Chapter Sixteen

Bridger

As I walk towards the packhouse for my and Arron's weekly meeting, I find myself thinking back to last night. The way Kian let me hold him against me and the way he held me too. I've done far more intimate things with men but I've never experienced something so...well...touching before. As I've said to Kian before, I've never been held or allowed myself to be held. As good of a man and father as my father was, he just never experienced that from his parents and he carried their outdated mindset when parenting me alone.

Intimacy is hard enough, but intimacy like that is even harder. I have had mindless sex – I'm a werewolf after all and the majority of us are a highly sexual species. But being held or hugged is just different. However, I didn't find myself squirming away or feeling dumb or repulsed when I held Kian. His smaller body felt amazing against me, his heat spreading through my own body. It felt amazing and normal which is a huge contrast from former similar experiences where hugging someone or allowing someone to hug me felt wrong and uncomfortable.

Goddess, this crush of mine is getting a little out of hand.

'There's no reason that should stop you from pursuing him if it's clear he likes you too' Jace comments, 'he doesn't want Arron — who in their right mind would? — so I say go for it, you just need to be careful with him...show him we're not all bad'

'You're right, but I'm not sure how Arron would handle me going after his mate even if he rejected him also...the plan...'

He scoffs. 'Arron has an issue with everything, he wants his cake and wants to eat it too. And what plan? The plan that you haven't even let me in on?'

I roll my eyes but it's true. I haven't told anyone even my wolf about the plan I've been brewing in my head. Jace is smart though and he should be able to put two and two together, I just haven't given him any details. I'm protecting the plan until I have everything figured out then I'll allow second opinions and get Kian's approval before putting everything into effect.

If I manage to work everything out before Jenna has her baby then this may be the way I can officially change our species for the better. I've been complaining far too much with no solutions to those complaints; for a while, I've just felt useless and my silence only added to the growing problem.

But now...now I have a solution. I just have to make sure it works.

When I make it to Arron's office, I'm pleased to see him already sitting behind his desk. He's usually late to our weekly meetings and he almost always reschedules to a time that doesn't make any sense. I try to make our meetings every Sunday as a way to discuss the week's activities and other issues, but it hardly ever works out.

"Arron," I greet as I walk in and close his door. His office is much bigger than mine and where mine is rustic and filled with as many books that I could fit (all of which are read or at least half-read), his is the opposite. He only has a few books to show that he's just a bit educated but I am jealous of the amount of window space in his office compared to mine.

"We don't have any major issues," I start as I sit down in front of his desk. "We should probably stay on the lookout for any retaliation from the Silver Moon Pack, but I'm hoping James just lets it go and doesn't come back."

"What about the others? How soon can they leave?" Arron asks as he sits back in his chair and looks at me with his icy eyes. "They seem to be overstaying their welcome."

"Well, I've contacted trustworthy packs and haven't gotten any responses but I've told Kian – and Peyton when he was here – that they'll be staying until Jenna gives birth. She doesn't have much longer now, maybe another month or two, by then I imagine they'll have a home waiting for them."

Them living in a registered pack is Plan B, but either way, both plans will end with them having safe places to live. It's the least I can do for Kian and his friends since I allowed Peyton to be taken away.

I can still sense a dark sadness surrounding Kian and I wish I could do something about it; however, the hope that glimmered in his eyes when I first showed him one of my books remains and that makes me hopeful for the future as well.

"Two months?" Arron asks as he sighs and shakes his head. "We're not a refugee camp, Bridger."

I bite my tongue when I think of a snappy remark. Instead, I say, "I'm aware of that, but it's the least we can do. They're not causing any trouble–"

Arron interrupts me as his eyes widen and he looks at me incredulously. "There was almost a fight because of them and Goddess knows how James is going to handle our expansion plans considering we basically stole from him."

I shake my head in disbelief. At this point, not much surprises me when it comes to this alpha. "Honestly, Arron, your head is in the wrong place. Omegas have and are probably dying in James's pack, Peyton is probably going through hell because he had the balls to escape, but you're worried about an expansion plan that we honestly don't even need?"

Arron scoffs as his lip quirks up. "You're too protective over some omegas you don't even know. But wait, I've seen you and Kian – you two are getting pretty close, huh? Is this why you're so passionate about them? You want Kian don't you?"

I narrow my eyes until I'm basically glaring at him. Of course, he'd bring this up again. I'm tempted to tell him no, but it's easy for alphas to tell if someone is lying. It's just a little crush that will likely go away once he leaves, but even if I do want him, this shouldn't matter to him or the situation at hand. He should be worrying about how he plans to reject him since he's so adamant about not being with him. He should also focus his attention on things he deems important like his stupid expansion plan.

Goddess, our lessons preached that an alpha and their beta arguing can lead to disaster for the pack as a whole and I've tried hard to keep things between Arron and me as friendly and business as possible. But there are times when I have to ask myself if I'm really cut out for this job.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I decide to ask.

Arron laughs as he sits back in his chair and spins. "I don't know, Bridger – we're supposed to be best friends. Isn't that what best friends do? Tell each other who they like and shit, no?"

I know he's lying. Our friendship – if you would even call it that – isn't like that and never has been. It's why he doesn't know that I'm gay or really anything about my love life. He barely knows anything about me as a person. Growing up with Arron, I tried hard to replicate my father and Arron's father's relationship. They are great friends and worked amazingly together. I didn't want to disappoint my father or make Arron's father worry about us not getting along so I tried hard to see Arron as my "best friend". I tried so hard that I almost lost my sense of self and identity. But even then, it was hard as Arron wasn't the easiest kid to get along with and we were -- still are -- polar opposites. Yet, I tried and I stopped a long time ago, realizing that forcing a friendship with this insufferable bastard would only make me more miserable. Arron didn't like me and he let it be known.

I sigh as I sit up in my chair. "Arron, this is inappropriate. I am your beta, I am here to help guide your decisions. You can do whatever you want, Arron. You can send them away, give them back to James, whatever you want. I'm just saying that..." I take a deep breath and shake my head. "Nevermind, whatever. We should get back to the topics that need to be discussed."

"You're a prude," Arron jokes but his laugh is humourless. "And you're right, I can do whatever I want."

I hate to admit it, but he knows just what buttons to press to get on my nerves. Then it occurs to me that he implied my want for Kian which means he must know that I'm gay. That, or he's just like all the other toxic werewolves who believe all high-ranking werewolves are meant to be attracted to omegas no matter their sex or gender.

I try not to think too deeply about it because it'll only sour my mood more than he already has.

We continue our short meeting. We discuss the expansion plans and how we'll need more people on the team just in case James and his pack try to play something over on us. After that, we talk about other tasks that need to be done within our pack besides the expansion. Arron is looking at alliances and such to strengthen our pack so that we'll have a better standing on The Elders' registration and during tournaments.

It's really simple stuff. We have these meetings weekly so most of what we talk about isn't really new, we just have to do it.

Once the meeting is over, I pack up my laptop and other papers that I had taken out. Arron stays seated behind his desk while I prepare to leave, spinning side to side in his chair and waiting impatiently for me to leave. My phone suddenly vibrates and I pick it up off of his desk and look at the message.

Kian✨: I was thinking can I stay with you again?

I try to bite back the smile that forces its way on my face as I begin to type a response. I don't want to come off too hard or desperate so I try to think of something proper and friendly to say despite how much I'd love to experience what I had last night with him. I'm not even sure if he understands how amazing that was and I'm not even sure if he's willing to do it again. Guilt punches me in the gut as I begin to wonder if I had taken advantage of his situation. He had been so vulnerable last night...

'Goddess, Bridger. It was just a hug' Jace grumbles, 'a really nice one at that, you've made it perfectly clear to Kian that he tells you how he feels. Had he not wanted to be held, he wouldn't have allowed it'

My response to him is cut off when Kian sends another message.

Kian✨: I understand if no I don't want to overstep

My thumbs hover over the keyboard when Arron sighs, grabbing my attention from my phone and making me frown at him.

"Whoever you're texting, please do it out of my office," he says with an eye roll. I return the same gesture as I finish packing all my stuff and shove it into my bag. With my bag now on my shoulder, I hold my phone in one hand and make my way out of Arron's office. When I close the door, I lean against the wall beside it and send Kian a response.

Me: of course you can stay

Me: I like your company, you're not overstepping. I was actually hoping you would ask again.

Me: it can be a little sleepover

I try not to cringe at my response. I hope Kian doesn't think I'm some loser. I'm actually very charismatic, I have no idea where my personality has gone but when it comes to Kian, I get clammy and awkward. Maybe it's because I'm being overly cautious which is a problem within itself. After all, I don't want Kian to think that I'm victimizing him because of what he's gone through or that I have to walk on eggshells around him.

'You should tell him that' Jace says, his input unneeded.

'Yeah right'

My phone vibrates again and I hate the way my heart speeds up like a schoolgirl texting her crush. I might as well be.

Kian✨: a sleepover what is that?

Me: nothing, just a joke. I can cook us some dinner, what would you like?

Kian✨: you don't have to cook dinner

Me: I want to and you're my guest so what would you like?

It takes him a while to respond and I expect him to try to argue against it. When he does respond, I'm back in my office, emailing a certain alpha who I'm hoping will be able to aid me in my plans for Kian and his friends. I'm engrossed in researching unorthodox werewolf packs and have fallen down a rabbit hole of "abnormal" societies within different species. Such as fairies and faes living together without a queen, mermaids, and vampires integrating into human society, and so on and so forth. They're all very interesting articles and allow me to further lay out my plan.

I don't look at my phone when it vibrates the first time as I barely notice it, I only look at it when it vibrates a second time and not nose-to-screen with my computer. I grab it off of my desk and read Kian's messages.

Kian✨: I don't mind whatever you cook but I do like chicken.

Kian✨: could we read tonight? I want to learn some more.

I could kick my legs back and forth and squeal. I lean back in my chair and try to think if I have any chicken at my home. I do but unfortunately, it's all frozen. I can stop by the butcher shop where the Kappas and Lambdas hang out and order chicken there. Then what book should I bring?

I stare up at my bookshelves and wonder what he would be interested in. I have plenty of books about other species such as nymphs, demons, fairies, and fae. I even have history and biology books about humans.

Still leaning, I spin around and around in my chair as I try to decide on what book I should bring with me. I'm tempted to bring one about nymphs. It's a small book given to me by the Lady of the Quiver who lives in the woods around our packs. I had been building the cabin with my father when she so boldly stepped out, angry because I had accidentally trampled her flowers. I had apologized profusely while she scolded me before my dad stepped in and tried to settle the situation.

Nymphs are usually very docile creatures until you trample their flowers. I learned that the hard way. But she forgave me and gave me a book about flowers as well as a small one about their specific species. Since then the Lady and her Quiver haven't had any other issues with me or the rest of us.

Werewolves and nymphs live in harmony with one another so wherever there's a pack of werewolves, there's usually a quiver of nymphs living close by.

I take the small book off of my shelf before catching a glance at a fictional book I read a while ago. It's written by a warlock and I had to pay a pretty penny for it since magic-weilders aren't too keen on sharing anything. I grab that too because why not? He may be interested in fiction, who knows? Plus I have another bookshelf or two or five at my cabin that I'll be happy to let him browse.

I put both books in my bag before leaning over my chair and turning my computer off. I expect a slow response to my email just because this particular alpha owns a far bigger pack and has more responsibilities. I turn all my lights off and lock my door before heading down the hall to the elevator.

'Who is at the butchers?' I ask through the pack mindlink as I step into the elevator. I get a mind-numbing amount of 'me's!' and when they finally stop flooding my poor brain, I ask, 'I want a pack of large, raw chicken breasts waiting for me when I get there, please. Cut the fat off of them. Thanks'

I say bye to the people relaxing in the main room of the pack house before exiting and heading to the clinic. On my way there, I catch Katie and her mate sitting by one of our small cafes and I almost laugh at how smitten they look. I don't stop and interrupt them, instead, I keep walking toward the clinic.

When I finally make it to the clinic, I'm pleased to see Kian sitting with his back to the door and his front facing Jenna. He's cross-legged on her bed with both of his hands on her very swollen belly.

"She kicks hard – she's bruising my hands," he jokes and Jenna laughs before catching me standing in the doorway.

"Hello, Beta Bridger," she greets as she sits up a bit. Kian straightens his back before snapping his head to look at me. I offer them both a smile as I walk further into Jenna's room.

We have a short conversation about her day and her health before I urge Kian to put his shoes on so we can go. Kian hugs his friends and pats her belly very gently, making me smile. When he's done wishing Jenna a good night, we leave the clinic and head towards the Butcher's.

"Where are we going?" Kian asks. We had been walking in silence until then.

"To pick up some chicken," I answer.

"Oh...you didn't have to buy chicken," he says quietly.

I smile down at him even though he's not looking at me. "I wanted to."

He doesn't respond for the rest of our short walk to The Butcher's. There's no formal lounge area for our hunters since, aside from hunting, the majority of them do not live within the pack, but instead on the outskirts. No one in their right mind would come all the way back to the main section of the pack just to lounge around for thirty minutes and walk all the way back to their station outside the pack.

Getting the meat isn't a hard process as we just walk in and the lambda at the counter pulls it out of the cooler. Afterwards, I pay and we're on our way to my cabin. The silence surrounding us isn't awkward by any means as I begin realizing that Kian is just a very silent guy, but as someone who likes to feel silence with noise, the walk to the cabin is excruciating.

I keep glancing down at him and he doesn't notice my struggle. He keeps his hands in his pockets and his head facing forward, his ringlets bouncing atop his head. I'm pleased to see he's not hiding them with his hood today. The setting sun makes them seem a deeper shade of blonde, almost golden. I'm starting to realize now that he's also pretty tall for a male omega. Usually, males are shorter than females and their height isn't anywhere over 5'7, but Kian's head comes close to my chin which makes me think he's around 5'10 as I'm 6'2. Of course, omegas can be tall, muscular, and such but it's rare.

After millions of years in silence, we make it back to my cabin. I open the door for Kian who mumbles a quick thank you as he walks past me. For whatever reason, anxiety pulses through me as I think of all the incriminating things that could be lying around even though the cabin hasn't been touched since we left it this morning. But I still get an uncomfortable crawling sensation as I scan the room for anything damning. For all I know, the mischievous nymphs could have snuck in and found something and left it out. Goddess, have mercy. It's happened before.

Nonetheless, I play it cool and walk across the living room to place my bag down. Kian has already made himself at home in the kitchen, sitting on the chair with one leg pulled to his chest. He's staring down at his phone, a small smile playing on his lips so I walk over to be nosy, wondering what he's looking at.

"Kian...are you looking at cat videos?" I ask and he looks up, his face reddening as he quickly shuts his phone off as if cat videos are scandalous.

"I...I was just l-looking at the...um...stuff on the phone and I s-saw the red thing a-and...and–"

I can't help but laugh. It's not necessarily the funniest thing I've ever experienced but Kian's reaction makes me double over as I bark out laugh after laugh. His face only reddens more and by then, I'm wheezing.

"Why are you laughing?" Kian asks, his eyebrows furrowing as he slides his phone away from him.

I wipe a tear that formed from my attack away as I try to stand up straight and gather my bearings. I try not to laugh at him more but I can't help it.

"You're acting like cats are bad," I say, "your phone isn't just for emergencies, I use mine for entertainment too."

"Cats seem nice. I-I've never seen one before." he says sheepishly and it makes me want to run out as fast as I can and snatch up the first cat I see.

"One day, you will," I say as I place the chicken on a plastic cutting board. "I'll take you to a cat cafe before you leave this pack."

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Word Count: 3467

I hate this chapter with my entire being. It's a filler. I'm gonna do a time skip maybe next chapter or the one after bc the training bits are really slow and I mostly want to focus on Kian's growth.