Chapter Twenty-Six (!)

(!) = smut

*** = flashback

Bridger

***

I hate being the angsty teenager of the group. Arron's friends already look down on me for not being as crude or boisterous as they are; for not laughing at their jokes or being the first to jump when they want to go off and do something stupid. When I try to keep Arron from running off to drink and do ridiculous, irresponsible shit with them, Arron gets pissed but if I go home without Arron, I'm still the bad guy. His friends think I'm stuck up and too nice to be a beta but really, I'm just following the lessons that I've been taught – the lessons that Arron was taught.

It seems as though, no matter how good I am, I can never win.

Even now, as I sit silently wallowing in my teen angst, I feel a sudden wave of pure loneliness. It happens more than I'd like to admit; when I'm with Arron, in his shadow; when I'm at home in my bed. I used to think that I was worthy of someone enjoying my company...that I was worthy of some type of company, but those silly beliefs have since been extinguished. I am only to serve Arron where he sees fit. In more ways than one, loneliness has become the company I always thought I deserved.

Arron laughs loudly as one of his friends says a probably dumb or tasteless joke. He throws his head back before leaning forward to give his friend a high five. I don't react, I don't even know what he said. I must have missed it. I miss a lot of things these guys say on purpose; as a way to save my soul, I guess. It's not like I don't try to fit in with this group. I did try, a long time ago when I desperately wanted everything Arron had. But they never liked me.

Too stuck up.

Too much of a bitch.

Too boring.

So I stopped trying. If I wasn't forced to be with Arron every waking second I would stop humiliating myself by hanging out with a group of guys who don't like or respect me. Arron says nothing to defend his future beta and I, of course, always try to defend myself but in the end, Arron gets angry with me for embarrassing him in front of his friends. So I just sit and stay quiet and make sure Arron doesn't do anything stupid. That's my job. That has always been my job.

Tonight, we sit in the woods near the human town. No packs own these lands. A fire burns in the center of the group and we all circle it on logs. Cans of beer litter the ground around us. I'm the only one not drinking. I hate the taste of beer, especially our werewolf beer. It's bitter and makes me sick easily. I tried it once when my father had fallen asleep and it kept me sick for days. I had to clean and care for myself as a rightful punishment while my father berated me over and over again about how much of a disappointment I was. I've never tried it since.They just think I'm a pussy, scared I'll get in trouble with my "daddy" for disobeying not only the human laws, but werewolf ones too.

"Man, so who do y'all want your mate to be?!" Arron's friend yells. He doesn't need to yell. I silently survey the area for unwanted guests. We haven't had any rogue sightings but that doesn't mean there still aren't any around. His friends leans against the other guy, a drunken smile on his freckled, red face.

They immediately start talking over each other. They describe the perfect body and behavior of their preferred mate. Big breasts; big ass; small frame; quiet; submissive; obedient; long- no short- no long hair. But not an omega, definitely not an omega. They just want to fuck an omega, they would never want to be mated to one. Too shameful. That's when they fall into conversation about a young omega girl in Red Face's pack. I quickly tone the conversation out.

I don't chime in but I allow my mind to wander with the prompt. When my wolf and I met, I had been out with my father. We were hunting with the Kappas and Lambdas. All was silent as we lowered our furry bodies to the ground, preparing for a chase. Suddenly, a voice appeared in my head not belonging to anyone I knew. He called my name and startled me so bad, I yelped and tumbled to my side. Our prey ran off and my father had been pissed. That night, I stayed in my room without dinner, but I didn't mind because I was too occupied with trying to get that voice to come back. Not until a week later did he come back and introduce himself as Jace. He apologized and while I was angry at him at first, we quickly fell into conversation.

I asked him all about Goddess's Moonlands and he had laughed, explaining that he only came from Creation, that even he doesn't know about the others. After a while, I started asking him if he met our mate. I heard stories about how some wolves meet their fated halves while they're waiting to be chosen. It's rare, but it happens.

"We don't have one," was all Jace would say. No matter how hard I pressed, he wouldn't offer any other information.

I realized I'd be mateless. I was terrified of not having a mate; I was sad because I thought I'd be alone forever. I just wanted someone to love me. Even now, remembering that Goddess didn't destine me to a sweet fate like she did for Arron and his nasty friends hurts me beyond words. Sometimes, I question if my devotion to Her is truly worth it if she couldn't even give me the blessing of having a mate. But that is blasphemy and I know She has a bigger picture that she's painted for me, I have just yet to see it. I've tried countless times to look on the bright side; my situation is unique and I have the blessing of choosing my mate whereas others are stuck with someone they may not like. Not to mention, Goddess forbid, but while I would be greatly hurt if something were to happen to my partner of choosing, I wouldn't die or go rogue/insane as our souls wouldn't be tied together. However, it does make it harder as I'm stuck to Arron forever and haven't even had time to make friends more or less find someone to spend my life with.

But I do like to think what my future partner could be like. I don't care what my partner looks like really as long as he's a man. I'd prefer it if he's smaller than me sure, but it would be no big deal if he isn't. I've found myself attracted to big, buff men as well as small, dainty ones. Secretly, I have fantasized about being with an omega -- not because I like stereotypes or because of anything sinister. Omegas are far more compassionate, calming, loyal, gorgeous, and more – everything one should want in a mate. The male omegas in our pack are affectionate and have expressed interest in me many times. I guess I'm just too shy and awkward to ever entertain their interests. Plus, I feel too gross being with one after hanging around these apes all day.

"How about you, Bridger?" one of Arron's friends asks.

I just shrug. "I don't care who I'm mated to." They don't know I'm gay and I want to keep it that way. With the way they drop the F slur and bully male omegas, I don't think they'd pop rainbow confetti and march with me during June if they found out.

All I know for certain is I just don't want to be alone. I don't want to feel alone when I'm with my boyfriend or husband. I want to feel loved and treasured and happy.

***

"Jace offered more information after I got older," I say to Kian, holding him tight against me as I stare up at his dark ceiling. "He said that he knew his mate was in Creation, but the wolf's spirit was fading which meant he wouldn't be given a physical body."

"How could that happen?" Kian asks, his voice soft.

I shrug. "Scholars say sometimes Goddess has other plans. Theorists offer theories of other plains outside of the three we know. Perhaps, he was sent there."

Kian hums. I hear him whisper that he's sorry but I choose not to respond to it. I've long since accepted that I'll never have a mate. It's no longer an issue for me. It's somewhat freeing, to be honest. I can be with whoever I want and not worry about a mate who I may never meet.

But then, I think about Kian and how he was mated to Arron. Had I not interfered, maybe they would have eventually accepted each other. Maybe Kian could have fixed Arron somehow and lived a happy little life as Luna of our pack. But then I also think how miserable Kian would have been while trying to "fix" Arron's mindset. He'd be used like a toy if Arron wanted him. It would be a few steps up from his life in his old pack, but certainly within the same scope.

"Is...is it wrong for me to be happy you don't have a mate?" Kian asks. I feel his fingers drawing circles on my fuzzy chest. I don't enjoy body hair and have been meaning to shave, I just haven't gotten around to it. A bad thing about werewolves is how hairy we are. But Kian doesn't seem to mind it, he even tugs at the longer hairs as he speaks.

"Why's that?" I ask with a knowing smile. I look down at him only to see his dark eyes already on me.

"Because then someone would end up taking you and I'd have to be with Alpha Arron," Kian responds as if I should have already known the answer. I did, I just wanted to hear him say it.

I chuckle before leaning down to capture his lips on mine. His fingers wrap around my wrist and slide down my arm as I move my hand to the back of his head. His soft curls tangle in my fingers and I hope that when I move my hand, it doesn't jerk his messy hair. The kiss is lazy and when we break, I take his skin above his collarbone between my lips, adding more marks. He breathes out a long sigh, melting into my body.

I start going further down. His chest shakes as he takes a deep, shuddering breath. I trail kisses down his sternum and towards his stomach, my hands gently caressing his sides. His body twitches when I lower my lips close his groin, peach fuzz tickling my nose as I settle between his trembling thighs. His cock is already sprung up and I brush my mouth beside it, purposefully breathing hot air on it. His head flops back and all I see is a mess of blonde ringlets sticking up and covering his face.

Smiling, I press a kiss to his inner thigh, sucking the skin. Kian whines and attempts to close his legs but little does he know, I don't mind being smothered by thighs. Down here, his scent is the strongest. He smells wonderful and sweet, making my head cloudy as my hunger for him grows tenfold.

"Bridger!" Kian gasps when he feels my lips lower right over his clenching hole. "What–"

He throws his head back again, his back arching as I press my lips right to him, sticking my tongue through the entrance. His sweet moans bless my ears as I push his legs back, my hands cupping his ass and stretching him.

"You taste amazing," I whisper. The slick that he produces doesn't necessarily have a taste, it's like lube, but it doesn't taste bad either. Accompanied by his scent, there is a faint flavor.

I stroke his cock while sticking and wiggling my tongue in and out of him. It's almost hard to keep going with how much slick comes out of him. But I'm no bitch so I go harder, burying my face into him. His legs squeeze my head between them and his fingers find my head, grabbing and pulling my short hair, pushing my head further down. I hold his hips down, his moans getting higher and faster.

I move away, taking his hands off of my head. He looks at me with hooded, lust-filled eyes before they quickly change to horror.

"It's on your face," he says as if I hadn't known.

"It's okay," I whisper, "here, taste it."

He shakes his head, but I lean forward and plant my lips on his, pushing myself into him.

He said he wanted tonight to be special, so I certainly hope this makes it as special as he wanted.

_____ _____ _____ _____

When I wake, Kian isn't lying beside me. I sit up, grimacing at the dampness of the sheets. I push the comforter off of me before sliding out of Kian's bed. I stretch, moving my head from side to side as I walk around the bed to grab my underwear and pants. I frown at them, wondering if I should take a shower first before putting them back on. I definitely should otherwise I'd return to my pack with Kian's arousal all over my body and that'll certainly spark a conversation with Arron that I'd rather avoid.

I can't help but wonder where Kian is though. We had clung to each other like Goddess Herself was ripping us apart last night. I'm surprised he even managed to get out of my grip because even in my sleep, I didn't let him go. I send him a text. It feels weird to use my phone for communication now, but this is the only way Kian and I will talk for the year to come aside from the occasional visit. I have to get used to it.

me - where are you?

Kian✨ - breakfast!

me - I'm showering. Join me?

Kian✨ - no. What are these faces? 🤨😔😍🙄😄🧐😩😭🫢🤩🤔😋

I stifle my laugh, leaning against the bathroom wall.

me - they're emojis. They make the conversation more lively.

Kian✨ - okay no 😡 I'm making breakfast 😡😍🥰❤️🧡💚💙💜🤎🖤💘💝💖💗💋💌💓💞💕💟❣️❤️‍🩹❤️‍🔥

me - ok ❤️‍🔥💋❤️‍🩹💗💖❣️💝💟💘💕💞💓💌🖤🤎💜💙💚🧡❤️🥰😍😡

I switch my phone off and jump into the shower, not wanting to waste any time. I planned to leave early in the morning but I can't imagine that actually happening. I want to spend as much time with Kian as possible and if that means spending another night... I shake my head. I can't stay another night, I have responsibilities at home.

'The faster you go home and get things done, the faster you can return here to Kian' Jace says.

'He rises!' I joke as I step out of my shower.

'I didn't want to interrupt you and Kian. Imagine my surprise when I check in on you and you're in the middle of fornication'

'You did not just say fornication'

'Well, that's what it was. No? Fine. Coitus'

I choose not to respond to him. I quickly dry myself and wrap the towel around my waist. When I leave Kian's huge bathroom, I see him sitting at the end of his bed, clearly waiting for me. His head is down as he watches what I assume are cat videos on his phone, a big smile stretching across his face as he swings his legs back and forth. I watch him for a while. He's too engrossed in his cat videos to notice.

I know better than to sneak up on him so I clear my throat, still startling him nonetheless. The cat videos must shut off all his senses – the toxoplasmosis gets him even through the screen. He jerks his head up to face me, one of his bouncy curls falling out of its hold in his messy bun. I'm realizing just how much I love his hair, despite how badly he hates it. It's always so wild no matter how he tries to tame it by pulling it into a bun or hiding it underneath his hood – there's always a ringlet or two escaping. And those ringlets are just so perfect. I know so many people would kill for perfect curls like his and he just has them naturally.

I reach out to move the curl from his face before cupping his face in my hand. I lean down to kiss him and he accepts it, keeping his hands together in front of him as he cranes his neck to push his lips against mine. The kiss is gentle, something I wish I'd be able to wake up to every morning. One day. I just have to work hard for the year to come.

"I made you a big breakfast so that you won't get hungry on your way back," he says once we break away.

"Thank you, hopefully, Mika doesn't eat it all," I joke, looking at the video playing on his phone. It was, indeed, a cat video. "Maybe one day, we can get a cat together."

Kian's eyes light up. "Will they like us the way they like humans?"

"They barely like humans," I shrug. "I'll get dressed and go down with you to eat."

He nods and I walk over to grab my clothes. As I change, I keep my eyes on Kian who seems to actively try to keep his eyes away from me. I watch his eyes glance over to me before he glues them back to his phone screen and I try to bite back my smile. At least I know that I'm a little more important than his cat videos.

"How are you feeling after last night?" I ask as I zip my jeans and lean down to grab my shirt. "If you're comfortable talking about it."

He looks over at me, his face immediately reddening. I smile as his ears are the first to burn a bright red before his pink-dusted cheeks and nose turn darker.

"I liked it."

I pout. "That's it? Just like?"

"Stop it," he frowns at me, crossing his arms. "I...I was scared at first b-because all the other times I've done that, it was never good and it was always...just painful. Jason made everything he did with me painful like a punishment so...sex was always punishment."

I keep the name he mentioned in my head. Jason. Jason Calter, that must be his name. I'm not sure what I'll do with this information, but remembering his name as a man part of Kian's past is certainly important. Jason Calter.

"But now I know it's not. It was really good," he says with a smile. I smile back at him as I walk over towards him. I pull him to his feet and lean down to kiss him again.

"No more punishments," I say as I peck his lips again. "Just love."

"Love? Do you love me?"

I wrap my arms around him. I'm already missing him and I haven't even left yet. "How can I not? You don't have to say it back, say it when you're ready."

He hugs me as tight as he can, burying his face in my chest. We stay like this for a while until both of us remember that he cooked breakfast that's either getting cold or has already been eaten.

With his hand in mine, we head downstairs. In the kitchen sits Jenna with Hal tucked tight in her arm and Mika who's devouring a load of food on his plate. He opens his mouth wide to fit in a piece of buttered toast before his eyes land on me. His eyes go wide as he quickly takes the toast from his mouth and sits up.

"I should have waited, s-sorry," he says.

I wave my hand dismissively at him. "No need, this is your home."

"It's his third plate anyway," Jenna mentions. Mika glares at her.

"We're werewolves," I quip as I sit down. "We all eat a lot – or we should all eat a lot. You have to be healthy, right Mika?"

Mika nods, shooting yet another glare at Jenna. She nods at me with a smile, pointedly ignoring him.

"Plus, you're a growing pup," Kian adds, ruffling Mika's hair. Mika huffs, mumbling something about how he isn't a pup.

I reach over to grab a plate with the intent to get food but somehow Kian had already beat me because he places a full plate in front of me. I bite back telling him that I can get my own food. I know now that he does things because he wants to and I'll never argue against being doted on.

I hear Jenna sniff the air and I side-eye her as I dig into my food. She squints at me then at Kian, her nostrils flaring, no doubt scenting whatever remnants of last night's arousal remain on our bodies. I did try hard to scrub myself clean, but nothing can pass by a werewolf's nose.

"What?" Kian snaps. Jenna was staring at him but once he noticed, she quickly looks down at Hal, pretending to fix something on her clothes.

Kian gives up but I'm sure he knows too given the way pink coats his cheeks after. I casually lean my leg against his, making it look like an accident but I really just want an excuse to touch him. He doesn't react so I keep my leg there.

When we're done eating, Kian and I excuse ourselves from the group. Hand in hand, we head out of this huge mansion and aimlessly walk around it, admiring the gardens and hilly landscape. It really is a gorgeous place to live. Certainly not the first place I'd think of for a werewolf pack, but Corzo made it work and I'm sure Kian will too. We don't talk yet I find comfort in his presence. I'm to leave in an hour now if I want to get back before it gets too dark, yet letting go of his hand is already hard, leaving seems impossible.

"Have you thought about how you're going to grow your pack?" I ask suddenly.

He nods, his eyes sparkling with excitement. "I want to request the help of angels. I don't know how I'd get into packs without putting myself at risk of being taken...but I need to be able to like plant the thought of escaping into omega's heads. I think angels can help me, I need to learn more about them and learn how to get in touch with them first."

My eyebrows shoot up. "I'm sure angels would love to help. You could also ask nymphs for help, from what I remember, I think they're closely connected. They have these meetings every now and then."

He nods, a big smile playing on his lips. He stops walking and turns to face me. He takes my other hand in his and holds our intertwined hands in between us. Looking up at me, he gives me the biggest smile he can and I think I even see tears pricking his eyes.

"What's–"

"Bridger, I'm so happy now," he says as he takes a deep breath, "and most times, I'm not. But right now I am and I know that tomorrow, I'll probably be happy too. I don't think I have ever felt this happy before and it's all because of you. I'm really happy, Bridger, and I'm really excited for all that's to come – I'm scared, but I'm happy and I'm...I'm determined. You've made me determined and so now I'm scared about how I'll be when you leave."

I stare at him for a minute, having not expected a speech. If we were preparing speeches then I would have written one down. I squeeze his smaller hands in mine and lean down to press a gentle kiss against his forehead.

"I didn't make you anything, Kian. I just...I wanted to show you that you're more than you believe or than you were taught and I think I did a pretty damn good job at that. You are who you've always wanted to be and so...I don't think you'll have any issues with embracing yourself now that you can do so without persecution."

I don't want Kian to give me all the credit. Sure I was the one who proposed this plan, but that's just my role in it. Everything else is up to him, I'm just the guy offering support from the sidelines. I never went into this hoping that Kian would give a grand speech one day and mention my name. I did it because I was tired of whining about something that needed to be changed and not having a solution to change it.

"I'm doing this for myself, but mostly for Peyton," Kian says as he lets go of my hands. "I think Peyton would have fit this role much better than me, but I know that when I succeed and when I find him, he'll be proud...at least I hope he will."

"You know him best but considering the fact that he planned the original escape, he will be more than proud of you. You're continuing where he left off while writing your own version."

"I like that," Kian nods, "continuing where he left off, writing my own version. Peyton never wanted to be part of a pack, he wanted to live a quiet life with the humans. I hope he'll forgive me for changing his original plan."

"This is your life, not his," I remind him, "you're writing your own version, remember."

Kian hums with a nod as he looks down at the plants. It's getting close to the time for me to leave. It's like I can physically feel the seconds ticking down. I reluctantly check the time on my watch and sigh when I realize that I only have thirty minutes left before I need to leave to make it back to my pack in time.

"It's almost time for you to go, isn't it?" Kian asks, eyeing my watch.

"Goddess, I'm going to miss you," I say, pulling him to me.

"Will we be okay?" he asks and I answer without so much as a millisecond to spare,

"Of course, we will."

---

Word Count: 4398

Idk about this chapter guys