Chapter Nine

Kian's POV

"Do you think it's true?" I ask Peyton and Jenna.

I'm lying next to Jenna on her bed and Peyton sits cross-legged at the end. Jenna's swollen feet rest in his lap and her head lies against my shoulder. She's tired today but she welcomed us in her room, saying she wanted company and was bored out of her mind. I had run back to the healing centre as soon as Beta Bridger let me borrow his amazing book, excited to show Peyton and Jenna.

"I wish it was," Jenna says, "it all sounds made up."

"But it's our history, isn't it? Peyton?" I look at him, hoping he'd agree with me but his face tells me he's skeptical. He flips through the huge book and shakes his head, scoffing as he passes the Omega section.

"I can't believe any of this," he says, "how can you?"

I try to think about his question. Why do I believe this book and what Bridger told me? Do I actually believe it or do I just want to? All my life I've been constantly told that I'm nothing and that I'll always be nothing. This book and Bridger's words may not be true but they wedged open a door that's been shut for so long and allowed just a glimmer of hope to shine through.

"Kian--" Peyton starts as he closes the book. I don't let him finish. I reach forward and take it from him, holding it to my chest.

"It's our history," I say again, "why can't I believe it?"

"I'm not saying that you can't, I'm saying that you shouldn't," Peyton is getting irritated now. He frowns at me, making it seem like he feels sorry for me being so gullible. But why is it so wrong to want something good? To believe something good? Tears well up in my eyes and I move so that Jenna's head isn't touching me anymore.

"I just want to believe that we actually mean something, Peyton!" I argue, "What about this book screams fake to you?"

"Guys..." Jenna starts but Peyton interrupts her.

"So what if it's real, Kian? So what?! As time goes on, history changes, and all that shit gets forgotten. It doesn't matter if all that happened back then because it's not happening now, stop being so fucking gullible and open your eyes. Take that book back to the beta and tell him to stop filling your head full of lies or I will. We don't need a history lesson, we need to leave, we need to just survive."

I glare at him now. I've never felt this angry towards Peyton. I'm so mad at him right now that I don't even realize I'm crying. I keep the heavy book close to my chest as I quickly leave the room, not bothering to say bye to Jenna who probably didn't want such a mess in her room anyway.

As I leave the room, I angrily wipe the treacherous tears on my face. I hate crying when I'm mad, I hate being so emotional. But what if Peyton is wrong? What if we need a history lesson to change everything? We escaped but what about the other omegas we left behind? What about the other omegas in all the other packs around the world? Surely my old pack isn't the only one who does terrible things to us. But what if everyone knew about our history? Wouldn't they want to follow what Goddess did? Maybe She abandoned me because She abandoned the whole pack. After all, my pack refused to obey Her and ignored Her. Should I hate Her for that? She took my wolf away, She took everything away from me, and then abandoned me when I needed Her the most.

I stop in my tracks, standing in front of the pack house with the book held tightly against my chest.

I do hate Her and I should, right? Goddess could have saved me, She could have spoken to Syrus and told him all he needed to know to help me get out. But She didn't. She took him away and left me all alone in a godless pack.

Did She leave me to die?

I move the book from my chest and stare down at it. If She made us a special breed for werewolves, why did She give up on so many of us? So so many omegas died young in my old pack alone I can't imagine how many have died in the entire world. How could this book be true in comparison to my own experiences similar to so many omegas?

No, Peyton must be right.

Bridger is lying to me. Why is he lying to me?

A sick feeling fills my stomach. It's like something heavy planted itself inside me and is moving up my body rapidly. It's on my chest now and I can barely breathe. I run through the pack house doors and up the stairs, not bothering to take the elevator; it would take too long and I think if I stand still then I'll explode. I don't know if I'm angry, sad, or scared now but I have one thing in mind and that's to tell Bridger that Peyton, Jenna, and I are leaving. If Jenna has her pup while we're gone then that's just how it'll have to be. Peyton and I will help her through it and so will Mika and Katie.

I stop in front of Bridger's door and knock over and over again until he opens it. With wide eyes, he opens his mouth probably to question me but I don't let him get even a word out before I say,

"Why would you make me believe this?!" I hold the book in front of him, my nails digging into the old leather.

He looks at the book and then back at me, confusion morphing with the surprise on his face as he takes it from me.

"Come in," he says as he stands out of the way for me to step inside his office. I do, knowing that there are other people on the floor who can probably hear and feel how upset I am.

"Clearly, I've done something to upset you," he says very and almost alarmingly calmly.

I realize now that I'm upset with the beta of this pack and it feels as though my heart goes from beating rapidly all the way to completely still. I feel my body flush and goosebumps coat my arms as I take a shuddering breath. Had I been in my other pack, the beta would have slapped me right in the hallway for even daring to show negative feelings toward him.

"I-I'm sorry for raising my voice at you," I say.

Bridger shrugs as he leans back in his chair. "You're upset, it's expected. I guess I should be apologizing but first I need to know why you are upset."

I point at the book he placed on his desk. "It says Goddess made Omegas different from everyone else, that we are direct pieces of Her own existence or soul or whatever. If that's true, why did she abandon us?"

"What do you mean?" Bridger asks with a frown. "She hasn't abandoned anyone."

"She abandoned everyone!" I snap on accident, "She abandoned all of the omegas, she abandoned me! She took Syrus and he was all I had."

"Who's Syrus?"

My body runs cold hearing his name said aloud. I haven't even whispered his name ever since he disappeared. I remember him telling me the night before I lost him how he couldn't take it anymore. It was when Jason told me that we were mates. Syrus knew it wasn't true, he told me that if Jason and I had our wolves tied together that he would kill himself. I guess just the mere thought of going through with it was enough for him to leave. Syrus isn't dead, I can still feel him somewhere deep within my core if I focus hard enough. That day when I first laid eyes on Arron, there was the faintest voice in the back of my head. It was like hearing someone scream from underneath frozen water.

Still, Syrus told me that Goddess has ways of protecting wolves. She protected him but not me.

"My wolf," I say quietly, almost fearing that the fraying rope holding Syrus and I together would break just from talking about him.

"You don't...you don't have a wolf?" Bridger's eyes are wide again.

I shake my head. "H-he couldn't take it anymore and he just...he left--" I touch my stomach, "I can still fill him, I just...he hasn't talked to me in years."

"Kian, Goddess didn't take him from you, he's just dormant. He can come back with time."

I shake my head again, frowning. "That's not the point, Beta Bridger. The point is if that book is true then we would have never gone through enough trauma for Syrus to need to leave me. You made me believe that we are Her chosen ones when we're just...She doesn't care!"

Bridger takes a moment to breathe which allows me to take a deep breath as well. I'm shocked by my own behavior and I wonder at what point in these two days did I change so drastically to even dare raise my voice at a beta of all ranks.

He sighs as he leans back against his desk, using the palms of hands to balance his weight against the edge. He stares at the floor with his lips pressed in a thin line before he looks up at me.

"I can't tell you what to believe and what not to believe," he starts, "but I can only beg that you let me help you."

"By training me? To do what?"

"Fight back, stand up for yourself. Kian, your pack kept you from reaching your full potential because everyone knows what that means. You may not believe that you are direct pieces of Goddess Herself, but it's true. This isn't made up, this isn't mythology. Omegas were created by Goddess to do everything and anything. Let me prove it to you. Please."

I stay silent, letting his words rest in the air. I'm still very angry but now I don't even know what I'm angry at. Maybe I'm angry because he just can't see where I'm coming from. He can defend Goddess all he wants, claim that everything in that book and all the other books aren't just a form of mythology but that still doesn't do anything for me. That can't take back the abuse that I and so many other omegas have been subjected to.

And just...why. Why do we have to be the ones that everyone hates? If everything in the book is true then when did things change...why did things change? Did omegas do something that earned us the abuse we suffer today?

"Becoming powerful...more powerful is the only way to get back at those you made you feel powerless."

I look up at Bridger when he says that.

I've been beaten down and scared for so long and I can't imagine what it would be like to be able to at least fight back. Fighting back would always lead to a bigger and worse punishment. It's why so many of us just coped. Coping was our only way of fighting back. If we were knocked down we always got back up; all the trauma we went through was always put on the back burner and we learned to just not deal with it.

But now I could have something else. Coping doesn't have to be my only way of fighting.

"Okay," I say. "I'll do it."

"Good, trust me Kian, you won't regret it."

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Word Count: 1991

Short chapter, sorry :(