll sleep on the couch or the guest bedroom if I have to. As long as she's in this house, I'll be satisfied-happy. The clock strikes five, and I curse under my breath as I check the oven for the lasagna I baked. It's the one thing that was quick, easy, and hard for me to royally fuck up.

I toss the salad in the bowl and eye the clock. I should have made garlic bread. She loves garlic bread, and it would have gone well with the lasagna.

I quickly survey the dining room than our kitchen. Everything is clean, as if Alice never left in the first place. She would kill me if she saw the beer bottles I've had around the house and in our room. She would also pay our housekeeper double for her troubles dealing with my shit.

The turtle neck I put on itches. "Hey Alessio, I'm about to head out now!" Aria shouts as she walks down the steps with her backpack and keys in hand. I step into the hallway. Aria is dressed for a slumber party with one of the neighborhood girls. It's the first time she'll be with someone other than an adult since living with us, and I will admit I'm nervous.

"You got everything?" I ask.

"Yeah, I got everything. And I know if I did happen to forget something, you'll bring it over at the drop of a hat." She puts her hands on her hips, taking in my clothes. "How long before she gets here?"

I look at the clock. "Twenty minutes." I bounce my leg as the time clicks closer and closer. "Do you want me to drive you?"

She shakes her head, "no. It's not dark out yet, and it's only two blocks. I'll be fine."

"Okay, but call me when you get there. Not-"

"Not a text but a call," she says before I get to. "I know, I know. I'll be fine. You let me stay over at Odella and Damien's place all the time."

"Yes, for many reasons, and one is because they're adults, well Odella is."

She pats my shoulder. "I'll be fine. The worst thing I will probably go through is punching Marcy in the face."

Marcy, my daughter's nemesis, had called me a dilf the few times the girls were home, making Aria quickly tell her to shut up and me to look up exactly what a dilf was.

A sexually attractive older man, it said.

When I told Alice, it was one of the first times in a very long time did I hear her laugh so loud that I knew tears were coating her cheeks, and she proclaimed that I was indeed 'hot,' to which Alice realized what she said and hung up a few minutes later claiming she had something in the oven.

"Well, Aria, I want you to be safe and have a good time."

"Will do, Les, and save me a plate, please. I love your lasagna. Also, you and Alice have fun," she says before heading out. I run a hand through my hair.

I hope we do too.

I take out the lasagna and place it on the table, next to the salad and the bottle of wine I picked out for our dinner tonight. Yeah, this is good. I hear the doorbell ring, and I rush, almost falling over a chair, to the front door. I see the top of Alice's head through the small window, swallowing my spit. I fix my hair and rush to the door.

Opening it, I'm met with Alice, holding a leash with Charlie attached.

I don't even get to fully grasp Charlie with Alice in front of me dressed like this.

My breath hitches when I see her in a dress that clings to her body like a second skin and heels that make her legs look a mile long. Her hair rests in a high ponytail framing her face, and most of I can't stop looking at the red on her lips.

"Wow, um...wow," I say. Alice widens her eyes and looks down at Charlie, narrowly avoiding my eyes before taking a step back. Stupid, now she's going to leave. I came on too strong, fuck.

"Thanks, I'm gonna take it as a compliment, your 'wows.'"

Charlie becomes frantic, his tail wags at the sight of me, and I get on one knee, and he attacks me with kisses. "Hey Charlie, I missed you. Did you gain a bit of weight? Mommy has been feeding you well, it seems. I missed you so much. I bet you missed me too," I coo at the large dog as I hold him and rub his fur.

"Yeah, he sure did miss you," Alice smiles. "Every time we talk on the phone, he goes crazy in the corner." I smile at the dog. I missed you almost as much as Alice, Charlie.

I get up from the ground and stand tall in front of Alice. "So listen. I was wondering, instead of eating here, we could go, you know, out to eat-neutral territory and all," she adds. "So we can talk."

I wipe my lips, taking another look at Alice and the cleavage she so proudly is showing me right now, basically a haven to be had and worshipped.

"Yeah, we can if you want." I don't want to at all. I want her here, in the house, taking up space at all times. "Sure, um, give me a moment. I already cooked dinner, so I need to put some stuff away." This sucks. I turn my back, keeping the door wide open for her to enter behind me.

"You cooked?" She says, her voice hitching a bit. I turn back to her. God, she looks devilishly good in that dress.

"Yeah, I made lasagna."

"Oh," she bites her lip and looks outside the window to her car and back to me. "If you cooked. I guess we can eat here. It's no point in wasting perfectly good food. " She closes the door and lets Charlie run free through the house. I know exactly where he's going, and it's straight to Arias room and into

She lets out a soft chuckle as his golden mane goes upstairs. "So, where is dinner?"

"In the dining room. I already have it set out."

"Oh, well then," she coughs a little. "Let's go," she says with a smile. We walk into the dining room. This was Alice's fourth favorite room, she said. The first was the living room for the movie nights she planned, and the big couch that we could all sleep comfortably on.

Then Aria's, the Disney Channel dream room, ours for the things we did under the covers, and then this one. She said it was because of the open windows and the chandelier that reminded her of her grandmother's summer home.

She often talked about the Thanksgiving she was planning in our new home. But, to no one's surprise, she had no idea how to cook a turkey, and we spent Thanksgiving at her mother's.

"Wow," she takes a sniff of the room. "Smells good. Last-minute Postmates order?" I pull out her chair and let her take a seat.

"No, I made it myself. I could do a few things in the kitchen if you remembered."

I take a seat across from her popping open the bottle of wine. "I remember burnt chickens and ramen for dinner," she retorts. I grab her glass, filling it with the white wine she prefers over red.

"You loved my ramen. I remember a time when that was all you asked for." I hand her the glass, almost immediately regretting what I said.

Her ramen obsession was months three through six of her pregnancy, and I was the only one who could make it right. She would cry in the middle of the night with a bowl of terrible ramen, and I would get up, set her on the counter, and make it for her.

There was no real difference in taste other than the addition of an egg. I think Alice just preferred when I made it. And I didn't at all mind, especially when she was carrying half of me inside of her.

"Well, can you blame a girl? When I was pregnant, I would have eaten anything." I catch her eyes and smile.

I pour myself a drink and take a sip. "Alice," I start.

"I know. You don't need to even say it-I know. I can't...I can't. We can't be together anymore, Alessio." I grasp the glass even tighter, and I'm sure I will break it.

"Alice, do you love me?"

Her eyes widen, and she looks at her glass of wine. "Alessio," she murmurs.

"When I was a child, my mother was a prostitute and a druggie."

"Alessio, stop it. Please," she says on the verge of tears.

"No, I'm going to tell you everything from start to finish. I want you to know why I chose this life and what it brought me, and how unapologetic as to who I am and what I've done. And if you still want to leave me, then so be it."

I bite my lip. This is all I can do, tell Alice my truth, and if she says she can't accept me for who I am. Then there's nothing I can do about it. I'll bite the bullet and leave.

She can have the house, the cars, whatever the hell she wants. I just want to know I'll be able to see Aria every day.

"My further memory was being in a closet while my mother was fucking some random sap for a few euros so she could get a fix and two cheeseburgers from a fast food joint." I scratch my arm, relieving the itch from the falling debris and dust-covered closet.

"She," I go on. "She died when I was nine. Someone killed her. One night, I found out on the television when she left me in a motel room to fuck one of her usual clients that hated when I was there. I don't know exactly what happened, but she was beaten and raped to death."

She knew only a portion of this. Only a few people were able to get this much out of me.

"Shit," Alice murmurs as I pause.

"And then I was all alone. After being caught in the motel room, I stayed in a few group homes, hungry and in tattered ill-fitting clothes for a few years, but it wasn't a lot better than with my mother. So I left when I was thirteen. No one looked for me, and no one even cared. I was a lost child that would one day be a corpse and buried next to all the others."

Alice is silent. A few tears trickle down her cheeks. "Alessio, no more. Please stop it," she cries.

No, she needs to hear every detail. Alice needs to know why I do what I do every day and what led me to this point.

I ignore her plead and continue. "From the time I was thirteen to fourteen. I was like Aria, running the streets, sleeping wherever I could by sly tricks, and stealing money for food. I wasn't as nearly as good as Aria. I got beat, spat on, and even arrested a few times. But then, one day, when I was fourteen. There was a man in a suit. He didn't tell me his name or even ask who I was. He just gave me a pill and told me to slip it in someone's drink, and he would give me five hundred euros. And I've never had as much money like that in my life and thought, just a pill? Sure thing, I can do it...so I did. And he was dead a few minutes later."

"Jesus," she says.

"Then he came again. I was scared out of my mind. I thought he was going to kill me, and then he gave me another pill and then another, and soon it was like nothing at all. I knew what he was doing, but I needed to survive, and surviving meant taking a life. And taking someone else's was better than me being dead in the streets like so many others I saw."

This is my truth. I'm not holding a damn thing back.

"Eventually," I say. "He left. I don't know what happened to him. I don't know if he died or simply went to another country to kill someone else. I saved the money I earned from him, but it didn't last as long as I thought. So, I started stealing, selling drugs, and everything possible to make sure I could keep going for one more day. I slept in cars, broke into motel rooms until I was sixteen, and I met some mercenaries one night while I was roaming after getting my ass kicked by some guy who owned a house I was squatting in."

I will never forget him, the guy who thought my blackened eye, busted lip, and tattered clothes was fucking hilarious. He laughed at me and called me a human punching bag. "That man was my saving grace. For two months, he, in sorts, trained me, let me in on the killing world, gave me a few contacts, and hired me to work under him for a mission or two. I didn't do much other than hold a gun, providing another set of eyes. It was nothing, but then one night, I killed my first person, shot him right in the chest. Then one person turned to another and then another and then another, and you know why I did it, Alice? It was because I had nothing, and no one gave a damn about me. I was all alone, and I needed money. It's amazing how low a person can stoop for only a few hundred dollar bills."

"Oh God, Alessio."

"Then, fuck I met my best friend in the whole fucking world. You would have liked him. He was like a breath of fresh air-the first person who cared about me and was willing to talk about something other than who would die first. He saved my life too many times to count, and I did the same for him. He did what I did...life was alright. I had a place, food in my belly, and I was grateful. I didn't have to take on as many jobs, and I only did it when I had to."

She shakes her head. Her hands balled into fists in her hands.

"Then the worse thing in the world happened, and my little world turned to shit," I laugh, just thinking of the stupid-ass decision of even agreeing to his shit. "I entered into a murder-for-hire place called the company, and the boss he controlled me. Jackson, my best friend, tried to help but it was useless my boss was too strong. And once again, I felt like a child, being willed to do things, awful things."

I killed many people, burnt buildings, blew things up for one extra zero on my check. Before, I at least had clarity on who I killed but not then. I had a knife to my neck at every step of the way.

"Then, I met a woman. I loved her, wanted to marry her, and I- we left and ran off. And I had to die. I had to disappear for her sake. And she became a killer herself. I ruined her life, and I could only watch her. We got back together, but so much happened; she left me, and the one person who loved me died. And I was alone, a drunk with nothing, and Leo helped put me back together, he gave me a job, and then I met you, Alice. I fucking met you, and I fell so deeply in love with you that I didn't know it was possible."

She's not even looking at me anymore, so wrapped up in her hands as she cries hysterically.

"You were kind, strong with so much charisma. You made me laugh, tried new things, and brought so much light to my world. I knew you would never accept me if I told you I was a murderer. You would run off with my heart. And Alice, the possibility of being with you was too much to pass up. Some nights I stayed up and thought today I would tell you. Then I thought of everything that could stem from it, so I didn't. Yes, I lied, yes I kept secrets from you, but this is who I am."

She's silent.

"I have killed people lots of people. When I die, I will be dragged to the deepest parts of hell, and I will not apologize for it because I needed to survive. It was the only route I could take, so I won't end up dead. So I will not apologize. The only thing I apologize for is not being honest with you about it. Alice...I love you so goddamn much, and I want my last days on this earth to be with you and our daughter. I'm the same man I was when I asked for your name all those years ago, and I am the same man who vowed to love you until my last breath. So, please. I told you everything. Please come back and be with me again."

Alice gets up from the chair and hugs me, "Alessio, I'm so sorry you went through that. I'm so sorry for the cruel things I said to you. You're not a monster! You're a survivor. And I love you so goddamn much, Alessio!"

Then she kisses me, and everything feels right once again.

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