Chapter Twenty-Eight

Bridger

Shaye stares at me as if I grew two heads. I offer her a smile but she doesn't budge.

"You're kidding?" she asks.

"Nope."

"You're pulling my leg."

I raise my arms. "I'm not."

"Bridger," she sits down in front of my desk. "You're giving up your entire life for some guy you met like 2 weeks ago?"

I roll my eyes. Shaye is a...extreme woman. She either severally over-exaggerates something or severally under-exaggerates - which is why I wonder sometimes why Arron chose her to be our delta. Jokes of course because she's amazing at her job. She keeps to herself for the most part. She has a mate and a pup so between her family and her job, she doesn't have time to not keep to herself. However, I do like that she's making a big deal over my decision to leave instead of the fact that I'm leaving to live with a man. It's not that I expected Shaye to be homophobic, she doesn't have a hateful bone in her body and her pup is a male omega. But it's still nerve-wracking telling people that I'm gay no matter how loving they seem to be.

"Shaye, it was never a life that I wanted," I say with a long sigh. "And now...now I'm doing what I want."

It feels good to finally say it. I close my eyes for a brief second, relishing in the relief that came with saying that. Living as Arron's shadow, it's hard to step out and actually want to be your own person and it's especially hard to relinquish such an important title like Beta. But I am trying to prevent any mess that can come from me leaving. I want to make the process as painless as possible so much so that when I leave, it'll be easy and seamless. Which is why I'm talking to Shaye first. After we get started, I will then talk to Arron. I know he will handle it hardest, possibly accusing me of treason. I have to develop a steady plan before presenting it to him so that I can be confident in my words and unwavering. It's hard stepping down from a position you had since you were born.

"But to leave your position some for a guy..." Shaye gives me a crazy look, "are you sure, Bridger?"

I nod, a smile creeping onto my face. "Kian is...he isn't some guy, I told him I loved him -- which I know is crazy, but among the other relationships I've been in, ours is fast-paced, but everything just feels...better and normal. Not forced or anything like that. And I really do love him. I have been helping Kian for a long while and now that I think of it, he's helped me too. He helped me realize that I don't want to be a beta - I never wanted to be beta."

Shaye frowns at me. She leans up in her seat, hands clasped in front of her on my desk. "But you're so good at it. You never gave off the vibes of someone who hates their job."

"I figured, it's my life so I might as well enjoy it. I do like some parts of being a beta, don't get me wrong. But if I can truly control my life, being a beta isn't something I want to be forever."

She nods, her eyes softening. "Well, I'll be honest, I don't get it, but you're clearly passionate about it. I'll never skip an opportunity to be promoted, either."

"So you're in?"

"I guess."

---

After Shaye leaves, I immediately begin to create a guide for our training. Arron has been silent since my return which is relieving but also concerning. Usually, I'd already have a bunch of documents or requests to co-sign, reject, or approve but my mailbox is completely empty. Not even a single mind link from him asking me to do something random. I don't bother to check in, assuming he'll talk to me when he eventually wants something.

Shaye's training doesn't need to be insane or in-depth. She already knows what a beta does because if something ever happened to me, she would move up and become the next one. As a delta, she didn't have to dedicate her entire life to training to hold one position because deltas usually aren't decided until the alpha's coronation. After we settle into our roles, we never really have time to update ourselves on the happenings of ranks above or below us so she will need some refreshing. Shaye will just need to learn to talk to Arron like a beta rather than a delta. She will have to learn to not ask Arron for anything because if you ask him, he will say no. You have to speak to him assertively, otherwise he will dismiss you. Arron is a lazy alpha, he doesn't do what other alphas usually do or what he was trained to do. He relies on me to get up in the mornings and run with our lambdas, to assess our etas, to talk to people he deems "unimportant", and so on. I suppose I prefer it that way since it means we are almost never in the same room together. The main thing Shaye will need to learn is how to think like an alpha and act like a beta.

Something that isn't easily taught as much as it is experienced.

Nonetheless, I don't expect Shaye to become me. Arron and I have been hip to hip since forever so our process is far more fluid than it would be with her. A good thing is they both like each other. Arron chose Shaye to be his delta whereas I was pre-chosen for him, and while he ultimately had the decision to choose me, it was a no-brainer. He and Shaye get along well. Better than he and I. He told me, when we were preparing for his coronation and investitures, that he wanted Shaye to be his beta. He had complained all his life how I shouldn't be his beta because we don't get along. I'm too "stuck-up", I'm too "boring", I'm too "quiet", and I'd be too much of a "coward" but his dad and my dad wanted it, so here we are. Then again, I have witnessed Arron's opinion of Shaye shift after she birthed her pup. A male omega, the kind Arron hates.

But Shaye was always his first choice, so in the end, I'll be giving him what he wants. There's nothing that Arron can be angry with when I finally break the news to him. Hopefully, when I decide to tell him, Shaye will already be well-trained for her new role. She will be able to remain his delta as well which will require him to take on his actual duties as an alpha - that's one thing he can be angry about. He won't be able to nap in his suite or waste time trying to get into Keira's pants. In the off chance that he attempts to bring up me stealing his mate, I'll have to prepare for that too. As stated before, he doesn't like male omegas, but anything can happen if he's angry enough.

I sit back in my chair as I try to think about what else he could be mad about. He won't be mad that he's losing me, he'll just be mad that he's losing someone who has done everything for him. Shaye is her own person. She found her mate when she was eighteen, right after she became Delta. Now at twenty-four, she has her first pup. She already has a life and she's a hard-headed woman so he won't be able to take advantage of her the way he did me when I was younger. It's how I got stuck performing all of his duties along with mine. She wasn't raised to follow Arron, I was.

'How do you feel about this?' I decide to ask Jace. He's been supporting me throughout all of this, but Jace loves being a beta. I haven't gotten his opinion on the matter as he's been busy supporting me. I also haven't gotten his complete opinion on Kian. I know that he likes Kian, he has stated before that he finds him "adorable" or "endearing", but that was as far as he'd go.

'I support whatever you do with reason' he answers, making me roll my eyes.

'No, Jace. Is this what you want though? Do you...do you want Kian? He doesn't have a wolf for you to connect with'

'He does. Wolves don't need to connect with anyone besides their person. You and I have an excellent bond, Bridger, that is all I need'

I smile at his kind words, knowing Jace isn't one to just show affection. Then I think about what he said at the beginning of his sentence. I jerk up, spilling my water all over my desk in the process. I curse as I grab for my cup. It falls out of my hand and the rest of the water spills onto my floor. My eyes widen as I scoot back in my chair and bend over to grab my cup. I jerk my head up, bang it on the desk, and now I'm pissed.

Jace cackles, clearly loving the fool I'm making of myself.

I gather my senses before standing up. Pulling my wet shirt from my chest, I walk towards my cabinet that has spare towels in it. As I clean the mess, I ask Jace,

'What the fuck do you mean?'

He hums in a way that tells me he knows something I don't. 'You said it yourself, Bridge, Kian's wolf is likely just dormant'

'You know something more, Jace'

I can feel that he's hiding something from me. He's not good at hiding things from me - not that he's ever had to. When we met each other, we promised to never hide anything from each other. I use that against him and he just heaves a long sigh.

'I just know he's there, Bridger'

'You've talked to Syrus, haven't you?'

He doesn't answer for a while. I try not to get angry, but I can't help but feel pissed that he's somehow talked to Syrus without telling me. Kian clearly wants his wolf and he wants to experience shifting for the first time in so long. He's convinced he doesn't have one and I haven't been able to help him, yet Jace already knew.

'It's not as simple as you think it is' Jace argues, 'I have only spoken to Syrus, he's never uttered a word to me. And it's not like I talked to him on a daily'

'But how? How did you talk to him? Where is he?'

I understand that wolves have a different way of connecting with other wolves. When we're close enough, they can contact the other wolf through a different link separate from anything their human can do. It's sort of like when they come to us from the Moonlands, their tie to the Moonlands isn't completely severed. They can access different plains of the Moonlands and that's as far as my understanding goes.

'You just need to give him time' Jace says, his voice telling me that he's annoyed which he doesn't have a right to be right now, 'like the way you gave Kian time? You need to give him time too'

'That's different and you know it, Jace. He left Kian'

'No, he did not' Jace snaps, his anger shocking. He isn't the type to get angry so fast, neither of us are. 'You say it as if he just said fuck it and left him. He was scared - he is scared'

'So was Kian, but Kian couldn't just fucking leave when he wanted. We have wolves for a reason, Jace. You're not here to be some random soul attached to mine or some voice in the back of my head. You help me, Jace. We help each other. That is a wolf's purpose - to be completed. Syrus couldn't handle the pain? Well, neither could Kian but he had to take it'

'You are telling me what a wolf's purpose is, Bridger?'

I block him out before he can say anything else. It's hard to have arguments with your wolf. Jace and I have never really argued before. Still, I can't help but be angry at him for not only talking to Kian's wolf without telling me but also implying that Syrus had a right to leave. Maybe Goddess took him away, but that means nothing to me. Kian had to go through what he went through alone. Absolutely no support from his wolf.

It just pisses me off.

I'd be more than angry at Jace if he ever left me during the most traumatic years of our lives. I'd simply never want him back. But I know Kian wants Syrus or he at least wants to be able to shift. I know Kian has his friends, but I can't imagine the loneliness and depression that ensues when you lose your wolf.

It's what drives many to become rogue.

I know I should try to understand Jace's view, he is a wolf after all, but I can't. He stated that Syrus never says anything to him but was defending him as though his life depended on it. He knows Kian and while he's never talked to Kian, he knows everything about him. He knows nothing about Syrus.

I take a deep breath and look up at the ceiling.

'Syrus has talked to you' I say, 'you can't defend someone you don't know'

'He's just traumatized. You can't be against someone you don't know either' Jace counters.

'So is Kian and I could argue that I can be against a wolf who abandoned his person. Tell me, Jace, since you know so much, did Syrus choose to leave Kian?'

He doesn't answer and that's all I need to know.

My phone dings and I look down at the screen. My mood lifts slightly when I see that it's Kian's text. He's checking in on me. I'm tempted to tell him that Jace has spoken to Syrus but I decide not to. It would do Kian no good to learn that his wolf truly didn't want to take on their struggles together; that Syrus took the easy way out. He probably already knows this anyway.

I respond to Kian without telling him about my and Jace's conversation. I feel bad about keeping it from him but I figure I won't be telling him anything new. He knows Syrus is dormant, he knows why Syrus left - I'll likely just create a bigger rift between them and make it harder for Kian to find his wolf. I want Kian to have his wolf, I want Kian to be able to shift and I can't get in between that. But that also raises the question if I'll be able to forgive Syrus when he and Kian reunite. The ideal relationship between werewolves is one where both the wolves and the humans like each other. That's why the mate bond is important. But that's not always the case and I'm sure there are instances where the wolf of person A hates the human of person B.

I don't necessarily have to forgive or like Syrus. There's no mate bond between Kian and I so Jace doesn't have to like Kian either. But he does...I think. He may not love him, but he likes him and that's acceptable for me. Plus, Jace stated that wolves don't need to connect with anyone besides their person.

Do I even have a right to be angry with Syrus? If Kian isn't angry with him then why am I? Is Kian even angry at him?

I find myself standing in the middle of my office, questioning myself. I know that when werewolves fall for someone with or without the bond, they fall hard. But I question why I'm suddenly so protective of Kian against his own wolf. I don't even know Kian's true feelings about his wolf yet I'm so willing to villianize him. I guess I can only hope that Jace tried to push Syrus to go back to Kian and when Kian does eventually get to meet his wolf again, it will be his decision on how he will handle it. I can be angry with Syrus for the rest of my life, but I will support Kian in whatever he decides to do when or if Syrus decides to return. For now, I can't allow myself to get sidetracked with things that haven't happened yet.

---

Word Count: 2761

This chapter went through constant editing and complete changes yet I'm still not totally satisfied with it. I've come to accept that, as a writer, I will have my off days that'll produce off chapters. It's just weird presenting my work to the public knowing it's not super great. For this measly chapter and my lack of updates this month, I will be double updating for a total of 3 chapters this month!